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Here's what students have made up while they were busy not studying for Prof Smith's Advanced Neurophysiology exam the next day.
"Dear folks, I've been worried sick because I haven't heard from you. Please send me a check so I'll know you're okay."
Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the
secret documents!!"
Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's
left nostril.
Station yourself and the other examiners so that he cannot face all of you at once. This will anable you to expose him to crossfire. Wait till him turns from you to someone else, and then, suddenly, ask him a short, direct question. With proper co-ordination, him may be possible to spin the examinee through several complete revolutions.
Psychology : Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Hammurabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.
3:43 Watch the clock. Make plans to do a all-nighter tonight. Vow to watch
only 2 TV programs
4:58 Notice advisor leave.
4:58:01 Sudden sense of freedom. Go home for quick, short dinner break.
9:00pm Come into the office.
THE DEAN Is more powerful than a locomotive
THE PROFESSOR Is almost as powerful a switch engine
THE LECTURER Is run over by locomotives
GRADUATE STUDENT Recognizes locomotives two out of three times
UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT Says "Look at the choo-choo"
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not flunk;
He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying.
He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break...
DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY: What is a grade?
LAW SCHOOL: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive
an A.
When your parents inquire about your grades and you sing the cookie
monster song (C is for cookie, that's good enough for me...)
The campus drunk tells you you need to study more.
You just completed another sweater and you
don't know how to knit.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
Math Professor: Mathematicians scorn the use of computers and calculators and often have difficulty splitting bills in restaurants. The easy way to identify a Mathematician is by the common use of the phrases "It can be shown that..." and "Is left as an exercise to the student..."
Freshman: Is excited about the world of possibilities that awaits
him, the unlimited vista of educational opportunities, the
chance to expand one's horizons and really make a contribution
to society
Senior: Is excited about new dryers in laundry room
Freshman: Takes meticulous four-color notes in class
Senior: Occassionally stays awake for all of class
Two meals a day are standard. One for some!
Recycling becomes synonomous with laundry ("Oh, my jeans can last
until Christmas...there's only a *little* bit of mud on them...").
You go to parties that the police don't raid.
Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you.
Your parents start making casual remarks about grandchildren.
