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IN THE BEGINNING: PRE-OP DAYs
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return home!
September 27, 1999
Called a Dr. Vanguri's office at 410-882-3162. Left message for someone to telephone me back regarding WLS and panniculectomy. Waiting for return call.
Dr. Vanguri's office returned call. He is not under Cigna. He does not do both surgeries at once. I still set up an appointment to see him for Tuesday, October 5 at 7:00 p.m. I am not sure if I will keep this if Dr. Lippman can find me a doctor who will do both.
12:00 p.m. Called Dr. Jay Lippman's office and spoke to Maggie about a referral for surgeries. They will get back to me.
September 28, 1999
Today I called Dr. Lippman's office to find out if Maggie had told him about my wanting WLS. They were supposed to get back to me but did not. I know it is only one day but I hate waiting. Thank God for Jen to listen to my vents. I got the forms that I am supposed to bring to the Surgeons office in the mail today. His full name is Apparao Vanguri and the address is 9506 Harford Road, Baltimore, MD 21234.
September 29, 1999
Still no return phone call from Dr. Lippman's office.
September 30, 1999
Jen "came out" to SuperSizedLadies lists that she is pursuing WLS. She is so brave. I have decided to wait until I hopefully get insurance approval to let the Ladies know that I am having WLS. Still no word from Dr. Lippman's! I feel dishonest not telling my mother about the surgery but I know that if I tell her before insurance approved and date set she will discourage me from having surgery. I have to do this for me.
October 2, 1999
I am finding myself getting obsessed about having this surgery. I am more convinced than ever that this is what I want. I am in touch with about three people who have had the surgery and one woman I am going to talk to on the telephone Sunday morning. I have heard nothing negative from anyone about this surgery. I'm sure that when I have my appointment with Dr. Vanguri he will give me the pros and the cons of the surgery.
John and I had a long talk about this WLS. He is very concerned about my having it. He is afraid of my dying while under the knife. I told him that if for any reason I feel that the surgeon is incapable of pulling me through this surgery or if I don't feel 100% sure I can make it through the surgery I will not have WLS done. He also is afraid that if I lose weight I will not want him anymore! That was a shock! I had no idea he felt that insecure about me. I think my heavy body makes him feel secure that he will have someone in his life to love him as much as I do. I assured him that I will always love him no matter what size I am. I married him and pledged my love to him for always.
October 3, 1999
I had a nice weekend. I did an email of introduction to the WLS400. They have welcomed me to the list very kindly. I think I will enjoy this list.
John and I went to a NAAFA business meeting at a members apartment. I loss my breath several times walking from the car to his apartment and vice versa. This fat really sucks! I can't breathe. I feel like I'm suffocating myself slowly but surely. The subject of WLS was bought up and I never heard the word "mutilated" used so much. I don't feel like I am mutilating my body by having WLS. Rather I feel I am saving myself from a more imminent death sentence. I do feel like a hypocrite in a way because I am not telling them that I am hoping to have WLS. They are my friends and I hope and pray that they will still be my friends as I begin losing weight. We went out to dinner afterwards at Bob Bateman's Bistro and had a great seafood dinner. I guess I better eat it now while I can do it. We also had ice cream afterwards. Oy!
October 5, 1999
It's early morning now and I am already thinking about my visit with the surgeon. I hope its not an anti-climatic visit. Will report on that later.
Visited Dr. Vanguri today. He seems to be a very kind and straight-forward kind of doctor. Because I had gastric partitioning on 1/7/91, I have to have an appointment made for X-Ray to see the status of my stomach now and how my digestive tract is. He is very encouraging about my qualifying for surgery but I expected it at 440 lbs. The operation will take longer for me because I had the surgery before. He thinks it will take anywhere from 3 to 4 hours. He will submit my papers to Cigna Insurance once the X-Ray is taken. I am really nervous about that. After he gets an approval from the insurance company he will have the nurse schedule my pre-op tests all in one day. One week or so later I would have the operation. Pray for me.
This afternoon Nurse Beverly called and said my X-Ray has been scheduled for Friday 10/15 at Franklin Square Hospital. Step #2!
October 9-10, 1999
John and I went to a Fall Frolic dance on Saturday night. It felt so nice to dance with my husband. On Sunday we went to a dinner theatre and saw "They're Playing Our Song" which is a Neil Simon play. The food and company of friends was *great*.
Now the bad stuff... I had several panic attacks, my body ached, my feet were so incredibly sore, I couldn't walk ten feet without losing my breath. I AM SO SICK OF THIS FAT. I really do need this surgery. I don't like feeling this way. No human should have to live this way. God, please let this insurance be approve and guide the surgeon's hands through this surgery. God help all of us in my condition.
October 16, 1999
I went to my Radiology appointment yesterday morning. My
mother-in-law
took me. She picked me up bright and early at 7:00 a.m. I was like the
walking dead! Anyhow...I was at the radiologists from 8:15 a.m. until 4:30
p.m.!!!!
Dr. Vanguri ordered what is called a "burger barium" because I had previous
WLS and he wanted to see how my digestion was coming along. Well, they cut
up a burger from the dietitian and doused it in barium. They proceeded to
hand me the bowl with the barium burger and had me eat the entire thing.
You talk about major YUCK! After about 30 mins. I had to stand up at the
X-Ray machine and they would film how I am digesting the food. You know,
how it empties out into my intestine. The X-Ray technician took X-Rays
every 1/2 hour and then every hour. The barium burger did not start to
move until about 4:00 p.m.! At 4:30 p.m. the head Radiologists asked to
meet with me. He told me that the barium burger had started emptying out
but still had about 1/2 left in the my stomach. He told me that I have an
Intestinal Blockage. He told me that when I have my Roux En Y that he
would probably want to prepare this. I didn't have the good sense to ask
him about what the heck this means? What could block your intestine? Do
any of you have a clue?
From what I have been told by Dr. Vanguri he will submit the necessary
papers to Cigna for approval for surgery, then schedule one day to do all
pre-op tests and about a week later surgery. I have to say that walking
around the hospital was very hard for me. I had a couple of panic attacks
and when I go for the all day pre-op tests I will ask for a wheelchair. My
husband will go with me then. It is way too much walking for this girl.
October 18, 1999
John has an appointment with Dr. Vanguri's office scheduled for Tuesday, November 23, 1999 at 7:00 p.m. He is considering, even hoping for, weight loss surgery. His Mom is dead set against either of us having the surgery. We love her but in my mind this is my only route to travel.
October 19, 1999
My surgeon, Dr. Vanguri, telephoned me. He told me that he got the fax from the Radiologists and is going to the hospital Wednesday to look at the X-Rays himself. He said that he probably will have to have me go to the hospital next week for blood test and an Endoscopy (misspelled?) Do any of you know what an Endoscopy is? I think it has something to do with the rectum. Yikes! He told me that the week after that I have pre-op tests. He also told me that he doesn't think he'll need approval for the RNY from Cigna if I have a blocked intestine. He also thinks I'll have surgery around the end of October or first of November. I don't know why I am not excited. I'm kind of scared now. Weird huh? It's like because of this intestinal blockage I have no choice. I at least had a choice when it was a RNY solely.
October 20, 1999
John has decided he doesn't want to have WLS for himself. I can't say I blame him because he has only been on a diet once and he has never been had surgery before. He actually since deciding to have the surgery has fluctuated between yes and no. As of today it is no. He also expresses often that he is afraid if I lose weight that I will find someone better than him. WRONG! He has accepted me from Day 1 and has given me his unconditional support in everything I do, including WLS. Nothing will make me stop loving John.
October 21, 1999
I heard from Dr. Vanguri's nurse, Beverly, today. She has scheduled my Endoscopy for Tuesday, November 2nd at 9:15 a.m. although I have to be at the hospital by 7:30 a.m. I've learned that during the Endoscopy procedure I am given intravenous to be knocked out and my throat is sprayed for numbing. A camera is put down my throat so the doctor can see the intestine blockage. When I wake up I will be in another room with my husband. I have to see Dr. Lippman for Endoscopy pre-testing. Beverly said that should simply be blood tests. Remember, Dr. Lippman's office never gave me a referral as I had requested. I don't know how they will feel about my pursuing WLS but I really shouldn't care because it is my life.
October 22, 1999
Dr. Lippman's Nurse/Receptionist telephoned me this afternoon to tell me that she has scheduled my Endoscope pre-test for next Friday, October 29. Great! His receptionist asked me what I thought of Dr. Vanguri. I told her that he seems to be a nice, kind and caring doctor who will answer any questions you have. Well, as it turns out she has an appointment with him for a consultation because she wants to have WLS! Talk about a small world.
October 25, 1999
Today I went to a NAAFA event with John. They had a picnic in a pavilion in Pasadena, MD. The event was nice and there were a lot of happy, hungry people there. I feel like such a hypocrite not telling them that I am hoping to have weight loss surgery but so be it. One woman there who weighs 305 lbs. asked me to go for a walk with her. I said "No" because my heel spurs were hurting which was absolutely true. John and some of the other ladies there told me to go with her. They wouldn't accept No for an answer. I went and only went 1/3 of the down the path and my legs killed me and I was winded. We had to walk back and I had to sit down. I will NEVER accept this weight. I am in so much pain everyday. I wish people realized that I am hurting. If I have to live the rest of my life like this I would rather be dead. I don't want to commit suicide but I know that slowly I am dying from my being this fat. This WLS is my last great opportunity to lose weight. I can't let it go. If I let go I am dead.
October 28, 1999
I haven't written in the journal for a few days now because there isn't much to tell. I have called Cigna and they haven't received the request from Dr. Vanguri for the WLS. I called Beverly at Dr. V's office and she said that he won't send in the request until after his findings are made after the Endoscopy on Tuesday. That's really a relief because I have read on the OSSG lists of insurance companies saying they never received the request. John is still very supportive of my having surgery. I thank God that he is because I don't think I could stand going through this without him to talk to as well as my Internet friends. You know at this point the waiting is the hardest part (like the song goes) to deal with. So much uncertainly can make one very cranky. I think that is why I started making a webpage. Now I can at least work with it to make the time go by a little quicker.
October 29, 1999
I had my pre-op tests for the Endoscopy today at Dr. Lippman's office. They just gave me an EKG, took my blood pressure, checked my lungs and checked eyes, mouth, etc. Dr. L said everything seems satisfactory. They know to get the report to Dr. V by Monday morning. I guess this is one more step toward WLS!
October 31, 1999
HAPPY HALLOWEEN! There's no candy for me although I did have some Ben & Jerry's Pistachio ice cream. So sue me.... this may be my last pint ever!
November 2, 1999
Today I went for my Endoscopy at Franklin Square Hospital. The procedure was a lot easier than I thought it would be. John and I arrived at the hospital by 7:15 a.m. While we waited for registration John noticed there were no chairs that could fit me or armless chairs. He told the lady at the Registration desk that he needed a chair for his wife that was at her desk which was armless and took it for me to sit on. I was embarrassed by proud of John for speaking up for me when I wouldn't do it for myself. Next we had a LONG walk to the pre-op room. John had the nurse go and get a wheelchair for me to ride on so that I wouldn't have a heart attack on the way there. Isn't he sweet? He also pushed me. :) When we got to the pre-op room the nursing assistant got me a gown and robe that were even too large for me! I love it! This hospital is so fat-friendly when it comes to gowns. John sat with me the whole time while I got my intravenous and joked with me so I wouldn't get too nervous. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have John with me. Finally I was on a gurney and waiting to go into the OR. John made a myriad of corny jokes and had me laughing. When the time came to go to OR I was very calm because of this. Inside the OR the anesthesiologist put something called "Twilight" into the intravenous. After Dr. V sprayed my throat with this heinous tasting spray to numb my throat and I was out like a light. I woke up about 30 mins. later and was in recovery. Soon John joined me and that's all she wrote. Now, I wait to get the results of the Endoscopy from Dr. Vanguri.
November 4, 1999 
"YIPPEEEE!!!! I GOT A DATE!"
I got a call from Dr. V today. He asked me to try to get my medical records from New England Medical sent to him so he could know exactly what my surgery was in 1991 because there are different kinds of weight loss surgeries. I called NEM and have to send them a letter in lieu of a medical release and they will send it to Dr. Vanguri's office. Afterwards I spoke to Dr. V's scheduling nurse and they have scheduled me for Roux-En-Y distal for Monday, DECEMBER 6, 1999!! I can't believe it. I only had to wait 2 days for an answer and date.
Wow, things are rolling along! Dr. Lippman's office is doing my pre-op tests on Wednesday, November 24, 1999 at 8:40 a.m. I go to Franklin Medical on November 30th at 10:00 a.m. for a type and cross which is some sort of blood test. Reality is setting in now.
November 8, 1999
A weekend has gone by and I am even more aware of the need to lose weight. John and I went to a swim club with about 25 other friends and I had a full blown panic attack in the dressing room with about four other lady friends there. They were, of course, understanding but I was so embarrassed. I also had a panic attack when I got into the car to go to Edgewood with John. I've never felt so non-human in my life I really don't think that I could make it another year with this weight on me. It is killing me.
John's mother has once against expressed her opinion against my WLS. She just doesn't understand why I would take such a drastic measure to lose weight. Until you walk in my shoes I suppose no one could understand.
November 12, 1999
Today my puppy "Chuckie" was hurt. He really gave John and I quite a scare. He was playing with his favorite ball and suddenly squealed in dire pain. John was with him and saw that his right hind leg was spread out. John thought maybe he broke it. John took him to the 24 hour veterinary clinic and it turns out that our Chuckie has hip displasia and a heart murmur. I guess his breed (Cavalier King Charles spaniel) are known for heart problems and also smaller breeds can have hip problems. Anyhow he was sent home on pain killers. I think he is feeling better because he charmed me out of vanilla ice cream and a Wendys burger. LOL I can't imagine not having him around even if he has only been a part of our family for 8 months.
November 14, 1999
Twenty-one more days until surgery. It seems so near yet it seems like an eternity away. I have to get my checklist together for the hospital and a list together for what to have when I get home. That should keep me a little busy this week. Lately I have been thinking about all the foods I won't be able to have for a while. I didn't think I would start mourning the loss of the food before the operation. I think maybe I'll get good psychological help along with the surgery. I definitely want to be a success and not be a basket case in the process.
November 16, 1999
I've been trying to put together a list of what I have to bring to the hospital for my stay there. I've got most everything I need except for a neck pillow. I don't know where to pick one up at but I'll find it this weekend hopefully. I think I'll be going to Dr. Vanguri's WLS Support meeting this Sunday, 11/21. I am compiling a list of questions to ask at the meeting. I am curious as to whether he uses 4 rows of staples or one row of staple on the staple line. I've read that 4 is the best to avoid any leakage. The last thing I want is to rip the staple line! I only have 2.5 weeks to go until surgery day. Sometimes it seems so far away and other times it seems like its coming way to fast. I rarely allow myself to think about a slim me because I still can't imagine what I would look like nor what it would be like to be slim. I've always been a fat girl. I'm not saying I want to stay fat, I'm just saying that it will be an adjustment for me. One that I am willing to accept :) In the meantime I am praying real hard for my cyberfriends, Jen, Lonnie and Carol. They are trying so hard to get approval from the insurance company for the surgery. I think that they will get approval. I only hope it is soon. The waiting is the hardest part of this whole thing as a pre-op. Not knowing sucks.
November 23, 1999
I went to Dr. Vanguri's office today for John's appointment. It seems like he is serious about having WLS himself. While I was there my PCP's receptionist was there. She is in the beginning stages of having WLS. I also met her husband. I now have an appointment with the Nutritionist on November 30th at 5 o'clock. That morning I also have to go to Franklin Square Hospital for blood work up. I'm ready. I just want to get it all over with and begin my healthy way of life. Oh, something cool, the nurse at Dr. V's office daughter had RNY 5 years ago because she had to lose weight and wanted to get pregnant. After the surgery she had TRIPLETS plus one more last year. It really gives me hope that in another 18 months or so I will get pregnant. That is one of the major goals for me. I will be so happy to be a mother someday. God willing.
November 24, 1999
Had my pre-op test today. Dr. Lippman says everything seems normal. Gosh, just two more appointments and then my surgery date. What a journey!
November 25, 1999
HAPPY THANKSGIVING! As expected, I ate like it was my last meal at my Mom's house. We had a full buffet of turkey and the fixings that go along with them. I am truly thankful today for my husband, family and my chance to start a new healthy life in 2000.
November 30, 1999
REALITY HITS! Today I went for my final pre-op tests before surgery. I had the type cross check and met with the Anesthesiologist. I also met with the Nutritionist and had a final meeting with Dr. Vanguri before my surgery on Monday. My husband, John, was with me the entire time and gave his unconditional support. I have to tell you and the world that I am more in love with John than ever. This man has showed me more love than I've ever known in all my life. Oh My God, this is so REAL to me now. I was told how the surgery would proceed before and after surgery. I got a call from my bestest Cyber friend, Jen, in California tonight. She is just the sweetest person in the world and if anyone deserves to be approved for this surgery it is Jen. Jen is ready for her Angel duty as well as Sandi who will be my Angel for the OSSG-Millenium and the Flock of Angels list. I will write once again on Sunday night before surgery. It's been a very tiring day.
December 2, 1999
Just four short days until my surgery. John and I are going to be keeping busy this weekend since it probably will be a long time before I can really enjoy going out and pigging out. I actually am so glad that I won't be able to do it again. We are going to a pool party on Saturday. No, we're not crazy, it's an indoor pool party. Afterwards for my "last meal" we are going to Cracker Barrel for dinner. I'll have to report in this journal how it will feel to have that so-called meal knowing that I will never eat the same again.
December 3, 1999
GOOD NEWS! My "Angel" friend has been APPROVED for surgery! I am so happy for her. She deserves the best. She does so much for so many and it is her time now. If you read this, congratulations Jen. Love you!
