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A mother was working in the kitchen and listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son say, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now ' cause this is the last stop. And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on get your asses in the train 'cause we're leaving."
The mother went into the living room and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room for two hours. When you come out you may play with your train. But I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and mother heard her son say,"All passengers who are disembarking the train please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."
"For those of you just boarding we ask you to store all your luggage under your seat. Remember there is no smoking except in the club car. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us."
"And for those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay please see the bitch in the kitchen."
Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this."
So Johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.
- first, Johnny, i want you to take off my blouse...
so Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
- ok, now take off my skirt...
and he takes off her skirt.
- now take off my bra...
which he does.
- and now, Johnny, please take off my panties.
and when Johnny finishes removing those, she says,
"Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"
SO HOW DID YOU PASS THE TEST?
A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight with Sidney. He called me a sissy." "What did you do?" the mother asked. "I hit him with my purse!"
Best behaviour: That was what Johnny was on when his Aunt came to visit. At tea, he kept staring at her till she asked him what was wrong. "Nothing" he said, "I'm just wondering when you're going to do your trick." "What trick?" she asked. "Oh, daddy says you can drink like a fish." Have you noticed that children sometimes try to be helpful, but it makes your life more complicated? I heard a story about a mother who was sick with the flu. Her darling daughter wanted to be a good nurse. She fluffed the pillows and brought a magazine for her mother to read. And then she showed up with a cup of tea.
Why, "your such a sweetheart," the mother said as she drank the tea. "I didn't know you could make tea."
"Oh, yes," the little girl replied. "I put the tea leaves in the water like you do, and I boiled it, and then I strained it into a cup. But I couldn't find a strainer, so I used the flyswatter."
"You what?"
And the little girl said, "Oh, don't worry, mom. I didn't use the new flyswatter. I used the old one."
Jenny watched her mother put cream on her face and asked, "What's that cream for?" The mother said, "It's facial cream to make me look gorgeous." A few minutes later, the mother removed the cream. Jenny stared and then said, "Didn't work, did it?"
A kid was telling his friend about the changes in his home life. "You see, we have this new scale in the bathroom. On the bottom, it has a dial. I keep turning it, and you can't imagine how much nicer my mother is!"
Two little boys were playing together when a cute, curly-haired girl walked by. One kid said, "You know something? When I stop hating girls, I think I'll stop hating that one first!"
