Younger men are so... Part 1 : Introductions An Elseworlds Episode I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy. I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need. -Savage garden, truly madly deeply ***************************************************************** (The Tendo household exploded, a wave of tears flooding out every window and door on the first floor. The explosion was followed by screams. Akane and Nabiki Tendo rushed down from their rooms to find their father, Soun Tendo, crying his heart out in a corner. Their oldest sister, Kasumi Tendo, was pouring bucket after bucket of water out a nearby window with grace that could have been compared to swans and angels. For some reason, she is not wet, even though she is at the source of the water works.) Akane: Father! What is it? What's happening? Soun: I'm so happy! My good friend Genma Saotome is returning with his son Ranma, from China! Our families will be united at last!! (Akane, Nabiki and Kasumi look at each other. The dreaded day had come. The future husband for one of them was coming. Their father had told them, time and again about what was in store for one of them when Ranma came, and now, he was actually coming.) Kasumi: I hope he's not young. Younger men are just so... young. Nabiki: I hope he's not poor. Poor men are just so... poor. Akane: This is so unfair! Why do we have to marry someone we haven't even met yet?!? (Of the three sisters, Akane is least looking forward to it, and her sisters know this.) Kasumi: (quietly) I hope that he's older, so then I can marry him, so Akane-chan and Nabiki-chan won't need to. They are too young to be tied down. Akane: (overhears) Onee-chan, don't talk like that. You don't need to sacrifice your choice of husband for us. (Thought) Although that means I don't have to marry some pig-headed male, it isn't fair for Onee. (There is a thumping at the door, and the Tendo family go to the door, opening it. There is a giant panda, and a red-headed girl standing there, soaked from Soun's earlier flood of tears. The panda has a death grip on the girl's shoulder.) Girl: (giving exasperated sigh) I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this. Soun: (lower lip trembling as tears threaten) My boy, you're finally here!! (Rushes to hug him) Oh, I have waited for this day. (suddenly realizes something is wrong and lets go of boy) Erk... Nabiki: (examining girl closely) Daddy, Ranma isn't a boy. She's a girl! Are you sure we're suppose to marry her?? Soun: Well, when Genma said son, I assumed it meant Ranma was a boy... Akane: (relieved) Come on, guys. Don't be mean to her just because you thought she was suppose to be a guy. (Looks at girl) You're Ranma, right? Wanna go practice?? Ranma: (surprised at offer) Well, okay! (two go off). ***************************************************************** (Ranma and Akane are fighting, but Akane just can't seem to hit Ranma. Ranma, on the other hand, isn't even TRYING to hit Akane.) Akane: ARRGH!!! (Charges into wall, punching a hole in it while Ranma flips over her head. Ranma taps Akane on the back of the head.) Akane: (turning around, laughing.) Hey, you're pretty good! Ranma: I try. Akane: It's a good thing you're a girl. Ranma:... Uh, why is that? Akane: Cause I wouldn't be able to stand losing to a boy. Ranma:... Akane: (sticks out hand) Friends? Ranma: (after a moment, shakes hand) Friends. ***************************************************************** (Nabiki and Kasumi wonder why they Soun and a man they have not seen before are discussing about marriage.) Nabiki: Hey, Kasumi, why is Dad and that guy talking about getting married to Ranma?? Did Dad flip? Kasumi: I don't know, Nabiki. Perhaps we have a long lost brother who will marry Ranma?? (Before the sisters have any more time to speculate, Akane runs down the stairs and lifts the table over her head.) Akane: I'll DROWN him in the bathtub!!! (Runs up stairs with table in hands) Kasumi: Akane, be careful! Don't leave any wooden splinters in the bath tub, remember last time that happened? (A boy who looks suspiciously like Ranma runs down the stairs with Akane after him.) Boy: Cut that out!! It was just a misunderstanding!!! ***************************************************************** Soun: So, hot water reverses the curse! Your problem isn't so bad after all, my boy! (motions to Kasumi, Nabiki and Akane) Here, my daughters. Kasumi, 19. Nabiki, 17. Akane, 16. Choose your pick! Ranma: Erk... uh....um... I don't... make good decisions on an empty stomach... Kasumi: Oh! I'll go get you a snack. (Leaves. Akane and Nabiki look longingly after their older sister.) Nabiki: (quickly grabs Akane). Here, Ranma! Akane would be your best choice! You two have so much in common, after all you both like to fight! Akane: What?! Why me?! Nabiki: Well, you know how you hate boys. Well, you're in luck, this boy is half girl! You'd make a great couple! Akane: Nabiki, he's a couple with himself! I absolutely REFUSE to marry him!!! (shoots a glare at Ranma) So don't even THINK about picking ME!! Ranma: Don't worry. Why would I want an un-cute tomboy like you to be my fiancee? Akane: (picks up table) Dare to say that again?! Soun: Please, Akane! You can knock out Ranma later! Right now, he must pick his bride! Come Ranma, do you choose Kasumi, Nabiki or Akane? Ranma: Erk... do I have to choose? Genma: If you don't, boy, I will. Akane, you're it! Akane & Ranma: No!!! Why'd you have to choose her/me?!? (Akane re-aims table at Genma) Genma: (Thought) I don't want a face full of table. Next choice. (Speaks) Nabiki, you're it! Nabiki: (a look of pure horror washes over her face before being replaced by her usual calmness) Fine. Are you sure you want me? I demand a huge wedding, luxury cars, lots of servants, monthly vacations and tons of cash. I don't cook, clean or do the laundry. Ranma: Then what good are you?! (Nabiki and Akane both slam the table onto Ranma, effectively knocking him out.) Soun & Genma: So, the only choice left is... Kasumi: (comes back with food) Here's your snack, Ranma. Soun & Genma: Kasumi!! Kasumi: (turns to them) Yes? Would you like something to eat as well, Father? Saotome-san? Soun: (hugging Kasumi, who is confused) My little baby is growing up!! She's getting married!! (sets Kasumi down so that he can cry.) Genma: (looks proud, turns to Ranma, who just woke up again) Congratulations, my boy! Fine choice! Fine choice! Ranma: But I didn't even have a choice!! Genma: A good choice!! Look, Kasumi cooks and cleans! What else do you want in a woman?? Ranma: But she's three years older than me!! Genma: (acting sagely) Age does not matter in true love. Ranma: But she's not my true love! (Just then, Genma and Soun push Kasumi and Ranma together. Ranma just blinks and Kasumi blushes.) Kasumi: Well... My name is Kasumi Tendo... I guess I'll be your wife for the rest of your life... (thought) He's... younger than I thought my husband would be...But at least Akane and Nabiki don't have to get married... (Unknown to Kasumi, her thoughts are plain as day on her face and Akane sees this. She gets guilty, but doesn't say anything, because she really doesn't want to get married.) ***************************************************************** (It is the next morning, and Nabiki and Akane are getting ready for school. Soun and Genma advised (demanded) that Kasumi and Ranma get to know each other, so they must spend at least half an hour together everyday, which is why they're in the kitchen, talking, while Kasumi is making food.) Ranma: (uncomfortable) So... you like to cook? Kasumi: Well, I've been cooking for a long time, and I've gotten rather used to it. Ranma: (confused) So is that a yes or no? Kasumi: (thoughtful) I suppose it's a yes, although being a cook would not be my first choice in profession. I've always wanted to be a doctor, since Mother fell ill. Which reminds me, I should return that book I borrowed back to Dr. Tofuu. Ranma: So, if you want to be a doctor, what are you doing at home cooking? Shouldn't you go to school or something? Kasumi: This family does not have a lot of money, Ranma. I can't go to study medicine. Besides, someone needs to stay home and take care of the family. (pauses) What do you want to do when you grow up? Ranma: Ha! I'm already what I want to be! A champion martial artist. (beaming with pride as he strikes a pose.) First thing I'm gonna do as soon as I can, is go back to China, and find a cure for this stupid curse. Kasumi: That is a good dream. You'd better go to school now. (calling) Akane! Can you bring Ranma to school please? Akane: (comes in) All right. (Turns to go.) Well, are you coming or not?! Ranma: Yeah, yeah. Calm down. We have time, tomboy. Akane: I am NOT a tomboy, you HENTAI!! Ranma: I am NOT a HENTAI!! You un-cute, un-feminine tomboy!! (Akane chases Ranma out the door, leaving Kasumi to her thoughts.) Kasumi: (thought) A fitting pair. (Suddenly, a small version of Kasumi wearing tight leather pants, a halter top, a belly ring, and a nose ring with horns on her forehead appear on her left shoulder. A small version of Kasumi like she normally is appears on her right shoulder.) Bad-Kasumi: I'm out!! I'm free!! At last, time for some fun!! You've buried me for long enough, Kasumi Tendo! For 19 years! Finally! I'm free!! Good-Kasumi: Oh my. Why did you have to come? We are so happy with out you. Bad-Kasumi: (ignoring good-Kasumi) and I owe it all to that Ranma boy! The resentment, the anger... everything was adding up, and then this forced marriage thing finally set it off! Ahahaha!! (tugs Kasumi's ear lob) Come on, why don't you throw that knife into a wall? Akane always does... Good-Kasumi: But Akane does that when she practices. Don't do it, Kasumi!! (Tears of frustration pour down Kasumi's face. Years of suppressed anger and bitterness erupt. Her mother's death... Not being able to be a doctor... the stress of taking care of a family... and now, a forced marriage...) Kasumi: AARGH!!! (Throws butcher's knife across room and into a wall. The blade goes all the way in, up to the handle. Kasumi gives a smile of satisfaction, wiping away the tears.) Bad-Kasumi: Yes!! Alright, next thing on the agenda... Hey, wait a minute, what's happening?! (Kasumi's anger is being replaced by happiness and joy. Bad- Kasumi is fading away.) Bad-Kasumi: (fading) No!!! 19 years!! 19 years!! I'll be 38 before I come out again! All the anger, gone just like that?! How can this be?! Good-Kasumi: (smiling) Kasumi just is that way. You'll never corrupt her, so just forget it. I'm surprised you're even here! I'll have to work with Kasumi so you'll never appear again. Bye now. Bad-Kasumi: (still fading) Noooo!! Why did I have to be Kasumi's bad conscience?! This is so hard! Why couldn't I get Shampoo or Kodachi?!? Nooo!!! (gone) Good-Kasumi: (gently) I know you've sacrificed a lot... but just hang in there. Your patience and loving nature will be paid off soon. (Poofs out) (Kasumi grabs the knife out of the wall and starts about her daily chores.) ***************************************************************** (Ranma-chan and Akane are at Dr Tofuu's clinic, although he's not in the same room as them.) Ranma-chan: (grumbling) Do people in Nerima ALWAYS throw water on people passing by?! Akane: Ranma no baka!! I told you I was getting hot water, from Dr Tofuu, wasn't I?! Come on, we'll see if I can find a stove here. (exits room.) Ranma-chan: Tofuu...Tofuu... where have I heard that name before?? (A skeleton suddenly appears behind him.) Skeleton: Hello! I'm Betty-chan! Can I help you? Ranma: AAAHHH!!! Jumps up, onto a counter. (A man in his early twenties, grins up at Ranma.) Man: Sorry about that. I just couldn't resist. I'm Dr Tofuu. Can I help you with anything? Ranma: So you're Dr Tofuu! Kasumi said something about you this morning. Tofuu: (glasses fog up) K-Ka-Kasum-mi said something about me?? Me?? Kasumi?? (starts babbling incoherently. Ranma watches as Tofuu talks to Betty-chan, excitedly.) Akane: (coming in, beaming with pot of water) Dr Tofuu! (He doesn't notice her. Akane notices his glasses are fogged up. Walks up to Ranma.) Akane: You didn't, by any chance, mention Kasumi (frowns at her sister's name) to him, did you? Ranma: Maybe. Did I do something wrong? Akane: (angry) Ranma no baka!! Dr Tofuu really likes Kasumi! You even speak her name, and he goes off on cloud nine. That's really dangerous, especially since he could be working on a patient at the moment!! Ranma: (frowning) Shouldn't Kasumi had said something about Dr Tofuu liking her? Akane: She doesn't know! Ranma: Oh! So that's why she's okay with our engagement thing. Tofuu: (glasses suddenly de-fog) What?! Kasumi is engaged?! Who?! Who?! (Looks like he wants to die.) Ranma: (ignores the `no' sign Akane is giving him.) She's engaged to me. Tofuu: But...but.. you're female. Ranma: That's because I have a Jhusenkyou curse. I turn into a girl when ever I touch cold water. I turn back into a guy when I touch warm water. (grabs pot of water Akane has to demonstrate.) Tofuu: (crushed) K-Kasumi-chan... my Kasumi-chan is engaged to a hydra-transvestite... Ranma: (thoroughly insulted) Hey! I can't help it!! Is it MY fault I turn into a girl?! (ready to bash Tofuu on the head, but the Dr collapses of his own will, whimpering) Ranma: ..... (turns to Akane) Let's get to school. (grabs her and runs.) ***************************************************************** (Ranma and Akane are approaching school, when Akane hiss angrily at the mob of boys dressed in foot ball gear, boxing gloves, metal armor, etc. Ranma looks confused.) Boy: Akane-chan! I love you! Yield to me, so that I may date you!! (Akane stuffs her foot into his face as an answer.) Ranma: Hey, what's this?? Akane: (growling) stay out of this!!! Ranma: (knocking out a few people who get too close to him) Why?! What's going on?? (the two knock out the remaining people, although Akane repeatedly tells Ranma to stay out of this.) Akane: (mad) I told you to stay out of this!! Ranma: (confused, and too dumb to keep mouth shut) Okay... but... why? (Lightning cracks and an older boy wearing a kimono, holding a bokken appears.) Akane: (rolls eyes) THAT'S why. Ranma: (sizing the boy up) Him? I can take him on. Boy: You, filthy urchin! Did you assist the fair Huntress Akane at her daily combat?! Ranma: Yeah, so? Boy: Your NAME, fool! Ranma: I'm Ranma Saotome! Who are you? Boy: I am the GREAT Tatewaki Kunou, age 17! My peers know me as the Blue Thunder!! (Lightning cracks behind him.) Girl: What did he call himself?? Another Girl: Did he say Blue Thunder? Boy: When did that happen? Another Boy: Last I heard, he was calling himself Shooting Star. Kunou: Face me, Ranma Saotome! Ranma: (cracks knuckles) Your loss. Akane: Ranma, don't! He'll kill you! (The two boys face off. Kunou is obviously not fast enough to catch Ranma, as he swings his bokken around wildly, but with some degree of skill. Finally, Ranma leaps into the air and jabs Kunou in the forehead just as Kunou swings by him. The two boys separate again, and the bell rings.) Akane: No!! We're late!! (grabs Ranma) come on, baka, we half to go!! (Runs into school, dragging Ranma along by the collar. ***************************************************************** (Some time has elapse. Akane, Nabiki and Ranma are sitting under a tree. Ranma is sulking as he does not have a lunch and Nabiki's price for her lunch is way to expensive. Akane offered Ranma some of her lunch, which she had made, but after one bite, Ranma gagged it out. He is now covered with bandages and bruises. Ranma is also slightly damp.) Ranma: Baka Kunou... how dare he throw me into the pool! Nabiki: (sweetly) At least now you don't have to worry about him in girl form. Ranma: (glares at Nabiki) the LAST thing I need is some idiot falling in love with my girl side. Don't laugh at me!! This is all your fault! Why did you tell him we were living together? Nabiki: (shrugs) You ARE, now, aren't you? What's the harm in telling the truth? Besides, you have no idea how much he paid to learn that. Ranma: You've ruined my life! What will people think when they find out a GUY likes me?! Akane: Ranma's right, Nabiki. You've gone over the line. (Ranma looks surprised at Akane, agreeing with him. He does not know of her righteous nature; only thinking that she is a violent tomboy, which isn't entirely wrong...) Nabiki: (grins evilly) I don't see the point in insulting a person who could keep the SCHOOL from finding out about Ranma's curse. Ranma: (looks horrified) You wouldn't. Nabiki: Wouldn't I? Akane: Nabiki, you've black mailed Ranma enough today. Can't this wait to tomorrow? Nabiki: (shrugs and goes away) Ranma: Why did you do that?! I didn't need you to do that!! Akane: What?! I was only trying to help you!! Ranma: Who knows who Nabiki will tell by tomorrow?! I'm doomed!! Dooooomed!!! Akane: (pulls out mallet from somewhere and hits Ranma over the head with it) Shut up, Baka. (Just then, Kasumi comes in, smiling as usual, with a bag in her hand. She comes over to Akane and Ranma.) Kasumi: Konichiwa, Akane-chan, Ranma-chan. (Ranma looks uncomfortable with the title of -chan, but after making sure no one hears, calms down.) Ranma: Hey, Kasumi. Akane: Hi, Onee-chan. What are you doing here? Kasumi: (taking a box out of her bag) Ranma-chan forgot his lunch. I was only bringing it to him. Ranma: Yes!! Thanks, Kasumi. (Digs into lunch like ravaging wild cat.) Kasumi: Well, I guess I should go now. I must return this book to Dr Tofuu. (Turns to go, but bumps into a teacher.) Teacher: Why, if it isn't Kasumi Tendo, how have you been doing? Come to visit your old teachers? How's college? Kasumi: (bows) Konichiwa, Sensei. I am fine. I didn't go to college. Teacher: Didn't go to college? (snorts) What a terrible waste of a great brain. Hump. What are you doing here? Kasumi: I was just bring Ranma-chan his lunch. He forgot it his morning. Teacher: (raises eyebrow at -chan title. Ranma is choking on his food, while Akane is slapping him hard on the back) Ranma `- chan'? Kasumi: (smiling innocently) Yes, Sensei. Ranma-chan is my fiancee. Teacher: (stares at Kasumi with strange expression on his face for a long time.) Kasumi: Oh my, look at the time. I must get this book back to Dr Tofuu. Sayonara, Sensei, Akane-chan, Ranma-chan. (leaves) Teacher: (looks at Ranma, who is red from choking and from embarrassment.) Saotome, how old are you? Ranma: Er... look at the time! Better get to class! Come on, Akane. (Grabs Akane and runs.) ***************************************************************** (Dr Tofuu is pacing beside Betty-chan. His sleeve constantly catches on her skull, moving it back and forth, so that it looks like she is watching him pace.) Tofuu: What am I going to do, Betty-chan?! (Looks at skeleton, who doesn't do anything.) K-Ka-Kasumi (glasses fog up) is...is... (glasses de-fog) engaged.... I never got to tell her how I feel. It's too late... (Dr Tofuu put his head in his hands, dejected. Betty-chan looks on, expressionless) Tofuu: No... (gets more resolve) it's not too late. It can't be! I'll just tell K-Kasumi (glasses fog up) how I feel, next time she comes, and then... and then... and then what? (sighs. Glasses de-fog) Then I'll just have to see what happens next... (There is a knock on the door. Dr Tofuu knows, somehow, that it is Kasumi, and is prepared to tell her how he feels.) Tofuu: (opening door) Kasumi Tendo, I have something to tell you (door open. Kasumi smiles at him. Dr Tofuu's resolve and bones melts into a puddle. Glasses fog up.) Kasumi: Konichiwa, Dr Tofuu. I came to return your book. Did you have something to tell me? Tofuu: K-Kasumi!! What a coincidence, meeting here like this. I was just... just... (remembers Betty-chan) talking to Betty-chan about... (trails off.) Kasumi: (doesn't realize Dr Tofuu isn't done talking.) Here is your book, Dr Tofuu. (puts book into Tofuu's hands. Tofuu looks ready to die from delight and rapture at the contact.) I also baked some cookies for you. (Gives Tofuu a plate of cookies.) Tofuu: (looks at cookies, not knowing where they came from, as he was still delirious from the euphoria of touching Kasumi's hands.) Oh, look! Cookies! Would you like to join Betty-chan and I for some? (Suddenly, Betty-chan is in one hand. Tofuu puts a cookie into her mouth.) Kasumi: (smiles at Tofuu.) No thank you, Dr Tofuu. I should go home now. Sayonara. (leaves.) (Tofuu stands at the door for an undetermined amount of time. Outside, we see the sun go down. Finally, his glasses de-fog and he is back to `normal'.) Tofuu: (sits down beside Betty-chan, who still has a cookie in her mouth.) I couldn't do it, Betty-chan. I...just couldn't. (Betty-chan's mouth opens with a clack that sounds a lot like a chicken clucking. Tofuu buries head in hands again.) ***************************************************************** (After going to Dr Tofuu's, Kasumi passes a new restaurant. The sign says open, and the place looks friendly enough, so Kasumi decides to go in. The name of the restaurant is Nekohanten.) Kasumi: Hello? Is anyone here? (A girl with purple hair who looks about 16 jumps out of the kitchen, in a fighting stance. There is a scowl on her face, and a bonbori in her hand. After seeing Kasumi, she relaxes and the bonbori disappears to were Akane hides her mallets and were Genma- Panda hides his signs. A voice calls from the kitchen.) Girl: (looks at Kasumi, who is staring innocently back. Girl bites her lip as she attempts Japanese.) Who you? Kasumi: (blinks) I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. What did you say? Girl: Who you? Kasumi: My name is Kasumi Tendo. What's your name? Girl: Shampoo. Kasumi: No, dear. What's your name? Girl: Shampoo. Kasumi: (confused, wrinkle in brow) No... I don't have shampoo on my at the moment... Girl: No! Name Shampoo!! Me Shampoo!! Kasumi: (realization lights up on her face.) Oh! I see. Your name is Shampoo! Shampoo: Yes. Me Shampoo. Kasumi: I'm sorry. I didn't understand at first. Shampoo: (sighs) Kasumi: I see. You're from China. Shampoo: (Blinks) Kasumi: Shampoo: Kasumi: I guess I shouldn't tempt you to do otherwise. Shampoo: (scowls for a bit before switching languages) How Kasumi...uh...Chinese? Kasumi: I wanted to learn how to cook Chinese food, so I took a course. Unfortunately, the teacher was only speaking Chinese, so I had to take another course to learn it. Believe me, I know the troubles with learning another language. (Shampoo nods vigorously. Suddenly, she whips out a knife and throws it at Kasumi, narrowly missing her. It embeds a rat crawling up the wall behind Kasumi, into it. Kasumi stares at the rat.) Shampoo: Baka rats. Funny. Nekohanten full of rats. Inspector say get rid, but can't. (Face fell) Nekohanten close down. Baka rats. Kasumi: You have a rodent problem? Then why is the restaurant open?? Shampoo: (shakes head vigorously.) Nekohanten closed. That why Shampoo not know why Kasumi in Nekohanten. Closed. Kasumi: But your sign says you're open. Shampoo: Baka blind Mousse. Must have put sign backwards. (Goes to the sign and flips it.) There. Kasumi: Oh my. I guess I should leave now? Shampoo: Yes. Kasumi leave today. But come back tomorrow! Teach Shampoo Japanese?? Great-grandmother much busy. Mousse... Mousse baka. Shampoo no want learn from Mousse. Kasumi teach Shampoo Japanese? Please? Kasumi: (smiles) Yes. I'll come back. But I was just wondering. What did you mean by, you wanted to get groom and go back to China? Shampoo: Shampoo get married! But first, must find groom. Groom silly. Run off to Japan. So Shampoo must find. First Shampoo want to come alone. Shampoo work better by self anyway, but Great grandmother come too, so she can perform wedding ceremonies as soon as find groom. Then Mousse say Shampoo need learn Japanese, so come too, but Mousse baka. Can't teach fish to swim. Kasumi: Well, the trail of love never did run smoothly. By the way, what is your groom's name? Perhaps I could ask around for you. Shampoo: Uh... Shampoo no know what groom name is. Kasumi: Um... alright. Sayonara, Shampoo. (leaves.) Shampoo: Bai bai, Kasumi. (goes back into kitchen.) (In the kitchen, an ancient crone balanced on a long wooden staff and a teenage boy, about Shampoo's age with think glasses on his forehead are making lunch.) Shampoo: (proud) Shampoo make friend! Ancient Crone (Cologne): Friend? What do you need a friend for? We've finally pin-pointed the location of your husband. Shouldn't you go find him now?? Shampoo: (confused) But... should not Shampoo stay here, help great-grandmother with Nekohanten? Cologne: The Nekohanten is just a source of income while we stay here, Shampoo. The faster you find your husband, the fast we get out of here. Boy (Mousse): (to a chair) I'll go with you, Shampoo. Shampoo: Baka Mousse. Shampoo no need your help. Shampoo find groom herself. No want get lost. Cologne: Mousse, you stay here with me. Shampoo go find your husband. (sighs) This would be so much easier if we knew his name... ***************************************************************** (Nabiki, Ranma and Akane get home. Ranma is sulking while Nabiki looks rather amused. Akane has a smirk on her face. Kasumi is in the kitchen. Soun and Panda-Genma are playing go.) Soun: Hello Akane, Ranma. How was school? Genma-Panda: Grunt. Akane: School was fine. Ranma: Grunt. Kasumi: (sticks head out from kitchen.) Hello Akane-chan, Ranma-chan. (realizes that Ranma is not in best of moods) What's wrong, Ranma-chan? Ranma: Nothing. (Goes into dojo.) Soun and Genma Panda: (Panda has sign, while Soun says out loud) Kasumi, I think you should go cheer him up. After all, he's your fiancee. Kasumi: Yes Father. (goes to dojo. Sees Ranma attacking a punching bag.) Kasumi: (unsure of what to say) Ranma... something is wrong. Tell me what it is? Ranma: (stares at Kasumi.) Nothing is wrong. Go away. Kasumi: (doesn't really want to go.) Well... okay... (leaves silently. Ranma doesn't notice she's gone.) (Ranma punches bag for few minutes, when Akane comes into the dojo, silent. She saw her sister walking out of the dojo looking dejected, and was wondering why Kasumi looked that way and was going to go to the dojo to see what Ranma did. Ranma thinks it's still Kasumi, and spills.) Ranma: Arrgh!! Kasumi, I'm sorry for being silent, but I could NOT have had a worse day at school! First, this Kunou jerk falls in love with my girl self, then Nabiki black mails me about my secret, then I find out Akane has to fight a whole horde of guys every morning just to get to class, and to top it all off, the entire SCHOOL thinks I'm a hentai because I'm engaged to you, a girl three years older than me. (grumbles.) Akane: I'm not Kasumi. Ranma: (turns around.) Wha?? Akane: (smiles) Don't worry, Ranma. That's just the way the school is. Everyone thinks Kasumi is an angel, and anyone who isn't an angel and gets engaged to her is using her, and therefore, a hentai. Nabiki will do a lot to get money, but we can make sure she doesn't do something really, really bad. Kunou... hey, I have to deal with Kunou too, so you're not alone. (Looks at Ranma suspiciously.) Why do you care if I have to fight to get to classes? Ranma: (looks at Akane like she's a idiot.) Duh. It's because... because... well, it's just wrong. It's not right. Akane: (surprised.) Really? Gee, that's nice of you. What happened to the insensitive jerk that was Ranma this morning? Ranma: (defensive) Insensitive jerk, am I? Yeah, well, I only think it's not right because you're so weak and Kunou would beat you every single day. (doesn't notice the blue aura of anger around Akane) It would be more fair if he tied an arm around his back. No, even then you'd be outclassed... (Akane gives a scream of rage as she uses a hammer to reduce Ranma to a puddle.) Akane: BAKA!!! Ranma-Puddle: UN-CUTE!! ***************************************************************** Younger men are so... Part 2 : Suitors galore An Elseworlds Episode All these boys won't let me be, Lord have mercy on me. -Terry Clark, Poor poor me. ***************************************************************** (It is the dead of night, and a small street is deserted, except for a young man about 16 years old, wearing a yellow and black bandanna carrying a back pack, and an umbrella. We see him walk into an alley... and gets kicked out of a house on the other side of the street by an angry woman. He walks into another house, hoping for directions... and emerges from a manhole in the ground. He gives a strangle cry.) Boy: AARRGGGHH!!! Why can't I find it!! Why?! I've been searching for months on end!!! (The boy's scream awaken by a young woman, who is also about 16, sleeping in a sleeping bag underneath an okonomiyaki yatai. There is a giant spatula beside her.) Girl: (looking around) What was that? Sounds like a really upset person. (She rolls out from underneath yatai with giant spatula in hand to investigate. She sees the bandanna boy sitting on a sidewalk, looking melancholy and dejected. Walks to him.) Girl: Hey, Guy, what's wrong? Boy: (looks up) I'm... lost. Girl: Really? Where are you supposed to be? Boy: Nerima district of Tokyo. Girl: (gives a whistle) That's a long way from here. Boy: (sadly) I know. I'll never get there. Girl: Hey, if you don't mind walking, I'll take you. I'm going there myself. Boy: (lights up like a chain smoker.) Really? Oh, thank you so much!! (gets up.) Let's go! Girl: (gives a laugh) It's the middle of the night! You can wait until morning. Boy: (thinking) I'll probably end up in Antarctica if I don't go with her. (speaks) Alright. Where are you staying? Girl: Underneath the okonomiyaki yatai. Come on, do you have a sleeping bag in that bag of yours? Boy: Yes. What are you doing under a yatai?? Girl: (sadly) That's all I have now. Boy: ... (they go over to the yatai.) I understand. (unrolls a sleeping bag beside the girl's.) Why are you going to Nerima? Girl: (sighs) It's complicated. You wouldn't understand. Boy: Try me. Girl: Er... what do you want to do in Nerima? Boy: (darkly) This guy ruined my life. I'm going to kill him. Girl: (blinks) I...I know how that feels. (The two gets to sleep when the Girl realizes something. She pokes the boy in the shoulder.) Girl: Hey, my name's Ukyou Kuonji. What's your name? Boy: I'm Ryoga Hibiki. Ukyou: Pleased to meet you, Ryoga. Ryoga: Likewise, Ukyou. ***************************************************************** (Ranma and Akane get to school and are met by a horde of boys, more than normally. Akane is knocking three guys out at the same time, when a boy comes up behind her, ready to knock her out with a baseball bat. Ranma gets rid of him.) Akane: I didn't ask for your help!! Ranma: Akane, that guy was gonna get you! You don't WANT to go out with a loser like that, do you?? Akane: (sighs) No. Thank you Ranma. Ranma: Humph. (They get to class, when they notice a batch of very injured girls. One of them comes up to Akane.) Girl: Akane-san, please! Help us! Akane: Who are you? (There are so many bandages wrapped around the girl, that Akane can't recognize her.) Girl: My name is Sakura. I'm the captain of the gymnastic martial arts club. Furiken High has a tournament against another school in a few weeks, and one of their girls, Kodachi Kunou, the Black Rose, came and took us all out! You're the only one who can help us, Akane! Please! Akane: Kodachi KUNOU?? Sakura: Yes. I believe she's Kunou's sister. Please, help us! Akane: Very well, I will help you! Sakura: Thank you so much!! (Turns to Ranma) Too bad you're not a girl. We need all the help we can help. Thank you again, Akane-san. (Sakura leaves, as Ranma turns to Akane, a bemused expression on his face.) Ranma: Do you know ANYTHING about gymnastic martial arts? Akane: I know the basic rules. Ranma: No, I mean, do you know anything about the actual fighting? Like, do you know any gymnastic techniques? Akane: ... Ranma: Didn't think so. You're going to die. Akane: (smashes Ranma into human puddle with mallet.) RANMA NO BAKA!! Ranma: Ow. ***************************************************************** (Kasumi has just entered the Nekohanten and she sees Shampoo, Mousse and Cologne killing rats with a vengeance, but still can't get all of them.) Shampoo: Kasumi: (has a bag of yellow substance.) Hello, Shampoo. Shampoo: (notices Kasumi and grins) Nihao, Kasumi!! What that?? (Points to bag.) Kasumi: (hands bag to Shampoo) It's sulfur. Akane was making dinner, and I think she thought it was yellow flour. I don't think she'll mind if I take it. Here. Sulfur gets rid of rats. Shampoo: Sei sei, Kasumi. (Gives bag to Cologne.) Kasumi, this great-grandmother Cologne. (Jerks thumb at Mousse who waves to a picture on the wall) That Mousse. Kasumi: (bowing) Please to meet you. My name is Kasumi Tendo. Cologne: (eyes Kasumi with frown before smiling) You are strong, child. (takes sulfur.) Thank you. This is just what we needed. Kasumi: Think nothing of it. Shampoo: Kasumi teach Shampoo Japanese, so Shampoo can ask people for husband. Cologne: Very good. (Shampoo leads Kasumi to her room for a study session.) Shampoo: Shampoo glad Kasumi help Shampoo with Japanese. Want to find husband fast so can go back to China. Kasumi: That's nice, Shampoo. (Kasumi starts instructing Shampoo with a book, and the Chinese Amazon quickly grows bored. She daydreams about how she met her husband.) ***************************************************************** (Shampoo had just finished winning the annual tournament and was going to go claim her prize, when she finds that it has been eaten by a red-headed girl and a giant panda. A crowd has gathered to see what has happened.) Shampoo: (She gets ready to beat some sense into the red-headed girl, but first, she waits for the guide to translate for them.) Genma-Panda: (sign) Boy!! Fight the girl for her food! It's the easiest way out of this! Ranma: Hey, tell her I'll fight her, so then when I win, I'll get the food. Guide: No, Mr. Customer. You don't want that. Trust me, win or lose, you don't want to challenge an Amazon. Ranma: What's the matter with you?! I said I wanted to fight! Guide: No good, Mr. Customer. Bad. Very bad. (Shampoo gets tired of waiting, so asks Mousse what Ranma and the Guide are fighting about. Mousse if faint from the joy of Shampoo talking to him, but manages to translate.) Shampoo: (gets into fighting stance.) Mousse: Hey, girl! (He is facing Genma-Panda, but Ranma gets the idea.) She accepts your challenge! Ranma: Huh? Really? Alright, let's go! Guide: Not good move, Mr. Customer. Not good! (Ranma and Shampoo start to fight. Slowly, Ranma gets the upper hand and a few minutes later, Shampoo falls, breathing hard. Ranma is not much better, but she's on her feet, so she's the winner. Shampoo looks like she wants to cry, but gets up and kisses Ranma. She starts to count, hands on hips while Ranma looks confused.) Shampoo: <57...58...59... 1 minute...1...2...3...> Ranma: Hey, what's going on?? (she is surprised and slightly embarrassed from Shampoo's kiss.) Guide: (Agitated) Not good, Mr. Customer!! Not good at all. She gave you the kiss of death! She's giving you half an hour to run away before she hunts you until one of you die! Ranma: WHAT?! (Turns to Genma) What did you make me do?! (Genma-Panda suddenly finds the ground very interesting.) Shampoo: <45...46...47...> Guide: It's an Amazon law! If an outside female beats an Amazon, the Amazon has to fight her until one of you dies! Ranma: Wait a minute, I'm not really a female! I'm a guy!! Hey, tell them I'm a guy! (The guide quickly tells the group of Amazons about Ranma's Jhusenkyou curse. The Amazons understand, and Shampoo stops counting, shocked. Some of the girls snicker at Shampoo's fate while Mousse is screaming.) Shampoo: Mousse: (Mousse stares at Ranma, disbelief in his eyes. He brings out a hidden pail of warm water from one of his sleeves.) (Splashes Ranma.) Ranma: (now a guy) See!!! See! I'm a guy! A guy!! Genma-Panda: (sign) My son is a boy! (Shampoo latches onto Ranma's arm and kisses him again. This time, it isn't the kiss of death, and Ranma knows this because there is another tongue in his mouth besides his own.) Ranma: (pulling Shampoo's face away from his own.) Hey Guide, what's going on?? (Genma-Panda is not happy about this turn of events.) Guide: The Amazons have a law. When an outside male defeats an Amazon girl, then the girl must marry him. You're really lucky, Mr. Customer. It seems like this beautiful girl is willing to carry out the law! AND, she's the champion of the Amazons too! Ranma: Wait a minute! I never said I'D marry her! (tries to get Shampoo off his arm) Genma-Panda: (sign) Boy!! What is that girl's name? Ranma: Hey, what's your name? Guide: Shampoo: Guide: Shampoo. Ranma: Shampoo. Genma-Panda: (gives the guide a strange look.) (sign) Right. Shampoo. Why don't you go pack your bags or something. We have to go to Japan, and if you're gonna be my son's wife, you're gonna have to go to Japan. (The guide translates, and Shampoo promptly runs off to pack her bags.) Genma-Panda: (grabbing Ranma and the Guide.) (sign) Run for it!!! ***************************************************************** Kasumi: Shampoo, what are you thinking about? Shampoo: (Snapping out of daydream) Huh? Oh. Shampoo dream about how Shampoo meet husband. Much romantic. Kasumi: (smiles) How sweet. (thought) Probably more romantic than how I met my husband. ***************************************************************** (Back to Ukyou and Ryoga on the road. Ryoga has managed to coax the story out of Ukyou. They are surprised that Ranma Saotome is in both their lives.) Ryoga: Ranma is stupid. Why would he want to ditch a cute girl like you? He makes no sense to me. Ukyou: (flattered by Ryoga's comment, but doesn't make a big deal out of it) Uh... ehem... well... I don't believe Ranma Saotome ruined your life too. Ryoga: He is a fiend and a villain. I bet he's ruined lots of lives. Ukyou: (growl) Watch it. We're talking about my Ranchan here. Ryoga: I don't understand. Some times you want to kill Ranma, others you want to marry him. Make up your mind! Ukyou: Hey! It's not like I have very good choices here! I either murder him or marry him. What would you pick?! (Realizes the stupidity in her question.) Uh... Don't answer that. (Ukyou and Ryoga are well on their way to Nerima. After discovering the hard way, about Ryoga's lack of directional sense, Ukyou decided to lead, and they are only a day's walk to Nerima. They could speed up, but Ukyou constantly stops to serve okonomiyaki to any customer, which were plentiful. Ryoga helps her by taken orders, getting ingredients, etc.) Ryoga: Why do we keep stopping? Ukyou: I need the money so I can open up a store in Nerima. I'm sick of walking around with this yatai. Ryoga: I thought you were going to Nerima for Ranma? Ukyou: Well, either way, after that, I'm gonna start over with a clean slate. I mean, I have to do something after that. What about you? Ryoga: I... haven't thought about that. I've spent so much time searching, I didn't think I'd ever be able to get revenge. I don't know what I'm gonna do after that. Ukyou: Well, you can work in my restaurant then. Ryoga: ... I don't understand. Why are you being so nice to me? Aren't you going to marry him? Ukyou: (laughing) I don't know. I just don't think you'll end up killing him. (Ryoga looks hurt.) No, I mean, you're probably capable of killing him, but I just don't think you will. Ryoga: Shows how much you know. (Ukyou glares at Ryoga and the two start on their way to Nerima again.) ***************************************************************** (It have been a day since Akane excepted to fight the black rose, and Kodachi had paid her a visit. Akane is at Dr Tofuu's. Genma and Soun had decided since Ranma and Kasumi don't spend enough time with each other, they should spend at least half an hour every day to get to know each to know each other.) Ranma: (while putting food in his mouth) And then, that Kodachi chick throws this bouquet of flowers into Akane's face, and she collapses! Turned out those flowers were poisoned. Talk about a cheater! Kasumi: (frowning) Oh my. Is Akane alright? Ranma: She's fine. The poison paralyzes when inhaled, but Dr Tofuu managed to neutralize the poison. He just wanted to keep Akane for observation. Kasumi: Ranma-chan, can you do something for me? Ranma: Sure. What do you need? Kasumi: I want you to protect Akane from any threats. I don't want my little sister getting hurt. Ranma: But Akane doesn't want me to get involved in her fights. I learned that the hard way. Kasumi: Please, Ranma-chan? Akane can be stubborn, but I don't want her to get hurt. Ranma: But SHE'LL hurt ME! Kasumi: Please? Ranma-chan, please? You don't want to see Akane get hurt because of her stubbornness. Ranma: (sighs) Okay. Kasumi: Thank you. Now, we must go to Dr Tofuu's and make sure Akane's alright. Ranma: (afraid) What?! You're going to Dr Tofuu's?! No, you can't do that!! Kasumi: (blinks) Why not? Ranma: Um...uh... (While he's thinking, Kasumi has already dragged him out the door, by the hand. Kasumi continues to drag Ranma to the doctor's oblivious to Ranma's discomfort. She knocks on the door.) Tofuu: (sees that it is Kasumi and his glasses fog up) Kasumi! My, what a surprise, imagine the coincidence. Kasumi: Hello Dr Tofuu. How is Akane? Can she come home? Tofuu: Akane? Akane! Yes, she's fine, Betty-chan was just operating on her and, there's Betty-chan and Akane now! My, Betty- chan, where did you put your blade? We have to examine Akane-chan you know. (Akane sees Kasumi with Dr Tofuu and pure horror washes over her face. She tries to get up off the table, but Tofuu had already strapped her onto it as he waves a knife around.) Akane: Ranma! Help!! Tofuu: Ranma? Ranma's here? (turns and sees Ranma, who is still holding Kasumi's hand. Tofuu's glasses defog and he stops waving his knife around.) Oh. Hello Ranma. Ranma: Hi. (He lets go of Kasumi's hand and runs over to un-strap Akane off the table.) Gee, Akane's all better now! We'd better get going! (Runs out door, holding onto Akane's hand.) Kasumi: Sayonara, Dr Tofuu. Tofuu: Sayonara, Kasumi. (Hangs head in misery) (He's depressed now, and Kasumi notices. She looks out the door and sees that Ranma and Akane are already a block away. She decides that they won't miss her.) Kasumi: What's wrong Dr Tofuu? Tofuu: (looks up) Kasumi?? You stayed? (looks ecstatic.) Kasumi: (surprised at the sudden switch of moods.) Yes, I did. I thought something was wrong, because you looked so sad, but I guess there isn't now. I guess I should leave. Sayonara. (She's out the door before Tofuu can say another word.) Tofuu: (softly) Kasumi... don't leave me... (he says it too softly, so Kasumi can't hear him.) ***************************************************************** (It is the next day. Ukyou and Ryoga are in front of Furiken High. Ryoga can't believe he's actually here. After he's come to grip with realization, he whips the umbrella out, while Ukyou brandishes her spatula. Ukyou is dressed like a girl. She is dressed like a girl because Ryoga had stated quite innocently, that she looked better as a girl than as a boy. They jump into the school yard.) Ryoga & Ukyou: RANMA SAOTOME!!! SHOW YOURSELF!! (Ranma and Akane were just coming out of the school, as they were just dismissed, when they notice them. Ranma frowns, as he doesn't recognize them.) Ranma: Who are you two? Ryoga: What? You've ruined so many lives you don't remember all of them? Ukyou: (hurt) (thought) Ranchan doesn't even remember me... Ranma: What are you talking about? I didn't ruin any lives! Ukyou: (Angry) My name is Ukyou Kuonji!! Ryoga: (Very angry) My name is Ryoga Hibiki!!! (Ranma doesn't remember any Ryoga Hibiki, but he DOES remember Ukyou Kuonji.) Ranma: (stunned. Thinks) Ucchan?? He's a...girl?! (Speaks) Ucchan?? You're a girl? Ukyou: Don't call me Ucchan!!!! (grips spatula tighter) You and your dad left me behind 10 years ago! You ruined my life! Ranma:...? I ruined your life? Ryoga: You've ruined BOTH our lives!!! AARRGH!! (Ryoga and Ukyou both rush Ranma, spatula and umbrella drawn. As Ranma dodges the umbrella, the spatula splatters him into the ground. Then, he rolls over to avoid being cut in two by the spatula, only to be hit painfully over the head by the umbrella. He might be able to defeat both Ukyou and Ryoga, but not together.) Akane: (runs into the fry) Hey! Two against one isn't very fair! Especially when the two of you are using weapons! (Neither Ukyou or Ryoga wants to fight Akane, but she's demanding some attention, so Ukyou pairs off to do some lethal damage to the girl.) Ukyou: Stay out of this! (Swings spatula around, narrowly missing Akane) Why are you doing this? Who are you? Akane: I'm Akane Tendo, and I'm doing this, because you two aren't fighting fair! Ukyou: Don't talk to me about fairness! (manages to hit Akane in the side, but not very hard.) I was snubbed when I was 6, and my life has been hell ever since! Akane: So? How is this Ranma's fault? Ukyou: He was suppose to marry me! Instead, he and his dad stole my dowry and ran off without me! Akane: What! How? Ranma's already engaged! (Ukyou freezes and Akane managed to punch her in the stomach, sending her sprawling, but not for long. Ukyou flips to her feet. Still, she's confused and dazed and Akane manages to hit her a few more times.) Ranma: I don't know who you are!! Ryoga: I am Ryoga Hibiki! You constantly stole my bread in Junior High! Remember?! Ranma: (Blinks) Oh hey, it's you! Ryoga: Shut up while I kill you!! Ranma: You're killing me over bread? Strange voice: Ohohohoho! (Akane and Ranma freeze when they hear the voice. Gymnastic pins rain down from the air at everyone. The four fighters momentarily forget each other to figure out what's going on.) Strange voice: DIE AKANE TENDO!! (Kodachi Kunou shows herself, dressed in a gymnastics leotard. A ribbon snaps through the air, wrapping Akane into a mummy and hoisting her into the air.) Ukyou: Hey, where are you going off with my opponent?! (Throws a few small spatulas into the air, cutting the ribbon in two. Akane falls to the ground, but Ranma manages to catch her.) Ranma: Akane, are you alright? Akane: I DON'T need your help! Kodachi: (glares at Ukyou) You! Tramp! How dare you interfere! (Throws mildly poisoned roses at Ukyou. Ukyou inhales and locks up, falling.) You will pay!!! (Throws gymnastic pin ups at Ukyou, who can't dodge.) Ranma: Ukyou!! (Jumps away from Akane, kicks the pin ups away, pulls Ukyou to her feet.) Ukyou: Don't touch me!! (Shoves Ranma away. Ranma is confused and hurt.) Ryoga: Saotome, DON'T YOU DARE FORGET ME!!! (He throws razor sharp bandannas at Ranma. Ranma leaps out of the way, but lands right underneath the tree branch Kodachi is standing on. Ryoga throws some more bandannas at Ranma, who kicks them up, severing the branch. Kodachi shrieks as it falls down, and leaves and twig obstruct his view from the others.) Akane: Ranma! (frightened for Ranma's safety. After all, Ranma is a friend.) Ukyou: Ranma! (Confused. Should she be happy about this or sad?) Ryoga: Ranma! (Angry! He can't see Ranma and is very pissed because he thinks Ranma has run away again.) (After the leaves and twigs clear, we see Ranma, who is carrying Kodachi. Both Ranma and Kodachi are surprised at this sudden turn of events.) Ranma: Hey! Kodachi: My hero! (Glomps onto his chest.) You've saved me from a devastating fall out of a tree! Ukyou & Akane: Put that girl down!! You already HAVE a fiancee!! (They turn and glare at each other, and start to exchange blows again.) Ryoga: Unhand that girl and FIGHT me!! (Jumps right into the fry. Ranma is trying to get Kodachi off his arm so he can put up a decent fight. Suddenly, he gets an idea. Holding his arm out, he lets Ryoga hit Kodachi over the head with his umbrella. Kodachi falls like a ton of bricks.) Ranma: Hey, thanks Ryoga! Ryoga: Don't mock me!! (throws umbrella. It spins around and around Ranma, who isn't intimidated) Ranma: Hey, can you tell me WHY you're doing this?! (Ryoga doesn't answer. Instead, he takes his belt off, snaps it straight, and throws it at Ranma. Ranma kicks it, and it goes straight to Ukyou and Akane, who don't notice it. It bounces off of Ukyou's spatula and goes for Akane's head. It cuts off her hair.) (Akane freezes. Ukyou is going to decapitate her with her spatula, but manages to stop just in time. Ukyou frowns at Akane, who is trembling as she touches her head.) Ukyou: (tapping Akane lightly on the shoulder with spatula) Hey, remember our fight? (Akane, shocked, turns and runs wobbly home. Ukyou is confused but doesn't pursue. Instead, she turns to Ranma and Ryoga and decides to help out Ryoga. Ranma suddenly finds himself to the mercy of Ukyou and Ryoga. On one side of his neck is a spatula, and on the other is Ryoga's belt.) Ranma: (angry and confused.) Fine. There. You've got me. Now will someone please tell me why my former friends are trying to kill me?! Ukyou & Ryoga: As if you don't know!! Ranma: I don't!!! (Ukyou and Ryoga give each other a look before giving Ranma the same look. Ukyou speaks.) Ukyou: You were SUPPOSED to take me with you, Ranma. You were SUPPOSED to marry me and take me with you on your training! Instead, you left me, took my dad's yatai, and made us the laughing stocks of Osaka! Ranma: Marry you?! I didn't know! I thought you were a boy! Ukyou: Do I LOOK like a boy to you?! Ranma: Er... (decides to ignore question. Looks at Ryoga.) Why do YOU hate me? Is it because of the bread feud? Ryoga: This goes beyond bread, Ranma! You RUINED my life!!! Why didn't you show up at the appointed time for our fight?! Ranma: Appointed time? Ryoga, I waited three days!! You didn't show! Ryoga: I came on the forth day! But you and your father already left for CHINA!! Ranma: Well what took you?! Ryoga: Do you think I was walking around Japan for my HEALTH?! Ranma:... (suddenly realizes something) Hey, how did you know me and Pop went to China? Ryoga: I followed you! Ranma: You...followed me?? To Jhusenkyou...(realization dawns on him.) If you DARE tell ANYONE about my curse! Ukyou: Curse? Ryoga: (smirking) Turning into a girl is a walk in the park compared to what I turn into. Ukyou: Wait a minute! What is this?! Turning into a girl? Hello, tell me! (Ryoga and Ranma are too busy glaring at each other to answer her.) ARRGH!! (Smashes Ryoga to the moon. Glares at Ranma.) I DEMAND an explanation! Ranma: So do I! What are you talking about, engagement?! Ukyou: (realizes that Ranma really DOES have no clue about what's going on.) You really don't know, do you? Ranma: Of course not!! Ukyou: Your father agreed to mine to engage you to me and take the yatai as a dowry! I was so happy! And then, I see you and Genma running off with the cart! I never saw you again! My father and I were laughing stocks! Ranma: Ukyou...I didn't know! Pop never told me anything. He just said that Ucchan wanted me to have the yatai, but he didn't want to see me ever again, so we went to another city! Ukyou: You... didn't even know? Ranma: I didn't! (hurt) I just knew my best friend deserted me and tried to cover it up with a yatai for a present. (All of Ukyou's hatred for 10 years melts. She stares at Ranma, and can only see her best friend Ran-chan, innocent as always.) Ukyou: Have you...any idea.. what a hell the past decade has been for me? (collapses onto knees) I couldn't forget you. You were my best friend and my worst enemy. I didn't know whether to kill you or forgive you... all I know was that I had to find you, and my suffering would end one way or another. Ranma: (very angry at the pain that his best friend has gone through.) Come on Ucchan. We're going to Pop, and we're getting this thing straightened out. ***************************************************************** (Kasumi opens the door for Ranma a girl holding on to a giant spatula. She is surprised that there the other girl is not Akane.) Kasumi: Ranma-chan! Ranma: Hey, did Akane come back yet? Kasumi: Akane? No, she hasn't. I thought she was with you... Who's this? Ranma: This is my friend Ukyou. Kasumi: Hello, Ukyou. Would you like something to eat? Ukyou: (Surprised at offer.) No thanks. Ranma: Where's Pop? (Genma and Soun are playing their game in the living room like always when Kasumi comes in with Ranma, and a girl they don't recognize, behind her.) Kasumi: Saotome-san, Ranma and his friend have come to see you. (Genma looks up and Soun rearranges all the pieces on the board. Genma frowns as he looks at his angry son and his very angry friend.) Genma: Who are you? Ukyou: (through clench teeth.) Do you remember a little girl by the name of Ukyou Kuonji by any chance? (Genma thinks for a minute, before abject fear comes to his face.) Ukyou: So you DO remember me. Tell me. Was it your idea to have Ranma run out on me? Don't lie. (for emphases, she pulls out her giant spatula.) Genma: (gulps) Well...maybe..I-I don't remember... I... um... I might have... Ukyou: AARGH!!! (Smacks Genma with spatula to the moon. Then, promptly leaves the dojo, Ranma in tow. They are outside the dojo.) Ranma: Feel better? Ukyou: (miserable) No. Now I'm more confused than ever... Ranma: Well... if it makes you feel better... you can hit me. (Without saying a word, Ukyou slams Ranma into the ground with her spatula like a stake. Ranma is about the same height as her knees. Ukyou squats down and pulls Ranma back up.) Ukyou: I feel much better. Ranma: (woozy) That's...nice. (shakes head) Um... so, are we friends now? Ukyou: (pauses) I'm obviously not going to kill you now... So, I guess we are fiancees. (Smiles at Ranma before going back to her yatai.) Ranma: Fiancees?? Another one? Hey wait, I didn't tell you about Kasumi! (Ukyou has already gone) Great. Just great. (pauses) Hey, I wonder where Akane went? ***************************************************************** (Akane had gone back to the school yard to look stunned behind a tree.) Akane: My hair... My hair! I've grown it for so long! It was finally longer than Kasumi's! (starts to tear up, but she holds it in.) (There is an `ahhh' sound that is getting closer and closer. Akane looks around, mortified that someone might see her crying. She doesn't see anyone. Suddenly, Ryoga crashes down from the sky.) Ryoga: AAAHHHHHHH CRASH!!! Mmm!! Humph!!! (We can only see lower torso and his legs kicking in the air. The rest of him is buried into the ground. Akane pulls him up. She recognizes him.) Akane: You!!! (drops into fighting stance.) Ryoga: (looks woozy. Sees Akane.) You!! (looks around for Ranma. Doesn't see him.) Where is Ranma?! No!! I've lost him again!! (looks like he wants to cry.) Akane: (angry) Yeah, well, I'll give you a fight if you're looking for a fight!! (lashes out at him. Ryoga easily dodges.) Ryoga: Why are you fighting me? Akane: Your belt!! Your belt did this to me!! My hair is ruined! I've been growing it for so long! It's ruined! Ryoga: It wasn't me! Ranma was the one who kicked it at you! Akane: (Stops fighting.) Ranma... Ranma! It's always Ranma! (Collapses) Ranma... Ryoga: (confused. Stoops to see if Akane is alright.) Hey... are you alright? (Akane grabs onto the nearest thing, namely, Ryoga, and starts crying into his shirt. Ryoga is embarrassed.) Ryoga: uh... don't cry... Akane: (sniffling) I'm... sorry... It's just that... I started to grow my hair, so that this guy would notice me... I don't care about it now... but... I've been growing it for so long... Ryoga: (angry) So, the villain Ranma Saotome ruins yet another life!! He must be stopped! (strikes a manly pose.) Akane: (weak smile) Maybe... I should go now, before Kasumi and Daddy worries about me. Oh, what's your name? Ryoga: I am Ryoga Hibiki. Akane: Ryoga, my name is Akane. Thanks for listening to me. (Smiles, goes away.) Ryoga:.... (he is experiencing a new feeling he has never felt before as he watches Akane leave. Her face, her smile, is all he sees. He just stands there for some time, before Ukyou comes and taps him on the back.) Ukyou: Hey, what's with you? Ryoga: I...I...I think I'm in love. Ukyou: Really? (sighs) I think I'm in love too. ***************************************************************** Younger men are so... Part 3 : Decisions, decisions!! An Elseworlds Episode Whaddaya mean your daughter doesn't want to marry my son?! What's wrong with my son?! Well, maybe my son doesn't want to marry your daughter!! -King Hubert, Sleeping Beauty ***************************************************************** (Akane sticks her head cautiously in through the front door. She had gone to the barber before coming home, as she doesn't want anyone to see how she had looked before.) Akane: (softly) I'm home. (There is a pause. Suddenly, everyone in the house rushes to her, ranting and raving. Kasumi hugs her.) Kasumi: Where have you been?! We've all been so worried... Akane! What happened to you hair?! Akane: Gomen... but... I don't want to talk about it. (runs to her room) Kasumi: (to Ranma) Ranma? What happened?? Ranma: I'm gonna find out. (Ranma runs upstairs and knocks on Akane's door. There isn't an answer, so he opens it, and see Akane staring out the window blankly.) Ranma: Akane...are you alright? Akane: (whirls around.) You! You did this to my hair!! (Pounces on him) You have no idea how long I've been growing it! You just kick the belt over to me, and cut it off!! HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE JUST DONE?! Ranma: (taken back) I'm...I'm sorry, Akane! I didn't know! I didn't know where I kicked that belt to! I'm...sorry. Akane: (sighing) It's...alright. I guess I shouldn't get so worked up. It's just hair... Ranma: Um...it...looks better short. Akane: (surprised) Really? You think so? Ranma: (nods)Why did you grow it long, anyway? It looks better short. Akane: (sighing) I use to like Dr Tofuu, but he really likes Kasumi. So, I thought if I was more like Kasumi, than Dr Tofuu would like me better. So, even after I gave up Dr Tofuu as a lost cause, I kept it long, because...I wanted to be like Kasumi. Everyone likes her. She isn't a (smirks) violent tomboy. Ranma:... Well...being a violent tomboy isn't necessarily BAD... (Akane gives Ranma a sardonic look.) Ranma: I mean, you can hold your own in a fight. I doubt Kasumi can. Akane: Who would want to fight Kasumi in the first place?! Ranma: ... I guess you're right. (The two are silent.) Ranma: Akane... I have a question I've been meaning to ask. Akane: What? Ranma: If you hate me so much, why do you put up with me? Why do you look out for me at school? Why did you fight Ukyou when she and Ryoga came to beat me up? Akane: (Sighing) I told you day one. We're friends. You're not how I figured you would be... You're male, a jerk and a macho pig, don't take that personally, but you're my friend. (Smirks) Heck, one day, you'll be my brother-in-law! Ranma: (bristles slightly at being called a macho pig but holds his tongue.) Oh. (There is an awkward silence again.) Akane: You'd better go before they think this silence means we've killed each other. Ranma: Okay. (pauses) Akane? Thank you. Akane: You're welcome. (Akane watches as Ranma wanders down the hall.) Akane: (thought) Ranma... you're not THAT bad... ***************************************************************** (Ranma and Kasumi are spending time together as their fathers the all mighty and powerful decreed.) Ranma: (putting food into his mouth.) You know, Kasumi, I guess Akane really isn't that bad. I mean... she looks kinda cute with her hair short. What do you think? Kasumi: (smiles) You think so too? Why don't you go tell her. I'm sure she'd like that. Ranma: I already did. She said thanks. (Gulps down some water) You know, I don't understand her. Some times, she's un-cute and a tomboy, but other... I dunno, I just don't understand her. Kasumi: Well, it IS nice to have some mystery around one's self sometimes. Ranma: Mystery. No way. I like to understand things. That's why I like you, Kasumi. You, I understand. Kasumi: (smiles) I'm sure you understand me. Ranma: (Finally noticing the hole in the wall caused by Kasumi's butcher's knife some time back.) Hey, what caused that? Kasumi: (sarcastic thought) Yup, I'm sure you understand me. ***************************************************************** (Kasumi goes to the Nekohanten daily. Shampoo greets her. She still has not found Ranma yet.) Shampoo: (without usual spunk) Nihao, Kasumi. Kasumi: What's wrong, Shampoo? Shampoo: Oven not working. Building inspector come today. One more fail, and Nekohanten must close forever. No Nekohanten means no money. Shampoo must go back to China, without groom. Have not found Groom yet. Kasumi: Hmm... so your oven isn't working. Why don't you let me see what's wrong with it? (Shampoo leads Kasumi to the kitchen where Cologne is screaming at Mousse who is cowering in the corner. The oven is not working, because tiny bits of oven are scattered all around the kitchen.) Kasumi: Wh-what... happened here? Shampoo: Baka Mousse. Oven no heat up when turned on so Mousse tried to fix. Can not tell red wire from blue wire without glasses. Oven go BOOM. (emphasizes onomatopoeia). Kasumi: (rolling up sleeves) Can you pass me that apron there, Shampoo? I think I can fix this... looks about the same as when Akane tried to bake last month. ***************************************************************** Kasumi: (wiping brow) There! All finished! Your oven should work now. (Cologne cautiously puts some food into oven and then sprint away from it. 5 minutes later, there is a `ding' and the food slides out of the oven.) Shampoo & Mousse & Cologne: Hooray! Shampoo: Now inspector no can shut down Nekohanten! Thank you Kasumi!! (Runs over to hug her.) Cologne: Now that we CAN stay in Japan, shouldn't you go look for your husband? Shampoo: Aiya!! Shampoo go look now! (Jumps on bicycle, rides out door.) Mousse: Shampoo! My love!! Please wait! (Runs out wall after Shampoo) Kasumi: Shampoo still hasn't found her husband? Cologne: (sighing) No. She hasn't. Kasumi: Is he about her age? Cologne: Yes. Kasumi: Has she checked the local high school? (Cologne blinks. Then, she runs to the door shouting) Cologne: SHAMPOO!! CHECK THE HIGH SCHOOL!! (We hear Shampoo give a yell.) Shampoo: Aiya!! Great-grandmother right!! Shampoo check school!! ***************************************************************** (Ranma and Akane are sitting under a tree eating lunch. She's still mad about her hair, but after beating Ranma senseless on the way to school, she feels better. Ukyou and Ryoga walk towards them. Ukyou has an iron grip on Ryoga's shoulder so he can't attack Ranma.) Ranma: Did you make that lunch? Akane: No, Kasumi did. Ranma: Great! Can I have some? I forgot mine... Akane: (Growls) What if I told you I made it. Ranma: Never mind, I'm not hungry anymore... Ukyou: Hi Ranchan! Hi...(narrows eyes when she sees Akane.) Ryoga: Hi Akane! Hi...(narrows eyes when he sees Ranma.) Ranma: Well Ryoga, aren't you going to attack me or something? Ukyou: (tightening grip) He isn't going to attack anyone if he wants to stay at my restaurant. Ranma: Your restaurant? Ukyou: (smiling) Yup. I've opened up Ucchan's, your one shop stop for okonomiyaki. And you can eat there any time you want. Ranma: Alright! Ryoga: GROWL! Akane: Ukyou, are you aware that Ranma already has a fiancee? Ukyou: Of course! Me! Akane: No! Ranma's engaged to my sister! Ukyou: What?! (Turns to Ranma) Ranchan, is this true?? Ranma: Erk... do I still get to eat at your restaurant? Akane: Ranma!! Tell her! Ranma: (sighing) Yeah. I'm engaged to Kasumi. Ukyou: WHAT?! Who's Kasumi?! Ranma: Um, you know that girl who opened the door for us and showed us in to pop? Ukyou: Yes... Ranma: Well, that's her. Ukyou: She's Kasumi?! Ranma, she looks way older that you! Ranma: She IS older than me! Hey, this wasn't my idea. Pop and Mr. Tendo had this bright idea that I was gonna marry one of his daughters, and Kasumi was picked! Ukyou: (thought) Great! A rival! I'm NOT letting some other woman take my Ranchan! Not even if she's a nice girl who offered me food! (Suddenly, there is the ring of a bicycle bell. None of the four people would have noticed, if the bicycle itself hadn't suddenly crashed into Ranma. Strangely enough, it only got onto Ranma, although Ranma WAS surround on all four sides by Akane, Ukyou, Ryoga, and a tree...) Shampoo: Yeah! Shampoo finally find husband!! (Throws bicycle off of Ranma and into Ryoga.) Shampoo finally find husband!! Ranma: (sees Shampoo and freezes) Sh-Shampoo!! What are you doing here?! Shampoo: Shampoo come to find husband!! Finally find him! Happy! Now can go home! Akane & Ukyou: Ranma, who is this? Shampoo: (looks up) Ranma! So THAT husband's name! Nihao. Me Shampoo. You friend of husband's? Ukyou: What are you TALKING about?! Ranma's engaged to me! Akane: He's ALSO engaged to my sister! Kodachi: (dropping down from tree) You're ALL wrong! Ranma-sama is going to be MY husband! (Glomps onto Ranma) Shampoo: Who you all?? (Chaos breaks out as Shampoo, Ukyou, Akane and Kodachi decide that they don't like each other very much. Ranma and Ryoga manages to sneak out of the battle.) Ranma: My god, they're ALL here! Ryoga: Ranma, how DARE you get the fair maiden Akane angry! Fight me!!! Ranma: AAAHHHH!!! What's going on here?! (Mousse suddenly blunders into the scene and sees Ranma.) Mousse: You!! You're the one who took my Shampoo away from me!! Prepare to DIE!!! (Chain saws, ball n chains, swords come out from his sleeves) Ranma: Oh no! Not YOU too!!! (Chaos is doubled as the two fights creep closer to each other and melds into a single fight. People discover they are fighting people they have never seen before. Kunou comes over.) Kunou: (Manages to separate people) ENOUGH! SILENCE! THE BLUE THUNDER (Lightning strikes behind him) OF FURINKAN HIGH DEMANDS SILENCE!! Ranma: Kunou! Man, I'd never thought I'd be glad to see you! Kunou: Silence, Wretch! I demand to know, Saotome, where do you hide the beautiful pig-tailed girl?! Ukyou & Shampoo & Kodachi: Pig-tailed girl?? How many of us are there?! Ranma: Erk... (decides that running off would be the best option right now.) Bye! Akane, Kodachi, Kunou, Mousse, Ryoga, Shampoo, Ukyou: COME BACK HERE!!! ***************************************************************** (The mob has chased Ranma all over town and has finally managed to lose him. Akane has come back to the school, angry.) Akane: Dang it, where is he?! (punches a tree. Ranma falls out of it.) Ranma! Ranma: Shh!! They might hear you!!! Akane: Ranma, what is this?! Just how many fiancees do you have?! Ranma: Not counting Kodachi, 3. Akane: (looks ready to burst) WHAT?! Ranma: Shh!! I can explain! You know about Kasumi, Pop engaged me to Ukyou for food, and I'm suppose to marry Shampoo because it's one of the Amazon laws that if an outside male beats an Amazon, she has to marry her! Akane: How can you do this to Kasumi?? What will she think? Ranma: What? It's not like she'd care that much. We don't even know each other! Geez, you're more worked up than your sister is! Akane: Hey, I'm only watching out for her welfare! Ranma: Yeah. Right. You probably like me yourself, and know you can take Kasumi's place when ever you want, but didn't count on having competition from 3 other girls! Akane: RANMA NO BAKA!!! (mallets him.) Why would I like YOU?! (Stalks off furious. Unknown to Ranma, he had just hit bull's eye. Ryoga hops out of a tree.) Ryoga: Ranma, there you are!! Prepare to die! (The two start to duel as usual and make their way across the school yard which is suddenly filled up with students and Nabiki making bets on who would win. They fight dangerously close to the pool.) Ranma: Ryoga, what are you doing?! We're too close to the pool! If we fall in-!! Ryoga: Shut up, coward!! (Jumps at him and both of them fall into the pool.) (Female Ranma and Ryoga's clothes suddenly float to the top of the pool and students look on, wondering where Ryoga and Ranma went.) Student: Hey you! Pig tail girl! What are you doing in the pool? Where is Ranma and Ryoga? Nabiki: (thought) No profit in letting them find out Ranma's curse! (Pushes a dozen people into the pool. Everyone is distracted. Ranma runs off and hides in a tree.) Ranma: Hump! I TOLD him we'd fall in! But no! Hey, where is he?! What did he turn into? (Thoughts of spider-Ryoga and worm-Ryoga fill his vision. Ranma gets up to make sure he didn't squish him by mistake.) Noise coming from Ranma's shirt: Bwee..bwee-ee..squeal.. Ranma: ??? (Unhooks first wooden ties and pulls a black thing from her shirt. The black thing is actually a piglet with Ryoga's bandanna. It's eyes are glazed and it has a nose bleed.) Ranma: Ryoga?! Ryoga: Bweeeeee.... (shakes head and is back to normal. Eyes narrow and it starts kicking and biting furiously.) BWEE!! Ranma: Ryoga, it IS you!!! (Ryoga bites onto Ranma, who screams.) Ranma: AAHHH!!(Throws the piglet into orbit.) (The piglet didn't exactly make it through the Earth's atmosphere, and starts to drop again. It is `bweeing' fearfully as the ground comes closer and closer. Fortunately, (or maybe unfortunately) Akane is walking right underneath the flying pig.) CRASH!!! Akane: (rubbing head, murder on her face.) RANMA!!! (Looks around and doesn't see Ranma anywhere. Instead, sees dazed and confused piglet on the ground just in front of her.) Oh my! It's hurt! (Grabs Ryoga-pig and shakes it. Ryoga-pig is knocked out.) Akane: I'd better get you home. ***************************************************************** (Ranma just got home and sees Akane walking around with a familiar piglet in her arms. The pig, for it's part, looks very happy and content. Ranma panics and grabs it when he sees it.) Akane: Hey! Give P-chan back to me! Ranma: P-CHAN?! Do you know what this is?! Akane: It's a pig! He's my pet! I found him on the street. Ranma: It's OW!! (The pig has bite Ranma. It's eyes flash daggers at him.) Uh... never mind. I'll be right back. (Runs off.) Akane: Where are you going with P-Chan? (Runs after Ranma, but he has run into the sanctuary known as the bathroom, and Akane can't follow.) RANMA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH P-CHAN?! Ranma: Here. (pours hot water onto Ryoga.) Ryoga: RANMA!!! Ranma: Shh!! (points to the door.) Akane might hear you. (Fortunately, Akane is bellowing and beating the door so loudly, that she didn't here Ryoga.) Ryoga: (grabbing a towel from the hamper to save his dignity from further damage.) Ranma, what was that for?! Ranma: What are you doing as a pig in Akane's arms?? Ryoga: You threw me right at her! (gets dazed) It must be a sign from the heavens that of all the people in Nerima, I crash into the beautiful Akane! Ranma: (Hits Ryoga.) Snap out of it! Do you want me to tell Akane a little secret about her new pet P-Chan? Ryoga: (Eyes narrowing) You. Don't. Dare. If you do, the whole SCHOOL will know the connection between Ranma and the Pig tailed girl. Ranma: (glowering.) You don't dare! Ryoga: (snarls.) You ruined MY life! I'll ruin yours. (Ranma and Ryoga glare at each other for some time, while Akane continues to beat on the door.) Ranma: Fine! I swear on my Warrior's honor, that I won't tell anyone about P-Chan, if you don't. Ryoga: Deal. Ranma: What about Ukyou? Ryoga: What about her? Ranma: Shouldn't you tell her? Ryoga: She'll find out when she does. Ranma: (Narrow eyes.) You'd better tell Ukyou and Akane sooner or later. Ryoga: Why do you care?! Geez! You'd think that you're jealous of me or something. Ranma: WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS OF YOU?! (Throws a handy bucket of water onto Ryoga who turns into P-Chan, just as Akane knocks down the door.) Akane: Who were you talking to? Ranma: Huh? Uh... myself. Akane: (Grabbing P-chan while she looks at Ranma suspiciously.) What were you doing with P-chan? Ranma: Huh? Uh... I was...uh... talking to him. Akane: I thought you were talking to yourself! Ranma: Can't I talk to two people at the same time?! ***************************************************************** (It's later in the night, and the Tendos and the Saotomes were getting to sleep. Ranma and Kasumi are dutifully going through their nightly mandatory chit-chat.) Ranma: (scarfing down food) Can you believe it?! I mean, Akane just grabs a pig off the street and says it's her pet. Kasumi: Well, I can believe that. She used to do that with stray cats and dogs (doesn't notice Ranma's shutter at the word cat,) when she was little. Ranma: (snort) Get this, she named it P-Chan. What a stupid name! Kasumi: I think P-Chan's a wonderful name. Ranma: Well, I don't! It's a stupid name for a stupid pig! Get this, she's sleeping with it too!! I mean, how can she do that?! She doesn't know where that pig has been. (I doubt Ryoga himself knows all the places he's been to...) Kasumi: My, Ranma, it seems to me you're getting a bit protective of Akane. Ranma: Hey! That's only because you asked me to! Kasumi: Right, Ranma. Right. (Ranma doesn't notice the sarcastic tone she's using. No one ever does.) ***************************************************************** (While Kasumi and Ranma are talking, Akane is pouting to P-Chan, who lays in Akane's arms, looking up at her transfixed as they try to fall asleep.) Akane: Oh, the nerve of that Ranma!!! Don't you just HATE him?!? (P-Chan nods vigorously, but Akane doesn't notice.) Akane: What kind of an idiot does he think I am?! I could have sworn there was someone in the bathroom with him! Sounded like a boy to! What a hentai! Did you see anything, P-chan? (P-Chan tries to look as cute and innocent as possible.) Akane: Just what does he think he is?! Kasumi is good enough, no, BETTER than what Ranma deserves, and he goes out and gets three other fiancee! What kind of a four timing jerk is he?!? (P-Chan growls. This time, Akane notices this.) Akane: Oh, you're worried for Kasumi too, aren't you, P-Chan! You're so sweet. (Kisses him again, P-Chan looks like he wants to die of rapture.) Don't worry, we'll make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Boy, it's getting late! Better sleep now! Good night P-chan. Akane: (Thought) The only GOOD thing, Ranma's done this week is cut my hair! If it was any longer, (looks at P-Chan) poor P-Chan would be choking on it now! (Akane goes to sleep with dreams of how to injure Ranma in her head.) ***************************************************************** (It's the next day, and when Akane and Ranma get to school, they find the gymnastics team waiting for them.) Akane: I don't understand, Ranma. Where did P-Chan go?? Ranma: (slightly guilty, as he was the one who had punted P-Chan back to Ucchan's when he couldn't contain his anger of seeing Ryoga sleeping in Akane's arms.) Uh... I don't know... Sakura: Akane-san! Where have you been?! The tournament is in five minutes! We have to get you ready! Akane: tournament? tournament!! Whaddaya mean, tournament?! I thought you said it was on in a FEW weeks!! Sakura: I know!!! But somehow, the Black Rose managed to have the tournament moved up! Akane: (Blinks a few times) OOHH!!!! KODACHI!!!! YOU CHEATER!!! Sakura: Quickly!! We have to hurry! (The gymnastics team grabs Akane and hurry her and Ranma into a bus. Ukyou and Ryoga get to school. Ryoga has a large foot-mark caused by Ranma on his fore head. Ukyou is slightly giggly because she had found out Ryoga's curse yesterday when P-Chan came flying though a window and into a bath tub, just as she went in. After beating Ryoga for being a pervert, she saw the humor in the situation, and hasn't stopped smiling since.) Ryoga: Where is evil Saotome taking Akane?! (Runs after the bus.) Ukyou: Stop calling my Ran-chan evil! (Runs after Ryoga.) (Just then, Shampoo gets to school. She sees Ukyou and Ryoga running after a bus.) Shampoo: Wait minute! That Spatula girl! What she do running after bus? Maybe Spatula girl know where Ranma is! (Starts peddling on bike to follow Ukyou.) ***************************************************************** (Akane is sitting nervously in one corner of the ring, looking at gymnastic balls, ribbons, pins and such. Ranma is sitting beside her, watching her fret.) Ranma: Why didn't you practice?! Akane: I thought I had a few more weeks! I didn't have time This week! I was paralyzed for half the time, then I get to meet your darling fiancees!! Between fighting them, and fighting you, there hasn't been time! Ranma: No excuse. Akane: (resigned) I know... I guess I'll just have to try my best and pray for some miracle. Voice: Ohohohoho!!! (Kodachi jumps into the ring. The audience applauds her, knowing that it was the only thing they could do to avoid poisoning of some sort.) Kodachi: You! Akane Tendo! Fight!! (Throws a few pins at Akane who only barely manages to dodge them, one of them grazes Akane's arm, drawing blood.) Akane: Hey! I wasn't ready yet! (Throws a ball baseball style at Kodachi, who simply bats it away with a hula hoop.) Kodachi: Come on and FIGHT, TENDO!! (Kodachi stares to throw a variety of tools at Akane, most of them hitting their mark.) Ref.:.... (Doesn't want to get killed by Kodachi) Uh... I guess the match officially begins!! (Kodachi throws the ribbon around, and it catches on to Akane's feet, tripping her. Kodachi jumps into the air and throws some pins at Akane who throws another ball at Kodachi, hitting her in the stomach. Kodachi, lands, snarling.) Ranma: Good job!! Kodachi: You filthy wretch! You've wounded me! Akane: (Getting to her feet.) Gee, that's the general Idea! (Throws some pins at Kodachi, who catches and throws them back at Akane. They hit her, drawing blood.) Ranma: Akane! (Starts to get into the ring) Akane: Stay out, Ranma, this is a fight! Kodachi: You can't defeat me. (Takes out hula hoop. Suddenly, tiny spikes protrude from it and she throws it at Akane. Akane can't see the spikes so she simply catches the hoop in one hand. She gives a scream, dropping the hoop to see blood coming out of her hand.) Akane: That's cheating!!! (She's angry. Looks around and sees a balance beam. She grabs and hefts it with both arms.) You'll pay for that!! Kodachi: REF!!! What are you, BLIND?! She's CHEATING!! Ref.: Well, it's a legal move. The balance beam is a piece of gymnastics equipment... (Akane starts swatting Kodachi with the beam, who didn't think someone would use something as massive as a balance beam to fight with. Akane manages to swat Kodachi into the air, and out of the ring.) (Kodachi blows into a whistle, and the entire RING started to move, until Kodachi lands on it. The movement of the wring caused Akane to lose her balance, which is why she's sitting.) Ranma: Get up!! (Tries to get into the ring, but Akane gives him a look that prompts him to stay put.) Kodachi: I've got you!! (Throws a ball at Akane and hits her square in the jaw. Akane collapses, gasping, before wobbling to her feet only to have the razor hula hoop hit her in the back.) Ranma: Don't give up, I'm gonna see what the heck is going on with this ring!!! (He looks under the ring and sees Kodachi's entire gym team supporting it, ready to move it at their leader's will. Ranma: Hey! Girl: Uh-oh. (Meanwhile, in the ring, Kodachi is beating Akane into a bloody pulp. She's ready to go in for the kill.) Kodachi: DIE!!! (Jumps into the air with a giant gym ball in hand, ready to squash Akane.) Three other voices: DIE!!! (Suddenly, Ryoga, Ukyou and Shampoo bash into through the wall, with Ryoga and Ukyou against Shampoo who is amazingly enough, managing to hold her own. The three smash right into Kodachi, knocking her out of the ring.) (Kodachi is blowing her whistle shrilly, but Ranma is stopping her team from moving the ring. Kodachi smashes into the ground, outside of the ring, while Shampoo and Ukyou start fighting on top of her, not noticing her. Ryoga had noticed Akane and rushed to her to see if she was alright.) Ryoga: Akane! Speak to me! Akane: (Weak) Uh...mm...Ran...Ranma? Ryoga: Saotome did this to you?! He will DIE!!! (Looks around wildly for Ranma.) Saotome!!! WHERE ARE YOU!? Ranma: (coming up from under the ring. Kodachi's team runs out while Ranma isn't looking, swearing never to cheat again.) Ryoga? What are you doing here? Ryoga: YOU WILL PAY RANMA!! Akane: (Very weak) Ryoga....don't... (Ryoga didn't hear Akane, and lunges towards Ranma, who bats him away, and into Shampoo and Ukyou's fight. They two suddenly find someone else to use their rage against. Ranma runs to Akane, and lifts her up.) Ranma: You won, Akane!! You won! ***************************************************************** Younger men are so... Part 4 : Realizations An Elseworlds Episode Looking back on all this time we spent together, you ought to know by now, if you want to be my lover, wanna be my lover? -LaBouche, Be my lover. ***************************************************************** (Shampoo comes back to the Nekohanten to discover that is is full of people eating and drinking. Mousse is trying to man the cash register, take orders and wait on the tables at the same time, often with very bad results while Cologne is in the kitchen. Shampoo knows Cologne is in the kitchen, because everyone once in a while, a plate of ramen is thrown out of kitchen and onto Mousse's head. No matter where Mousse is, the ramen always lands on his head.) Shampoo: Mousse, what going on here? Mousse: (Dropping food onto a table.) Shampoo!! You're home! (Rushes over to hug her.) I was so worried!! (Shampoo bashes Mousse over the head with plate of ramen, though she is careful not to break the plate. Mousse collapses. Shampoo goes to the kitchen to see Cologne cooking up a frenzy.) Shampoo: Great-grandmother, did Kasumi come? Cologne: Shampoo, where have you been?! Hurry up bring these plates to table four!! By god, I never thought there'd be so many people! (Shampoo obediently does what is asked of her. She comes back to Cologne to ask a question, but Cologne instantly gives her 7 more plates to be delivered. By the time Shampoo actually has time to ask her question, it's night time, and most of the people have left.) Shampoo: Great-grandmother, did Kasumi come? Cologne: Kasumi? No. She didn't come. Her sister got hurt in a fight, and Kasumi is taking care of her. Shampoo: Aiya! Is sister alright? Cologne: I believe so. I heard she won the fight. Shampoo: Kasumi sister need practice, so not get hurt, even though she win. Maybe Shampoo teach sister fight to repay Kasumi, yes? Cologne: That's a good idea. Anyway, what did you find out about Ranma today? Shampoo: (Scowling) Shampoo have many rivals! Spatula girl and crazy girl with loud laugh. Violent girl with hammer not Ranma's fiancee, but fight for him anyway. Mousse: (Coming into kitchen) Really? Then maybe you should give up on Ranma! He's so unfaithful to you! I'd never do such a thing! Shampoo: Mousse never beat Shampoo in fight, either! Mousse: But I love you!!! Shampoo: Mousse leave Shampoo alone!!! (Bashes him over skull with bonbori.) Cologne: (Frowning) Ranma have multiple girlfriends? This is not good. We must change this... ***************************************************************** Ranma: I feel awful, Kasumi. Kasumi: I can tell. (Ranma hasn't touched the food she's made for him.) Ranma, it wasn't you fault. Besides, Akane won. Ranma: I still feel awful. I should have just jumped in the ring before Kodachi could hurt her. Kasumi: Ranma, you know Akane wouldn't have wanted that. Ranma: But you told me to protect her from harm! Kasumi: True... but, you'd just be hurting Akane's feelings if you jumped in the ring to help her. Sometimes, hurting one's feelings is worst than hurting them physically. Ranma: (Growling) Akane shouldn't have been so hurt! This is all Kodachi's fault! I mean, she would have won anyway, if she didn't cheat. After all, Akane didn't even have a chance to practice! Kasumi: How is Kodachi doing, anyway? Ranma: Kodachi? She's in the hospital. Ukyou and Shampoo really did a number on her when they stepped all over her face. Kasumi: I'm sure Kodachi realized her mistake and will eventually apologize to Akane. Ranma: Yeah. Right. Kasumi. Kasumi: Maybe we should go visit Kodachi to see how she is? Ranma: Why?! Kasumi: She's in the hospital, Ranma-chan. She can use a friend. Ranma: But, she's insane!! Kasumi: No one can be that bad. Ranma: You haven't met Kodachi yet. (Suddenly, there is a scream upstairs. Kasumi and Ranma look at each other, before rushing up the stairs.) ***************************************************************** [Five minutes ago] (Akane had been resting peacefully, when her window opened and she felt a breeze. Thinking it was P-Chan, she sat up and looked at the window, but the black piglet wasn't there. She lays back down, eyes open, and sees Kodachi on the roof. She has a wooden mallet, the kind Akane uses, hanging from a belt. Kodachi has a bandage wrapped around her forehead, a few bruises here and there, and her left leg in a cast. How she got on the roof with her leg in a cast, we'll never know.) Kodachi: Akane Tendo! Prepare to die!!! Akane: (Snapping awake) You again!!! Don't you EVER give up!!! (Manages to fall out of bed before her head could be squished.) Kodachi: How DARE you make me look bad in front of my Ranma-sama?! Akane: Stop calling him that! Ranma's already engaged! Kodachi: Well, if I kill you, then he's not engaged any more now is he? Akane: WRONG!! Kill me, and Ukyou and Shampoo is still his fiancees! Besides, I'M not the Tendo engaged to him! Kodachi: You lie! If you're not engaged to him, then why do you fight for him so hard?? Akane: (opens and shuts mouth a few times) I do NOT fight hard for him! (Just then Ranma and Kasumi come in. Ranma sees the fight and instantly jumps in. Kasumi simply stands in the doorway, stupefied.) Ranma: (Grabbing onto Kodachi's hands.) Hey, what do you think you're doing?! Kodachi: Ranma-sama!! Ranma: (Angry) Don't call me that!! Why were you attacking Akane?! Didn't you hurt her enough already? Kodachi: But Ranma-sama, Akane is my rival. I must kill her so that we can be together always! Ranma: What? Akane is your... (Ranma and Akane look at each other for a moment, before they both flush) Kodachi, Akane is NOT your rival! She's not engaged to me! Kasumi is! Why would I want AKANE as a fiancee?! Akane: Ranma no Baka!!! (Hits him with mallet.) Kodachi: I guess you're right... Akane: AAARGGH!!! Kodachi: Who is Kasumi? Kasumi: Did someone call me? Kodachi: DIE!!! (Jumps into air and throws a bunch of flowers into Kasumi's face.) Kasumi: Oh, what lovely flowe- (falls, paralyzed.) (Thought) Hmm... I can't move my arms or legs! Or anything else for that matter! Should I start panicking now? Akane: How DARE you hurt my sister?! (swings mallet at Kodachi who dodges clumsily.) Kodachi: I see you enjoy the hammer arts as well, Akane Tendo. Hmm... beautifully crafted, but take a look at mine! (Hefts it at Akane, striking her in the head. Akane falls, seeing stars.) Ranma: (coming to from the mallet wound) Kodachi!! (Very angry) Stop this!!! (Throws her out window.) Kodachi: Ranma-samaaaaa.... Ranma: (goes over to Akane) Akane, are you alright? Akane: (groan) Gee, I never knew how much it hurt when you get hit with a hammer. I'm sorry for all those times I smacked you with it. (Looks at Kasumi) Onee-chan!!! Ranma: Kasumi!! Kasumi: (Thought) Gee, took long enough for them to pry their eyes from each other to notice me. Hmm... ***************************************************************** (While Akane was getting attacked, Ukyou was treating Ryoga for his wounds from her attack.) Ukyou: I don't believe it. Shampoo managed to use you as a shield for everyone one of my shots. Ryoga: (Grumble) Hey, you managed to use me as a shield for every one of her shots too! Ukyou: You shouldn't have gotten in the way. Ryoga: Hump, see if I help you again. Ukyou: I didn't need your help!! Ryoga: Shampoo was killing you before I came in. Ukyou: She threw her bicycle at me when I wasn't watching! Humph. You weren't much better. You threw HER through the roof of the Gym, but she dragged ME after her!! Ryoga: But then you dragged ME after you! Ukyou: touchT. Ryoga: I think you should use that spatula strictly for cooking. (Ukyou hits Ryoga over the head with the spatula in question as a response.) ***************************************************************** (The next day, Kasumi comes to Nekohanten to find that it's packed and has become an overnight success. She sees Shampoo taking orders from a couple while Mousse tries to do the same with a potted plant.) Kasumi: Hello, Shampoo! Shampoo: (looks up) Nihao Kasumi!! Look (motions around) Nekohanten packed!! Kasumi: So I see! I guess this means I should come back when there's less people? Shampoo: (Nods head vigorously) Come back later!! Shampoo have much to tell you!! Shampoo found husband! Kasumi: Really? What's his name? Shampoo: Husband name is- Customer: Hey, Miss, can I get some service here?! Your male counterpart is trying to ask my wife's purse if it needs a booster seat! Shampoo: Sorry, Kasumi, come back later? Kasumi: Of course. (Kasumi walks out of the Nekohanten, wondering where she should go. She had planned to tutor Shampoo that afternoon.) Kasumi: (Thought) I know! I'll go visit Ranma-chan at school! Father's been telling me to go visit him more often. ***************************************************************** (At the school, Ranma, Akane, Ukyou and Ryoga are eating lunch. Ukyou and Ryoga aren't on the best of terms because Ryoga had gotten lost in Ucchan's, walking into a closet, and coming out of the woman's bathroom.) Ryoga: I told you!! I can't help it if I get lost! Ukyou: How did you manage to come out of the woman's BATHROOM, if you walked into the closet?! How can you expect me to believe that?! You are a HENTAI!!! Ryoga: WHY DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?! Akane: Ranma, have you seen P-Chan? I haven't found him since that one day I lost him! Ranma: (Snort) Why do you want P-chan?! He's just a pig. Ukyou: (Hotly) Don't worry Akane, I have a feeling P-Chan will find himself home tonight! Ryoga & Ranma & Akane: WHAT?! (Just then, Kasumi comes into the school yard, smiling as usual.) Kasumi: Hello Akane-chan. Hello Ranma-chan. Hello Ukyou. Akane: Hello, Onee. Ranma: Hey, Kasumi. Ukyou: Humph. (Glares at Kasumi, who doesn't notice this. She quickly latches onto Ranma's arm. Ranma does not notice. If Kasumi noticed, she doesn't do anything about it. Akane, however, does. She glowers a bit.) Ryoga: Hi, Kasumi. Kasumi: (Blinking) Have we met? Ryoga: (Remembers that he was a pig at the time he had met Kasumi.) Um... uh... no, but.... Ukyou's told me about you! Ukyou: I have? (Thought) Well, it's true. I always complain to him about my rivals... (Suddenly, there is a strange `Ohohoho' sound coming though the air and everyone looks up. It's Kodachi, in her leotard, holding a hammer above her head, and somehow, she's launched herself though the air.) Kodachi: KASUMI TENDO PREPARE TO DIE!!! (The declaration stuns everyone, so no one moves and Kodachi collides into a tree on her way to pound Kasumi. She collapses onto the ground, dazed. A few teeth fall out.) Kunou: (Looks at Kodachi, shrugs, looks at Ranma, and sees another excuse to bully him with.) Saotome, how dare you hurt my sister!! PREPARE TO DIE!! Ranma: What are you talking about?! I didn't do anything!! (Ukyou, Akane, Kasumi and Ryoga sidestep quickly, as Ranma starts to duke it out. Meanwhile, Kodachi manages to wobble away from getting stepped on.) Akane: Is it just me, or do those two use the same corny lines, over and over again? Ryoga: You! What ever your name is! I won't let you kill Ranma, he's MINE TO KILL!!! (Jumps into the fight with Kunou and Ranma.) Kasumi: Oh my, Furinken High certainly wasn't this violent when I came here... Ukyou: Speaking of violence...(takes out spatula) don't think I'm gonna let you take my Ranchan away from me. Kasumi: Excuse me? Kodachi: Tendo Kasumi... prepare to die!!! (She's facing her brother at the moment.) Kunou: What are you doing, woman!!? Don't interfere in a man's fight! (Turns her around to face the females.) Kodachi: Tendo Kasumi... prepare to die!!! Ukyou: I'm not Kasumi! Kodachi: ??? (Kodachi collapses. Ukyou is shaking with fury as she tries to intimidate and frighten Kasumi, who seems oblivious to the angry blue aura around the girl.) Akane: Look, Ukyou, stop trying to scare my sister. (Takes up attack position.) If you want to fight... Ukyou: Why would I want to fight you? You're not my rival. Akane:... Of course I'M NOT!!! Ukyou: (Warily) Why are you so eager to fight me?! I'm not YOUR rival! Unless (makes a face) your family supports sorrel polygyny? Akane: Don't be SICK!!! Why would I want to marry RANMA?! Ukyou: (Thought) Good. I don't want another rival. Kasumi: Will you be fighting the entire day? (Akane and Ukyou start to beat on each other as a response.) Kasumi: I see. Maybe I should go home now. Sayonara. (Kasumi leaves. Just as she does so, a bicycle bell rings. Everyone fighting freezes. Shampoo's bicycle lands on Ranma after flying through the sky.) Shampoo: Nihao Airen!! (Brings out food) Nekohanten very, very busy... had to tell friend to come back tomorrow, but Great- grandmother say is okay to come give food to Ranma! Ranma: Food! (Grabs food and starts chowing down.) Kunou & Ryoga: HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT OUR FIGHT ALREADY SAOTOME?! Ukyou: (Thought) Oh, great! Shampoo! She usually pairs off with me, and I can't handle her as well as Akane. Kodachi's starting to stir too! Hm... Ukyou: Shampoo! Guess how many fiancees your Airen has! Shampoo: (Counting fingers) Shampoo...spatula girl... insane girl with loud laugh... three. Ukyou: Wrong! Ranma has 4! Shampoo: Four? Violent girl, Akane count too? Akane: NO!!! Ukyou: No, the forth one just walked around the corner, and she's going home! If you hurry, you can still catch up!! Shampoo: (Whips out bonbori out of somewhere) DIE!!! (Runs off somewhere.) Akane: You sent Shampoo after my sister!!! Ukyou: Don't worry! Shampoo's never met your sister before! She'll just get lost. Meanwhile, I can pulverize you with out her interference!! (Akane and Ukyou start to fight, on top of Kodachi, who's screams are ignored.) ***************************************************************** (Shampoo is biking down the street at mach 2, but just misses Kasumi, who turns a corner. Shampoo continues biking down the street, looking for any female aged 14-20 that might be Ranma's fiancee. She doesn't see any. Screaming in frustration, she bikes through a concrete wall, and into Dr Tofu's clinic.) Shampoo: WHERE IS SHE?! Tofuu: (Blinking) Hello. Can I help you? Shampoo: Nihao, me Shampoo. Shampoo looking for girl. Tofuu: A girl? What's her name? Shampoo: Uh... don't know. Tofuu: How does she look? Shampoo: Uh... don't know. Tofuu: ..... Shampoo: ..... (They continue to stand there for a few minutes, before Shampoo brightens.) Shampoo: Girl is one of Airen's Fiancees! Tofuu: Excuse me? Shampoo: Where Ranma's Fiancee?! Tofuu: Ranma's fian... (glasses fog up) (Thought) KASUMI! (Glasses defog) Ranma's...fiancee... (Depressed) She lives at the Tendo Dojo. Shampoo: Dojo? Okay, thank you! Bai bai!! (Bikes off) Tofuu: Kasumi... ***************************************************************** (Shampoo bikes around town, asking various people where the Tendo Dojo is.) Man: The Tendo Dojo? Shampoo: Uh-huh. Man: So you have a complaint against them too eh? Hey, we neighbors are signing a partition, to kick them out of Nerima! Care to join? Shampoo: Just tell where Dojo!! Man: Why are you in such a hurry to get over there? If you're planning on beating some sense into them, it won't work. We've tried before. Shampoo: .... (Tries to look as cute as possible) Nice man please tell Shampoo where Dojo is?? Man: Well, I don't recommend that you go, but, they're right next door. Shampoo: Thank you nice man!!! (Kisses man on cheek and then dashes through a wall.) Man: .... (bliss on his face at being kissed before coming back to reality) Hey! She went right through the wa-!! Oh no, it's another one of them!!! ***************************************************************** (Soun and Genma are playing their game again, when there is a sudden rumbling.) Soun: Is it an earth quake?! Shampoo: WHERE RANMA FIANCEE?!? (She bashed through a handy wall, swords in hands. Anger radiated from in her the form of a blue aura. She looks at Soun and Panda-Genma. (Genma faints at the sight of her while Soun blinks at the newcomer.) Soun : Ranma's fiancee? You mean Kasumi! She just got home, and she's in the kitchen. Are you here to congratulate her? Shampoo: (Shampoo stampedes into the kitchen, knocking down the door.) (Thought) Why man say girl name Kasumi? Kasumi is Shampoo friend! (She sees the back of Kasumi and doesn't realize it's her friend.) (Speaks) Face Shampoo!!! Kasumi: (turns around, blinking.) Oh my. Shampoo, what are you doing here? Do you need more sulfur? Let me get some for you. (Attempts to get pass Shampoo to get some, but Shampoo blocks the way, not letting Kasumi go, a bewildered look on her face.) Shampoo: Kasumi? (Thought) Kasumi is Ranma's fiancee?! No!!! It can't be!! Kasumi doesn't look like she can fight! What would Ranma see in her?! Of course, Kasumi didn't look like she knew how to get rid of rats and fix a broken oven too... great-grandmother says Kasumi is strong... Could Kasumi know martial arts and not tell me?! One way to find out... (Speaks) Kasumi. You Ranma's fiancee??! Kasumi: (looks rather embarrassed and flushed.) Well...yes. I am. I know he's young for me, but Nabiki didn't want him and Akane couldn't stand him so I was the only daughter left... Shampoo: No!!! Kasumi CAN'T be Ranma's fiancee!! (She gave the older girl a wounded look.) Shampoo thought Kasumi was Shampoo's friend!! Kasumi: (looks confused as she doesn't understand Shampoo's problem at the moment.) I am your friend... Shampoo: You LIE!! (anger builds in her) Kasumi evil!! Tell Shampoo, Kasumi is friend, but is Ranma's fiancee!! Kasumi, Shampoo's rival!! DIE!!! (Throws her sword at Kasumi, but she is confused and panicking, so it's a wimpy throw. She is expecting Kasumi to block or dodge it, because after all, she IS Ranma's fiancee, and should know at LEAST the basics of martial arts...) (Shampoo discovers that this is not true as Kasumi collapses onto the ground with a sword impaling her belly into a pool of redness. Shampoo blinks, wondering why Kasumi is not getting up. Then blinks again as realization dawns on her.) Shampoo: AIYA!!! ****************************************************************** (The Tendos and the Saotomes are at the Hospital. Ryoga and Ukyou are with them. Soun and Genma both look horrible and are crying their eyes out, while even Nabiki looks a little misty eyed. Ranma of all people is comforting Akane, who's too upset to smack him away. Ryoga is glaring at Ranma for holding onto Akane, while Ukyou isn't feeling very well. The kids were phoned at school of this, and they had met Genma and Soun at the hospital. It wasn't Genma, OR Soun who had brought her in, though.) Ukyou: (Thought) I don't believe it! I don't! How could this happen?! Shampoo shouldn't have got Kasumi. Shampoo hasn't ever seen Kasumi before!! How could this happen?! (Just then, the doctor came out of the emergency room.) Everyone: How is she?! Will she live? How much will this cost? Can we go see her? My baby girl!! Waaaa!! How is she doing? Doctor: Calm down! Everything will be fine! It wasn't as bad as it looked because no major organs were damaged so that we couldn't patch her up. Now, I want to know what happened. Soun: A crazy girl killed my baby girl!!! Waaa!! She will pay!!! She will pay!!! Doctor: Did you hear me? I said she'll be fine! Now, a girl did this? Ranma: An... enemy of the family did this, Dr. Doctor: I see. Now where is the girl who brought her in? Ranma: What? A girl brought her in? Wasn't it Pop or Mr. Tendo? Doctor: No, the two gentlemen arrived after. It was a teenage girl, with purple hair who brought the patient in. (Looks around.) Strange. Looks like she left! I would have thought she would stay, she was so worried. Ranma/Akane/Ukyou/Ryoga: Shampoo?! Doctor: Huh? (Just then, a wail could be heard down the hall. Everyone looks at it, and sees Doctor Tofuu barreling down the hall and through everything in his way.) Tofuu: Where is she?! Where is she?! Doctor: Tofuu?? What are you doing here?1 Tofuu: Where is Kasumi?!(Much to the surprise of everyone, his glasses do NOT fog up.) Doctor: She's fine! She's resting right now. (Looks Tofuu over.) Looks like you can use some rest to, Tofuu. (Dr Tofuu has seen better days. His clothing is muddy with multiple rips in it. His hair is all messed up, and one of the lenses in his glasses are smashed out. He is crushing some bones that belonged to Betty-Chan.) Tofuu: Kasumi... is alright? Doctor: She's fine! What did you do, dash across town? Tofuu:... (Collapses) ****************************************************************** (After getting Dr Tofuu some medical attention, the Doctor lets the people go see Kasumi. Everyone rushes into the room, leaving Akane and Ukyou, because they are the last ones to get in.) Akane:... Ukyou:... Akane:... Ukyou: Look! This silence is killing me! I know you want to kill me, but it wasn't my fault! I didn't know Shampoo would get Kasumi! Akane: (Doesn't answer.) Ukyou: You can't blame me! I didn't know! It's Shampoo's fault, not mine!! I didn't want Kasumi to get hurt! That would hurt Ranchan! Akane: (Doesn't answer.) Ukyou: Stop look at me like that!!! If you want to fight, then fine!! We fight!!! (Brings out spatula. She's breathing heavily, and blinking rapidly.) Akane: (Doesn't move, doesn't answer.) Ukyou: Stop it! It's not my fault!! (Trembling) Not my fault!!! Akane: (Gets up, ready to walk away.) Ukyou: Don't walk away!!! Fight me!! I will prove it's not my fault. (Tears are threatening, and Ukyou blinks even more rapidly.) Akane: (In very cold voice) How will fighting you prove it's not your fault? Ukyou: It isn't my fault!!! (Tears streaming down her face now.) Akane: You believe what you want. (Turns to go.) Ukyou: ARGH!! (Throws down spatula.) You're angry at me!! Why aren't you trying to kill me?! Here!! I'll let you hit me, come on!! Akane: (Looks at Ukyou.) So you want me to hit you? Ukyou: YES!!! Akane: You want me to punish you. Ukyou: YES!!! Akane: But it isn't your fault. Ukyou: YES IT IS!!! HIT ME!! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! I SHOULDN'T HAVE SENT SHAMPOO AFTER KASUMI! IT'S MY FAULT SHE'S IN THE HOSPITAL! (Collapses) It is my fault... it....is.... (Crying.) Akane: (slightly guilty) I'm not going to hit you. I'm not going to punish you. You've punished yourself quite enough. I am going to see my sister. (Akane leaves Ukyou, who's still sobbing on the ground. Ryoga comes into the room, out from Kasumi's room. He sees Ukyou crying.) Ryoga: Ukyou, what's wrong? Ukyou: It....it's.....it's....all... Ryoga: ???? Ukyou: It's all my fault!! (Starts crying into Ryoga's shirt.) Ryoga: (Thought) Why do girls like crying into this shirt so much? Hm... maybe I should wear it more often? Ukyou: **Sob!!** **Cry!!** Ryoga: Ukyou, don't cry. This isn't your fault. Who said it was? Ukyou: It is my fault! Akane's right. It is my fault! I should have never sent Shampoo after Kasumi! Never! Ryoga: Akane said it's your fault? Well, then, it probably is your fault then... no wait! No wait, don't cry more! I mean, I mean, uh.... come one, let's get you home. (Ukyou is too depressed to object. It isn't until a few minutes later, before she looks around and sees that Ryoga has walked them into a closet.) Ukyou: Ryoga, why are we in a closet? Ryoga: Eh, heh heh, heh.... ****************************************************************** Akane: Oneechan!!!! (Runs into Kasumi, starts crying. She had been trying to hold it in, while she was confronting Ukyou, but now, she's letting it all out.) Kasumi: Akane, it's alright.... I'll be fine. (Kasumi comforts her little sister a little longer, while the family looks on, before she looks around.) Kasumi: Strange. Where's Shampoo? Everyone: You know Shampoo?! Kasumi: Yes. I hope she's alright, she was so upset... Everyone: How did you know Shampoo? Kasumi: She's my friend. (She tells them how she met the Chinese amazon.) Where did she go? Oh, I hope she's alright. I should have told her Ranma-chan was my fiancee, then this never would have happened. Ranma: (Fiercely) This isn't your fault, Kasumi. If anyone's, it's Shampoo's. She might think she's engaged to me, but she should never have hurt you. Kasumi: (Blinking) Engaged to you? (After everyone knows the full story now, Kasumi nods.) Kasumi: Oh my, that would explain a lot. Oh dear, whatever will we do now? I hope our friendship isn't in complete ruins. ****************************************************************** (Somehow, Ryoga has managed to get Ukyou back to Ucchan's. He sits her down at one of the table, and she sobs quietly into a table clothe. Ryoga, walks into a closet, and comes out of the kitchen with a glass of water for her.) Ryoga: Are you feeling better? Ukyou: (Nods)(Takes water and tries to drink it. With the glass halfway to her mouth, she suddenly starts to cry again, and flings the water onto Ryoga.) P-Chan: Bwee!!! (Thought) Hey, watch it!! Ukyou: Ryoga? Oh, I'm so sorry, Ryoga. I can't do anything right today. Everything blows up in my face. (Picks up P-Chan) You probably want to go to Akane now, don't you? P-Chan: Bwee?? (Thought) I want to go... but I think I'd better stay here with you. Ukyou: Okay, I'll send you. (Stumbles to the door, and prepares to throw P-Chan across down.) P-Chan: Bwee!!!! (Manages to wiggle out of Ukyou's grasp, and attaches himself onto her leg, refuses to let go.) Ukyou: Don't you want to go to Akane's? P-Chan: (Shakes head.) Ukyou: Can you... stay here with me? P-Chan: (Nods head.) Ukyou: Thank you... (Picks up P-Chan, and hugs him, with out noticing that P-Chan is getting a nosebleed.) You're such a good friend... P-Chan: Bwee? Ukyou: (Thinks for a long time.) Friend.... Ranchan probably hate me now... I don't have any friends any more... P-Chan: Bwee!! Ukyou: Ranchan... please.. don't hate me... I didn't mean it! I didn't want this to happen. Please down hate me... (Collapses) please... don't hate me... P-Chan: (Thought) Don't cry, Ukyou... hey, it isn't him, who should hate you, it's YOU who should hate him!!! Why, if he'd only stayed engaged to you from the very beginning, this wouldn't be happening! It's HIS fault!! (Ukyou hugs P-Chan tighter as a response.) ****************************************************************** (It is late at night, and everyone has gone home, except for Kasumi, who's asleep at the hospital, and Dr Tofuu. He has come into her room quietly, and is sitting in a chair beside her.) Tofuu: (Thought) Kasumi... my love.... I almost lost you today... I have to tell you how I feel... But, I get so nervous and weak around you, I can never say it to you. But now, you're asleep, and it's not as bad...I think...I can... Kasumi: Zzzz... Tofuu: (Leaning closer to her) (Thought) Kasumi... I...I.. Kasumi: Zzzz... Tofuu: (Gently takes her hand) (Softly) Kasumi... I... I... I love you. Kasumi: Zzzz...unn....hu...huh? (Starts to opens eyes.) Tofuu: !!!!! (Glasses fog up, and he falls to the ground, twitching.) Kasumi: Who's there? (no answer.) (Thought) Strange, I could have thought I heard someone talking to me... it sounded like... Kasumi: (looks around again, but doesn't see anyone, so she shrugs, and goes back to sleep.) (Though) No, it couldn't be... I was just dreaming... besides, Dr Tofuu doesn't love me... ****************************************************************** Younger men are so... Part 5 : Family An Elseworlds Episode I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you've done, I'll love you as long as you love me. -Back street boys ****************************************************************** (Shampoo is creeping back into the Nekohanten. No one is there, the restaurant is closed up. Cologne is absent, but Mousse is lightly snoozing at a table nearest to the door. Shampoo tip toes so she won't wake Mousse, but as soon as she closes the door, a bell is triggered and rings. Shampoo hisses as Mousse wakes up.) Mousse: Zzz...wha...snort....huh?? (Opens eyes, doesn't see anything. Puts on glasses, and sees Shampoo, who was trying to blend into the wall.) Shampoo: Hiss.... Mousse: Shampoo!! You're back!!! You're alright!! (Runs and hugs her tight.) No wait, you're not alright!! You're covered in blood!!! (Starts to panic.) Who did this to you, my beloved?! Who did this?! They will pay!!! (A pair of swords suddenly come in his hands.) Shampoo: No Mousse, no one did this to Shampoo... Is not even Shampoo's blood. (Quietly and quickly runs up the stairs while Mousse is still ranting.) (Shampoo peels off the sticky clothes, and takes a shower putting on another set of clothes. She opens the door of the bathroom, to see Mousse, staring at her. Shampoo blinks, and pulls out a pair of bonbori from somewhere. She is ready to whack Mousse over the head, but stops in time.) Mousse: Shampoo?? Are you alright? Shampoo: (Defeated sigh) No Mousse, Shampoo no alright. Mousse: What?! What's wrong?! Did someone hurt you?! I know someone hurt you!! Who was it?! Who was it?!!! I keeellll him!! Shampoo: (Softly) Shampoo hurt inside, no out. Mousse: Are you suffering from internal bleeding?! Shampoo: No, baka! Shampoo not feel good. Shampoo feel awful, but not physical wound!! Mousse: What's wrong? Shampoo: .... Where great-grandmother? Mousse: She went to look for you after you didn't come home. I wanted to come to, but she wouldn't let me. Told me to stay and mind the restaurant. Shampoo: Mousse.... Shampoo have question to ask you. Mousse: Yes!! Yes, I will marry you!!! Shampoo: What? No! Shampoo no ask Mousse to marry her!! Baka! (Hits him over head with bonbori.) Mousse: Oh. Alright. What is it? Shampoo: Just pretend.... just pretend, okay? Say, girl and boy love each other... boy very nice to girl. Give girl many things, and always say love her. Girl love boy back. Mousse: (Delighted) Oh, Shampoo, I knew you loved me!!! I knew it!! Shampoo: No!!! Is just pretend!! Not about Mousse!! Mousse: Oh. Go on. Shampoo: Anyway, Girl and Boy both have a friend, who is very, very nice to girl. In fact, is nicer to girl than boy is, because boy don't see girl often. Friend teach girl many things, and help girl with her business. One day, girl go see friend, and discover that friend likes boy too. So girl get mad and hit friend bad. Very bad. Friend go to hospital. What do you think about the girl? Mousse: Did you do something bad? Shampoo: Is just pretend Mousse!! (Thought) I can't tell him I did that. He'd be biased, and he wouldn't give me the right answer then. Mousse: Well, I'd say that the girl is a very bad person. Shampoo: No!! Girl just get mad and hit friend! Did mean to. Mousse: It doesn't matter, the girl is still a very bad person. Angry or not, she should never have hit her friend, after all, she was so nice to her. Shampoo: .... (Getting miserable) Mousse: The girl doesn't even deserve to have such a good friend, or such a good boyfriend either. Shampoo: .... (getting depressed.) Mousse: The girl should be branded the evil that she is. Shampoo: .... (Tears threatening.) Mousse.... would you like the girl? Mousse: Well, no. Why would I like a girl who is so mean to her friends? Shampoo: .... what do you think the boy would think? Mousse: The boy? Well, I'd think he would be heart broken. I mean, the girl of his dream isn't exactly the girl of his dreams anymore. Shampoo: .... Mousse: If I was the boy, I'd dump the girl. She doesn't deserve to have such a good man. Shampoo: ....sniff.... (tears are streaming down her face.) Mousse: Shampoo?? .... The story was true, wasn't it? Shampoo: Uh-huh. (Nods.) Mousse, story is true... Shampoo hurt Kasumi today, because Shampoo discover that Kasumi was another one of Ranma's fiancees. Shampoo get mad...and... and... (breaks down.) Shampoo had to get Kasumi to hospital!!! Kasumi hurt bad!! Mousse: (Quickly hugs Shampoo.) Don't cry, Shampoo... Don't cry. It's alright... Shampoo: No!! Is not alright!!! Shampoo don't deserve Kasumi as friend or Ranma as husband!! Shampoo bad! Mousse: Shampoo, forget about Ranma, he's not worthy of you! Shampoo: (Suddenly quiet.) No.... Mousse wrong... is other way around. Shampoo not worthy of Ranma. (Cries, and runs down the hall.) Mousse: Shampoo!!! (Starts to run after her, but his glasses fall off his face, and he can't see where he's going, so he trips and falls off the balcony.) ****************************************************************** (It is two in the morning. Kasumi is sleeping. Dr Tofuu has managed to fall out a window so that Kasumi doesn't know he was ever there. Shampoo crawls in through the window and sits herself in the chair beside Kasumi. She sits there quietly, looking miserable. When the sun rises, Kasumi opens her eyes, and sees that Shampoo is sitting beside her bed, eyes full of tears, lower lip trembling, face full of misery.) Kasumi: Shampoo? What are you doing here? Shampoo: (looking up.) Kasumi? Awake? Kasumi: Yes. How long have you been here? Shampoo: Since two in the morning. Kasumi:!!! Why didn't you wake me up? Shampoo: Shampoo... have lot of things to say... First... Shampoo is sorry... can never repay Kasumi for what Shampoo has done.. Kasumi:... Shampoo: Shampoo decide to give up Ranma. Kasumi: !!!! Shampoo: Shampoo was thinking and talking to Mousse, and he say something very right, only he say it backwards. He say Ranma not worthy of me, but beat Shampoo in fight, so is worthy of Shampoo. But.... Shampoo thinking.... is Shampoo worthy of Ranma? Kasumi: But, Shampoo, all you ever wanted was to marry Ranma! Shampoo: (sad smile) Is about time Shampoo (brow wrinkles) re... reevaluates... pry...priorities. Kasumi: You've been practicing. (Shampoo nods vigorously.) Kasumi: (sighs) Shampoo, I don't blame you for what you did. After all, it IS one of your customs. I should have told you I was engaged to Ranma too. I'm sorry. Shampoo: (shaking head) No right! Shampoo was wrong. Kasumi: We were both wrong. (There is silence) Shampoo: Kasumi... not mad at Shampoo? Kasumi: No. I don't remember ever being actually mad at anyone before. Shampoo: (hopeful look in her eyes) Kasumi and Shampoo still friends? Kasumi: Yes. Kasumi and Shampoo always friends. (Shampoo gives Kasumi a happy yelp and hug before leaving so Kasumi could get some rest.) ****************************************************************** (The next morning, Ranma, Akane, Ukyou and Ryoga are at school. Akane is off somewhere while Ryoga is lost so Ranma and Ukyou are alone. Ukyou decides that it is time, that she confront Ranma.) Ukyou: Ranchan? Ranma: What is it, Ucchan? Ukyou: Do you hate me? Ranma: (Started) Why do you think that? Ukyou: It was my fault that Kasumi got so hurt. Ranma: No it isn't. Ukyou: Yes it is. I told Shampoo that Kasumi was your fiancee, and sent her after Kasumi... Ranma: But Shampoo and Kasumi were supposed to be friends. Shampoo should never had hurt Kasumi. If it's anyone's fault, it's Shampoo's. Ukyou: I.... I guess you're right... (looks sad though.) Ranma: Ucchan, don't be sad. It really isn't your fault. Ukyou: So... you're not mad at me? Ranma: Huh? No! Actually, I'm not really mad at Shampoo either, even though she did this, because she was the one who rushed Kasumi to the hospital. I followed the trail of blood from the dojo to the hospital, and given the distance between the drops of blood... I'd say Shampoo was really hauling her butt! She must have been going faster than most cars! Ukyou: Ranchan... (Gives Ranma a hug.) Ranma: What's that for? Ukyou: You're so nice to me... Ranma: .... (Akane and Ryoga comes over. Akane gives Ukyou and Ranma a stony glare.) Akane: Oh very noble Ranma, while Kasumi's in the hospital, you can make nice with Ukyou. Ranma: What?! What are you talking about?! Akane: You heard me!! Ukyou: Akane, it's not like that! As much as I'd like it to be like that, it isn't. Ranma: Yeah! It isn't. Akane: Well.... (trails off.) (Suddenly a bicycle bell rings, Ranma tenses up and wants to hide to avoid being used as a break. But he realizes that no matter where he hides, Shampoo always parks her bike on his head so why bother? Besides, he is very confused about Shampoo and wants to ask her a few questions. Much to his surprise. Shampoo comes into view on her bike on the sidewalk for once and she managed to stop before bowling over Ukyou and Ranma.) Shampoo: (without usual spunk) Nihao, Ranma, Ryoga, Akane and Ukyou. Ukyou: Ukyou? (Thought) What ever happened to spatula girl? Ranma: What do you want Shampoo? Shampoo: Wanted to tell Ranma this. Shampoo no want to be Ranma's wife anymore. (There is a very awkward pause.) Ranma: What?! Shampoo: Shampoo realize that even though Ranma is worthy of Shampoo, Shampoo not worthy of Ranma. Akane: (Surprised) How did you come to that conclusion? Shampoo: (Sadly) Shampoo is not a good person. Hurt good friend because of little thing. Not worthy of Ranma. (There is another awkward pause.) Shampoo: Do... Ranma hate Shampoo? Ranma: .... well... I'm a bit pissed off at you... you did hurt Kasumi... but you also rushed her to the hospital, and you really do seem sincere... So.... no. I don't hate you, but if you ever hurt my friends again... Shampoo: No worry. Shampoo not hurt Ranma friends again. Can Shampoo be friends with Ranma? Ranma: Of course. Shampoo: (turns to Akane, Ryoga and Ukyou.) Shampoo get off to bad start with spatula-, with Ukyou, Ryoga and Akane