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An essay, in jokey terminology, is simply something with many lines that follows a single idea. Each line will do its best to be funny, or at least be a voice in the wilderness preparing a road for a succeeding funny line.
You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't."
``When my spouse and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said: "Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married.'' The judge replied "The courtroom is not a confessional. Stick to the case please.'' Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said "Me too.''
Hit the button that says "Fax." This will enable you to send faxes if the red LED display is on. If the red LED display is not on, pressing the "Fax" button will probably cause the machine to explode and kill you.
"Okay then. She couldn't have come by stork because their trade union is on strike. Something about having to deliver too many fat babies."
I leave it unsaid that Peter was probably one of them. The dig makes him believe me. They say he's a pessimist, which I think means he still pisses in bed. I press the advantage.
"She came by mail-order actually."
Shot 7 Missed deer completely, not so sure about cow across the field.
Shot 8 To clean mud from barrel after falling over cliff while being chased by farmer. Now I'm sure about cow.
Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. He said, "In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope.
He must really love the Lord because pretty soon he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ" as loud as he could. It was like a football game with him shouting "Go, Jesus Christ, Go!" Everyone else started honking too, so I leaned out my window and wave and smiled to all those loving people.
I'm writing this slowly cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved.
PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Worse: With corrections
You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 though 5.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.
