Operation: Earthtones

OR

The Ep Where Padmé Doesn't Buy any Clothes, but Obi-Wan Buys Lots

[The Gang sits in the apartment. As usual, the Snow Show is on, but nobody's really watching. Anakin is mysteriously not hanging around. His amigos are starting to wonder where he is, when he bursts into the apartment.]

JeSi: wHeR3'v3 U been?
Anakin: Look what I got!

[He holds up the keys to Qui-Gon's speeder.]

Obi-Wan: How did you manage that?!
Anakin: I have no idea! The Old Man must have been struck suddenly with a case of step-fatherly love or something. I didn't even have to ask!
Padmé: Kickass! Let's go do something!
Obi-Wan: Yeah! ... What? Where?
Kendra: Let's go to the mall.
Anakin: The mall? Blah.

[She glances at Anakin, then turns to Obi-Wan.]

Kendra: Obi?

[Obi-Wan sighs, and Snuggly-Bunnys Anakin.]

Anakin: Smeg. Ok, let's go. But I'm driving.

[Everyone else exchanges glances.]

[Coruscant Mall. The mall is huge. It's as big as a small country, and yet has very little parking space. Anakin Force-blasts a few cars, and finds a spot. The Gang heads into the mall.]

JeSi: DAmN, th1Z p|Ac3 iZ hugE!!
Padmé: Let's grab a cup of coffee and figure out where we're going.

[They head for the Second Cup. They find the iced expressos remarkably tasty, and everyone has a few. While getting a major coffeebuzz, they discover that nobody wants to do the same thing.]

Kendra: Obi, let's go clothes shopping. We can find you some non-Jedi stuff.
Obi-Wan: Uh? Non-Jedi? As in... Sithy?
Kendra: Well, we can get you some khakis or something then. [She rolls her eyes.] Earthtones.
Obi-Wan: 'Kay. Bye guys!

[They go off.]

Anakin: Well, what do we do? Shop?
Padmé: I don't really feel like shopping.
JeSi: U d0N'T f3e| L1Ke shoppIng?!
Padmé: Let's just run around and get into trouble.
JeSi & Anakin: Cool!

[The Gap: Obi-Wan looks around, rapidly, as the caffeine does things to him. Kendra hands him a huge pile of khakis.]

Kendra: Here, try these on.

[Obi-Wan sighs. It's going to be a loong day.]

[1 hour later: Obi-Wan struggles under the weight of Gap shopping bags. Kendra walks along, searching out the next store. Obi-Wan spots JeSi.]

Obi-Wan: Hey JeSi. Um... where's Padmé and Skywalker?

[JeSi points up. Obi-Wan blinks, then looks up. He is startled to see Padmé hanging upside down via climbing rope and harness. He spots Anakin rapelling down from the third floor.]

Obi-Wan: What the - ?
JeSi: we W3nt To TH3 0Utdo0rs outfitterz.
Kendra: C'mon, Obi! I spotted another great store!

[Obi-Wan moans.]

Anakin: [calling from the third floor railing] See ya later, chump!

[Obi-Wan sighs as Kendra hands him a stack of sweaters and points him in the direction of the changing rooms]

[Padmé, Anakin and JeSi stand in front of a window, eyes wide and expressions of glee on their faces.]

Padmé: Guys, we have got to get those!
JeSi: wE'R3 iN A mall. Az 1f we CaN usE '3m.
Anakin: Dude, we've got tons of rope. [He hefts a coil of climbing rope.] All we gotta do is scout out some shopping carts...

[Obi-Wan and Kendra leave yet another department store. They hear the radio playing Hang Ten by Edwin. Obi-Wan glances in windows, and looks up in time to see his three friends zoom by, standing on what appears to be shopping carts with surfboards tied to the tops. They sing at the top of their lungs along with the song.]

Edwin/Gang: Peace, love, hang 10, California...

[Obi-Wan blinks. He turns to Kendra.]

Obi-Wan: Please tell me you saw that too.
Kendra: [stunned] Uh-huh.
Obi-Wan: Good. I'm not going crazy.
Kendra: Uh-huh.
Obi-Wan: Cuz I just saw...
Kendra: Yeah, I know.

[She pauses for a second.]

Kendra: Hey, here's a dumb question. If Tatooine is one big desert, how does Anakin know how to surf?

[Obi-Wan blinks and shakes his head.]

[Much much later:]
[Kendra grins as she takes in the sight of the huge pile of shopping bags that have amassed beside Qui-Gon's speeder. As an added bonus, Obi-Wan is fuming because the other three are late, and Anakin has the keys. She looks up as she hears a familiar "Whoo hoo!" Obi-Wan looks around and stares in disbelief. JeSi carries three surfboards under his arm, and in his other hand he carries a large cup of coffee. Anakin pushes a shopping cart, loaded with climbing rope. Padmé sits in the cart, holding two more cups of coffee.]

Obi-Wan: Oh, good lord.
Anakin: Look what I bought at Wal-mart for $20!

[Kendra, Padmé and JeSi burst out in laughter.]

JeSi: 1 tHInk we sHOuld tak3 h3r bacK. Sh3'Z Broken 0r s0m3thInG, CUz sH3 kE3pz SaYing sH3'z thE qu3en of NaboO - 0uch!

[Padmé smacks him.]

Obi-Wan: ...

[Qui-Gon looks out the window of his apartment in time to see his speeder screech to a halt. He blinks and does a double-take as he sees the shopping cart tied to the roof with climbing rope. Silently, he vows never to let his young charges go shopping again.]

THE END

BACK TO SPECIALS
BACK TO MAIN