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Idiot: Member of a large and powerful group of humanity whose influence is deeply impressed in all aspects of human society.
Two idiots went into a movie theater to see a horse race film. The first idiot said to his companion, "I'll bet you \$5 that No. 2 will win the race." The second idiot agreed to the bet, and the horse won. After the movie, the first idiot said, "I have a confession to make I saw the movie yesterday." The other idiot replied, "So did I, but I didn't think he would win twice in a row."
There were this guy from Arkansas named Jethro walking down the road one
day till he noticed his friend across the road carrying a bag.
Jethro: "Hey Billy Joe what you got in that bag?"
Billy Joe: "In this bag here I got me chickens."
Jethro: "Chickens! I sure would like chickens. I bet you if I guess how
many chickens you got in that thar bag you give me one..."
Billy Joe: "Sheeeeiiit Jethro if you guess how many chickens I got in this
bag I'll give you 'both' of them"
Jethro: "uhhh...5"
Billy Joe: "Nope"
Polish International Airways sent it's inaugural 747 flight to JFK under the command of it's two best pilots. Approach Control tells 'em they're cleared onto final and hands 'em off to the tower, but they're sorta struggling with English and sorta missed a word or two, but it was a nice flying day and they decide to just land the airplane.
They get in close to the runway and the left seat hollers "lookit that runway! It's 'way too short! Flaps, gimmee full flaps, reverse thrust, drop the anchor!" and he dumps it on the numbers.
The airplane comes to a screeching halt two feet before the end of the concrete amidst billowing clouds of burning tire and brake smoke. Left seat sez "I don't believe how short this runway is, it's only a cupple hunnert feet long!" Right seat muses, "Yeah, but jeez boss look, it's gotta be 12,000 feet wide".
I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, then went back to make a sandwich.
Early attempts to introduce hand grenades into the Irish army were none too successful. Soldiers were asked to pull the pin, count to ten and then throw the grenade. Trouble was, they needed both hands to count to ten, and they would store the grenade between their legs in the meantime...
A rich matron of society yelled at the cook "This egg is cold! Did you boil it in iced water?"
