MNJO, Part 1

[The Gang is sitting around in Anakin's apartment watching the Snow Show, except for Ani and Padmé. Anakin is standing in front of the fridge, and is just taking a long swig of Pepsi out of a 2-ltr. bottle when Padmé enters.]

Padmé: [sarcastically] How... refined.
Anakin: Uh. Padmé, hi. Want something to drink?
Padmé: With or without backwash? [Takes Pepsi bottle and looks at picture.] You were such a cute kid... what happened?
Anakin: Well, there were these two chicks, see, and -

[Obi-Wan enters.]

Obi-Wan: Ah, the lovely Padmé. [Reaches to kiss Padmé's hand. Ani slaps it away.]
Anakin: You hittin' on my girlfriend again?
Kendra: [from couch] Aaahhh... Jedi anger.
Others: Shut up!
Padmé: How come you've still got Pepsi with your picture on it? They haven't made it in months!
Obi-Wan: Are you kidding? [Walks over to the cupboards and throws the doors open, showing that all the kitchen storage space is given over to Anakin Pepsi cans and bottles.] He laid in a 2-year supply! What an ego!
Anakin: Through making me look bad in front of my woman, smeghead?
Obi-Wan: [pulls out a Naboo Anakin action figure and starts making babytalk to it] Izzums pwecious widdle kiddy! Look! [Thrusts it at Padmé] He wants to be just wike Unkie Obi-Wan! [Turns back to the real Anakin.] There. Now I'm done.
Padmé: So, what are we doing tonight?
Obi-Wan: Well, we were going to go cruising...
Anakin: But Padawimp here couldn't get Qui-Gon's speeder.
Padmé: Smeg.
Anakin: I could build one!
Padmé: Uh-oh. [Changing the subject] Guys, let's just go to Chewie's. We can talk there, and Chewie actually PAYS his cable bill.


[The Gang is at Chewie's. There's no wrestling on tonight, so Chewie turned the TV to a Wookiee soap opera, which Padmé is watching intently.]

Anakin: Padme...
Padmé: SSSsssshhh! I'm watching this!
Anakin: [muttering] But it's subtitled...
Padmé: Arrrkana's about to drop the wroshyr louse on Gorrotuk. Sshhh!

[They watch as the young male Wookiee gets a head full of blue goo.]

Padmé: Aaahhh, true love!
Anakin: Eeyew, lice guts!

[The show goes to a commercial for some alien hygiene product Anakin doesn't even want to think about. Padme turns toward him.]

Padmé: So, what was so important?
Anakin: I was just talking to Wedge over there [motions]. He said Mara Jade told him about a cheap speeder for sale near where she lives.
Obi-Wan: But that's in the main continuity!
Anakin: Not to mention forty years in th-
Padmé: SHUT UP!!! The show's starting again!
Anakin:: [mumbles] She's never like that with the Snow Show.

[Obi-Wan and Anakin walk away to where they can talk.]

Obi-Wan: How are we going to TIME TRAVEL?!
Anakin: I can think of one way. [He motions toward Padme.] Her clos-
Obi-Wan: NO. You're not getting me in THERE again!
Anakin: Relax, Padawimp! Mara's coming with us. We leave bright and early tomorrow morning. Eleven-thirty.
Obi-Wan: [chuckles at Anakin's definition of "bright and early"] All right. After all, what could happen if Mara Jade's with us?

[They leave Chewie's. The camera lingers on Mara standing over the back of a mean-looking biker, the sort who looks like he showers twice a decade, while another gets away from the bar and Mara just as fast as he can limp.]

[The next day, Ani, Obi and Mara enter Padmé's apartment. Mara is pulling Obi-Wan along by his Padawan braid.]

Mara: These things are so convenient. I'll have to get the Solo kids to do that with their hair.
Padmé: [turns toward Mara] Hi - I wasn't expecting you so soon. I just got a delivery.

[The doors to the Wardrobe are open and there are clothes all over the bed. Padmé is trying outfits on 5 freshly delivered clones. We can tell they're new because they are all wearing gray jumpsuits with receipts stapled to the front and "Property of Spaarti Cloning Centers" stenciled on the backs.]

Padmé: [motions] Just go on in.
Obi-Wan: No! I don'wanna! NNNNNNOOOOOOO!!!! [He grabs a new clone by the jumpsuit sleeve]
Padmé: Hey! There's a ten-credit deposit on that jumpsuit!

[Ani unhooks Obi-Wan's grasp on the sleeve and frogmarches him into the Wardrobe.]

Anakin: C'mon, Ferret Face!
Mara: I'd better go, too.
Padmé: Wait! [Holds up two outfits.] Do you think #675 would look better in peach or burgundy?
Mara: Hmmmmm....

[The guys are inside the central section of the Wardrobe - this part looks like a very large, very upscale looking mall. Other than them, all shoppers and staff are Amidala clones, except for a converted droideka with a mop in each hand and a holographic "WET FLOOR" sign coming from where the shield projector used to be.
The guys are studying a "You Are Here" map in a lighted kiosk.]

Anakin: Hmmm. We Are Here. There's the Winter Wear section- Narnia's through there.
Obi-Wan: Calm blue ocean. Calm blue ocean.
Anakin: No, that's past Swimwear, according to this. The future should be past the Techno-Look section. When's the next tram due?
Obi-Wan: THEY RUN TRAMS THROUGH HERE?!? A CLOSET!?!

[The "tram" pulls up. It is actually a full-size city bus, driven by a battledroid and full of Amidala clones.]

Obi-Wan: NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! [takes a breath] OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

[Obi runs away VERY fast, screaming. Ani follows him on foot.]

TO BE CONTINUED

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