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Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold a real Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope...not these days...I'm only giving out 1 wish because of inflation. So...what'll be?"
Bill didn't hesitate. He said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, man! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but I'm not THAT good. I don't think it can be done. So make another wish."
Bill thought for a minute and said, "You know, people really don't like my wife. They think she's a real bitch and ugly as sin. I wish for her to be the most beautiful woman in the world and I want everybody to like her. That's what I want."
The Genie thought for a minute and said, "Hhhmmm. Lemme see that map again."
One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.
She started with "This was England's finest hour." Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, " Winston Churchill."
"Congratulations said the teacher you may go home."
The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you." Before she could finish this quote, another young lady belts out, "John F. Kennedy".
"Very good" says the teacher, "you may go."
Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny said, "I wish those girls would just shut up."
Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, "Bill Clinton. I'll see you Monday."
Q: What did Clinton say when he first heard about Paula Jones?
A: "Great, NOW she opens her mouth."
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stands up and offers that "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."
A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.
"What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill & Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy."
"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss!"
After hearing about bill clinton having a growth removed from his nose last year and george bush and ronnie reagon having similar operations during their terms i have come up with a new theory about the presidency. i call it the PINOCCHIO theory. --- claym@itis.com
A little boy wanted $100 very badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100. When postal authorities received the letter to GOD USA, they decided to send the letter on to President Clinton. The President was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:
Dear GOD,
Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those bastards deducted 95%.
A beggar is passing by a statue of George Washington when it suddenly speaks to him. "You Americans! You say I am the father of your nation but do nothing for me! My legs are killing me. Go get me a horse."
The beggar is quite shocked and fetches Clinton (hey it could happen in Hollywood). The statue is furious.
"You fool! I asked for a horse, not a jackass!"
Bill and Hill go up a hill to grab a full tank of petrol. While Bill hunts in his oldest pair of jeans for usable money, Hill looks around at the scenery. Suddenly a guy walks out of the building ...and he and Hill yelp and dive into each other's arms. "Joe Bob!", yells Hillary. "Hillary!" yells Joe Bob. The two give each other hugs & ramble on for ages about old times with Joe Bob proudly telling how he owns the gas station and the trailer on the lot out back..... The car refueled, Bill & Hillary drive off. After a couple of minutes of stony silence Bill blurts out " Okay Hillary just who the hell was that?" Hillary explains that Joe Bob was a beau from before she meet Bill. Bill smirks & says " Just think if you'd married ol' Joe Bob instead of me you be living in that tiny trailer back there instead of in the White House." Hillary replies "Bubba, ya big putz, if I'd married Joe Bob...I'd still be living in the White House `cause he'd be president & not you."
