A boy fell in the mud!
A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the
clouds. As any of us would do, he began to climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said.
No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next
cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, slightly easier on
the eye. "Screw me hard, or climb the ladder to success," she said.
"Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."
On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was
actually quite desirable. "Screw me now or climb the ladder to
success" she said. As he turned her down and went on up the ladder,
the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he
went.
On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot.
"Love me hard and long or climb the ladder to success" she flirted.
Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he
decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a
400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his
head.
"Who are you?" the man asked.
"Hello," the ugly fat man said. "My name's Cess!"
Submitted by: Paul Vilja
toobz2p@earthlink.net
http://home.earthlink.net/~toobz2p
A guy walks into this Jaz bar with an octopus under his arm.
Bartender: What the hell's up with the squid bub?
Man with Squid:This here squid he's a wonder, a gifted wonder!
Bartender:Alright I give, whats so gifted about your squid? ( Bartender smirks )
Man with Squid:This here Squid can play any musical instrument laid down in front of him! I'll put $50.00 up that says this Squid can not only play any musical instrument but he can play it better than you've ever heard it played before.
Bartender:Man, I think your drunk!
Customer:I got 50 bucks here says your squid can't play my guitar. (man drops the $50 on the counter and set the Guitar in front of the squid )
The Squid:Looks at the Guitar, picks it up gives it a turn from one side to the other looking it over. The Squid then starts picking at it, tunes the guitar and all of a sudden he begins rippin out notes better than Jimmy.
Customer:Truely amazing, here's your $50 worth every penny.
2nd Customer:Thats real good but can he play this Horn?( He slams down his horn in front the Squid )
The Squid:Picks up the horn, turns it from side to side looking it over, pumps the valves up and down, all of a sudden that Squid blows on the horn and out comes the best sounds ever played from that horn, better than Louie.
2nd Customer:Truely amazing, here's your $50 worth every penny.
Bartender:walks behind the bar, opens a door to the back room. Comes back with this old dusty set of bagpipes. Bartender shakes the dust off flops it up on the counter. Lets see him play this!
The Squid:Picks up the Pipes turns it from side to side, scratchs his head, turns it from side to side again, then again.
Man with Squid:Whats you waiting for play the dumb thing already.
The Squid:Play it hell, if I can figure out how to get the PaJama's off it I'm gonna screw it.
How to tell:
How to tell if a Man is Hung Well!
If you can get two fingers between the neck and the noose he wasn't!Submitted by: Ben M.
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