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Clinton's
Must Hear Apology
Q: Did you hear what they found in Monicas dress?
A: A wad of small Bills.
Q. What's the difference between Jerry Springer
and Kenneth Starr?
A. One is a guy who gets his kicks exposing the
sexual transgressions of hillbillies... the other is a talk show host.
High school classmates of Monica Lewinsky are
reported to be "unsurprised" at her elevation to global notoriety.
Apparently, in her final year she was voted "Girl
Most Likely To Suck Seed In Politics".
Q: What do you call an eight-day blowjob?
A: Hanukkah Lewinsky.
Bill Clinton is only taking interns from 4 colleges
now.
Moorehead, Oral Roberts, Ball State and Brigham
Young.
Q: What do Lucille Ball and Monica Lewinsky have
in
common?
A: They have both had a Cuban inside them.
Clinton is walking down a hall in the White House,
encounters a new intern, and asks,
"Are you new here?"
"Yes," she answers.
"I thought so," he says. "I haven't come across
your face before."
Gennifer Flowers was asked if her relationship
with Bill Clinton was anything like the Monica Lewinski affair.
She supposedly replied, "Close, but no cigar."
The most recent reports of the stain on Monica's
dress have been released.
This whole thing seems to be a vast right-hand
conspiracy.
Q: Did you hear Clinton is declaring a new National
Bird?
A: The Spread Eagle.
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."
Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and
says, "I could throw all of you out the window
and make the whole country happy."
Satan meets him there and says,"Bill we have to find a
spot for you for all of eternity."
So Satan takes Bill down a hall and they come to the first
door and open it. Inside is Bill Gates being burned at the
stake.
"No," Bill balks, "I can't do that for all eternity."
"Fair enough," replies Satan.
Satan takes Bill down the hall to a second door. Inside is
Rush Limbaugh being pulled apart on The Rack.
"No," Bill again balks. "I can't do that for all of eternity,
either."
Satan takes Bill to the last door. Inside, Kenneth Starr is
being held up to the wall with chains around his wrists. At
his groin is Monica Lewinsky giving him a blow job. Bill
smiles.
"Yes!" he shouts, "that's for me."
Satan walks into the room and kicks Monica and shouts,
"Get up Monica, and get out...... Your replacement's
here!!"
Bold and arrogant, Hercules exclaimed that he was surely
the strongest person in the world.
"That may be true", said Sleeping Beauty, "but I am better
because I am obviously the most beautiful person in the
world".
Don Juan laughed at both of them and said that without a
doubt, he must be the greatest person alive simply because
he had been with the most women.
After several hours of argument, they decided to consult a
Guru for the truth.
First, Hercules went into Guru's cave. A few moments
later he came out with a massive grin on his face. The
Guru had said that he was, in fact, the strongest person in
the world. He was very pleased.
Sleeping beauty came out of the cave with a lovely smile:
"It is true! I AM the most beautiful woman in the world!"
Moments later a distraught Don Juan came stomping out of
the cave: "Who the hell is Bill Clinton!!???"
Why, you might be asking yourself, do I want to be a part of this demanding, yet rewarding program? Check this out:
Be a part of the action in the pulsing, throbbing political scene of the hottest city in the world! Get up close and personal with some of America's movers and shakers! See rooms in the White House that even a VIP tour won't show you! Get total access to plenty of sensitive Presidential activities!
Sound like it's for you? Just listen to this testimonial from a former intern:
"I couldn't believe it! After only a few months on the job
answering phones and fetching coffee, there I was,
debriefing the president. ... Getting involved in executive
branch affairs is just fantastic." - M. Lewinsky, Beverly
Hills, Calif.
As you can see, being a White House intern is more than long hours, hot debates and touchy national issues.
Still interested? Fill out this information form and send it
back to the White House at president@whitehouse.gov
Name: ________________________________________
Hometown: ____________________________________
Sex: F Age: __
Measurements: (required for medical purposes)
__/__/__
How many beers it takes to get you ...
...Giggly: ___
...Drunk: ___
...Hot: ___
...To lie to a federal prosecutor: ___
He said he was pleased and that she is in great shape but
that she was pregnant!
She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that she
most definitely was a month pregnant. Well, she stormed
out of the office and went to the receptionist and took the
phone and called the White House. When the operator
answered she said that it was Hillary and that she wanted
to talk to Bill right away.
Well, they rang the oval office and Bill answered. Hillary
said, "Do you know what you did you rotten bastard? You
got me pregnant!"
The president remained silent.
Again, Hillary screamed, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU
DID, YOU ROTTEN BASTARD? YOU GOT ME
PREGNANT!"
Bill finally answered, "Who is this?"
Two small breast, two large thighs and a left wing.
Bill and Hillary are at the
first baseball game of the season. The umpire walks up to the VIP
section and says something.
Suddenly Clinton grabs Hillary by the collar and throws her
over the wall onto the field.
The stunned umpired shouts,
"No, Mr. President! I said, 'Throw out the first PITCH!'"
A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all
Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?"
And he replied, "No, there is a whole series
of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise..."
Entry # 2:
Said Bill Clinton to young
Ms. Lewinsky
We don't want to leave clues
like Kaczynski,
Since you look such a mess,
use the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of
your chinsky.
Entry # 3:
Lewinsky and Clinton have
shown
what Kaczynski must surely
have known:
that an intern is better
than a bomb in a letter
given the choice to be blown.
10. This intern may suck, but she doesn't inhale.
9. Uses too much teeth.
8. Stays late, comes early.
7. Excellent oral dictation skills: has never missed a period.
6. Great attitude! Willing to accept a heavy load.
5. Frequently complains of jaw pain.
4. Although not a whiner, tends to be a moaner.
3. "In box" is always clean and shiny.
2. Tends to blab on the telephone.
1. Truly an eager
beaver.
Q: How many White house interns does it take
to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they are all too busy screwing the president!
Only in America:
"The Teflon Don in the Big House" and
"The Teflon Dong in the White House".
What's the difference between Clinton and a
screwdriver?
Screwdrivers turn screws but Clinton screws interns.
Most people worry about getting AIDS from sex.
Bill Clinton worries about getting sex from aides.
The Democrats are considering changing their emblem from a donkey to a condom because a condom stands for inflation, halts production, discourages cooperation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense of security while screwing others.
To his credit, Clinton is now defending Lewinsky, saying she was no different from any other White House intern. "She takes my pants off one leg at a time, just like everyone else."
Hillary says she forgave her husband and even
hired him a new White House intern.....
Lorena Bobbitt
After
years of indiscretion,
at
last I've come to learn,
that
I must send this Valentine,
To
Whom it May Concern.
Valentine,
I think you're great,
I'm
a Chief Executive who can delegate.
And
you warm my First Lady's heart,
by
having interns do the unpleasant part.
On
most every day,
I
like McDonald's fries.
On
Valentine's Day,
I
prefer my Monica's thighs -- Super Sized!
Will you deny me, Valentine?
Hey,
Monica, on Valentine's Day,
we'll
play Marilyn and JFK.
Just
make sure that Hillary's gone,
'cause
you get me interned on!
How
do I love thee? Uhhh....
Let
me count the entries in the visitors' log.
Monica,
Monica, noisy young mouse
taking
me to the floor of the White House.
Then
you say to me... Happy Valentine's Day!
Sorry
to serve your subpoena this way.
Roses
are red, then they turn gray,
My
heart goes pitter-pat
when
you wear that beret.
Twinkle,
twinkle, Kenneth Starr,
I
talked to Vernon in the car.
I
promised him my lips are sealed,
but
I'll change my mind, for a $6 Million book deal.
As
soon as I'm finished bombing Iraq,
I'd
like to get you in the sack.
I must
end this poem in style,
following
is the best part written the old fashioned way.
so
even though I hide from my wife and kids every day,
here's
the end of my poem, remember,
keep
all this real quite or believe me I'll pay.
VIOLETS
ARE BLUE,
ROSES
ARE THORNY.
ALL
HELL BREAKS LOOSE,
WHENEVER
BUBBA GETS HORNY.
She started with "This was
England's finest hour." Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said,
"Winston Churchill."
"Congratulations said the teacher you may go home."
The teacher then said, "Ask
not what your country can do for you." Before she could
finish this quote, another
young lady belts out, "John F. Kennedy".
"Very good" says the teacher, "you may go."
Irritated that he has missed
two golden opportunities, Little Johnny said, "I wish those girls
would just shut up."
Upon overhearing this comment,
the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it.
Johnny instantly rose to his
feet and said, "Bill Clinton. I'll see you Monday."
Its called the Bill Clinton.
It comes with a 5 1/4 inch hard
drive and no memory.
Honey,
I Fucked the Intern
Hail
to the Beef
John
Q. Pubic Goes to Washington
Good
Bill Humping
Deconstructing
Bubba
Driving
Miss Lewinsky
Wag
the Hog
Intern-al
Affairs
Foggy
Bottom Follies
Rattle
& Hummer
Bubba's
Bulging Boxers
Impeachment
Beach Party
Bill
Clinton...Fucked Again
The
Clinton Story Continues: Bill Gives Dick-tation
Rug
Burns in the Oval Office
The
Clinton Story Continues: An Intern's Tour of the Executive Branch
Tie
Me Up Tape Me Down
All
the President's Women
Bang
the Intern Slowly
The
Jizz Swinger
All
Quiet on the Western Portico
Pubic
Enemy
Amore
Casa Blanca
Pride
of the Yankers
Thirty
Seconds Over Washington
On
the Bitch
President
Strange Love
Queasy
Rider
Swallow
the Leader
Mr.
Smith Comes in Washington
Welcome
to Leavenworth
Fornigate
Titanic
(because 1,500 nobodies went down on it and became famous afterwards.)
Well that's all the "Press
i dont" Clinton jokes I know!! But
that doen't mean you can't send in a new one!!!
So email me a new Clinton joke as soon as
you hear it!!!
