EVERYBODY'S FREE TO EAT SUNSCREEN
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth because once you get old, you'll be ugly as sin. You're not as fat as you think. You're even fatter!! Don't worry about the future, you're going to be dead sometime anyway. The real worries are apt to be things that you are totally helpless against. Like getting hit by a bus while being forced to walk blindfolded. Do one thing everyday that scares you. Sing the national anthem off key in front of 50,000 people. Jump off a cliff without a parachute. Get married. People will break you heart, so just smash theirs into pieces. Don't waste your time flossing to ward off jealously. If you're behind, then you're just plain inferior. The race is long and in the end you're going to lose so why not just give up now? The compliments you receive are meaniningless, if you get an insult, fire it right back. If you fail at this let me know. Burn all your old love letters. Face it, its over! Keep your old bank statements. You just can't trust the IRS. S-T-R-E-T-C-H you need more exercise. If you don't know what you want to do with your life than you haven't got one. The most interesting people knew what they wanted from day one. Get enough calcium but don't be so anal that you have to read all the food labels on everything. Be kind to your knees, before they fail on you. Maybe you'll marry and be unhappy for the rest of your life. Maybe you'll divorce at 40 and be miserable for the rest of your life. I'll doubt you'll live long enough to see your 75th anniversary. But if you do, go ahead and dance the macarena. Whatever you do, someone else does it better. Your choices are half chance and half stupid judgement. Enjoy your body, mold it into many different shapes. See how far you can stick a pencil up your nose w/o puncturing your brain. Dance but remember that people are watching you from your living room. Don't read the directions. Don't read beauty magazines either.
Get to know your parents, you never know when you'll need to borrow money from them. Be nice to your siblings. Otherwise they might just slap you in the face. Understand that friends come and go. Those that go did the right thing. Hold on to the few friends you have. You might not make any more. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle. Take the back route to work for once even if you get mugged on the way. Live in the slums once- you're headed in that direction anyway. Travel even if its just to the bathroom. Accept certain inevitable truths: prices will rise, the stock market will crash, your computer will crash, your car will crash. Respect your elders. One day you'll be stuck in a nursing home like them. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Nobody cares about you! Maybe you have a get out jail free card- hold onto it with your life! Don't mess too much with your hair- you don't want to have to use Rogaine now would you? Don't trust anyone's advice and don't except anyone to listen to yours. And one more thing: Don't listen to Baz Luhrmann. Who needs sunscreen? Don't worry about the sunscreen dammit!! You have so many worries as it is.
