Python Films

The Monty Python group made a total of five films -- And Now For Something Completely Different, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Monty Python's Life of Brian, Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl and Monty Python's Meaning of Life. Terry Jones didn't usually have many performing parts in the films as he was too busy directing them. However, I have tried to collect as many sounds of Terry in the films as possible, which you can find below.
If the sounds don't seem to work on your system, please refer to the main page for instructions on how to fix them.

Sounds

Holy Grail


Terry's main part in this film was Sir Bedivere, the quiet, scientific knight who follows King Arthur around for most of the film. He also played a mud-collecting peasant, a Prince called Herbert and a head on the three-headed knight.

"I didn't know we had a king, I thought we were an autonomous collective."

"What do you do with witches?" "Burn! Burn, burn them up!" "And what do you burn apart from witches?" "More witches!" "Wood!" "So, why do witches burn?" [pause] "B--... 'cause they're made of wood...?" "Good!"

"A duck!" "Exactly! So, logically..." "If she weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood?" "And therefore?" "A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch!"

"And that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped." "This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheeps' bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes." "Oh, certainly, sir."

"Who leaps out?" "Uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I. Uh, leap out of the rabbit, and and uh...." "Ohhhhhhh..."

"Quick, get the sword out, I want to cut his head off!!"

"Yes. Oh, but not biscuits." "All right, all right, not biscuits, but lets kill him anyway." "Right!" "He's buggered off!"

The complete three-headed knight scene

"One day lad, all this will be yours." "What, the curtains?" "No, not the curtains lad!"

"Oh fair one, behold your humble servant Sir Lancelot of Camelot. I have come to take...oh, I'm terribly sorry." "You got my note!!" "Well, I got a note." "You've come to rescue me." "Well no, you see, ahhh....." "I knew someone would!! I knew that somewhere out there, there must be someone..." (music starts) "Stop that!!! Stop it!!! Stop it!! Who are you?" "I'm your son!" "No, not you!!" "I'm Sir Lancelot sir." "He's come to rescue me father." "Well, let's not jump to conclusions." "Did you kill all the guards?" "Ahhhh, oh, yes."

"Noo! Noo!" "No no no no, it's not that, it's ni!" "Noo!" "No no, ni! You're not doing it properly." "Noo! Ni!" "Thats's it, that's it, you've got it!"

"Oooohoohohooo!" "No, no, aauuuuugh, at the back of the throat. Aauuugh." "No, no, no, oooooooh, in surprise and alarm." "Oh, you mean sort of a aaaagh!" "Yes, but I-- Aaaaagh!"

"How do you know so much about swallows?"

Life of Brian

In this, the Pythons masterpiece, Terry's main character is Brian's mother, Mandy. He also played Colin, Simon the Holy Man (The Hermit), Bob Hoskins and a saintly passer-by. He also directed it.

The entire Manger scene

The "You mean you were raped??" scene

"You mean...you were raped??" "Well, at first, yes."

The entire Hermit scene

The entire "He's a very naughty boy!" scene

"He's not the Messiah! He's a very naughty boy!"

Meaning of Life

In this, the Pythons last film as a group, Terry doesn't have any main role and instead plays a variety of characters. Characters include: Mr Creosote, Catholic Mother, First World War Officer and the Woman in the Galaxy Song.

"Now whose teatime is it?" "MINE!!" "Now, Vincent, Tessa, Valerichinene, Martha, Andrew, Thomas, Walter, Pat, Linda, Michael, Alice, Dominic and Sasha, it's your bed-time." "Oooh!" "Now, don't argue! Laura, Alfred, Nigel, Annie, Simon.." "Wait! I've got something to tell the whole family." "Ooh, better get the others in, Gordon."

The entire WW1 Clock scene

"Sir, sir, sir! The attack's over, sir! The Zulu's are retreating!" "Jolly good!" "There's quite a lot of casualties though sir. C Division were wiped out, Signals gone, 30 men killed in F section...I should think about a hundred, hundred and fifty men altogether sir." "Jolly good." "I haven't got the final figures, but there's a lot of seriously wounded in the compound!" "Yes, well the thing is Seargent, I've got a bit of a problem here...One of the officers has lost a leg." "Oh no, sir!"

"I wonder where that fish has gone?"

"And it went...where-ever I...did go!"

The entire Find the Fish scene

"Makes you feel so...insignificant, doesn't it?" "Yeah, yeah...Can we have you liver then?" "Yeah, all right. You talked me into it." "Eric!"

"Better get a bucket, I'm gonna throw up."

"I couldn't eat another thing, I'm absolutely stuffed."

The entire scene between the French waiter and cleaning lady

Even more Monty Python stuff can be found on the MP Songs page.

Mail me at webmaster@terryjones.cjb.net