Okee dokee, so what's yer name?

Sozz, I don't have a homepage

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Do you like cheese?
I love it! Can't get enough of the stuff! I worship cheese. Cheese is my god How can someone not like cheese? Cheese makes me shiver all over, and i start to dribble Oooh yes, I like to masticate with it, hur hur hur It's OK I guess I'm a cheapskate, and I'll eat it if someone pays for it Cheese brings me out in a spotty rash Only if it's produced by a leperous goat Cheese? What's that? You like cheese, Merv? I didn't know that...maybe you should mention it more I like to stick it up my nose, but thats all No, it makes my breath smell funny Cheese is disgusting, and you are a filthy degenerate I hate cheese! I am on a mission to destroy all cheese! KILL KILL KILL, etc. Not really I'm not telling you Why do you care, you freak?

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Cheese - what's the best kind?

Purple with little brown polka dots

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Fill in the blanks:

I wish I had three because then i could !

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Baked beans - how d'you eat them?

Baked beans? They're disgusting! Wouldn't touch the slimy little pooey things. Ick!

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Should it be legal to shoot cow lovers on sight?

I am a cow. Please don't shoot me. Moo.

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If you had a pet leper, what would you call him?

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Have you signed my guestbook yet?
Yes! I am a good homepage visitor and I felt compelled to sign your guestbook! Yes, but only 'cos you nagged me into doing so Um, I meant to, but I am too lazy I'll do it in a jiffy You have a guestbook? Well blow me down, I never noticed Why the hell should I? No I haven't, and I'm not going to, for I am not nice I hate you! I won't sign any damn guestbook! Umm, no

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Are you pondering what i'm pondering?

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What do you think is the best name for a fish?

Other(type below)
Name:

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What's the best thing to stick up your nose?
Pasta Cheese Small fish Seedless grapes Statues of famous people Other peoples tongues Other people's fingers Cheap wine Rotting meat Brown envelopes Cows Plungers Hamsters Cans of squirty cream Live cockroaches Contact lense cleaner Razor blades Underpants Monkeys Turnips Peanuts Washing lines Policemen's vests Genetalia Window gardens Other (type below)

other:

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Do you look like a freshly shaven carrot?

?!? Now i'm really confused.

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What is your general opinion of halibut?

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Are you obsessed with the word "underwear"?

No.

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What was your favourite part of my page?
The main page The waffle The funky menu page with those groovy little arrow thingies The Leo section. I shall now stalk you with my newfound knowledge! Your piccies, Merv! I think you're real cute! Your piccies, Merv! You look so stupid I peed myself! The Merv stories, of course! The Merv stories feedback is just soooooo cool, maaaaaan The IRC link bit The vortex of doom that does relatively little The dirty porn link, with sexy Doris The hamster eating page... *chomp* The pasta under the bedsheets activists The cult of Bob. we are all bob. The demon and his wiiiiise words The cow conspiracy page. I am now wise, and must destroy bovine scum! I liked punishing you. your lung butter has nice colours. The wonderfully creative ditto's The cinema The Trapdoor page. Oooooh globbits! The opportunity to get my hands on your STUFF I liked the links bit 'cos it let me escape from this crummy page! The subliminal bit. It made me like it! What have you done to meeeee???? The guestbook! It's fuuuuuuuny This questionnaire! It's fuuuuuunny

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What's the crappiest part of my page? What really stank and deserves immediate annhialation?
The main page The waffle The unfunky menu page with those icky little arrow thingies The Leo section. It's all gobbledygook and poppycock! Your piccies, Merv! You make me want to throw up! The Merv stories, of course! The Merv stories feedback is stoopid. I hated it. The IRC link bit The vortex of doom that does relatively little The dirty porn link, you dirty boy. The hamster eating page... The pasta under the bedsheets activists The cult of Bob. I am anti-bob. I am bad. The demon needs his teeth smacked in for offending my ears! The cow conspiracy page. Cows are my friends, and you need a good kicking. I didn't like punishing you. I want to hug you and kiss you and give you presents. The wonderfully bad ditto's The cinema The Trapdoor page. I've never heard of it. Your STUFF didn't work or was too small - typical male. The links page. I want to stay forever! The subliminal bit. It hurt my poor eyeballs. The guestbook! It's too long and stupid! This questionnaire! What the hell am I still here doing it for? There was nothing bad at all :o)

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If you had to eat your hair, what sort of seasonings would you put on it?

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Jaffa cakes - are they cakes or biscuits?

Biscuit

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Do you like me?
Yes Loads! I want you Merv - take me now! You're my role model! I'm obsessed by you! I fancy you something rotten... please be mine? I dream of being with you I live in London and i'd like to go for a drink with ya! If I pay you money will you be my friend? I'm not sure yet, I need time to decide You're kinda scary My mommy told me to stay away from you No You're beginning to get on my nerves I dream of hurting you with a big mallet I think you've given me a strange rash - i'm allergic to you Rargh! I dislike you a lot! I kill you with an axe! Stay away from me or i'll call the police! If i pay you money will you move country? I hate you Merv - take me now!

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If I were to be your slave for a day, what would you have me do?

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I need more stupid questions to make this page more interesting :o) Got any?

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

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Got any suggestions for me to improve my page?

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Which is bigger? (not longer)?

Not very gargantuan

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Feel free to spout waffle at me:

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When you stick needles in your eye, do you go in far enough to draw blood?
But of course I do! Sure, it's a nice sensation, it makes me look cool with all my goth friends, too. Hmm. I haven't tried that before, sounds like fun! The more questions I answer, the more I worry about you Merv. I'm just not even going to bother answering that. I saw a bloke doing it once and he died, so i'm not trying it. You what? What's your problem man? I haven't got any needles that are long enough. Yes. I like pain me. I get people to carve my face with cheese graters too. I don't have blood. I'm like, a spooky alien from the planet Oog. Bet you think i'm crazy, huh? I don't have any needles. I don't have any eyeballs.

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Life! Live it, or spend your time doing stupid questionnaires?