YELLOW
FINGERED PERIL
Sun
Herald
02-08-1998
by
Paul McDermott
Smoking can lead to cancer,
lung disease, and now, writes Paul McDermott, urban terrorism
It is the greatest tragedy
this world has ever known. It has infiltrated every society,
poisoned anyone it touched and polluted the world. Over the past
few years, Satan, Saddam and smoking have battled it out for the
title of Ultimate Evil but the big belt goes to the humble fag.
The battle lines have been drawn between the Clean Lungs and the
Yellow Fingers and the fate of the earth hangs in the balance.
What travesties of justice
are committed when lighting up in a small office or having a puff
while you're pregnant. Has the indvidual's space ever been more
compromised than with the insidious creeping death of the
cigarette? Who has not leant back after a fine meal, savouring
the flavour of an expensive creme brulee, only to have their
senses overpowered by the noxious, invasive odour of a coffin
stick? Who has not had the smoke blown in their face by an
over-achieving, brain-dead freak of inferior moral and social
standing?
In days long gone, smoking
assured you a treasured place in society, the constant affection
of the opposite sex and riches beyond your wildest dreams. With a
cigarette dangling from your lip, you had the wisdom of Solomon,
the wealth of Rockerfeller and the sexual power of Valentino.
Thankfully, these images of smoking have decayed as quickly as
our respitory tracts. Nowadays you're as popular as O.J Simpson,
have the pox ridden lungs and the pity of all your friends.
Graphic TV commercials depict clotted arteries and fat strangled
hearts and are usually screened for our edification around dinner
time.
Despite Quit campaigns,
family pressure, hypnosis and support networks, the smoker
continues to evade capture. The Yellow Fingers will always
succeed in the short term because they're cunning, clever and
more often than not, fun to be around. But there is a larger
problem than the individual puffer and it is one few of us have
recongised.
In our desire to banish them
from polite society, we have foolishly created a new underclass.
You can see them huddled together at the back entrance of every
department store, beneath enormous air-conditioning ducts in
public service workplaces; a small, tireless band of men and
women prepared to stand up to the tyranny of the politically
correct. You tend to notice them more in the winter months when
they're the only people milling about in the freezing cold.
They're easy to recognise by the halos of smoke that ring their
heads and their plaintive cry: 'Got a light? Got a light? Anyone
got a light?' They are crowded together for moral suport and
warmth, and in between drags they even talk - and this is the
dilemma.
Once, like minded people from
different offices would never meet, never converse, and the
status quo was maintained. Now this offensive minority have the
opportunity to rally their numbers and realise their demented,
nicotine-fuelled dreams. In these haphazard meetings, is it
possible that alliances are firmed? In the glow of Bic lighters,
are plans being hatched? Is the terror within actually just
fagging on outside?
Having one of them in an
office was easy enough to handle: they could be ostracised during
morning tea, marginalised by managment and overlooked for
promotion. There were numerous ways to keep then at bay, but now
that they're organised, they just need the right catalyst to burn
out of control. Forced segregation has mobilisied them into a
political force, one that transcnds race, colour, creed, weight
and gender boundaries. How long before this beautiful land falls
prey to the ashtray apartheid?
For too long we, the Clean
Lungs, have tolerated their foul breath and their claustrophobic
clouds of cancer. We have loathed how they they always have
something to do with their hands. But can we face a world where
accidental meetings give them the edge? In a cliche of
justifiable paranoia, 'Keep your friends close, but your enemies
closer'. It may be time to invite smokers in from the cold, at
least until we know what their master plan is.
Thanks to
Lisa(H) for this Article
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