Episode 1
Smells
17 Sep 91

Forever baffled by their lack of success with women, Eddie and Richie stumble upon an advert for pheremone sex spray which apparently, when added liberally to one's clothing, will have them fighting off the females. After a rather tricky visit to a sex shop for their passion potion, they head off to the pub to try their luck, undeterred by such small hindrances like violent husbands and "incurable" lesbians.

Harriet Thorpe - Cracking Bit of Crumpet

Clive Mantle - Cracking Bit of Crumpet's Husband

Carla Mendonca and Cindy Shelley - The Lesbians

Kevin McNally - The Sex Shop Owner.

Episode 2
Gas
24 Sep 91

The secret behind Eddie and Richie's cosy, warm flat is a highly illegal pipe connecting them to their neighbour Mr Rottweiler's gas supply, so when the gasman calls for a routine meter reading, they resort to desperate measures to deter him from going next door. Then there's the small matter of getting the pipe disconnected, a task made more arduous by the presence of a semi-naked woman in Rottweiler's bed.

Mark Lambert - The Gasman

Brian Glover - Rottweiler

Gabi Valenti - Rottweiler's Girlfriend

Episode 3
Contest
30 Sep 91

Eddie and Richie have no money after Eddie decides that a second hand copy of a soft-porn magazine is a far greater necessity than food. Neither can stomach the self-sufficient meal which Richie cooks up and when an argument ensues over what to watch on TV, Eddie is thrown out of the flat, only to blackmail his way back in when he catches Richie removing his trousers and "limbering up" with Miss World on the TV. Eddie's revelation that he put a huge wager on the outcome of the competition has them dreaming of dusky maidens and paradise islands, but did he have an ulterior motive for saying this?

Episode 4
Apocalypse
7 Oct 91

The duo's days of penny-pinching are temporarily over, with Richie's wealthy Auntie Olga leaving him £600 in her will. When half the money goes missing at a local fairground, Eddie and Richie hide in a fortune teller's tent to escape the stallholders he had just accused, and she puts a death curse on him. Richie spends three days in self-enforced solitary confinement to avoid his fate but then suspects Eddie and throws him out. When the duration of the curse elapses, Richie feels safe again - but Eddie has other ideas.

Mark Arden - The Rifle Stallholder,

 Liz Smith - The Fortune Teller,

 Helen Lederer - The Nurse, 

Roger Brierley - Sir Roger Cobham OBE

 Nick Gillard - The Man at the Hospital

Episode 5
's Up
14 Oct 91

Foul-mouthed landlord Mr Harrison asks Eddie and Richie to mind his shop for him while he attends his mother's funeral. Richie then succeeds in insulting three customers before deciding to join Eddie on the roof with the contents of the shop's cake stand while watching a local cricket match. They become stranded on the roof, just as the shop is being looted...

Roger Sloman - Harrison, 

Michael Redfern - Cooper,

 John Wells - The Doctor, 

Evie Garrett  - The Old Lady

Episode 6
Accident
28 Oct 91

Richie gets his usual "bumper crop of cards" on his birthday from a variety of celebrities and war veterans, though sadly they are all in his handwriting, as usual. He allows Eddie to invite Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog to his party, though nearly misses the big event when he breaks his leg while putting decorations up. None of his "close chums" attend and Richie manages to break his other leg careering downstairs in his wheelchair. Eddie invites the pub regulars round to join the party while Richie is in casualty, but on the birthday boy's arrival back home, he gets more from the guests than he bargained for.

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Series 2

Episode 1
Digger
01/10/92

Their desperation for female company at a an all-time high, Richie and Eddie enrol at a dating agency to try to find their first conquest. Eddie has no luck but Richie, having conned the firm into thinking he's the Duke of Kidderminster and an eccentric millionnaire, finds himself donning his tuxedo for the visit of a gold-digging Moldavian aristocrat, employing a suspicious Eddie as Jives the butler. Incredibly, the scheming toff who turns up accepts Richie's impetuous offers of marriage and sexual intercourse, though his shock at the prospect of a definite legover at last somehow overpowers his glee and he suffers a coronary. Eddie is only too happy to step in.

Helen Lederer - Lady Natasha Letitia Sarah Jane Wellesley Obstromsky Ponsonsky Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Oblomar Boblomov Dob, 

Lisa Maxwell - The Dating Agency Lady

 Kelly Hunter - The Charity Collector.

Episode 2
Culture
08/10/92

The bailiffs from Rumbelows have seized the TV after Richie spent the rental money on sexual services so the duo have to find alternative means of entertainment, settling eventually on a game of chess, though a plastic Spiderman and a ketchup holder are among the odd recruits to the board to make up for the missing pieces. Richie is determined to make sure that the mood is right for the big game with accompanying foodstuffs, cocktails and clothing sought before he finally settles down for the clash. Then he realises he doesn't actually know the rules of the game...

Episode 3
Burglary
15/10/92

Richie and Eddie are just going to bed when an almighty crash downstairs results in them collaring a burglar. They gag him and attach him to a chair with Sellotape before phoning the police, only to cut short the call when they see the raider's stash, inspiring dreams of a paradise lifestyle. They decide to kill the burglar, but his mate comes back to rescue him and finish the job, robbing the duo of all their belongings, their clothes and, thanks to a couple of inconveniently-placed mousetraps, their virility.

Paul Bradley - The Burglar

Rupert Bates - The Burglar's Mate,

Jonathan Stratt  - The Policeman.

Episode 4
Parade
22/10/92

With eight quid each earned from appearing in an ID parade, Richie and Eddie head for the Lamb and Flag. A faux-pas about his phoney Falklands exploits gets Richie into a difficult conversation with a real veteran, who sports a valuable false leg. The local bookie then lets slip about a dead-cert outsider in a race, inspiring the duo to get the veteran drunk in order to remove the leg, pawn it and place the bet. The horse is shot mid-race, forcing Richie and Eddie to mug someone in the pub toilets to try to get the money back to retrieve the limb. Sadly, they find themselves back where they started after mugging the wrong person.

Robert Llewellyn - The War Veteran

Chris Langham - The Bookie,

Julia Sawalha - The Barmaid

 Patsy Rowlands - Lil Potato

Andy De La Tour - The Chief Inspector

Brian Croucher - The Pawnbroker

 Robert McKewley The Policeman

 Robert Ashe The Cashier

 Roy Heather - The Punter

 Rory Bremner The Commentator.

Episode 5
Holy
29/10/92

Christmas time in Hammersmith and Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog turn up at the house for Christmas dinner, which consists of plate-smashing potatoes, a decomposed turkey and a Christmas pudding so richly laced with vodka margarine that Eddie is forced to make urgent use of the fire extinguisher. The lack of food and entertainment is soon forgotten when Richie finds an abandoned baby on the doorstep and comes to the conclusion that the child is, in fact, the second coming of Christ, with him as Mary and the other three, all handily wearing paper hats, as the Three Wise Men. He is a little disappointed when the tot's true identity is established, but that doesn't stop the duo getting an unexpectedly pleasant festive eyeful.

Roger Sloman - Mr. Harrison

Tina Foley - Mr. Harrison's Daughter

Charlie Biddle -The Baby.

Episode 6
's Out
10/04/95

A bizarre bet in the pub sees Richie and Eddie trying to spend a week on Wimbledon Common, sharing a remarkably small tent with only a packet of chocolate HobNobs as sustenance, most of which then end up in the pond. A flasher and a thunderstorm adds further to their woes but Eddie's decision not to pack a sleeping bag, despite the weather and the fragility of their shelter, ultimately proves a wise one.

Rupert Bates - The Flasher.

Series 3

Episode 1
Hole
6 Jan 95

Richie and Eddie find themselves trapped at the top of a Ferris wheel when the owners conveniently leave them behind and close for the night. When Eddie, wearing someone's skirt after a trouser accident in the ghost train, realises the wheel is due to be detonated the next morning, the pair look for various ways to get down before the explosives are installed. After succeeding in setting fire to their carriage and making it hang from just one hook, it seems that divine intervention has saved them. Then they remember their atheism.

Episode 2
Terror
13 Jan 95

Eddie has a staff inserted violently into his genitals by three miniature Satans who are mildly peeved at his ambivalent attitude towards their traditional Hallowe'en night Trick or Treat visit.Richie decides there can be money made out of such activity but then decides instead to hold a private party, mainly because the electric cattle prod intended to frighten householders keeps making him soil his tights. With Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog's help, the four eat a lethal dish called Sprout Mexicane as part of a ritual diabolism ceremony in an attempt to raise the Devil, which succeeds in doing little other than incinerating the sofa. Satan finally puts in a visit, but only because Hedgehog's curfew has elapsed.

Lisa Coleman - Doreen,

Paul Ballard, Simon Coray and Mahommed George - The Little Devils.

Episode 3
Break
20 Jan 95

Richie and Eddie are looking forward to a pleasant break in sunny Doncaster but become concerned about their lack of masculinity when it comes to the issue of holiday romances and decide to get fit. An attempt at liposuction with the help of a vacuum cleaner fails miserably and even the prospect of peeking at a nude photograph of Desmond Lynam stuck to the bottom of the fridge can't help them lift it. Eventually Eddie decides he has a better use for the holiday money down the Lamp and Flag and a frustrated Richie decides to have another bash at getting a gander at Desmond's bits while Eddie lies unconscious on the floor. But once he manages to raise the fridge, he falls victim to another elaborate Eddie con.

John Abbott  - The Mormon

Jo-Anne Stockholm - The Woman of Dubious Morals in the Fridge.

Episode 4
Dough
27 Jan 95

Eddie's money forging scam runs into problems when he passes a dodgy note to Dick who immediately grasses on them to Skullcrusher Henderson, the master counterfeiter of old London town. He demands £5,000 from Richie, Eddie, Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog before the end of the day or he'll live up to his nickname. The quartet enter that night's pub quiz - first prize £5,000 - against teams made up of nurses, students, detectives and drinkers from a rival pub. Eddie dispenses with the other teams thanks to his knowledge of dodgy electrics but still they can't win, even as the only team competing, until Dick gets bored and hands over the cash. Problem is, the wad is made up of Skullcrusher's own creations, and he's just arrived to collect his stash.

Lucy Benjamin -  The Nurse

Robert McKewley and Amy Marsden - The Students

Peter Geeves, Chris Sanders and Raymond Sawyer - The CID officers

Dominic Snowdon and Colin Wyatt - The Rival Pub Team

Nick Scott - Skullcrusher.

Episode 5
Finger
3 Feb 95

Eddie's stint as umpire at Cannonball Taffy O'Jones' stag cricket match puts him in possession of his honeymoon tickets at a swanky hotel in Wolverhampton. The duo steal O'Jones' car to get to their destination and Eddie turns transvestite so they can pass themselves off as newlyweds. Richie fails to lure a maid into the shower and clears the restaurant in one fell swoop with his dodgy Leonard Rossiter impression, while Eddie manages to flirt with a barman who enjoys touching his fake breasts, despite the fact they are on his back after a mix-up with the fitting. They seem to be getting away with the scam - until the real couple arrive.

Victor Spinetti - Maitre D

 Kevin Allen - The Barman

Gareth Marks - The Receptionist

Caroline Gruber - The Maid

 Rupert Rainsford  - The Waiter

 Sue Scott-Davison - The Woman in the Ladies loo.

There was also a porter who had a speaking part, but was not mentioned in the credits.

Episode 6
Carnival
10 Feb 95

The Hammersmith Carnival pays its annual visit and as ever, Richie and Eddie watch the mayhem ensue as the crowd and participants set fire to the street and loot the shops. Eddie manages to acquire several illicit video recorders and complete with the camera Richie nicked from a film crew, they decide to do some filming of their own. When they complete their recording, they decide to watch it back on the VCR Eddie has taken nearly a year to install, only to discover there is already a tape inside featuring some rather kinky, private footage of the Prime Minister. A plan to blackmail the person in question backfires spectacularly, with the SAS finally bringing the siege, and the series, to a bloody end.