Heavens Pearly Gates

St. Peter States to the first Nun you have lived your life pure, good and have served God well. Your Question will be an easy one. Your Question is. Who was the first man on Earth. The First Nun excited jumps up and yells out Adam The first man on Earth was ADAM! St. Peter smiles, a clap of thunder rings, the sky lights up, the angles sing and the gates open up into heaven.

St. Peter looks at the Second Nun and says unto her. You have live a good life pure and honest. You have served God well. Your question will be equally as easy. My question for you is, Who was the first Woman on Earth? The Second Nun jumps up and yells out it was Eve It was Eve. St. Peter smiles, a clap of thunder rings, the sky lights up, the angles sing and the gates open up into heaven.

St. Peter then looks down at the Third Nun. You have served God, You have not been always on the straight on honest path as had the two before you. You have done some wicked thing in your past. My question for you is, What were the VERY first words Eve spoke onto Adam. The third Nun looked down to her feet, She tought of all the teaching she had. Nothing came to mind, She thought and thought She looked up at St Peter and Said, Boy Thats A Hard One! St. Peter smiles, a clap of thunder rings, the sky lights up, the angles sing and the gates open up into heaven.

A Priest and a Nun...

A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available.

Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed.
Nun: I think that would be okay.

They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold.
Priest: Okay,I'll get you a blanket. (He does)

Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold.
Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does)

Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think theLord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.
Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own damn blanket.

St Peter Gets Bored

"I'm looking for my son." he says

"And who are you" says Jesus

"I suppose I'm the closest thing he has to a Father." says the man

"What do you do?" asks Jesus curiously

"I suppose you could say I'm a carpenter" says the man

"And does your son have holes in his hands and feet?" asks Jesus excitedly.

"He does!" shouts the man

"DADDY!" shouts Jesus

"PINNOCHIO?" says Giepetto

Insurance Form Fun

The following are actual statements found on Insurance Forms where car drivers attempted to summuarise the details of an accident in the fewest possible words.

• The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law and headed over the embankment.
• Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
• The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
• I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
• I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
• A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
• In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
• I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
• I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
• I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
• As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
• To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.
• My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
• An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
• I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
• I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
• The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
• I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
• The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
• I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
• The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.