The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse
You let your twelve-year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids
Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies
You've been married three times and still have the same in laws
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night
Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most admired people"
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean
Anyone in your family ever died right after saying "Hey, y'all watch this!"
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'
You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan
You go to your family reunion looking for a date
You Junior/Senior prom had a daycare
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines"
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels
You take a six pack cooler to church
You had to remove a toothpick from your wedding pictures
The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge'
One of your kids was born on a pool table
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos
You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it
You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk
Your school fight song was deuling banjoes