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Eva Peron was utterly incensed when she returned from a trip to Europe. She let out her troubles to a friendly retired admiral.
"Can you believe it? The crowds in the street called me a whore!"
"Don't worry Eva, I have the same problem. I haven't been on a ship for ten years and people still call me Admiral."
A lady goes into a shop to a buy a new television. She decides on a simple model, but of course the sales assistant tries desperately to persuade her to get a more sophisticated (and more expensive) model. "Look ma'am, it's got remote control!" She gets angry and blasts him "Listen son, I'ev got three kids so my chances of ever controlling the damn TC are already remote. So forget the remote shremote and give me that cheap TV!"
Archaeologists in America were shocked to find a 2000-year bone with a cross, a spade, a donkey and a young bird on it. Naturally, this sparked off a spate of research papers on how Christianity could have crossed the ocean so quickly, how the ancients had tools, etc. Till one guy suddenly realised what the symbols meant - "Christ, dig the ass on that chick!"
During the Seven Day War, relations between the Egyptian army and their Soviet suppliers became quite strained. The Egyptians wanted their tanks to have four reverse gears and one forward gear.
There was an incident in Cambridge in the Thirties (may well be true). There was a men's club on the banks of the river Cam, and on warm ummer afternoons, many naked bodies would lie leisurely on the grass, soaking in the sun. No women were allowed, but once two lasses did get through. Bodies leaped behind trees or into the river for cover. One elderly don simply covered his face with a newspaper. After the girls were chased away, some undergraduates asked him how he had remained so calm. The old man lifted a somber eye and said: "I don't know about you, young man, but at my age, I am chiefly recognised by my face."
A farmer was awarded top prize for submitting the winning entry to a slogan contest for a local brewery. When asked how he came up with his slogan: Smith's Beer is better than the Niagara", he scratched his head and said "Well, it's the closest thing to water I've ever tasted."
A motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a passing farmer five dollars to pull him out with his tractor. After he was back on dry ground he said to the farmer, "At those prices, I should think you would be pulling people out of the mud night and day." "Can't do it", replied the farmer. "At night I haul water for the hole."
Q:why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A:it was dead
Q:why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
A:he got hit by the first koala
Q:why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
A:he thought it was a game
Q:why did the Australian fall off his bike?
A:he got hit in the head by three falling koalas
