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Covens
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Covens, study groups, and Wiccan/Pagan networking organizations are being formed all the time. Some are brand new, others are well established, but the majority probably fall somewhere in between. All too many newcomers to Wicca/Paganism get obsessed by their need to be part of a group, and they dive off head first into the first one that invites them without bothering to find out if it is really the best group for them. Often they find the pool is empty, and they crash big time. In the 1970's a seeker who wished to find a teacher or coven had a very difficult time. There were few books and few metaphysical stores. Now we have the opposite problem. There are hundreds of books and metaphysical stores and many thousands of websites which will all claim to be able to teach you Wicca. The problem now is finding a legitimate, trained teacher amonst all of the eager but unqualfied ones. Anyone can create a website and claim to be a teacher of Wicca. Be careful. Ask questions. A good teacher will welcome questions about their background. Make a list of those things which are important to you, and from that make a list a questions to ask potential teachers.
Don't be in too much of a rush to find a teacher, and especially do not be in a hurry to find a coven. There is much you can learn on your own through on this website and from the books in the suggested reading list. One thing you might try if you are anxious to make contact with other Wiccans is an introductory class in Wicca - sometimes known as “Wicca 101”. These classes are given at many metaphysical book stores.
If you are a newcomer to the Craft, or a solitary who is just beginning to seek out a group situation, it is wise to research the group first and decide if you really want to be a part of it. Remember that the interview process is a two-way discussion. They not only have to accept you, but you have to accept them as well. Be picky. You're worth it.
Recognize that, though there are unifying themes in any Pagan belief system, practices from group to group can vary widely. One thing they all share in common is that all members will be expected to blend their personal energies with those of the others in the group, making it a very different spiritual experience from what many of us grew up with. This also makes our ideal goal of "perfect love and perfect trust" within our group situations essential to the well-being and spiritual growth of all concerned.
Define Your Requirements
Before you begin actively seeking contacts, sit down with a pen and paper and actually write out a list of what it is you're looking for in a group situation. Don't get so detailed that you build a fantasy group that can never exist, but do put into the words those things that mean the most to you. For instance, do you want to be part of an actual working coven, or are you more interested in a loosely structured study or discussion group? Do you want a mixed gender group, or one that is all women or all men? Do you want a group with an eclectic focus, or one that practices within a certain cultural framework or within one particular tradition? Do you want to worship skyclad (ritual nudity), or in robes or street clothes? Are you interested in a group that teaches others, that is open to the public, or that keeps its membership to a certain number? Do you want to be with younger people, or are you seeking the over-thirty crowd? Is it important to you to have established leaders and a system of degrees for advancing within the group, or do you lean toward the egalitarian/priestly traditions that share leadership roles?
After you have a list in front of you, go back over it and cross off any item about which you feel flexible enough to compromise. What is left are your core requirements. These requirements are what you should be looking for in any group you seriously consider joining.
Questions for a Potential Coven
At your initial interview, and also after your first meeting/ritual with the group, ask both the group members and yourself some of the following questions. There are no right or wrong responses, but the answers should give you a general idea if this is the right group for you to explore further or not.
1. What is this group trying to accomplish?
2. How do the leaders characterize the group?
3. How many members are in the coven? How large does the group expect to grow?
4. What is the group's general level of experience?
5. What sort of turnover rate has the group seen among its members?
6. Has any member ever been banished (forced out)? Why?
7. What qualities or characteristics are the group's leaders looking for in new members? Why are they interested in you?
8. How did the coven's leaders get their positions?
9. Do the leaders seem to wield an excessive amount of power over others, or do they lack leadership skills altogether?
10. Is there a written set of rules they will permit you to see?
11. What contributions will you be expected to make to the group? Teaching? Leading? Providing a meeting site?
12. What will the group give you in return? Lessons? Chances for advancement? Connections to a larger umbrella group?
13. Who prepares and leads the rituals?
14. What about magical practices? What are the ethics of the group and its individual members? Are you comfortable with these?
15. Have you been asked to do things that conflict with your ethics, or things whose purpose are not explained to you?
16. Have you either witnessed or been asked to participate in rituals that harm, degrade, or frighten others?
17. Are the other members cautiouly welcoming to you, or do they seem indifferent about your participation?
18. Do the members seem to get along well with one anoter? If at your first meeting you are bombarded by backbiting from rival members, it is a good sign to run fast!!!!
19. Is there anyone in the group to whom you react negatively? It only takes one to keep you from fully feeling a part of the group, and this clash will likely lead to internal fighting that could destroy the group.
20. Does the group seem to you to have a solid future?
21. Do the group members seem to be committed to spiritual progress, or do they strike you as playacting?
22. Listen carefully to see if everyone's input is welcome. What happens when someone makes a suggestion?
23. Do you feel this is a group in which you could grow?
24. If you had the power to alter the group in any way you wanted, what would you do? Most important of all, how do these alterations measure up against your original list of what you were looking for in a group?
Some Cautions:
Some of the more bizzare things we have heard of that have taken place in some covens:
• Beware of anyone whom you do not know well that asks you to join a coven. This is not a normal Wiccan practice. Students must ask to join and are only admitted after months, or sometimes years, of study.
• Beware of any adult coven leader who accepts as a student or coven member, anyone under the age of 18 without verified permission of the child's parent or guardian. Most High Priests and High Priestesses will not take on students under the age of 18 unless they are accompanied by a parent or guardian to all events. You will occasionally find “covens” or study groups whose members are all under the age of 18. We highly recommend that you do not involve yourself with such groups unless you have permission from your parents and you know that the group is either supervised by responsible adults, and/or the parents and guardians of all members are aware of the existence of the group and condone its meetings.
• Beware of a teacher who seems to blame other people (students, assistants, society) for their problems. A leader of a coven or group needs to take responsibility for what happens in the group and to the group.
• Beware of teachers who require students to do house work for the High Priest or High Priestess. This is not normal Wiccan practice. It is reasonable for a High Priestess to ask for help setting up for ritual and cleaning up afterward.
• Some Wiccans have reported being beaten for failure to obey rules of the coven or for failure to do housework. This is definitely not part of Wicca! If you are a victim of such a practice do not hesitate to report it to the police. Wiccans, like everyone else, are required to obey civil laws. No oath of secrecy binds you from reporting such illegal acts.
• Beware of teachers who claim that you must have sex with them before beginning your instruction. This is not normal Wiccan practice and should be a major warning that the teacher is unscrupulous.
• There are some covens which do use actual sex for purposes of initiation. If this is a concern to you make that very clear the the High Priest and High Priestess. You may be told that the initiation involves only a symbolic “Great Rite” or symbolic sexual union between god and goddess. SPECIAL NOTE: There have been reports of at least one coven which tells potential initiates the union will be symbolic, and then the student is coerced or forced into actual sex with the High Priest or High Priestess. THIS is not legitimate Wiccan practice! Any forced sex should be reported to the police as well as to the Wiccan community.
OR
Before You Start a Coven
Before you go a step further, take a good long look at your desires, motivation and skills. What role do you see yourself playing in this new group? "Ordinary" member? Democratic facilitator? High Priestess? And if the last -- why do you want the job?
The title of High Priestess and Priestess are seductive, conjuring up exotic images of yourself in embroidered robes, a silver crescent (or horned helm) on your brow, adoring celebrants hanging on every word which drops from your lips...
Reality check. The robes will be stained with wine and candle wax soon enough, and not every word you speak is worth remembering. A coven leader's job is mostly hard work between rituals and behind the scene. It is not always a good place to act out your fantasies, because the lives and well-being of others are involved, and what is flattering or enjoyable to you man not be in their best interest. So consider carefully.
If your prime motive is establishing a coven is to gain status and ego gratification, other people will quickly sense that. If they are intelligent, independent individuals, they will refuse to play Adoring Disciple to your Witch Queen impressions. They will disappear, and that vanishing act will be the last magick they do with you.
And if you do attract a group ready to be subservient Spear Carriers in your fantasy drama -- well, do you really want to associate with that kind of personality? What are you going to do when you want someone strong around to help you or teach you, and next New Moon you look out upon a handful of Henry Milquetoasts and Frieda Handmaidens? If a person is willing to serve you, the they will also become dependent on you, drain your energy, and become disillusioned if you ever let down the Infallible Witch Queen mask for even a moment.
Some other not-so-great reasons for starting a coven:
because it seems glamorous, exotic, and a little wicked;
because it will shock your mother, or
because you can endure your boring, flunkie job more easily if you get to go home and play Witch at night.
Some better reasons for setting up a coven, and even nomination yourself as High Priest/ess, include:
you feel that you will be performing a useful job for yourself and others;
you have enjoyed leadership roles in the past, and proven yourself capable; or
you look forward to learning and growing in the role.
Even with the best motives in the world, you will still need to have -- or quickly develop -- a whole range of skills in order to handle a leadership role. If you are to be a facilitator of a study group, group process insights and skills are important. These include:
Gatekeeping, or guiding discussion in such a way that everyony has an opportunity to express ideas and opinions;
Summarizing and clarifying;
Conflict resolution, or helping participants understand points of disagreement and find potential solutions which respect everyone's interests;
Moving the discussion toward consensus, or at any rate decision, by identifying diversions and refocussing attention on goals and priorities; and
Achieving closure smoothly when the essential work is compleated, or an appropriate stopping place is reached.
In addition to group process skills, four other competencies necessary to the functioning of a coven are: ritual leadership, administration, teaching, and counseling. In a study group the last one may not be considered a necessary function, and the other three may be shared among all participants. But in a coven the leaders are expected to be fairly capable in all these areas, even if responsibilities are frequently shared or delegated. Let us look briefly at each.
Ritual leadership involves much more that reading invocations by candlelight. Leaders must understand the powers they intend to manipulate: how they are raised, channeled and grounded. They must be adept at designing rituals which involve all the sensory modes. They should have a repertoire of songs and chants, dances and gestures or mudras, incense and oils, invocations and spells, visual effects and symbols, meditations and postures; and the skill to combine these in a powerful, focused pattern. They must have clarity of purpose and firm ethics. And they must understand timing: both where a given ritual fits in the cycles of the Moon, the Wheel of the Year, and the dance of the spheres, and how to pace the ritual once started, so that energy peaks and is channeled at the perfect moment. And they must understand the Laws of Magick, and the correspondences, and when ritual is appropriate and when it is not.
By administration, we refer to basic management practices necessary to any organization. These include apportioning work fairly, and following up on its progress; locating resources and obtaining them (information, money, supplies); fostering communications (by telephone, printed schedules, newsletters etc.); and keeping records (minutes, accounts, Witch Book entries, or ritual logbook). Someone or several someones has to collect the dues if any, buy the candles, chill the wine, and so forth.
Teaching is crucial to both covens and study groups. If only one person has any formal training or experience in magick, s/he should transmit that knowledge in a way which respects the intuitions, re-emerging past life skills, and creativity of the others. If several participants have some knowledge in differing areas, they can all share the teaching role. If no one in the group has training and you are uncertain where to begin, they you may need to call on outside resources: informed and ethical priest/esses who can act as visiting faculity, or who are willing to offer guidance by telephone or correspondence. Much canbe gleaned from books, or course -- assuming you know which books are trustworthy and at the appropriate level -- but there is no substitute for personal instruction for some things. Magick can be harmful if misused, and an experienced practitioner can help you avoid pitfalls as well as offering hints and techniques not found in the literature.
Counseling is a special role of the High Priest/ess. It is assumed that all members of a coven share concern for each other's physical, mental, emotional and spiritual welfare, and are willing to help each other out in practical ways. However, coven leaders are expected to have a special ability to help coverners explore the roots of teir personal problems and choose strategies and tactics to overcome them. This is not to suggest that one must be a trained psychoanalyst; but at the least, good listening skills, clear thinking and some insight into human nature are helpful. Often, magickal skills such as guided visualization, Tarot counseling and radiesthesia (pendulum work) are valuable tools as well.
Think carefully about your skills in these areas, as you have demonstrated them in other organizations. Ask acquaintances or co-workers, who can be trusted to give you a candid opinion, how they see you in some of these roles. Meditate, and decide what you really want for yourself in organizing the new group. Will you be content with being a catalyst and contact person -- simply bringing people with a common interest together, then letting the group guide its destiny from that point on? Would you rather be a facilitatir, either for the first fonths or permanently: a low- kdy discussion leader who enables the group to move forward with a minimum of misunderstanding and wasted energy? Or do you really want to be High Priestess -- whatever that means to you -- and serve as the guiding spirit and acknowledged leader of a coven? And if you do want that job, exactly how much authority and work do you envision as part of it? Some coven leaders want a great deal of power and control; others simply take an extra share of responsibility for setting up the rituals (whether or not they actually conduct the rites), and act as "magickal advisor" to less experienced members. Thus the High Priest/ess can be the center around which the life of the coven revolves, or primarily an honorary title, or anything in between.
That is one area which you will need to have crystal-clear in your own mind before the first meeting (of if you are flexible, at least be very clear that you are). You must also be clear as to your personal needs on other points: program emphasis, size, meeting schedule, finances, degree of secrecy, and affiliation with a tradition or network. You owe it to prospective members and to yourself to make your minimum requirements known from the outset: it can be disastrous to a group to discover that members have major disagreements on these points after you have been meeting for six months.
How To Start A Coven
Starting a Coven
Part and parcel of seeing yourself as a member of Pagan Clergy will, at some point, probably extend to starting your own coven. While this should not be done without forethought the process is not difficult. The coven can be as elaborate as a non profit organization complete with by-laws and "volunteer jobs" for the members or a loose gathering of friends on Full Moons and Sabbats.
If you have not read Covencraft by Amber K I strongly recommend you obtain a copy. This book has been an invaluable resource for many covens I know of.
There are several questions you should ask yourself before you forge ahead and create your own working group or coven. I have elaborated on some of them. This is certainly not a comprehensive list. There are as many structures as there are covens.
Personal Readiness to Lead Others
What is your level of experience?
I do not recommend that you read a couple of books and think you have the experience to lead a coven. Coven leadership requires a combination of magickal ability, the desire to lead and organizational skills. If you do not have all of these skills you will need to involve someone with those skills in your vision. I have seen wonderful groups fail because the HP or HPs did not stay in contact with their members. You will need to plan ahead, let everyone know the schedule and keep on your members about coming to ritual.
What are your personal goals? and how will they be accomplished by starting a coven?
If you have a lot on your personal plate right now can you devote the time necessary to leading a coven month after month, year after year? If you need to take a break who would lead in your place?
How do you see the role of High Priest or Priestess?
Get the "Gentle Goddess, Lady Bountiful" ideas out of your head. No one is going to sit at your feet and listen to you drip pearls of wisdom for long. While flattering, eventually you will be seen for the human you are and your flock will find someone else to worship. The role of leader is not someone who forces a flock to "heaven" rather someone who leads and teaches and follows and learns. You will be lost sometimes, you will learn more than you teach. Be prepared for that.
Are you emotionally and physically able to deal with the problems of leading a coven or working group?
Again if you are going through personal crisis ask your self if this will help you heal or overwhelm you.
What is your ego like? How do you handle a bad ritual you created?
Your ego is going to be trounced from time to time. If you have a bad ritual it is not the fault of your coven, energy, Goddess or God. It very likely is a combination of many factors but as they say, "the buck stops here". Ultimately you are responsible for your coven and its energy work.
Are you magickally able to move large amounts of energy and ground that energy?
This is what covens do. I cannot recommend enough that you have actual experience with a coven before striking out on your own. However, I am a realist. I know that in all areas of the country there are not the opportunities to have a coven. I also know that even if there are covens they may not be accepting new members or accept you. Not everyone is a good fit for every group.
Are you able to work with many different personalities and guide them without controlling them?
Again this is not a show for your abilities to be Oo'ed and Aa'ed at. You are leading, you are not beating your way of doing things into your coveners.
How do you manage large projects? What is your track record?
If you cannot stay focused for longer than a month then I suggest you wait before beginning a coven.
Why do you think you are qualified to be a leader?
What is your experience? What qualities do you have, good and bad, that will affect your group?
What are your personal boundaries and will they be breeched if you become a High Priest or Priestess?
If you do not want people in your business then you are probably not ready to lead a coven. This is a close group of people, they have a habit of knowing everything about the HP or HPs soon. Your good and your bad.
What is your personal ritual style? Loose and freeform or structured?
Think about rituals you like and get something from. This will tell you what type of ritual you are comfortable with. I do not like very structured ritual read out of a book, some HP's and HPs' need that as do their coveners.
Are you "in the broom closet"? How would becoming a High Priest or Priestess affect your public status? What could you lose if you were exposed?
Will you become or are you already, credentialed clergy?
Creating the Structure of Your Coven or Group
Will you work alone or are you part of a working pair?
If you are alone you will have more creative control. If you are with another person you will have someone to lean on but they will get a 50% voice in the operation of the coven. This is not something to enter into lightly.
How would you handle a witch war"?
Within your own coven, with former members, with another coven? What is your stance on casting to control? Do you cast in anger?
What is the ideal size of your coven or group? Why?
How will you screen your potential members?
You should have a series of questions either formal or informal for everyone considering your coven or group.
How would you handle the issues of promotion within your coven? What are the steps for spiritual growth within the group handled?
Do you have a degree system that challenges those who wish to grow in service and eventually start their own groups?
What are the goals of your coven? Spiritual growth for the members or for the community at large?
How do you see your coven as it relates to the larger Pagan and non Pagan community? Are you going to forge ahead and be someone who holds Paganism up as a viable religious alternative or should you stay a close community who bolsters one another?
Do you seek membership in a larger community? Will you join CoG or another local or national organization?
Is it OK for your members to be in the broom closet or are you planning a level of visibility that would require all members to be openly pagan?
What is your long term vision for a coven?
Will you grow and form an inner and outer circle? Stay small? Be for teaching?
Will you have a policy of "open acceptance" with loose rules regarding whom you will accept or do you feel you need a more rigid structure?
Will you have a set of By-Laws? How will they be created?
What is the role of the HP or HPs?
How will members be brought into the coven once the initial coven is established?
Will your members suggest people? Will they all vote? How would you handle a vote that went against your wishes?
Acquiring Members
How will you recruit members?
I have an ad in the Witches Voice. I have also posted ads at local pagan friendly shops. I screen potential members with care and meet with them before they meet with the group or attend any ritual.
How will you handle "problem members"?
What is your stand on mental illness and coven membership?
How will you communicate with your members and potential members?
E-mail, snail mail, the telephone. How often?
Will you have an inner and an outer circle? What will the differences be?
How will you handle people who are not a good fit for your coven?
How will you allow people to leave your coven?
There has to be a graceful out. If you do not allow people to leave then you are running a cult not a coven.
Chosing Students
How does the student define Wicca? Do they see it as a religion?
Is this person looking for a support group? People in crisis do not generally make good students and they can be very disruptive to a class or coven. Suggest that they look into one of the many circle/support groups hosted at a new age store (It is best to name a store rather than use the term “new age”).
Can you envision being in Circle with this person? Can you hug this person?
Holding an short introductory course, with no obligation on your part for further teaching can be a good way to get to know a potential student.
How do I say, “no” nicely to those I choose not to teach?
The most diplomatic way we've come up with is: “I believe I am not the right teacher for you.” When possible suggest other teachers or other places the student can look for guidance.
What to tell potential students about the yourself and your group:
How long you have been involved in the craft.
How long you have been teaching the craft.
Who your teachers are/were.
Who your teacher's teacher's were, etc.
Who makes the decisions in the group. (i.e.: committee, majority vote, HP and/or HPS only)
Whether the group follows a particular pantheon or is eclectic.
Whether there a degree system, and if so what the structure consists of and how long it generally takes a student to progress from degree to degree.
Whether the group ever works skyclad.
What the group's policy on drugs and alcohol is.
Whether there are dues or other fees.
How much reading and other work is required.
How public the group is.
How to recognize and encourage a student's progress.
Know that most people need some amount of “stroking”. Many leaders (of covens, companies, countries, etc.)fail to recognize this need in others because they themselves do not need it. Sincere compliments are always appreciated.
Always encourage students to ask questions. That doesn't mean you are obligated to give them answers, but make sure they understand that questions show interest and there is no such thing as a dumb question.
Encourage mentor ship (hooking up a new student with an experienced student) whenever possible. This takes some of the burden off of you and helps the more experienced student as well since there is no better way to increase your own knowledge than to teach.
How to end a student/teacher relationship when it isn't working out.
This one is easy when the student is the one who decides its time for them to leave. When its the teacher who comes to this conclusion and the student doesn't see it, then it can get very awkward.
It is best when you can get the student to make the decision. Sometimes this is possible through getting the student to evaluate his or her own progress and to see if they are meeting their own goals. (See “Honesty” paper)
Sometimes you just have to explain that you have taught them all you were meant to teach them, and that the time has come for them to leave you to seek the next step of their path.
Depending on the policies of the group and circumstances of the student's leaving you may have to decide whether or not to do a “parting of the ways” type ritual or take other steps to ensure a peaceful separation.
How to deal with squabbles and personality conflicts between students.
Of course each situation will be different, but it will help if you have a policy in place for dealing with conflict and make sure students are aware of it. You could ask that all problems be brought directly to the HP or HPS, or if it is a large coven other initiates or experienced members may be designated.
While you may feel that the "right" thing to do is to keep those with unresolved differences out of Circle, you may (especially if most or all of the members are experienced) want to consider using the situation to be a teaching opportunity. The ones who are a bit hot under the collar will find out just how good they are at grounding and centering, and the rest of the group will get an exercise in dealing with negative energy in Circle and/or filling energy gaps. Make it clear to the parties involved exactly why they were allowed in Circle and that you still expect the problem to be resolved as soon as possible.
How to make sure each student feels like he or she is getting a fair amount of the HP & HPS's time.
Try to spend a few minutes alone with each student on a regular basis. This will help eliminate the student going through the, “Yikes I feel like I'm being called down to the principal's office!” syndrom that can occur when private conferences are reserved for special (and especially unpleasant) occasions.
You can also make it clear up front that there will be times when you will need to spend more time with individual students. The Church of T Tylwyth Teg, Inc. states this very clearly in its, “Thirteen Precepts of Coven Etiquette” given to all new students:
“2. The High Priestess chooses, for reasons that are her own as a High Priestess, to meet with certain members of the group at certain times. Those who are not asked to those particular meetings should never take this in any sprit of offense. Above all, it is never appropriate to invite yourself over if the High Priestess has not extended a general invitation.”
For how long, under what circumstances, and to what extent is the initiator responsible for the magickal actions of the initiate?
Once you initiate someone are you responsible for their actions for life? All lifetimes? Until the student leaves the coven? Does it depend on the circumstances under which the student leaves? (i.e.: hiving off; leaving to follow a different path; leaving due to conflict with the group)
These are extremely important questions and you will have to sort out the answers with your gods. Just be sure you know what the answers are.
What do you do when a student behaves inappropriately?
Everyone forgets their manners once in a while. If a student is being disrespectful or otherwise making life uncomfortable for other students it is your responsibility to see that it stops. However, don't forget: praise in public, but correct in private. You may want to have some kind of policy in place for repeat offenders (i.e. “Three strikes and you're out”)
What if the issue is inappropriate use of magick? Deliberate misuse of magick is a serious offence and should be dealt with in whatever way the situation seems to warrant. More often a newer student may do a spell without thinking it through first and considering all the consequences, and they may need a refresher on the steps involved in planning a spell or magickal working.
Some covens forbid students to do magick until they have reached a particular level. We believe that this is the equivalent of saying abstinence is the best form of birth control: technically accurate, but fairly unrealistic. Do encourage them to wait until they have had enough instruction, but if they feel the must do something, they shouldn't be afraid to discuss their plans with you or the group before carrying them out.
How to decide when the student is ready for the next level.
This is up to the individual teacher, but be sure to have a system in place. Long-standing traditions will usually have a fairly clear set of tasks and goals which must be completed before the student progresses to the next level, but even so part of the evaluation is based on the gut feelings of the teacher and/or instructions from the gods to the teacher. Be sure students are aware of this so that you can avoid misunderstandings when a students completes the physical tasks required but, in your estimation, still isn't quite ready for elevation.
Your responsibility, as an initiator, to the entire pagan community:
Please make sure that each one of your students understands that, wherever they go, they represent both your coven and the entire craft community.
Wherever we are and whatever we do in life we are always showing ourselves to the world as an example of the groups we represent: When a man spits on the sidewalk someone is going to think, “Men are so gross”. If an American visits a foreign country and treats the natives badly they will say, “Americans are rude,” and if a witch goes around bragging about putting spells on people and has to constantly be putting on a show so people can't miss knowing they are a witch, then we ALL have to deal with the fallout. Also remind them: If they have a pagan bumper-sticker on their car, they need to watch their driving manners and no rude hand signals!
Whether we like it or not people will judge an entire group by the behavior of a single individual. A lot of us have worked long and hard to help Wicca gain tolerance, acceptance and even respect in our communities and in the eyes of the public at large. It can take just one person to ruin years of public relations work when they act in an un-Wiccan-like manner.
Ettiquette
Circle attendance:
Each coven or circle has its own attendance guidelines. If the circle is publicly advertised then follow the guidelines in the advertisement or call the phone number provided if you have questions. If you are personally invited to a circle do not assume it is O.K. to bring anyone else. If you have a friend, relative, child or significant other whom you would like to bring please ask the High Priest or High Priestess first. Some covens are more open than others but please respect the decision of the HPS or HP. Also, we do have freedom of religion in this country, but there are those who, out of ignorance, still deny us the right to worship as we choose.
If you have been invited to a Circle which is not publicly advertised please do not discuss it with anyone without checking with the HP or HPS first. Private circles are by invitation only and it is never good to assume who the other attendees of a particular circle will be. Respect the privacy of those in the circle and never mention who was there to anyone.
Also: Please do not attend circle while under the influence of drugs or alcohol and NEVER bring drugs onto the property of any person or group holding a ritual.
When accepting an invitation:
 Ask what time you should be there AND what time the ritual will begin. This way you can be there in plenty of time to relax, center and group before ritual. And, conversely, if you are unexpectedly detained, you will avoid walking in on the ritual already in progress which is usually not acceptable. Ask what to do if you should arrive late. There may be the option of waiting in a certain area and joining everyone for refreshments or feasting afterward.
 This may should harsh, but if you need to be somewhere else at a particular time following the ritual - do not plan to attend the ritual. When we enter a circle we are between worlds and beyond time and space. Rituals take as long as they take. Two hours is probably average, but they can be shorter or much longer. We have found in the past that if someone has a time constraint it is extremely distracting and disrupts the energy flow.
 Ask what you can or should bring. There may be a small fee covering site rental, candles, refreshments, etc. Some groups ask each attendee to bring a non-perishable item to donate to a local charitable organization. If there is a feast before or after the ritual you may be asked to bring a covered dish or some other food item to share. If you bring food its a nice gesture to label it with a list of ingredients so that those with special diet requirements won't have to track you down and ask what is in it.You should also ask if it is appropriate to bring your own athame or chalice to use in ritual and/or dishes and utensils for the feast. If you are able, you could also volunteer to bring wine, juice, or candles. These may be supplied by the coven sponsoring the circle, but it is nice to ask.
 If food will be served and you have special food requirements, either bring your own food or talk with the host/hostess as far in advance as possible to arrange for appropriate food.
Clothing:
Ask what the mode of dress is for the circle you will be attending. At large pagan gatherings you are liable to see elaborate costumes, simple robes, street clothing or nothing at all (skyclad) in the same ritual.
At smaller public rituals robes are nice but street clothes are acceptable. If you wear street clothing, make it something loose and comfortable so you have no distractions.
And please, no t-shirts with pictures or messages which may be distracting to others.
If you are invited to a non-public circle be sure to ask what to wear. Some covens may require participants to be skyclad, but robes are more common and may be required. Some groups have not allow certain colors of robes so be sure to ask. Also, certain types of jewelry may not be appropriate. For example, a triple-moon head-dress or an amber and jet necklace is usually worn only by a High Priestess. If you wear one of these to a large public ritual and you are not a High Priestess you may find yourself being asked to perform some duty for which you are not prepared. Generally - when in doubt - ask.
If the ritual will be held outdoors please dress accordingly.
Before ritual:
 If you have a request for healing or other magickal work please talk to the HP or HPS privately before circle.
 Do not touch jewelry or magickal tools belonging to another person without asking. Many people go to great lengths to consecrate and charge their belongings, and this may have to be completely re-done if the object is touched.
 Please visit the restroom before circle. Although you may leave the circle in an emergency, it can be distracting-and you might miss something!
 Please remove hats, watches, beepers and any jewelry and/or ferrous metals which do not have a spiritual or medical purpose.
 Remove your shoes if possible. It is much easier to ground when in touch with Mother Earth.
 No smoking, eating, drinking or chewing gum while in line or in circle. Smokers: Be sure to ask where smoking is allowed and PLEASE do not throw butts on the ground or into ritual fires!
 Apply insect repellant if needed.
 Any talk while in line for circle should be quiet and limited to questions regarding the ritual or warnings such as, “Don't trip over that root!” No talk of mundane matters please.
 Continue or begin centering and grounding while waiting in line. Use the slow walk to the ritual area as a gradual shifting of consciousness from the mundane world to the magickal.
 A ritual handbath or bowl may be provided or you may be smudged with smoke before entering the circle. These are for purposes of spiritual cleansing.
 When entering the circle you may be asked for your name and/or a password. If you have a magickal name you want to use fine, if not don't be embarrassed about using your regular name - plenty of people do. If you are asked for a password but haven't been given one you can try the standard one you have probably run across if you have done much reading. If that doesn't work- don't worry-if you were invited to the circle you will be allowed to enter. As you can imagine, passwords were of much greater importance during the burning times.
 You may receive an annointing of oil as you enter the circle. If you have allergies or otherwise object to this feel free to let the annointer know.
During ritual:
 Always move deosil (clockwise/sunwise) when walking around the circle. In other word: when you enter the circle turn left and you will be going the right way.
 When the Quarters or Elements (the four directions) are being called turn and face the same direction the HP and HPS are facing. If you are unfamiliar with arm gestures and responses being used just stand quietly or try to follow along. For safety or other reasons some covens limit the use of athames to the HP and HPS. Ask about this before circle.
In large public circles you will see many different ways of saluting the Quarters since each person tends to use the method he or she is most familiar with. One or two pointed fingers is a customary substitute for an athame or wand in many Circles.
 No talking in circle except unless you are specifically invited to share a story or at other times indicated by the HP or HPS. Stories, anecdotes and discussion in circle are strictly limited to craft related topics. And remember: whatever you hear in circle is confidential. If you find someone's story valuable and would like to share it outside the circle (without names of course) please ask permission of the story teller first.
The HP or HPS may invoke a god or goddess during the ritual which means the deity has entered the body of the HP or HPS and may speak through them. Do not talk at all during an invocation unless the god or goddess specifically asks YOU a question.
 If you receive some juice or wine do not drink it all immediately. Be prepared to offer a toast to the gods. It is customary to offer part of your juice, wine and cake or cookie to the gods as a libation. There may be a bowl or bowls provided for this purpose or if the circle is outdoors the libations may be put directly on the Earth. Ask someone what the custom is or watch members of the host coven.
 If you feel faint or ill please feel free to sit down and/or ask for help. We have found that fainting in circle is not uncommon. Don't be embarrassed if this happens to you-just be assured you are surrounded by loving and understanding people. We believe a contributing factor is fasting before ritual. Some Wiccans like to fast for spiritual reasons, others are simply saving their appetite for the feast which tends to be much later than the average supper time. If you are not used to fasting, or tend toward low-blood sugar please have a bite to eat before circle. Also, do not lock your knees when standing in circle.
 If you need to leave the circle during ritual for any reason, quietly alert a member of the hosting coven and they will “cut” you out of the circle or explain their method for exiting and re-entering.
After ritual:
This is a good time for hugs, relaxing, asking questions, singing, dancing, drumming, eating, socializing and networking. Please offer to help clean up as well.
If you need any help with anything Wiccan, Witchy or Pagan. need a potion or spell help E-Mail me, or add me to your MSN Messanger with ask_a_witch@hotmail.com
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