Younger men are so... Part 1 : Introductions An Elseworlds Episode I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy. I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need. -Savage garden, truly madly deeply ***************************************************************** (The Tendo household exploded, a wave of tears flooding out every window and door on the first floor. The explosion was followed by screams. Akane and Nabiki Tendo rushed down from their rooms to find their father, Soun Tendo, crying his heart out in a corner. Their oldest sister, Kasumi Tendo, was pouring bucket after bucket of water out a nearby window with grace that could have been compared to swans and angels. For some reason, she is not wet, even though she is at the source of the water works.) Akane: Father! What is it? What's happening? Soun: I'm so happy! My good friend Genma Saotome is returning with his son Ranma, from China! Our families will be united at last!! (Akane, Nabiki and Kasumi look at each other. The dreaded day had come. The future husband for one of them was coming. Their father had told them, time and again about what was in store for one of them when Ranma came, and now, he was actually coming.) Kasumi: I hope he's not young. Younger men are just so... young. Nabiki: I hope he's not poor. Poor men are just so... poor. Akane: This is so unfair! Why do we have to marry someone we haven't even met yet?!? (Of the three sisters, Akane is least looking forward to it, and her sisters know this.) Kasumi: (quietly) I hope that he's older, so then I can marry him, so Akane-chan and Nabiki-chan won't need to. They are too young to be tied down. Akane: (overhears) Onee-chan, don't talk like that. You don't need to sacrifice your choice of husband for us. (Thought) Although that means I don't have to marry some pig-headed male, it isn't fair for Onee. (There is a thumping at the door, and the Tendo family go to the door, opening it. There is a giant panda, and a red-headed girl standing there, soaked from Soun's earlier flood of tears. The panda has a death grip on the girl's shoulder.) Girl: (giving exasperated sigh) I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this. Soun: (lower lip trembling as tears threaten) My boy, you're finally here!! (Rushes to hug him) Oh, I have waited for this day. (suddenly realizes something is wrong and lets go of boy) Erk... Nabiki: (examining girl closely) Daddy, Ranma isn't a boy. She's a girl! Are you sure we're suppose to marry her?? Soun: Well, when Genma said son, I assumed it meant Ranma was a boy... Akane: (relieved) Come on, guys. Don't be mean to her just because you thought she was suppose to be a guy. (Looks at girl) You're Ranma, right? Wanna go practice?? Ranma: (surprised at offer) Well, okay! (two go off). ***************************************************************** (Ranma and Akane are fighting, but Akane just can't seem to hit Ranma. Ranma, on the other hand, isn't even TRYING to hit Akane.) Akane: ARRGH!!! (Charges into wall, punching a hole in it while Ranma flips over her head. Ranma taps Akane on the back of the head.) Akane: (turning around, laughing.) Hey, you're pretty good! Ranma: I try. Akane: It's a good thing you're a girl. Ranma:... Uh, why is that? Akane: Cause I wouldn't be able to stand losing to a boy. Ranma:... Akane: (sticks out hand) Friends? Ranma: (after a moment, shakes hand) Friends. ***************************************************************** (Nabiki and Kasumi wonder why they Soun and a man they have not seen before are discussing about marriage.) Nabiki: Hey, Kasumi, why is Dad and that guy talking about getting married to Ranma?? Did Dad flip? Kasumi: I don't know, Nabiki. Perhaps we have a long lost brother who will marry Ranma?? (Before the sisters have any more time to speculate, Akane runs down the stairs and lifts the table over her head.) Akane: I'll DROWN him in the bathtub!!! (Runs up stairs with table in hands) Kasumi: Akane, be careful! Don't leave any wooden splinters in the bath tub, remember last time that happened? (A boy who looks suspiciously like Ranma runs down the stairs with Akane after him.) Boy: Cut that out!! It was just a misunderstanding!!! ***************************************************************** Soun: So, hot water reverses the curse! Your problem isn't so bad after all, my boy! (motions to Kasumi, Nabiki and Akane) Here, my daughters. Kasumi, 19. Nabiki, 17. Akane, 16. Choose your pick! Ranma: Erk... uh....um... I don't... make good decisions on an empty stomach... Kasumi: Oh! I'll go get you a snack. (Leaves. Akane and Nabiki look longingly after their older sister.) Nabiki: (quickly grabs Akane). Here, Ranma! Akane would be your best choice! You two have so much in common, after all you both like to fight! Akane: What?! Why me?! Nabiki: Well, you know how you hate boys. Well, you're in luck, this boy is half girl! You'd make a great couple! Akane: Nabiki, he's a couple with himself! I absolutely REFUSE to marry him!!! (shoots a glare at Ranma) So don't even THINK about picking ME!! Ranma: Don't worry. Why would I want an un-cute tomboy like you to be my fiancee? Akane: (picks up table) Dare to say that again?! Soun: Please, Akane! You can knock out Ranma later! Right now, he must pick his bride! Come Ranma, do you choose Kasumi, Nabiki or Akane? Ranma: Erk... do I have to choose? Genma: If you don't, boy, I will. Akane, you're it! Akane & Ranma: No!!! Why'd you have to choose her/me?!? (Akane re-aims table at Genma) Genma: (Thought) I don't want a face full of table. Next choice. (Speaks) Nabiki, you're it! Nabiki: (a look of pure horror washes over her face before being replaced by her usual calmness) Fine. Are you sure you want me? I demand a huge wedding, luxury cars, lots of servants, monthly vacations and tons of cash. I don't cook, clean or do the laundry. Ranma: Then what good are you?! (Nabiki and Akane both slam the table onto Ranma, effectively knocking him out.) Soun & Genma: So, the only choice left is... Kasumi: (comes back with food) Here's your snack, Ranma. Soun & Genma: Kasumi!! Kasumi: (turns to them) Yes? Would you like something to eat as well, Father? Saotome-san? Soun: (hugging Kasumi, who is confused) My little baby is growing up!! She's getting married!! (sets Kasumi down so that he can cry.) Genma: (looks proud, turns to Ranma, who just woke up again) Congratulations, my boy! Fine choice! Fine choice! Ranma: But I didn't even have a choice!! Genma: A good choice!! Look, Kasumi cooks and cleans! What else do you want in a woman?? Ranma: But she's three years older than me!! Genma: (acting sagely) Age does not matter in true love. Ranma: But she's not my true love! (Just then, Genma and Soun push Kasumi and Ranma together. Ranma just blinks and Kasumi blushes.) Kasumi: Well... My name is Kasumi Tendo... I guess I'll be your wife for the rest of your life... (thought) He's... younger than I thought my husband would be...But at least Akane and Nabiki don't have to get married... (Unknown to Kasumi, her thoughts are plain as day on her face and Akane sees this. She gets guilty, but doesn't say anything, because she really doesn't want to get married.) ***************************************************************** (It is the next morning, and Nabiki and Akane are getting ready for school. Soun and Genma advised (demanded) that Kasumi and Ranma get to know each other, so they must spend at least half an hour together everyday, which is why they're in the kitchen, talking, while Kasumi is making food.) Ranma: (uncomfortable) So... you like to cook? Kasumi: Well, I've been cooking for a long time, and I've gotten rather used to it. Ranma: (confused) So is that a yes or no? Kasumi: (thoughtful) I suppose it's a yes, although being a cook would not be my first choice in profession. I've always wanted to be a doctor, since Mother fell ill. Which reminds me, I should return that book I borrowed back to Dr. Tofuu. Ranma: So, if you want to be a doctor, what are you doing at home cooking? Shouldn't you go to school or something? Kasumi: This family does not have a lot of money, Ranma. I can't go to study medicine. Besides, someone needs to stay home and take care of the family. (pauses) What do you want to do when you grow up? Ranma: Ha! I'm already what I want to be! A champion martial artist. (beaming with pride as he strikes a pose.) First thing I'm gonna do as soon as I can, is go back to China, and find a cure for this stupid curse. Kasumi: That is a good dream. You'd better go to school now. (calling) Akane! Can you bring Ranma to school please? Akane: (comes in) All right. (Turns to go.) Well, are you coming or not?! Ranma: Yeah, yeah. Calm down. We have time, tomboy. Akane: I am NOT a tomboy, you HENTAI!! Ranma: I am NOT a HENTAI!! You un-cute, un-feminine tomboy!! (Akane chases Ranma out the door, leaving Kasumi to her thoughts.) Kasumi: (thought) A fitting pair. (Suddenly, a small version of Kasumi wearing tight leather pants, a halter top, a belly ring, and a nose ring with horns on her forehead appear on her left shoulder. A small version of Kasumi like she normally is appears on her right shoulder.) Bad-Kasumi: I'm out!! I'm free!! At last, time for some fun!! You've buried me for long enough, Kasumi Tendo! For 19 years! Finally! I'm free!! Good-Kasumi: Oh my. Why did you have to come? We are so happy with out you. Bad-Kasumi: (ignoring good-Kasumi) and I owe it all to that Ranma boy! The resentment, the anger... everything was adding up, and then this forced marriage thing finally set it off! Ahahaha!! (tugs Kasumi's ear lob) Come on, why don't you throw that knife into a wall? Akane always does... Good-Kasumi: But Akane does that when she practices. Don't do it, Kasumi!! (Tears of frustration pour down Kasumi's face. Years of suppressed anger and bitterness erupt. Her mother's death... Not being able to be a doctor... the stress of taking care of a family... and now, a forced marriage...) Kasumi: AARGH!!! (Throws butcher's knife across room and into a wall. The blade goes all the way in, up to the handle. Kasumi gives a smile of satisfaction, wiping away the tears.) Bad-Kasumi: Yes!! Alright, next thing on the agenda... Hey, wait a minute, what's happening?! (Kasumi's anger is being replaced by happiness and joy. Bad- Kasumi is fading away.) Bad-Kasumi: (fading) No!!! 19 years!! 19 years!! I'll be 38 before I come out again! All the anger, gone just like that?! How can this be?! Good-Kasumi: (smiling) Kasumi just is that way. You'll never corrupt her, so just forget it. I'm surprised you're even here! I'll have to work with Kasumi so you'll never appear again. Bye now. Bad-Kasumi: (still fading) Noooo!! Why did I have to be Kasumi's bad conscience?! This is so hard! Why couldn't I get Shampoo or Kodachi?!? Nooo!!! (gone) Good-Kasumi: (gently) I know you've sacrificed a lot... but just hang in there. Your patience and loving nature will be paid off soon. (Poofs out) (Kasumi grabs the knife out of the wall and starts about her daily chores.) ***************************************************************** (Ranma-chan and Akane are at Dr Tofuu's clinic, although he's not in the same room as them.) Ranma-chan: (grumbling) Do people in Nerima ALWAYS throw water on people passing by?! Akane: Ranma no baka!! I told you I was getting hot water, from Dr Tofuu, wasn't I?! Come on, we'll see if I can find a stove here. (exits room.) Ranma-chan: Tofuu...Tofuu... where have I heard that name before?? (A skeleton suddenly appears behind him.) Skeleton: Hello! I'm Betty-chan! Can I help you? Ranma: AAAHHH!!! Jumps up, onto a counter. (A man in his early twenties, grins up at Ranma.) Man: Sorry about that. I just couldn't resist. I'm Dr Tofuu. Can I help you with anything? Ranma: So you're Dr Tofuu! Kasumi said something about you this morning. Tofuu: (glasses fog up) K-Ka-Kasum-mi said something about me?? Me?? Kasumi?? (starts babbling incoherently. Ranma watches as Tofuu talks to Betty-chan, excitedly.) Akane: (coming in, beaming with pot of water) Dr Tofuu! (He doesn't notice her. Akane notices his glasses are fogged up. Walks up to Ranma.) Akane: You didn't, by any chance, mention Kasumi (frowns at her sister's name) to him, did you? Ranma: Maybe. Did I do something wrong? Akane: (angry) Ranma no baka!! Dr Tofuu really likes Kasumi! You even speak her name, and he goes off on cloud nine. That's really dangerous, especially since he could be working on a patient at the moment!! Ranma: (frowning) Shouldn't Kasumi had said something about Dr Tofuu liking her? Akane: She doesn't know! Ranma: Oh! So that's why she's okay with our engagement thing. Tofuu: (glasses suddenly de-fog) What?! Kasumi is engaged?! Who?! Who?! (Looks like he wants to die.) Ranma: (ignores the `no' sign Akane is giving him.) She's engaged to me. Tofuu: But...but.. you're female. Ranma: That's because I have a Jhusenkyou curse. I turn into a girl when ever I touch cold water. I turn back into a guy when I touch warm water. (grabs pot of water Akane has to demonstrate.) Tofuu: (crushed) K-Kasumi-chan... my Kasumi-chan is engaged to a hydra-transvestite... Ranma: (thoroughly insulted) Hey! I can't help it!! Is it MY fault I turn into a girl?! (ready to bash Tofuu on the head, but the Dr collapses of his own will, whimpering) Ranma: ..... (turns to Akane) Let's get to school. (grabs her and runs.) ***************************************************************** (Ranma and Akane are approaching school, when Akane hiss angrily at the mob of boys dressed in foot ball gear, boxing gloves, metal armor, etc. Ranma looks confused.) Boy: Akane-chan! I love you! Yield to me, so that I may date you!! (Akane stuffs her foot into his face as an answer.) Ranma: Hey, what's this?? Akane: (growling) stay out of this!!! Ranma: (knocking out a few people who get too close to him) Why?! What's going on?? (the two knock out the remaining people, although Akane repeatedly tells Ranma to stay out of this.) Akane: (mad) I told you to stay out of this!! Ranma: (confused, and too dumb to keep mouth shut) Okay... but... why? (Lightning cracks and an older boy wearing a kimono, holding a bokken appears.) Akane: (rolls eyes) THAT'S why. Ranma: (sizing the boy up) Him? I can take him on. Boy: You, filthy urchin! Did you assist the fair Huntress Akane at her daily combat?! Ranma: Yeah, so? Boy: Your NAME, fool! Ranma: I'm Ranma Saotome! Who are you? Boy: I am the GREAT Tatewaki Kunou, age 17! My peers know me as the Blue Thunder!! (Lightning cracks behind him.) Girl: What did he call himself?? Another Girl: Did he say Blue Thunder? Boy: When did that happen? Another Boy: Last I heard, he was calling himself Shooting Star. Kunou: Face me, Ranma Saotome! Ranma: (cracks knuckles) Your loss. Akane: Ranma, don't! He'll kill you! (The two boys face off. Kunou is obviously not fast enough to catch Ranma, as he swings his bokken around wildly, but with some degree of skill. Finally, Ranma leaps into the air and jabs Kunou in the forehead just as Kunou swings by him. The two boys separate again, and the bell rings.) Akane: No!! We're late!! (grabs Ranma) come on, baka, we half to go!! (Runs into school, dragging Ranma along by the collar. ***************************************************************** (Some time has elapse. Akane, Nabiki and Ranma are sitting under a tree. Ranma is sulking as he does not have a lunch and Nabiki's price for her lunch is way to expensive. Akane offered Ranma some of her lunch, which she had made, but after one bite, Ranma gagged it out. He is now covered with bandages and bruises. Ranma is also slightly damp.) Ranma: Baka Kunou... how dare he throw me into the pool! Nabiki: (sweetly) At least now you don't have to worry about him in girl form. Ranma: (glares at Nabiki) the LAST thing I need is some idiot falling in love with my girl side. Don't laugh at me!! This is all your fault! Why did you tell him we were living together? Nabiki: (shrugs) You ARE, now, aren't you? What's the harm in telling the truth? Besides, you have no idea how much he paid to learn that. Ranma: You've ruined my life! What will people think when they find out a GUY likes me?! Akane: Ranma's right, Nabiki. You've gone over the line. (Ranma looks surprised at Akane, agreeing with him. He does not know of her righteous nature; only thinking that she is a violent tomboy, which isn't entirely wrong...) Nabiki: (grins evilly) I don't see the point in insulting a person who could keep the SCHOOL from finding out about Ranma's curse. Ranma: (looks horrified) You wouldn't. Nabiki: Wouldn't I? Akane: Nabiki, you've black mailed Ranma enough today. Can't this wait to tomorrow? Nabiki: (shrugs and goes away) Ranma: Why did you do that?! I didn't need you to do that!! Akane: What?! I was only trying to help you!! Ranma: Who knows who Nabiki will tell by tomorrow?! I'm doomed!! Dooooomed!!! Akane: (pulls out mallet from somewhere and hits Ranma over the head with it) Shut up, Baka. (Just then, Kasumi comes in, smiling as usual, with a bag in her hand. She comes over to Akane and Ranma.) Kasumi: Konichiwa, Akane-chan, Ranma-chan. (Ranma looks uncomfortable with the title of -chan, but after making sure no one hears, calms down.) Ranma: Hey, Kasumi. Akane: Hi, Onee-chan. What are you doing here? Kasumi: (taking a box out of her bag) Ranma-chan forgot his lunch. I was only bringing it to him. Ranma: Yes!! Thanks, Kasumi. (Digs into lunch like ravaging wild cat.) Kasumi: Well, I guess I should go now. I must return this book to Dr Tofuu. (Turns to go, but bumps into a teacher.) Teacher: Why, if it isn't Kasumi Tendo, how have you been doing? Come to visit your old teachers? How's college? Kasumi: (bows) Konichiwa, Sensei. I am fine. I didn't go to college. Teacher: Didn't go to college? (snorts) What a terrible waste of a great brain. Hump. What are you doing here? Kasumi: I was just bring Ranma-chan his lunch. He forgot it his morning. Teacher: (raises eyebrow at -chan title. Ranma is choking on his food, while Akane is slapping him hard on the back) Ranma `- chan'? Kasumi: (smiling innocently) Yes, Sensei. Ranma-chan is my fiancee. Teacher: (stares at Kasumi with strange expression on his face for a long time.) Kasumi: Oh my, look at the time. I must get this book back to Dr Tofuu. Sayonara, Sensei, Akane-chan, Ranma-chan. (leaves) Teacher: (looks at Ranma, who is red from choking and from embarrassment.) Saotome, how old are you? Ranma: Er... look at the time! Better get to class! Come on, Akane. (Grabs Akane and runs.) ***************************************************************** (Dr Tofuu is pacing beside Betty-chan. His sleeve constantly catches on her skull, moving it back and forth, so that it looks like she is watching him pace.) Tofuu: What am I going to do, Betty-chan?! (Looks at skeleton, who doesn't do anything.) K-Ka-Kasumi (glasses fog up) is...is... (glasses de-fog) engaged.... I never got to tell her how I feel. It's too late... (Dr Tofuu put his head in his hands, dejected. Betty-chan looks on, expressionless) Tofuu: No... (gets more resolve) it's not too late. It can't be! I'll just tell K-Kasumi (glasses fog up) how I feel, next time she comes, and then... and then... and then what? (sighs. Glasses de-fog) Then I'll just have to see what happens next... (There is a knock on the door. Dr Tofuu knows, somehow, that it is Kasumi, and is prepared to tell her how he feels.) Tofuu: (opening door) Kasumi Tendo, I have something to tell you (door open. Kasumi smiles at him. Dr Tofuu's resolve and bones melts into a puddle. Glasses fog up.) Kasumi: Konichiwa, Dr Tofuu. I came to return your book. Did you have something to tell me? Tofuu: K-Kasumi!! What a coincidence, meeting here like this. I was just... just... (remembers Betty-chan) talking to Betty-chan about... (trails off.) Kasumi: (doesn't realize Dr Tofuu isn't done talking.) Here is your book, Dr Tofuu. (puts book into Tofuu's hands. Tofuu looks ready to die from delight and rapture at the contact.) I also baked some cookies for you. (Gives Tofuu a plate of cookies.) Tofuu: (looks at cookies, not knowing where they came from, as he was still delirious from the euphoria of touching Kasumi's hands.) Oh, look! Cookies! Would you like to join Betty-chan and I for some? (Suddenly, Betty-chan is in one hand. Tofuu puts a cookie into her mouth.) Kasumi: (smiles at Tofuu.) No thank you, Dr Tofuu. I should go home now. Sayonara. (leaves.) (Tofuu stands at the door for an undetermined amount of time. Outside, we see the sun go down. Finally, his glasses de-fog and he is back to `normal'.) Tofuu: (sits down beside Betty-chan, who still has a cookie in her mouth.) I couldn't do it, Betty-chan. I...just couldn't. (Betty-chan's mouth opens with a clack that sounds a lot like a chicken clucking. Tofuu buries head in hands again.) ***************************************************************** (After going to Dr Tofuu's, Kasumi passes a new restaurant. The sign says open, and the place looks friendly enough, so Kasumi decides to go in. The name of the restaurant is Nekohanten.) Kasumi: Hello? Is anyone here? (A girl with purple hair who looks about 16 jumps out of the kitchen, in a fighting stance. There is a scowl on her face, and a bonbori in her hand. After seeing Kasumi, she relaxes and the bonbori disappears to were Akane hides her mallets and were Genma- Panda hides his signs. A voice calls from the kitchen.) Girl: (looks at Kasumi, who is staring innocently back. Girl bites her lip as she attempts Japanese.) Who you? Kasumi: (blinks) I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. What did you say? Girl: Who you? Kasumi: My name is Kasumi Tendo. What's your name? Girl: Shampoo. Kasumi: No, dear. What's your name? Girl: Shampoo. Kasumi: (confused, wrinkle in brow) No... I don't have shampoo on my at the moment... Girl: No! Name Shampoo!! Me Shampoo!! Kasumi: (realization lights up on her face.) Oh! I see. Your name is Shampoo! Shampoo: Yes. Me Shampoo. Kasumi: I'm sorry. I didn't understand at first. Shampoo: (sighs) Kasumi: I see. You're from China. Shampoo: (Blinks) Kasumi: Shampoo: Kasumi: I guess I shouldn't tempt you to do otherwise. Shampoo: (scowls for a bit before switching languages) How Kasumi...uh...Chinese? Kasumi: I wanted to learn how to cook Chinese food, so I took a course. Unfortunately, the teacher was only speaking Chinese, so I had to take another course to learn it. Believe me, I know the troubles with learning another language. (Shampoo nods vigorously. Suddenly, she whips out a knife and throws it at Kasumi, narrowly missing her. It embeds a rat crawling up the wall behind Kasumi, into it. Kasumi stares at the rat.) Shampoo: Baka rats. Funny. Nekohanten full of rats. Inspector say get rid, but can't. (Face fell) Nekohanten close down. Baka rats. Kasumi: You have a rodent problem? Then why is the restaurant open?? Shampoo: (shakes head vigorously.) Nekohanten closed. That why Shampoo not know why Kasumi in Nekohanten. Closed. Kasumi: But your sign says you're open. Shampoo: Baka blind Mousse. Must have put sign backwards. (Goes to the sign and flips it.) There. Kasumi: Oh my. I guess I should leave now? Shampoo: Yes. Kasumi leave today. But come back tomorrow! Teach Shampoo Japanese?? Great-grandmother much busy. Mousse... Mousse baka. Shampoo no want learn from Mousse. Kasumi teach Shampoo Japanese? Please? Kasumi: (smiles) Yes. I'll come back. But I was just wondering. What did you mean by, you wanted to get groom and go back to China? Shampoo: Shampoo get married! But first, must find groom. Groom silly. Run off to Japan. So Shampoo must find. First Shampoo want to come alone. Shampoo work better by self anyway, but Great grandmother come too, so she can perform wedding ceremonies as soon as find groom. Then Mousse say Shampoo need learn Japanese, so come too, but Mousse baka. Can't teach fish to swim. Kasumi: Well, the trail of love never did run smoothly. By the way, what is your groom's name? Perhaps I could ask around for you. Shampoo: Uh... Shampoo no know what groom name is. Kasumi: Um... alright. Sayonara, Shampoo. (leaves.) Shampoo: Bai bai, Kasumi. (goes back into kitchen.) (In the kitchen, an ancient crone balanced on a long wooden staff and a teenage boy, about Shampoo's age with think glasses on his forehead are making lunch.) Shampoo: (proud) Shampoo make friend! Ancient Crone (Cologne): Friend? What do you need a friend for? We've finally pin-pointed the location of your husband. Shouldn't you go find him now?? Shampoo: (confused) But... should not Shampoo stay here, help great-grandmother with Nekohanten? Cologne: The Nekohanten is just a source of income while we stay here, Shampoo. The faster you find your husband, the fast we get out of here. Boy (Mousse): (to a chair) I'll go with you, Shampoo. Shampoo: Baka Mousse. Shampoo no need your help. Shampoo find groom herself. No want get lost. Cologne: Mousse, you stay here with me. Shampoo go find your husband. (sighs) This would be so much easier if we knew his name... ***************************************************************** (Nabiki, Ranma and Akane get home. Ranma is sulking while Nabiki looks rather amused. Akane has a smirk on her face. Kasumi is in the kitchen. Soun and Panda-Genma are playing go.) Soun: Hello Akane, Ranma. How was school? Genma-Panda: Grunt. Akane: School was fine. Ranma: Grunt. Kasumi: (sticks head out from kitchen.) Hello Akane-chan, Ranma-chan. (realizes that Ranma is not in best of moods) What's wrong, Ranma-chan? Ranma: Nothing. (Goes into dojo.) Soun and Genma Panda: (Panda has sign, while Soun says out loud) Kasumi, I think you should go cheer him up. After all, he's your fiancee. Kasumi: Yes Father. (goes to dojo. Sees Ranma attacking a punching bag.) Kasumi: (unsure of what to say) Ranma... something is wrong. Tell me what it is? Ranma: (stares at Kasumi.) Nothing is wrong. Go away. Kasumi: (doesn't really want to go.) Well... okay... (leaves silently. Ranma doesn't notice she's gone.) (Ranma punches bag for few minutes, when Akane comes into the dojo, silent. She saw her sister walking out of the dojo looking dejected, and was wondering why Kasumi looked that way and was going to go to the dojo to see what Ranma did. Ranma thinks it's still Kasumi, and spills.) Ranma: Arrgh!! Kasumi, I'm sorry for being silent, but I could NOT have had a worse day at school! First, this Kunou jerk falls in love with my girl self, then Nabiki black mails me about my secret, then I find out Akane has to fight a whole horde of guys every morning just to get to class, and to top it all off, the entire SCHOOL thinks I'm a hentai because I'm engaged to you, a girl three years older than me. (grumbles.) Akane: I'm not Kasumi. Ranma: (turns around.) Wha?? Akane: (smiles) Don't worry, Ranma. That's just the way the school is. Everyone thinks Kasumi is an angel, and anyone who isn't an angel and gets engaged to her is using her, and therefore, a hentai. Nabiki will do a lot to get money, but we can make sure she doesn't do something really, really bad. Kunou... hey, I have to deal with Kunou too, so you're not alone. (Looks at Ranma suspiciously.) Why do you care if I have to fight to get to classes? Ranma: (looks at Akane like she's a idiot.) Duh. It's because... because... well, it's just wrong. It's not right. Akane: (surprised.) Really? Gee, that's nice of you. What happened to the insensitive jerk that was Ranma this morning? Ranma: (defensive) Insensitive jerk, am I? Yeah, well, I only think it's not right because you're so weak and Kunou would beat you every single day. (doesn't notice the blue aura of anger around Akane) It would be more fair if he tied an arm around his back. No, even then you'd be outclassed... (Akane gives a scream of rage as she uses a hammer to reduce Ranma to a puddle.) Akane: BAKA!!! Ranma-Puddle: UN-CUTE!! ***************************************************************** Younger men are so... Part 2 : Suitors galore An Elseworlds Episode All these boys won't let me be, Lord have mercy on me. -Terry Clark, Poor poor me. ***************************************************************** (It is the dead of night, and a small street is deserted, except for a young man about 16 years old, wearing a yellow and black bandanna carrying a back pack, and an umbrella. We see him walk into an alley... and gets kicked out of a house on the other side of the street by an angry woman. He walks into another house, hoping for directions... and emerges from a manhole in the ground. He gives a strangle cry.) Boy: AARRGGGHH!!! Why can't I find it!! Why?! I've been searching for months on end!!! (The boy's scream awaken by a young woman, who is also about 16, sleeping in a sleeping bag underneath an okonomiyaki yatai. There is a giant spatula beside her.) Girl: (looking around) What was that? Sounds like a really upset person. (She rolls out from underneath yatai with giant spatula in hand to investigate. She sees the bandanna boy sitting on a sidewalk, looking melancholy and dejected. Walks to him.) Girl: Hey, Guy, what's wrong? Boy: (looks up) I'm... lost. Girl: Really? Where are you supposed to be? Boy: Nerima district of Tokyo. Girl: (gives a whistle) That's a long way from here. Boy: (sadly) I know. I'll never get there. Girl: Hey, if you don't mind walking, I'll take you. I'm going there myself. Boy: (lights up like a chain smoker.) Really? Oh, thank you so much!! (gets up.) Let's go! Girl: (gives a laugh) It's the middle of the night! You can wait until morning. Boy: (thinking) I'll probably end up in Antarctica if I don't go with her. (speaks) Alright. Where are you staying? Girl: Underneath the okonomiyaki yatai. Come on, do you have a sleeping bag in that bag of yours? Boy: Yes. What are you doing under a yatai?? Girl: (sadly) That's all I have now. Boy: ... (they go over to the yatai.) I understand. (unrolls a sleeping bag beside the girl's.) Why are you going to Nerima? Girl: (sighs) It's complicated. You wouldn't understand. Boy: Try me. Girl: Er... what do you want to do in Nerima? Boy: (darkly) This guy ruined my life. I'm going to kill him. Girl: (blinks) I...I know how that feels. (The two gets to sleep when the Girl realizes something. She pokes the boy in the shoulder.) Girl: Hey, my name's Ukyou Kuonji. What's your name? Boy: I'm Ryoga Hibiki. Ukyou: Pleased to meet you, Ryoga. Ryoga: Likewise, Ukyou. ***************************************************************** (Ranma and Akane get to school and are met by a horde of boys, more than normally. Akane is knocking three guys out at the same time, when a boy comes up behind her, ready to knock her out with a baseball bat. Ranma gets rid of him.) Akane: I didn't ask for your help!! Ranma: Akane, that guy was gonna get you! You don't WANT to go out with a loser like that, do you?? Akane: (sighs) No. Thank you Ranma. Ranma: Humph. (They get to class, when they notice a batch of very injured girls. One of them comes up to Akane.) Girl: Akane-san, please! Help us! Akane: Who are you? (There are so many bandages wrapped around the girl, that Akane can't recognize her.) Girl: My name is Sakura. I'm the captain of the gymnastic martial arts club. Furiken High has a tournament against another school in a few weeks, and one of their girls, Kodachi Kunou, the Black Rose, came and took us all out! You're the only one who can help us, Akane! Please! Akane: Kodachi KUNOU?? Sakura: Yes. I believe she's Kunou's sister. Please, help us! Akane: Very well, I will help you! Sakura: Thank you so much!! (Turns to Ranma) Too bad you're not a girl. We need all the help we can help. Thank you again, Akane-san. (Sakura leaves, as Ranma turns to Akane, a bemused expression on his face.) Ranma: Do you know ANYTHING about gymnastic martial arts? Akane: I know the basic rules. Ranma: No, I mean, do you know anything about the actual fighting? Like, do you know any gymnastic techniques? Akane: ... Ranma: Didn't think so. You're going to die. Akane: (smashes Ranma into human puddle with mallet.) RANMA NO BAKA!! Ranma: Ow. ***************************************************************** (Kasumi has just entered the Nekohanten and she sees Shampoo, Mousse and Cologne killing rats with a vengeance, but still can't get all of them.) Shampoo: Kasumi: (has a bag of yellow substance.) Hello, Shampoo. Shampoo: (notices Kasumi and grins) Nihao, Kasumi!! What that?? (Points to bag.) Kasumi: (hands bag to Shampoo) It's sulfur. Akane was making dinner, and I think she thought it was yellow flour. I don't think she'll mind if I take it. Here. Sulfur gets rid of rats. Shampoo: Sei sei, Kasumi. (Gives bag to Cologne.) Kasumi, this great-grandmother Cologne. (Jerks thumb at Mousse who waves to a picture on the wall) That Mousse. Kasumi: (bowing) Please to meet you. My name is Kasumi Tendo. Cologne: (eyes Kasumi with frown before smiling) You are strong, child. (takes sulfur.) Thank you. This is just what we needed. Kasumi: Think nothing of it. Shampoo: Kasumi teach Shampoo Japanese, so Shampoo can ask people for husband. Cologne: Very good. (Shampoo leads Kasumi to her room for a study session.) Shampoo: Shampoo glad Kasumi help Shampoo with Japanese. Want to find husband fast so can go back to China. Kasumi: That's nice, Shampoo. (Kasumi starts instructing Shampoo with a book, and the Chinese Amazon quickly grows bored. She daydreams about how she met her husband.) ***************************************************************** (Shampoo had just finished winning the annual tournament and was going to go claim her prize, when she finds that it has been eaten by a red-headed girl and a giant panda. A crowd has gathered to see what has happened.) Shampoo: (She gets ready to beat some sense into the red-headed girl, but first, she waits for the guide to translate for them.) Genma-Panda: (sign) Boy!! Fight the girl for her food! It's the easiest way out of this! Ranma: Hey, tell her I'll fight her, so then when I win, I'll get the food. Guide: No, Mr. Customer. You don't want that. Trust me, win or lose, you don't want to challenge an Amazon. Ranma: What's the matter with you?! I said I wanted to fight! Guide: No good, Mr. Customer. Bad. Very bad. (Shampoo gets tired of waiting, so asks Mousse what Ranma and the Guide are fighting about. Mousse if faint from the joy of Shampoo talking to him, but manages to translate.) Shampoo: (gets into fighting stance.) Mousse: Hey, girl! (He is facing Genma-Panda, but Ranma gets the idea.) She accepts your challenge! Ranma: Huh? Really? Alright, let's go! Guide: Not good move, Mr. Customer. Not good! (Ranma and Shampoo start to fight. Slowly, Ranma gets the upper hand and a few minutes later, Shampoo falls, breathing hard. Ranma is not much better, but she's on her feet, so she's the winner. Shampoo looks like she wants to cry, but gets up and kisses Ranma. She starts to count, hands on hips while Ranma looks confused.) Shampoo: <57...58...59... 1 minute...1...2...3...> Ranma: Hey, what's going on?? (she is surprised and slightly embarrassed from Shampoo's kiss.) Guide: (Agitated) Not good, Mr. Customer!! Not good at all. She gave you the kiss of death! She's giving you half an hour to run away before she hunts you until one of you die! Ranma: WHAT?! (Turns to Genma) What did you make me do?! (Genma-Panda suddenly finds the ground very interesting.) Shampoo: <45...46...47...> Guide: It's an Amazon law! If an outside female beats an Amazon, the Amazon has to fight her until one of you dies! Ranma: Wait a minute, I'm not really a female! I'm a guy!! Hey, tell them I'm a guy! (The guide quickly tells the group of Amazons about Ranma's Jhusenkyou curse. The Amazons understand, and Shampoo stops counting, shocked. Some of the girls snicker at Shampoo's fate while Mousse is screaming.) Shampoo: Mousse: (Mousse stares at Ranma, disbelief in his eyes. He brings out a hidden pail of warm water from one of his sleeves.) (Splashes Ranma.) Ranma: (now a guy) See!!! See! I'm a guy! A guy!! Genma-Panda: (sign) My son is a boy! (Shampoo latches onto Ranma's arm and kisses him again. This time, it isn't the kiss of death, and Ranma knows this because there is another tongue in his mouth besides his own.) Ranma: (pulling Shampoo's face away from his own.) Hey Guide, what's going on?? (Genma-Panda is not happy about this turn of events.) Guide: The Amazons have a law. When an outside male defeats an Amazon girl, then the girl must marry him. You're really lucky, Mr. Customer. It seems like this beautiful girl is willing to carry out the law! AND, she's the champion of the Amazons too! Ranma: Wait a minute! I never said I'D marry her! (tries to get Shampoo off his arm) Genma-Panda: (sign) Boy!! What is that girl's name? Ranma: Hey, what's your name? Guide: Shampoo: Guide: Shampoo. Ranma: Shampoo. Genma-Panda: (gives the guide a strange look.) (sign) Right. Shampoo. Why don't you go pack your bags or something. We have to go to Japan, and if you're gonna be my son's wife, you're gonna have to go to Japan. (The guide translates, and Shampoo promptly runs off to pack her bags.) Genma-Panda: (grabbing Ranma and the Guide.) (sign) Run for it!!! ***************************************************************** Kasumi: Shampoo, what are you thinking about? Shampoo: (Snapping out of daydream) Huh? Oh. Shampoo dream about how Shampoo meet husband. Much romantic. Kasumi: (smiles) How sweet. (thought) Probably more romantic than how I met my husband. ***************************************************************** (Back to Ukyou and Ryoga on the road. Ryoga has managed to coax the story out of Ukyou. They are surprised that Ranma Saotome is in both their lives.) Ryoga: Ranma is stupid. Why would he want to ditch a cute girl like you? He makes no sense to me. Ukyou: (flattered by Ryoga's comment, but doesn't make a big deal out of it) Uh... ehem... well... I don't believe Ranma Saotome ruined your life too. Ryoga: He is a fiend and a villain. I bet he's ruined lots of lives. Ukyou: (growl) Watch it. We're talking about my Ranchan here. Ryoga: I don't understand. Some times you want to kill Ranma, others you want to marry him. Make up your mind! Ukyou: Hey! It's not like I have very good choices here! I either murder him or marry him. What would you pick?! (Realizes the stupidity in her question.) Uh... Don't answer that. (Ukyou and Ryoga are well on their way to Nerima. After discovering the hard way, about Ryoga's lack of directional sense, Ukyou decided to lead, and they are only a day's walk to Nerima. They could speed up, but Ukyou constantly stops to serve okonomiyaki to any customer, which were plentiful. Ryoga helps her by taken orders, getting ingredients, etc.) Ryoga: Why do we keep stopping? Ukyou: I need the money so I can open up a store in Nerima. I'm sick of walking around with this yatai. Ryoga: I thought you were going to Nerima for Ranma? Ukyou: Well, either way, after that, I'm gonna start over with a clean slate. I mean, I have to do something after that. What about you? Ryoga: I... haven't thought about that. I've spent so much time searching, I didn't think I'd ever be able to get revenge. I don't know what I'm gonna do after that. Ukyou: Well, you can work in my restaurant then. Ryoga: ... I don't understand. Why are you being so nice to me? Aren't you going to marry him? Ukyou: (laughing) I don't know. I just don't think you'll end up killing him. (Ryoga looks hurt.) No, I mean, you're probably capable of killing him, but I just don't think you will. Ryoga: Shows how much you know. (Ukyou glares at Ryoga and the two start on their way to Nerima again.) ***************************************************************** (It have been a day since Akane excepted to fight the black rose, and Kodachi had paid her a visit. Akane is at Dr Tofuu's. Genma and Soun had decided since Ranma and Kasumi don't spend enough time with each other, they should spend at least half an hour every day to get to know each to know each other.) Ranma: (while putting food in his mouth) And then, that Kodachi chick throws this bouquet of flowers into Akane's face, and she collapses! Turned out those flowers were poisoned. Talk about a cheater! Kasumi: (frowning) Oh my. Is Akane alright? Ranma: She's fine. The poison paralyzes when inhaled, but Dr Tofuu managed to neutralize the poison. He just wanted to keep Akane for observation. Kasumi: Ranma-chan, can you do something for me? Ranma: Sure. What do you need? Kasumi: I want you to protect Akane from any threats. I don't want my little sister getting hurt. Ranma: But Akane doesn't want me to get involved in her fights. I learned that the hard way. Kasumi: Please, Ranma-chan? Akane can be stubborn, but I don't want her to get hurt. Ranma: But SHE'LL hurt ME! Kasumi: Please? Ranma-chan, please? You don't want to see Akane get hurt because of her stubbornness. Ranma: (sighs) Okay. Kasumi: Thank you. Now, we must go to Dr Tofuu's and make sure Akane's alright. Ranma: (afraid) What?! You're going to Dr Tofuu's?! No, you can't do that!! Kasumi: (blinks) Why not? Ranma: Um...uh... (While he's thinking, Kasumi has already dragged him out the door, by the hand. Kasumi continues to drag Ranma to the doctor's oblivious to Ranma's discomfort. She knocks on the door.) Tofuu: (sees that it is Kasumi and his glasses fog up) Kasumi! My, what a surprise, imagine the coincidence. Kasumi: Hello Dr Tofuu. How is Akane? Can she come home? Tofuu: Akane? Akane! Yes, she's fine, Betty-chan was just operating on her and, there's Betty-chan and Akane now! My, Betty- chan, where did you put your blade? We have to examine Akane-chan you know. (Akane sees Kasumi with Dr Tofuu and pure horror washes over her face. She tries to get up off the table, but Tofuu had already strapped her onto it as he waves a knife around.) Akane: Ranma! Help!! Tofuu: Ranma? Ranma's here? (turns and sees Ranma, who is still holding Kasumi's hand. Tofuu's glasses defog and he stops waving his knife around.) Oh. Hello Ranma. Ranma: Hi. (He lets go of Kasumi's hand and runs over to un-strap Akane off the table.) Gee, Akane's all better now! We'd better get going! (Runs out door, holding onto Akane's hand.) Kasumi: Sayonara, Dr Tofuu. Tofuu: Sayonara, Kasumi. (Hangs head in misery) (He's depressed now, and Kasumi notices. She looks out the door and sees that Ranma and Akane are already a block away. She decides that they won't miss her.) Kasumi: What's wrong Dr Tofuu? Tofuu: (looks up) Kasumi?? You stayed? (looks ecstatic.) Kasumi: (surprised at the sudden switch of moods.) Yes, I did. I thought something was wrong, because you looked so sad, but I guess there isn't now. I guess I should leave. Sayonara. (She's out the door before Tofuu can say another word.) Tofuu: (softly) Kasumi... don't leave me... (he says it too softly, so Kasumi can't hear him.) ***************************************************************** (It is the next day. Ukyou and Ryoga are in front of Furiken High. Ryoga can't believe he's actually here. After he's come to grip with realization, he whips the umbrella out, while Ukyou brandishes her spatula. Ukyou is dressed like a girl. She is dressed like a girl because Ryoga had stated quite innocently, that she looked better as a girl than as a boy. They jump into the school yard.) Ryoga & Ukyou: RANMA SAOTOME!!! SHOW YOURSELF!! (Ranma and Akane were just coming out of the school, as they were just dismissed, when they notice them. Ranma frowns, as he doesn't recognize them.) Ranma: Who are you two? Ryoga: What? You've ruined so many lives you don't remember all of them? Ukyou: (hurt) (thought) Ranchan doesn't even remember me... Ranma: What are you talking about? I didn't ruin any lives! Ukyou: (Angry) My name is Ukyou Kuonji!! Ryoga: (Very angry) My name is Ryoga Hibiki!!! (Ranma doesn't remember any Ryoga Hibiki, but he DOES remember Ukyou Kuonji.) Ranma: (stunned. Thinks) Ucchan?? He's a...girl?! (Speaks) Ucchan?? You're a girl? Ukyou: Don't call me Ucchan!!!! (grips spatula tighter) You and your dad left me behind 10 years ago! You ruined my life! Ranma:...? I ruined your life? Ryoga: You've ruined BOTH our lives!!! AARRGH!! (Ryoga and Ukyou both rush Ranma, spatula and umbrella drawn. As Ranma dodges the umbrella, the spatula splatters him into the ground. Then, he rolls over to avoid being cut in two by the spatula, only to be hit painfully over the head by the umbrella. He might be able to defeat both Ukyou and Ryoga, but not together.) Akane: (runs into the fry) Hey! Two against one isn't very fair! Especially when the two of you are using weapons! (Neither Ukyou or Ryoga wants to fight Akane, but she's demanding some attention, so Ukyou pairs off to do some lethal damage to the girl.) Ukyou: Stay out of this! (Swings spatula around, narrowly missing Akane) Why are you doing this? Who are you? Akane: I'm Akane Tendo, and I'm doing this, because you two aren't fighting fair! Ukyou: Don't talk to me about fairness! (manages to hit Akane in the side, but not very hard.) I was snubbed when I was 6, and my life has been hell ever since! Akane: So? How is this Ranma's fault? Ukyou: He was suppose to marry me! Instead, he and his dad stole my dowry and ran off without me! Akane: What! How? Ranma's already engaged! (Ukyou freezes and Akane managed to punch her in the stomach, sending her sprawling, but not for long. Ukyou flips to her feet. Still, she's confused and dazed and Akane manages to hit her a few more times.) Ranma: I don't know who you are!! Ryoga: I am Ryoga Hibiki! You constantly stole my bread in Junior High! Remember?! Ranma: (Blinks) Oh hey, it's you! Ryoga: Shut up while I kill you!! Ranma: You're killing me over bread? Strange voice: Ohohohoho! (Akane and Ranma freeze when they hear the voice. Gymnastic pins rain down from the air at everyone. The four fighters momentarily forget each other to figure out what's going on.) Strange voice: DIE AKANE TENDO!! (Kodachi Kunou shows herself, dressed in a gymnastics leotard. A ribbon snaps through the air, wrapping Akane into a mummy and hoisting her into the air.) Ukyou: Hey, where are you going off with my opponent?! (Throws a few small spatulas into the air, cutting the ribbon in two. Akane falls to the ground, but Ranma manages to catch her.) Ranma: Akane, are you alright? Akane: I DON'T need your help! Kodachi: (glares at Ukyou) You! Tramp! How dare you interfere! (Throws mildly poisoned roses at Ukyou. Ukyou inhales and locks up, falling.) You will pay!!! (Throws gymnastic pin ups at Ukyou, who can't dodge.) Ranma: Ukyou!! (Jumps away from Akane, kicks the pin ups away, pulls Ukyou to her feet.) Ukyou: Don't touch me!! (Shoves Ranma away. Ranma is confused and hurt.) Ryoga: Saotome, DON'T YOU DARE FORGET ME!!! (He throws razor sharp bandannas at Ranma. Ranma leaps out of the way, but lands right underneath the tree branch Kodachi is standing on. Ryoga throws some more bandannas at Ranma, who kicks them up, severing the branch. Kodachi shrieks as it falls down, and leaves and twig obstruct his view from the others.) Akane: Ranma! (frightened for Ranma's safety. After all, Ranma is a friend.) Ukyou: Ranma! (Confused. Should she be happy about this or sad?) Ryoga: Ranma! (Angry! He can't see Ranma and is very pissed because he thinks Ranma has run away again.) (After the leaves and twigs clear, we see Ranma, who is carrying Kodachi. Both Ranma and Kodachi are surprised at this sudden turn of events.) Ranma: Hey! Kodachi: My hero! (Glomps onto his chest.) You've saved me from a devastating fall out of a tree! Ukyou & Akane: Put that girl down!! You already HAVE a fiancee!! (They turn and glare at each other, and start to exchange blows again.) Ryoga: Unhand that girl and FIGHT me!! (Jumps right into the fry. Ranma is trying to get Kodachi off his arm so he can put up a decent fight. Suddenly, he gets an idea. Holding his arm out, he lets Ryoga hit Kodachi over the head with his umbrella. Kodachi falls like a ton of bricks.) Ranma: Hey, thanks Ryoga! Ryoga: Don't mock me!! (throws umbrella. It spins around and around Ranma, who isn't intimidated) Ranma: Hey, can you tell me WHY you're doing this?! (Ryoga doesn't answer. Instead, he takes his belt off, snaps it straight, and throws it at Ranma. Ranma kicks it, and it goes straight to Ukyou and Akane, who don't notice it. It bounces off of Ukyou's spatula and goes for Akane's head. It cuts off her hair.) (Akane freezes. Ukyou is going to decapitate her with her spatula, but manages to stop just in time. Ukyou frowns at Akane, who is trembling as she touches her head.) Ukyou: (tapping Akane lightly on the shoulder with spatula) Hey, remember our fight? (Akane, shocked, turns and runs wobbly home. Ukyou is confused but doesn't pursue. Instead, she turns to Ranma and Ryoga and decides to help out Ryoga. Ranma suddenly finds himself to the mercy of Ukyou and Ryoga. On one side of his neck is a spatula, and on the other is Ryoga's belt.) Ranma: (angry and confused.) Fine. There. You've got me. Now will someone please tell me why my former friends are trying to kill me?! Ukyou & Ryoga: As if you don't know!! Ranma: I don't!!! (Ukyou and Ryoga give each other a look before giving Ranma the same look. Ukyou speaks.) Ukyou: You were SUPPOSED to take me with you, Ranma. You were SUPPOSED to marry me and take me with you on your training! Instead, you left me, took my dad's yatai, and made us the laughing stocks of Osaka! Ranma: Marry you?! I didn't know! I thought you were a boy! Ukyou: Do I LOOK like a boy to you?! Ranma: Er... (decides to ignore question. Looks at Ryoga.) Why do YOU hate me? Is it because of the bread feud? Ryoga: This goes beyond bread, Ranma! You RUINED my life!!! Why didn't you show up at the appointed time for our fight?! Ranma: Appointed time? Ryoga, I waited three days!! You didn't show! Ryoga: I came on the forth day! But you and your father already left for CHINA!! Ranma: Well what took you?! Ryoga: Do you think I was walking around Japan for my HEALTH?! Ranma:... (suddenly realizes something) Hey, how did you know me and Pop went to China? Ryoga: I followed you! Ranma: You...followed me?? To Jhusenkyou...(realization dawns on him.) If you DARE tell ANYONE about my curse! Ukyou: Curse? Ryoga: (smirking) Turning into a girl is a walk in the park compared to what I turn into. Ukyou: Wait a minute! What is this?! Turning into a girl? Hello, tell me! (Ryoga and Ranma are too busy glaring at each other to answer her.) ARRGH!! (Smashes Ryoga to the moon. Glares at Ranma.) I DEMAND an explanation! Ranma: So do I! What are you talking about, engagement?! Ukyou: (realizes that Ranma really DOES have no clue about what's going on.) You really don't know, do you? Ranma: Of course not!! Ukyou: Your father agreed to mine to engage you to me and take the yatai as a dowry! I was so happy! And then, I see you and Genma running off with the cart! I never saw you again! My father and I were laughing stocks! Ranma: Ukyou...I didn't know! Pop never told me anything. He just said that Ucchan wanted me to have the yatai, but he didn't want to see me ever again, so we went to another city! Ukyou: You... didn't even know? Ranma: I didn't! (hurt) I just knew my best friend deserted me and tried to cover it up with a yatai for a present. (All of Ukyou's hatred for 10 years melts. She stares at Ranma, and can only see her best friend Ran-chan, innocent as always.) Ukyou: Have you...any idea.. what a hell the past decade has been for me? (collapses onto knees) I couldn't forget you. You were my best friend and my worst enemy. I didn't know whether to kill you or forgive you... all I know was that I had to find you, and my suffering would end one way or another. Ranma: (very angry at the pain that his best friend has gone through.) Come on Ucchan. We're going to Pop, and we're getting this thing straightened out. ***************************************************************** (Kasumi opens the door for Ranma a girl holding on to a giant spatula. She is surprised that there the other girl is not Akane.) Kasumi: Ranma-chan! Ranma: Hey, did Akane come back yet? Kasumi: Akane? No, she hasn't. I thought she was with you... Who's this? Ranma: This is my friend Ukyou. Kasumi: Hello, Ukyou. Would you like something to eat? Ukyou: (Surprised at offer.) No thanks. Ranma: Where's Pop? (Genma and Soun are playing their game in the living room like always when Kasumi comes in with Ranma, and a girl they don't recognize, behind her.) Kasumi: Saotome-san, Ranma and his friend have come to see you. (Genma looks up and Soun rearranges all the pieces on the board. Genma frowns as he looks at his angry son and his very angry friend.) Genma: Who are you? Ukyou: (through clench teeth.) Do you remember a little girl by the name of Ukyou Kuonji by any chance? (Genma thinks for a minute, before abject fear comes to his face.) Ukyou: So you DO remember me. Tell me. Was it your idea to have Ranma run out on me? Don't lie. (for emphases, she pulls out her giant spatula.) Genma: (gulps) Well...maybe..I-I don't remember... I... um... I might have... Ukyou: AARGH!!! (Smacks Genma with spatula to the moon. Then, promptly leaves the dojo, Ranma in tow. They are outside the dojo.) Ranma: Feel better? Ukyou: (miserable) No. Now I'm more confused than ever... Ranma: Well... if it makes you feel better... you can hit me. (Without saying a word, Ukyou slams Ranma into the ground with her spatula like a stake. Ranma is about the same height as her knees. Ukyou squats down and pulls Ranma back up.) Ukyou: I feel much better. Ranma: (woozy) That's...nice. (shakes head) Um... so, are we friends now? Ukyou: (pauses) I'm obviously not going to kill you now... So, I guess we are fiancees. (Smiles at Ranma before going back to her yatai.) Ranma: Fiancees?? Another one? Hey wait, I didn't tell you about Kasumi! (Ukyou has already gone) Great. Just great. (pauses) Hey, I wonder where Akane went? ***************************************************************** (Akane had gone back to the school yard to look stunned behind a tree.) Akane: My hair... My hair! I've grown it for so long! It was finally longer than Kasumi's! (starts to tear up, but she holds it in.) (There is an `ahhh' sound that is getting closer and closer. Akane looks around, mortified that someone might see her crying. She doesn't see anyone. Suddenly, Ryoga crashes down from the sky.) Ryoga: AAAHHHHHHH CRASH!!! Mmm!! Humph!!! (We can only see lower torso and his legs kicking in the air. The rest of him is buried into the ground. Akane pulls him up. She recognizes him.) Akane: You!!! (drops into fighting stance.) Ryoga: (looks woozy. Sees Akane.) You!! (looks around for Ranma. Doesn't see him.) Where is Ranma?! No!! I've lost him again!! (looks like he wants to cry.) Akane: (angry) Yeah, well, I'll give you a fight if you're looking for a fight!! (lashes out at him. Ryoga easily dodges.) Ryoga: Why are you fighting me? Akane: Your belt!! Your belt did this to me!! My hair is ruined! I've been growing it for so long! It's ruined! Ryoga: It wasn't me! Ranma was the one who kicked it at you! Akane: (Stops fighting.) Ranma... Ranma! It's always Ranma! (Collapses) Ranma... Ryoga: (confused. Stoops to see if Akane is alright.) Hey... are you alright? (Akane grabs onto the nearest thing, namely, Ryoga, and starts crying into his shirt. Ryoga is embarrassed.) Ryoga: uh... don't cry... Akane: (sniffling) I'm... sorry... It's just that... I started to grow my hair, so that this guy would notice me... I don't care about it now... but... I've been growing it for so long... Ryoga: (angry) So, the villain Ranma Saotome ruins yet another life!! He must be stopped! (strikes a manly pose.) Akane: (weak smile) Maybe... I should go now, before Kasumi and Daddy worries about me. Oh, what's your name? Ryoga: I am Ryoga Hibiki. Akane: Ryoga, my name is Akane. Thanks for listening to me. (Smiles, goes away.) Ryoga:.... (he is experiencing a new feeling he has never felt before as he watches Akane leave. Her face, her smile, is all he sees. He just stands there for some time, before Ukyou comes and taps him on the back.) Ukyou: Hey, what's with you? Ryoga: I...I...I think I'm in love. Ukyou: Really? (sighs) I think I'm in love too. ***************************************************************** Younger men are so... Part 3 : Decisions, decisions!! An Elseworlds Episode Whaddaya mean your daughter doesn't want to marry my son?! What's wrong with my son?! Well, maybe my son doesn't want to marry your daughter!! -King Hubert, Sleeping Beauty ***************************************************************** (Akane sticks her head cautiously in through the front door. She had gone to the barber before coming home, as she doesn't want anyone to see how she had looked before.) Akane: (softly) I'm home. (There is a pause. Suddenly, everyone in the house rushes to her, ranting and raving. Kasumi hugs her.) Kasumi: Where have you been?! We've all been so worried... Akane! What happened to you hair?! Akane: Gomen... but... I don't want to talk about it. (runs to her room) Kasumi: (to Ranma) Ranma? What happened?? Ranma: I'm gonna find out. (Ranma runs upstairs and knocks on Akane's door. There isn't an answer, so he opens it, and see Akane staring out the window blankly.) Ranma: Akane...are you alright? Akane: (whirls around.) You! You did this to my hair!! (Pounces on him) You have no idea how long I've been growing it! You just kick the belt over to me, and cut it off!! HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE JUST DONE?! Ranma: (taken back) I'm...I'm sorry, Akane! I didn't know! I didn't know where I kicked that belt to! I'm...sorry. Akane: (sighing) It's...alright. I guess I shouldn't get so worked up. It's just hair... Ranma: Um...it...looks better short. Akane: (surprised) Really? You think so? Ranma: (nods)Why did you grow it long, anyway? It looks better short. Akane: (sighing) I use to like Dr Tofuu, but he really likes Kasumi. So, I thought if I was more like Kasumi, than Dr Tofuu would like me better. So, even after I gave up Dr Tofuu as a lost cause, I kept it long, because...I wanted to be like Kasumi. Everyone likes her. She isn't a (smirks) violent tomboy. Ranma:... Well...being a violent tomboy isn't necessarily BAD... (Akane gives Ranma a sardonic look.) Ranma: I mean, you can hold your own in a fight. I doubt Kasumi can. Akane: Who would want to fight Kasumi in the first place?! Ranma: ... I guess you're right. (The two are silent.) Ranma: Akane... I have a question I've been meaning to ask. Akane: What? Ranma: If you hate me so much, why do you put up with me? Why do you look out for me at school? Why did you fight Ukyou when she and Ryoga came to beat me up? Akane: (Sighing) I told you day one. We're friends. You're not how I figured you would be... You're male, a jerk and a macho pig, don't take that personally, but you're my friend. (Smirks) Heck, one day, you'll be my brother-in-law! Ranma: (bristles slightly at being called a macho pig but holds his tongue.) Oh. (There is an awkward silence again.) Akane: You'd better go before they think this silence means we've killed each other. Ranma: Okay. (pauses) Akane? Thank you. Akane: You're welcome. (Akane watches as Ranma wanders down the hall.) Akane: (thought) Ranma... you're not THAT bad... ***************************************************************** (Ranma and Kasumi are spending time together as their fathers the all mighty and powerful decreed.) Ranma: (putting food into his mouth.) You know, Kasumi, I guess Akane really isn't that bad. I mean... she looks kinda cute with her hair short. What do you think? Kasumi: (smiles) You think so too? Why don't you go tell her. I'm sure she'd like that. Ranma: I already did. She said thanks. (Gulps down some water) You know, I don't understand her. Some times, she's un-cute and a tomboy, but other... I dunno, I just don't understand her. Kasumi: Well, it IS nice to have some mystery around one's self sometimes. Ranma: Mystery. No way. I like to understand things. That's why I like you, Kasumi. You, I understand. Kasumi: (smiles) I'm sure you understand me. Ranma: (Finally noticing the hole in the wall caused by Kasumi's butcher's knife some time back.) Hey, what caused that? Kasumi: (sarcastic thought) Yup, I'm sure you understand me. ***************************************************************** (Kasumi goes to the Nekohanten daily. Shampoo greets her. She still has not found Ranma yet.) Shampoo: (without usual spunk) Nihao, Kasumi. Kasumi: What's wrong, Shampoo? Shampoo: Oven not working. Building inspector come today. One more fail, and Nekohanten must close forever. No Nekohanten means no money. Shampoo must go back to China, without groom. Have not found Groom yet. Kasumi: Hmm... so your oven isn't working. Why don't you let me see what's wrong with it? (Shampoo leads Kasumi to the kitchen where Cologne is screaming at Mousse who is cowering in the corner. The oven is not working, because tiny bits of oven are scattered all around the kitchen.) Kasumi: Wh-what... happened here? Shampoo: Baka Mousse. Oven no heat up when turned on so Mousse tried to fix. Can not tell red wire from blue wire without glasses. Oven go BOOM. (emphasizes onomatopoeia). Kasumi: (rolling up sleeves) Can you pass me that apron there, Shampoo? I think I can fix this... looks about the same as when Akane tried to bake last month. ***************************************************************** Kasumi: (wiping brow) There! All finished! Your oven should work now. (Cologne cautiously puts some food into oven and then sprint away from it. 5 minutes later, there is a `ding' and the food slides out of the oven.) Shampoo & Mousse & Cologne: Hooray! Shampoo: Now inspector no can shut down Nekohanten! Thank you Kasumi!! (Runs over to hug her.) Cologne: Now that we CAN stay in Japan, shouldn't you go look for your husband? Shampoo: Aiya!! Shampoo go look now! (Jumps on bicycle, rides out door.) Mousse: Shampoo! My love!! Please wait! (Runs out wall after Shampoo) Kasumi: Shampoo still hasn't found her husband? Cologne: (sighing) No. She hasn't. Kasumi: Is he about her age? Cologne: Yes. Kasumi: Has she checked the local high school? (Cologne blinks. Then, she runs to the door shouting) Cologne: SHAMPOO!! CHECK THE HIGH SCHOOL!! (We hear Shampoo give a yell.) Shampoo: Aiya!! Great-grandmother right!! Shampoo check school!! ***************************************************************** (Ranma and Akane are sitting under a tree eating lunch. She's still mad about her hair, but after beating Ranma senseless on the way to school, she feels better. Ukyou and Ryoga walk towards them. Ukyou has an iron grip on Ryoga's shoulder so he can't attack Ranma.) Ranma: Did you make that lunch? Akane: No, Kasumi did. Ranma: Great! Can I have some? I forgot mine... Akane: (Growls) What if I told you I made it. Ranma: Never mind, I'm not hungry anymore... Ukyou: Hi Ranchan! Hi...(narrows eyes when she sees Akane.) Ryoga: Hi Akane! Hi...(narrows eyes when he sees Ranma.) Ranma: Well Ryoga, aren't you going to attack me or something? Ukyou: (tightening grip) He isn't going to attack anyone if he wants to stay at my restaurant. Ranma: Your restaurant? Ukyou: (smiling) Yup. I've opened up Ucchan's, your one shop stop for okonomiyaki. And you can eat there any time you want. Ranma: Alright! Ryoga: GROWL! Akane: Ukyou, are you aware that Ranma already has a fiancee? Ukyou: Of course! Me! Akane: No! Ranma's engaged to my sister! Ukyou: What?! (Turns to Ranma) Ranchan, is this true?? Ranma: Erk... do I still get to eat at your restaurant? Akane: Ranma!! Tell her! Ranma: (sighing) Yeah. I'm engaged to Kasumi. Ukyou: WHAT?! Who's Kasumi?! Ranma: Um, you know that girl who opened the door for us and showed us in to pop? Ukyou: Yes... Ranma: Well, that's her. Ukyou: She's Kasumi?! Ranma, she looks way older that you! Ranma: She IS older than me! Hey, this wasn't my idea. Pop and Mr. Tendo had this bright idea that I was gonna marry one of his daughters, and Kasumi was picked! Ukyou: (thought) Great! A rival! I'm NOT letting some other woman take my Ranchan! Not even if she's a nice girl who offered me food! (Suddenly, there is the ring of a bicycle bell. None of the four people would have noticed, if the bicycle itself hadn't suddenly crashed into Ranma. Strangely enough, it only got onto Ranma, although Ranma WAS surround on all four sides by Akane, Ukyou, Ryoga, and a tree...) Shampoo: Yeah! Shampoo finally find husband!! (Throws bicycle off of Ranma and into Ryoga.) Shampoo finally find husband!! Ranma: (sees Shampoo and freezes) Sh-Shampoo!! What are you doing here?! Shampoo: Shampoo come to find husband!! Finally find him! Happy! Now can go home! Akane & Ukyou: Ranma, who is this? Shampoo: (looks up) Ranma! So THAT husband's name! Nihao. Me Shampoo. You friend of husband's? Ukyou: What are you TALKING about?! Ranma's engaged to me! Akane: He's ALSO engaged to my sister! Kodachi: (dropping down from tree) You're ALL wrong! Ranma-sama is going to be MY husband! (Glomps onto Ranma) Shampoo: Who you all?? (Chaos breaks out as Shampoo, Ukyou, Akane and Kodachi decide that they don't like each other very much. Ranma and Ryoga manages to sneak out of the battle.) Ranma: My god, they're ALL here! Ryoga: Ranma, how DARE you get the fair maiden Akane angry! Fight me!!! Ranma: AAAHHHH!!! What's going on here?! (Mousse suddenly blunders into the scene and sees Ranma.) Mousse: You!! You're the one who took my Shampoo away from me!! Prepare to DIE!!! (Chain saws, ball n chains, swords come out from his sleeves) Ranma: Oh no! Not YOU too!!! (Chaos is doubled as the two fights creep closer to each other and melds into a single fight. People discover they are fighting people they have never seen before. Kunou comes over.) Kunou: (Manages to separate people) ENOUGH! SILENCE! THE BLUE THUNDER (Lightning strikes behind him) OF FURINKAN HIGH DEMANDS SILENCE!! Ranma: Kunou! Man, I'd never thought I'd be glad to see you! Kunou: Silence, Wretch! I demand to know, Saotome, where do you hide the beautiful pig-tailed girl?! Ukyou & Shampoo & Kodachi: Pig-tailed girl?? How many of us are there?! Ranma: Erk... (decides that running off would be the best option right now.) Bye! Akane, Kodachi, Kunou, Mousse, Ryoga, Shampoo, Ukyou: COME BACK HERE!!! ***************************************************************** (The mob has chased Ranma all over town and has finally managed to lose him. Akane has come back to the school, angry.) Akane: Dang it, where is he?! (punches a tree. Ranma falls out of it.) Ranma! Ranma: Shh!! They might hear you!!! Akane: Ranma, what is this?! Just how many fiancees do you have?! Ranma: Not counting Kodachi, 3. Akane: (looks ready to burst) WHAT?! Ranma: Shh!! I can explain! You know about Kasumi, Pop engaged me to Ukyou for food, and I'm suppose to marry Shampoo because it's one of the Amazon laws that if an outside male beats an Amazon, she has to marry her! Akane: How can you do this to Kasumi?? What will she think? Ranma: What? It's not like she'd care that much. We don't even know each other! Geez, you're more worked up than your sister is! Akane: Hey, I'm only watching out for her welfare! Ranma: Yeah. Right. You probably like me yourself, and know you can take Kasumi's place when ever you want, but didn't count on having competition from 3 other girls! Akane: RANMA NO BAKA!!! (mallets him.) Why would I like YOU?! (Stalks off furious. Unknown to Ranma, he had just hit bull's eye. Ryoga hops out of a tree.) Ryoga: Ranma, there you are!! Prepare to die! (The two start to duel as usual and make their way across the school yard which is suddenly filled up with students and Nabiki making bets on who would win. They fight dangerously close to the pool.) Ranma: Ryoga, what are you doing?! We're too close to the pool! If we fall in-!! Ryoga: Shut up, coward!! (Jumps at him and both of them fall into the pool.) (Female Ranma and Ryoga's clothes suddenly float to the top of the pool and students look on, wondering where Ryoga and Ranma went.) Student: Hey you! Pig tail girl! What are you doing in the pool? Where is Ranma and Ryoga? Nabiki: (thought) No profit in letting them find out Ranma's curse! (Pushes a dozen people into the pool. Everyone is distracted. Ranma runs off and hides in a tree.) Ranma: Hump! I TOLD him we'd fall in! But no! Hey, where is he?! What did he turn into? (Thoughts of spider-Ryoga and worm-Ryoga fill his vision. Ranma gets up to make sure he didn't squish him by mistake.) Noise coming from Ranma's shirt: Bwee..bwee-ee..squeal.. Ranma: ??? (Unhooks first wooden ties and pulls a black thing from her shirt. The black thing is actually a piglet with Ryoga's bandanna. It's eyes are glazed and it has a nose bleed.) Ranma: Ryoga?! Ryoga: Bweeeeee.... (shakes head and is back to normal. Eyes narrow and it starts kicking and biting furiously.) BWEE!! Ranma: Ryoga, it IS you!!! (Ryoga bites onto Ranma, who screams.) Ranma: AAHHH!!(Throws the piglet into orbit.) (The piglet didn't exactly make it through the Earth's atmosphere, and starts to drop again. It is `bweeing' fearfully as the ground comes closer and closer. Fortunately, (or maybe unfortunately) Akane is walking right underneath the flying pig.) CRASH!!! Akane: (rubbing head, murder on her face.) RANMA!!! (Looks around and doesn't see Ranma anywhere. Instead, sees dazed and confused piglet on the ground just in front of her.) Oh my! It's hurt! (Grabs Ryoga-pig and shakes it. Ryoga-pig is knocked out.) Akane: I'd better get you home. ***************************************************************** (Ranma just got home and sees Akane walking around with a familiar piglet in her arms. The pig, for it's part, looks very happy and content. Ranma panics and grabs it when he sees it.) Akane: Hey! Give P-chan back to me! Ranma: P-CHAN?! Do you know what this is?! Akane: It's a pig! He's my pet! I found him on the street. Ranma: It's OW!! (The pig has bite Ranma. It's eyes flash daggers at him.) Uh... never mind. I'll be right back. (Runs off.) Akane: Where are you going with P-Chan? (Runs after Ranma, but he has run into the sanctuary known as the bathroom, and Akane can't follow.) RANMA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH P-CHAN?! Ranma: Here. (pours hot water onto Ryoga.) Ryoga: RANMA!!! Ranma: Shh!! (points to the door.) Akane might hear you. (Fortunately, Akane is bellowing and beating the door so loudly, that she didn't here Ryoga.) Ryoga: (grabbing a towel from the hamper to save his dignity from further damage.) Ranma, what was that for?! Ranma: What are you doing as a pig in Akane's arms?? Ryoga: You threw me right at her! (gets dazed) It must be a sign from the heavens that of all the people in Nerima, I crash into the beautiful Akane! Ranma: (Hits Ryoga.) Snap out of it! Do you want me to tell Akane a little secret about her new pet P-Chan? Ryoga: (Eyes narrowing) You. Don't. Dare. If you do, the whole SCHOOL will know the connection between Ranma and the Pig tailed girl. Ranma: (glowering.) You don't dare! Ryoga: (snarls.) You ruined MY life! I'll ruin yours. (Ranma and Ryoga glare at each other for some time, while Akane continues to beat on the door.) Ranma: Fine! I swear on my Warrior's honor, that I won't tell anyone about P-Chan, if you don't. Ryoga: Deal. Ranma: What about Ukyou? Ryoga: What about her? Ranma: Shouldn't you tell her? Ryoga: She'll find out when she does. Ranma: (Narrow eyes.) You'd better tell Ukyou and Akane sooner or later. Ryoga: Why do you care?! Geez! You'd think that you're jealous of me or something. Ranma: WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS OF YOU?! (Throws a handy bucket of water onto Ryoga who turns into P-Chan, just as Akane knocks down the door.) Akane: Who were you talking to? Ranma: Huh? Uh... myself. Akane: (Grabbing P-chan while she looks at Ranma suspiciously.) What were you doing with P-chan? Ranma: Huh? Uh... I was...uh... talking to him. Akane: I thought you were talking to yourself! Ranma: Can't I talk to two people at the same time?! ***************************************************************** (It's later in the night, and the Tendos and the Saotomes were getting to sleep. Ranma and Kasumi are dutifully going through their nightly mandatory chit-chat.) Ranma: (scarfing down food) Can you believe it?! I mean, Akane just grabs a pig off the street and says it's her pet. Kasumi: Well, I can believe that. She used to do that with stray cats and dogs (doesn't notice Ranma's shutter at the word cat,) when she was little. Ranma: (snort) Get this, she named it P-Chan. What a stupid name! Kasumi: I think P-Chan's a wonderful name. Ranma: Well, I don't! It's a stupid name for a stupid pig! Get this, she's sleeping with it too!! I mean, how can she do that?! She doesn't know where that pig has been. (I doubt Ryoga himself knows all the places he's been to...) Kasumi: My, Ranma, it seems to me you're getting a bit protective of Akane. Ranma: Hey! That's only because you asked me to! Kasumi: Right, Ranma. Right. (Ranma doesn't notice the sarcastic tone she's using. No one ever does.) ***************************************************************** (While Kasumi and Ranma are talking, Akane is pouting to P-Chan, who lays in Akane's arms, looking up at her transfixed as they try to fall asleep.) Akane: Oh, the nerve of that Ranma!!! Don't you just HATE him?!? (P-Chan nods vigorously, but Akane doesn't notice.) Akane: What kind of an idiot does he think I am?! I could have sworn there was someone in the bathroom with him! Sounded like a boy to! What a hentai! Did you see anything, P-chan? (P-Chan tries to look as cute and innocent as possible.) Akane: Just what does he think he is?! Kasumi is good enough, no, BETTER than what Ranma deserves, and he goes out and gets three other fiancee! What kind of a four timing jerk is he?!? (P-Chan growls. This time, Akane notices this.) Akane: Oh, you're worried for Kasumi too, aren't you, P-Chan! You're so sweet. (Kisses him again, P-Chan looks like he wants to die of rapture.) Don't worry, we'll make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Boy, it's getting late! Better sleep now! Good night P-chan. Akane: (Thought) The only GOOD thing, Ranma's done this week is cut my hair! If it was any longer, (looks at P-Chan) poor P-Chan would be choking on it now! (Akane goes to sleep with dreams of how to injure Ranma in her head.) ***************************************************************** (It's the next day, and when Akane and Ranma get to school, they find the gymnastics team waiting for them.) Akane: I don't understand, Ranma. Where did P-Chan go?? Ranma: (slightly guilty, as he was the one who had punted P-Chan back to Ucchan's when he couldn't contain his anger of seeing Ryoga sleeping in Akane's arms.) Uh... I don't know... Sakura: Akane-san! Where have you been?! The tournament is in five minutes! We have to get you ready! Akane: tournament? tournament!! Whaddaya mean, tournament?! I thought you said it was on in a FEW weeks!! Sakura: I know!!! But somehow, the Black Rose managed to have the tournament moved up! Akane: (Blinks a few times) OOHH!!!! KODACHI!!!! YOU CHEATER!!! Sakura: Quickly!! We have to hurry! (The gymnastics team grabs Akane and hurry her and Ranma into a bus. Ukyou and Ryoga get to school. Ryoga has a large foot-mark caused by Ranma on his fore head. Ukyou is slightly giggly because she had found out Ryoga's curse yesterday when P-Chan came flying though a window and into a bath tub, just as she went in. After beating Ryoga for being a pervert, she saw the humor in the situation, and hasn't stopped smiling since.) Ryoga: Where is evil Saotome taking Akane?! (Runs after the bus.) Ukyou: Stop calling my Ran-chan evil! (Runs after Ryoga.) (Just then, Shampoo gets to school. She sees Ukyou and Ryoga running after a bus.) Shampoo: Wait minute! That Spatula girl! What she do running after bus? Maybe Spatula girl know where Ranma is! (Starts peddling on bike to follow Ukyou.) ***************************************************************** (Akane is sitting nervously in one corner of the ring, looking at gymnastic balls, ribbons, pins and such. Ranma is sitting beside her, watching her fret.) Ranma: Why didn't you practice?! Akane: I thought I had a few more weeks! I didn't have time This week! I was paralyzed for half the time, then I get to meet your darling fiancees!! Between fighting them, and fighting you, there hasn't been time! Ranma: No excuse. Akane: (resigned) I know... I guess I'll just have to try my best and pray for some miracle. Voice: Ohohohoho!!! (Kodachi jumps into the ring. The audience applauds her, knowing that it was the only thing they could do to avoid poisoning of some sort.) Kodachi: You! Akane Tendo! Fight!! (Throws a few pins at Akane who only barely manages to dodge them, one of them grazes Akane's arm, drawing blood.) Akane: Hey! I wasn't ready yet! (Throws a ball baseball style at Kodachi, who simply bats it away with a hula hoop.) Kodachi: Come on and FIGHT, TENDO!! (Kodachi stares to throw a variety of tools at Akane, most of them hitting their mark.) Ref.:.... (Doesn't want to get killed by Kodachi) Uh... I guess the match officially begins!! (Kodachi throws the ribbon around, and it catches on to Akane's feet, tripping her. Kodachi jumps into the air and throws some pins at Akane who throws another ball at Kodachi, hitting her in the stomach. Kodachi, lands, snarling.) Ranma: Good job!! Kodachi: You filthy wretch! You've wounded me! Akane: (Getting to her feet.) Gee, that's the general Idea! (Throws some pins at Kodachi, who catches and throws them back at Akane. They hit her, drawing blood.) Ranma: Akane! (Starts to get into the ring) Akane: Stay out, Ranma, this is a fight! Kodachi: You can't defeat me. (Takes out hula hoop. Suddenly, tiny spikes protrude from it and she throws it at Akane. Akane can't see the spikes so she simply catches the hoop in one hand. She gives a scream, dropping the hoop to see blood coming out of her hand.) Akane: That's cheating!!! (She's angry. Looks around and sees a balance beam. She grabs and hefts it with both arms.) You'll pay for that!! Kodachi: REF!!! What are you, BLIND?! She's CHEATING!! Ref.: Well, it's a legal move. The balance beam is a piece of gymnastics equipment... (Akane starts swatting Kodachi with the beam, who didn't think someone would use something as massive as a balance beam to fight with. Akane manages to swat Kodachi into the air, and out of the ring.) (Kodachi blows into a whistle, and the entire RING started to move, until Kodachi lands on it. The movement of the wring caused Akane to lose her balance, which is why she's sitting.) Ranma: Get up!! (Tries to get into the ring, but Akane gives him a look that prompts him to stay put.) Kodachi: I've got you!! (Throws a ball at Akane and hits her square in the jaw. Akane collapses, gasping, before wobbling to her feet only to have the razor hula hoop hit her in the back.) Ranma: Don't give up, I'm gonna see what the heck is going on with this ring!!! (He looks under the ring and sees Kodachi's entire gym team supporting it, ready to move it at their leader's will. Ranma: Hey! Girl: Uh-oh. (Meanwhile, in the ring, Kodachi is beating Akane into a bloody pulp. She's ready to go in for the kill.) Kodachi: DIE!!! (Jumps into the air with a giant gym ball in hand, ready to squash Akane.) Three other voices: DIE!!! (Suddenly, Ryoga, Ukyou and Shampoo bash into through the wall, with Ryoga and Ukyou against Shampoo who is amazingly enough, managing to hold her own. The three smash right into Kodachi, knocking her out of the ring.) (Kodachi is blowing her whistle shrilly, but Ranma is stopping her team from moving the ring. Kodachi smashes into the ground, outside of the ring, while Shampoo and Ukyou start fighting on top of her, not noticing her. Ryoga had noticed Akane and rushed to her to see if she was alright.) Ryoga: Akane! Speak to me! Akane: (Weak) Uh...mm...Ran...Ranma? Ryoga: Saotome did this to you?! He will DIE!!! (Looks around wildly for Ranma.) Saotome!!! WHERE ARE YOU!? Ranma: (coming up from under the ring. Kodachi's team runs out while Ranma isn't looking, swearing never to cheat again.) Ryoga? What are you doing here? Ryoga: YOU WILL PAY RANMA!! Akane: (Very weak) Ryoga....don't... (Ryoga didn't hear Akane, and lunges towards Ranma, who bats him away, and into Shampoo and Ukyou's fight. They two suddenly find someone else to use their rage against. Ranma runs to Akane, and lifts her up.) Ranma: You won, Akane!! You won! ***************************************************************** Younger men are so... Part 4 : Realizations An Elseworlds Episode Looking back on all this time we spent together, you ought to know by now, if you want to be my lover, wanna be my lover? -LaBouche, Be my lover. ***************************************************************** (Shampoo comes back to the Nekohanten to discover that is is full of people eating and drinking. Mousse is trying to man the cash register, take orders and wait on the tables at the same time, often with very bad results while Cologne is in the kitchen. Shampoo knows Cologne is in the kitchen, because everyone once in a while, a plate of ramen is thrown out of kitchen and onto Mousse's head. No matter where Mousse is, the ramen always lands on his head.) Shampoo: Mousse, what going on here? Mousse: (Dropping food onto a table.) Shampoo!! You're home! (Rushes over to hug her.) I was so worried!! (Shampoo bashes Mousse over the head with plate of ramen, though she is careful not to break the plate. Mousse collapses. Shampoo goes to the kitchen to see Cologne cooking up a frenzy.) Shampoo: Great-grandmother, did Kasumi come? Cologne: Shampoo, where have you been?! Hurry up bring these plates to table four!! By god, I never thought there'd be so many people! (Shampoo obediently does what is asked of her. She comes back to Cologne to ask a question, but Cologne instantly gives her 7 more plates to be delivered. By the time Shampoo actually has time to ask her question, it's night time, and most of the people have left.) Shampoo: Great-grandmother, did Kasumi come? Cologne: Kasumi? No. She didn't come. Her sister got hurt in a fight, and Kasumi is taking care of her. Shampoo: Aiya! Is sister alright? Cologne: I believe so. I heard she won the fight. Shampoo: Kasumi sister need practice, so not get hurt, even though she win. Maybe Shampoo teach sister fight to repay Kasumi, yes? Cologne: That's a good idea. Anyway, what did you find out about Ranma today? Shampoo: (Scowling) Shampoo have many rivals! Spatula girl and crazy girl with loud laugh. Violent girl with hammer not Ranma's fiancee, but fight for him anyway. Mousse: (Coming into kitchen) Really? Then maybe you should give up on Ranma! He's so unfaithful to you! I'd never do such a thing! Shampoo: Mousse never beat Shampoo in fight, either! Mousse: But I love you!!! Shampoo: Mousse leave Shampoo alone!!! (Bashes him over skull with bonbori.) Cologne: (Frowning) Ranma have multiple girlfriends? This is not good. We must change this... ***************************************************************** Ranma: I feel awful, Kasumi. Kasumi: I can tell. (Ranma hasn't touched the food she's made for him.) Ranma, it wasn't you fault. Besides, Akane won. Ranma: I still feel awful. I should have just jumped in the ring before Kodachi could hurt her. Kasumi: Ranma, you know Akane wouldn't have wanted that. Ranma: But you told me to protect her from harm! Kasumi: True... but, you'd just be hurting Akane's feelings if you jumped in the ring to help her. Sometimes, hurting one's feelings is worst than hurting them physically. Ranma: (Growling) Akane shouldn't have been so hurt! This is all Kodachi's fault! I mean, she would have won anyway, if she didn't cheat. After all, Akane didn't even have a chance to practice! Kasumi: How is Kodachi doing, anyway? Ranma: Kodachi? She's in the hospital. Ukyou and Shampoo really did a number on her when they stepped all over her face. Kasumi: I'm sure Kodachi realized her mistake and will eventually apologize to Akane. Ranma: Yeah. Right. Kasumi. Kasumi: Maybe we should go visit Kodachi to see how she is? Ranma: Why?! Kasumi: She's in the hospital, Ranma-chan. She can use a friend. Ranma: But, she's insane!! Kasumi: No one can be that bad. Ranma: You haven't met Kodachi yet. (Suddenly, there is a scream upstairs. Kasumi and Ranma look at each other, before rushing up the stairs.) ***************************************************************** [Five minutes ago] (Akane had been resting peacefully, when her window opened and she felt a breeze. Thinking it was P-Chan, she sat up and looked at the window, but the black piglet wasn't there. She lays back down, eyes open, and sees Kodachi on the roof. She has a wooden mallet, the kind Akane uses, hanging from a belt. Kodachi has a bandage wrapped around her forehead, a few bruises here and there, and her left leg in a cast. How she got on the roof with her leg in a cast, we'll never know.) Kodachi: Akane Tendo! Prepare to die!!! Akane: (Snapping awake) You again!!! Don't you EVER give up!!! (Manages to fall out of bed before her head could be squished.) Kodachi: How DARE you make me look bad in front of my Ranma-sama?! Akane: Stop calling him that! Ranma's already engaged! Kodachi: Well, if I kill you, then he's not engaged any more now is he? Akane: WRONG!! Kill me, and Ukyou and Shampoo is still his fiancees! Besides, I'M not the Tendo engaged to him! Kodachi: You lie! If you're not engaged to him, then why do you fight for him so hard?? Akane: (opens and shuts mouth a few times) I do NOT fight hard for him! (Just then Ranma and Kasumi come in. Ranma sees the fight and instantly jumps in. Kasumi simply stands in the doorway, stupefied.) Ranma: (Grabbing onto Kodachi's hands.) Hey, what do you think you're doing?! Kodachi: Ranma-sama!! Ranma: (Angry) Don't call me that!! Why were you attacking Akane?! Didn't you hurt her enough already? Kodachi: But Ranma-sama, Akane is my rival. I must kill her so that we can be together always! Ranma: What? Akane is your... (Ranma and Akane look at each other for a moment, before they both flush) Kodachi, Akane is NOT your rival! She's not engaged to me! Kasumi is! Why would I want AKANE as a fiancee?! Akane: Ranma no Baka!!! (Hits him with mallet.) Kodachi: I guess you're right... Akane: AAARGGH!!! Kodachi: Who is Kasumi? Kasumi: Did someone call me? Kodachi: DIE!!! (Jumps into air and throws a bunch of flowers into Kasumi's face.) Kasumi: Oh, what lovely flowe- (falls, paralyzed.) (Thought) Hmm... I can't move my arms or legs! Or anything else for that matter! Should I start panicking now? Akane: How DARE you hurt my sister?! (swings mallet at Kodachi who dodges clumsily.) Kodachi: I see you enjoy the hammer arts as well, Akane Tendo. Hmm... beautifully crafted, but take a look at mine! (Hefts it at Akane, striking her in the head. Akane falls, seeing stars.) Ranma: (coming to from the mallet wound) Kodachi!! (Very angry) Stop this!!! (Throws her out window.) Kodachi: Ranma-samaaaaa.... Ranma: (goes over to Akane) Akane, are you alright? Akane: (groan) Gee, I never knew how much it hurt when you get hit with a hammer. I'm sorry for all those times I smacked you with it. (Looks at Kasumi) Onee-chan!!! Ranma: Kasumi!! Kasumi: (Thought) Gee, took long enough for them to pry their eyes from each other to notice me. Hmm... ***************************************************************** (While Akane was getting attacked, Ukyou was treating Ryoga for his wounds from her attack.) Ukyou: I don't believe it. Shampoo managed to use you as a shield for everyone one of my shots. Ryoga: (Grumble) Hey, you managed to use me as a shield for every one of her shots too! Ukyou: You shouldn't have gotten in the way. Ryoga: Hump, see if I help you again. Ukyou: I didn't need your help!! Ryoga: Shampoo was killing you before I came in. Ukyou: She threw her bicycle at me when I wasn't watching! Humph. You weren't much better. You threw HER through the roof of the Gym, but she dragged ME after her!! Ryoga: But then you dragged ME after you! Ukyou: touchT. Ryoga: I think you should use that spatula strictly for cooking. (Ukyou hits Ryoga over the head with the spatula in question as a response.) ***************************************************************** (The next day, Kasumi comes to Nekohanten to find that it's packed and has become an overnight success. She sees Shampoo taking orders from a couple while Mousse tries to do the same with a potted plant.) Kasumi: Hello, Shampoo! Shampoo: (looks up) Nihao Kasumi!! Look (motions around) Nekohanten packed!! Kasumi: So I see! I guess this means I should come back when there's less people? Shampoo: (Nods head vigorously) Come back later!! Shampoo have much to tell you!! Shampoo found husband! Kasumi: Really? What's his name? Shampoo: Husband name is- Customer: Hey, Miss, can I get some service here?! Your male counterpart is trying to ask my wife's purse if it needs a booster seat! Shampoo: Sorry, Kasumi, come back later? Kasumi: Of course. (Kasumi walks out of the Nekohanten, wondering where she should go. She had planned to tutor Shampoo that afternoon.) Kasumi: (Thought) I know! I'll go visit Ranma-chan at school! Father's been telling me to go visit him more often. ***************************************************************** (At the school, Ranma, Akane, Ukyou and Ryoga are eating lunch. Ukyou and Ryoga aren't on the best of terms because Ryoga had gotten lost in Ucchan's, walking into a closet, and coming out of the woman's bathroom.) Ryoga: I told you!! I can't help it if I get lost! Ukyou: How did you manage to come out of the woman's BATHROOM, if you walked into the closet?! How can you expect me to believe that?! You are a HENTAI!!! Ryoga: WHY DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?! Akane: Ranma, have you seen P-Chan? I haven't found him since that one day I lost him! Ranma: (Snort) Why do you want P-chan?! He's just a pig. Ukyou: (Hotly) Don't worry Akane, I have a feeling P-Chan will find himself home tonight! Ryoga & Ranma & Akane: WHAT?! (Just then, Kasumi comes into the school yard, smiling as usual.) Kasumi: Hello Akane-chan. Hello Ranma-chan. Hello Ukyou. Akane: Hello, Onee. Ranma: Hey, Kasumi. Ukyou: Humph. (Glares at Kasumi, who doesn't notice this. She quickly latches onto Ranma's arm. Ranma does not notice. If Kasumi noticed, she doesn't do anything about it. Akane, however, does. She glowers a bit.) Ryoga: Hi, Kasumi. Kasumi: (Blinking) Have we met? Ryoga: (Remembers that he was a pig at the time he had met Kasumi.) Um... uh... no, but.... Ukyou's told me about you! Ukyou: I have? (Thought) Well, it's true. I always complain to him about my rivals... (Suddenly, there is a strange `Ohohoho' sound coming though the air and everyone looks up. It's Kodachi, in her leotard, holding a hammer above her head, and somehow, she's launched herself though the air.) Kodachi: KASUMI TENDO PREPARE TO DIE!!! (The declaration stuns everyone, so no one moves and Kodachi collides into a tree on her way to pound Kasumi. She collapses onto the ground, dazed. A few teeth fall out.) Kunou: (Looks at Kodachi, shrugs, looks at Ranma, and sees another excuse to bully him with.) Saotome, how dare you hurt my sister!! PREPARE TO DIE!! Ranma: What are you talking about?! I didn't do anything!! (Ukyou, Akane, Kasumi and Ryoga sidestep quickly, as Ranma starts to duke it out. Meanwhile, Kodachi manages to wobble away from getting stepped on.) Akane: Is it just me, or do those two use the same corny lines, over and over again? Ryoga: You! What ever your name is! I won't let you kill Ranma, he's MINE TO KILL!!! (Jumps into the fight with Kunou and Ranma.) Kasumi: Oh my, Furinken High certainly wasn't this violent when I came here... Ukyou: Speaking of violence...(takes out spatula) don't think I'm gonna let you take my Ranchan away from me. Kasumi: Excuse me? Kodachi: Tendo Kasumi... prepare to die!!! (She's facing her brother at the moment.) Kunou: What are you doing, woman!!? Don't interfere in a man's fight! (Turns her around to face the females.) Kodachi: Tendo Kasumi... prepare to die!!! Ukyou: I'm not Kasumi! Kodachi: ??? (Kodachi collapses. Ukyou is shaking with fury as she tries to intimidate and frighten Kasumi, who seems oblivious to the angry blue aura around the girl.) Akane: Look, Ukyou, stop trying to scare my sister. (Takes up attack position.) If you want to fight... Ukyou: Why would I want to fight you? You're not my rival. Akane:... Of course I'M NOT!!! Ukyou: (Warily) Why are you so eager to fight me?! I'm not YOUR rival! Unless (makes a face) your family supports sorrel polygyny? Akane: Don't be SICK!!! Why would I want to marry RANMA?! Ukyou: (Thought) Good. I don't want another rival. Kasumi: Will you be fighting the entire day? (Akane and Ukyou start to beat on each other as a response.) Kasumi: I see. Maybe I should go home now. Sayonara. (Kasumi leaves. Just as she does so, a bicycle bell rings. Everyone fighting freezes. Shampoo's bicycle lands on Ranma after flying through the sky.) Shampoo: Nihao Airen!! (Brings out food) Nekohanten very, very busy... had to tell friend to come back tomorrow, but Great- grandmother say is okay to come give food to Ranma! Ranma: Food! (Grabs food and starts chowing down.) Kunou & Ryoga: HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT OUR FIGHT ALREADY SAOTOME?! Ukyou: (Thought) Oh, great! Shampoo! She usually pairs off with me, and I can't handle her as well as Akane. Kodachi's starting to stir too! Hm... Ukyou: Shampoo! Guess how many fiancees your Airen has! Shampoo: (Counting fingers) Shampoo...spatula girl... insane girl with loud laugh... three. Ukyou: Wrong! Ranma has 4! Shampoo: Four? Violent girl, Akane count too? Akane: NO!!! Ukyou: No, the forth one just walked around the corner, and she's going home! If you hurry, you can still catch up!! Shampoo: (Whips out bonbori out of somewhere) DIE!!! (Runs off somewhere.) Akane: You sent Shampoo after my sister!!! Ukyou: Don't worry! Shampoo's never met your sister before! She'll just get lost. Meanwhile, I can pulverize you with out her interference!! (Akane and Ukyou start to fight, on top of Kodachi, who's screams are ignored.) ***************************************************************** (Shampoo is biking down the street at mach 2, but just misses Kasumi, who turns a corner. Shampoo continues biking down the street, looking for any female aged 14-20 that might be Ranma's fiancee. She doesn't see any. Screaming in frustration, she bikes through a concrete wall, and into Dr Tofu's clinic.) Shampoo: WHERE IS SHE?! Tofuu: (Blinking) Hello. Can I help you? Shampoo: Nihao, me Shampoo. Shampoo looking for girl. Tofuu: A girl? What's her name? Shampoo: Uh... don't know. Tofuu: How does she look? Shampoo: Uh... don't know. Tofuu: ..... Shampoo: ..... (They continue to stand there for a few minutes, before Shampoo brightens.) Shampoo: Girl is one of Airen's Fiancees! Tofuu: Excuse me? Shampoo: Where Ranma's Fiancee?! Tofuu: Ranma's fian... (glasses fog up) (Thought) KASUMI! (Glasses defog) Ranma's...fiancee... (Depressed) She lives at the Tendo Dojo. Shampoo: Dojo? Okay, thank you! Bai bai!! (Bikes off) Tofuu: Kasumi... ***************************************************************** (Shampoo bikes around town, asking various people where the Tendo Dojo is.) Man: The Tendo Dojo? Shampoo: Uh-huh. Man: So you have a complaint against them too eh? Hey, we neighbors are signing a partition, to kick them out of Nerima! Care to join? Shampoo: Just tell where Dojo!! Man: Why are you in such a hurry to get over there? If you're planning on beating some sense into them, it won't work. We've tried before. Shampoo: .... (Tries to look as cute as possible) Nice man please tell Shampoo where Dojo is?? Man: Well, I don't recommend that you go, but, they're right next door. Shampoo: Thank you nice man!!! (Kisses man on cheek and then dashes through a wall.) Man: .... (bliss on his face at being kissed before coming back to reality) Hey! She went right through the wa-!! Oh no, it's another one of them!!! ***************************************************************** (Soun and Genma are playing their game again, when there is a sudden rumbling.) Soun: Is it an earth quake?! Shampoo: WHERE RANMA FIANCEE?!? (She bashed through a handy wall, swords in hands. Anger radiated from in her the form of a blue aura. She looks at Soun and Panda-Genma. (Genma faints at the sight of her while Soun blinks at the newcomer.) Soun : Ranma's fiancee? You mean Kasumi! She just got home, and she's in the kitchen. Are you here to congratulate her? Shampoo: (Shampoo stampedes into the kitchen, knocking down the door.) (Thought) Why man say girl name Kasumi? Kasumi is Shampoo friend! (She sees the back of Kasumi and doesn't realize it's her friend.) (Speaks) Face Shampoo!!! Kasumi: (turns around, blinking.) Oh my. Shampoo, what are you doing here? Do you need more sulfur? Let me get some for you. (Attempts to get pass Shampoo to get some, but Shampoo blocks the way, not letting Kasumi go, a bewildered look on her face.) Shampoo: Kasumi? (Thought) Kasumi is Ranma's fiancee?! No!!! It can't be!! Kasumi doesn't look like she can fight! What would Ranma see in her?! Of course, Kasumi didn't look like she knew how to get rid of rats and fix a broken oven too... great-grandmother says Kasumi is strong... Could Kasumi know martial arts and not tell me?! One way to find out... (Speaks) Kasumi. You Ranma's fiancee??! Kasumi: (looks rather embarrassed and flushed.) Well...yes. I am. I know he's young for me, but Nabiki didn't want him and Akane couldn't stand him so I was the only daughter left... Shampoo: No!!! Kasumi CAN'T be Ranma's fiancee!! (She gave the older girl a wounded look.) Shampoo thought Kasumi was Shampoo's friend!! Kasumi: (looks confused as she doesn't understand Shampoo's problem at the moment.) I am your friend... Shampoo: You LIE!! (anger builds in her) Kasumi evil!! Tell Shampoo, Kasumi is friend, but is Ranma's fiancee!! Kasumi, Shampoo's rival!! DIE!!! (Throws her sword at Kasumi, but she is confused and panicking, so it's a wimpy throw. She is expecting Kasumi to block or dodge it, because after all, she IS Ranma's fiancee, and should know at LEAST the basics of martial arts...) (Shampoo discovers that this is not true as Kasumi collapses onto the ground with a sword impaling her belly into a pool of redness. Shampoo blinks, wondering why Kasumi is not getting up. Then blinks again as realization dawns on her.) Shampoo: AIYA!!! ****************************************************************** (The Tendos and the Saotomes are at the Hospital. Ryoga and Ukyou are with them. Soun and Genma both look horrible and are crying their eyes out, while even Nabiki looks a little misty eyed. Ranma of all people is comforting Akane, who's too upset to smack him away. Ryoga is glaring at Ranma for holding onto Akane, while Ukyou isn't feeling very well. The kids were phoned at school of this, and they had met Genma and Soun at the hospital. It wasn't Genma, OR Soun who had brought her in, though.) Ukyou: (Thought) I don't believe it! I don't! How could this happen?! Shampoo shouldn't have got Kasumi. Shampoo hasn't ever seen Kasumi before!! How could this happen?! (Just then, the doctor came out of the emergency room.) Everyone: How is she?! Will she live? How much will this cost? Can we go see her? My baby girl!! Waaaa!! How is she doing? Doctor: Calm down! Everything will be fine! It wasn't as bad as it looked because no major organs were damaged so that we couldn't patch her up. Now, I want to know what happened. Soun: A crazy girl killed my baby girl!!! Waaa!! She will pay!!! She will pay!!! Doctor: Did you hear me? I said she'll be fine! Now, a girl did this? Ranma: An... enemy of the family did this, Dr. Doctor: I see. Now where is the girl who brought her in? Ranma: What? A girl brought her in? Wasn't it Pop or Mr. Tendo? Doctor: No, the two gentlemen arrived after. It was a teenage girl, with purple hair who brought the patient in. (Looks around.) Strange. Looks like she left! I would have thought she would stay, she was so worried. Ranma/Akane/Ukyou/Ryoga: Shampoo?! Doctor: Huh? (Just then, a wail could be heard down the hall. Everyone looks at it, and sees Doctor Tofuu barreling down the hall and through everything in his way.) Tofuu: Where is she?! Where is she?! Doctor: Tofuu?? What are you doing here?1 Tofuu: Where is Kasumi?!(Much to the surprise of everyone, his glasses do NOT fog up.) Doctor: She's fine! She's resting right now. (Looks Tofuu over.) Looks like you can use some rest to, Tofuu. (Dr Tofuu has seen better days. His clothing is muddy with multiple rips in it. His hair is all messed up, and one of the lenses in his glasses are smashed out. He is crushing some bones that belonged to Betty-Chan.) Tofuu: Kasumi... is alright? Doctor: She's fine! What did you do, dash across town? Tofuu:... (Collapses) ****************************************************************** (After getting Dr Tofuu some medical attention, the Doctor lets the people go see Kasumi. Everyone rushes into the room, leaving Akane and Ukyou, because they are the last ones to get in.) Akane:... Ukyou:... Akane:... Ukyou: Look! This silence is killing me! I know you want to kill me, but it wasn't my fault! I didn't know Shampoo would get Kasumi! Akane: (Doesn't answer.) Ukyou: You can't blame me! I didn't know! It's Shampoo's fault, not mine!! I didn't want Kasumi to get hurt! That would hurt Ranchan! Akane: (Doesn't answer.) Ukyou: Stop look at me like that!!! If you want to fight, then fine!! We fight!!! (Brings out spatula. She's breathing heavily, and blinking rapidly.) Akane: (Doesn't move, doesn't answer.) Ukyou: Stop it! It's not my fault!! (Trembling) Not my fault!!! Akane: (Gets up, ready to walk away.) Ukyou: Don't walk away!!! Fight me!! I will prove it's not my fault. (Tears are threatening, and Ukyou blinks even more rapidly.) Akane: (In very cold voice) How will fighting you prove it's not your fault? Ukyou: It isn't my fault!!! (Tears streaming down her face now.) Akane: You believe what you want. (Turns to go.) Ukyou: ARGH!! (Throws down spatula.) You're angry at me!! Why aren't you trying to kill me?! Here!! I'll let you hit me, come on!! Akane: (Looks at Ukyou.) So you want me to hit you? Ukyou: YES!!! Akane: You want me to punish you. Ukyou: YES!!! Akane: But it isn't your fault. Ukyou: YES IT IS!!! HIT ME!! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! I SHOULDN'T HAVE SENT SHAMPOO AFTER KASUMI! IT'S MY FAULT SHE'S IN THE HOSPITAL! (Collapses) It is my fault... it....is.... (Crying.) Akane: (slightly guilty) I'm not going to hit you. I'm not going to punish you. You've punished yourself quite enough. I am going to see my sister. (Akane leaves Ukyou, who's still sobbing on the ground. Ryoga comes into the room, out from Kasumi's room. He sees Ukyou crying.) Ryoga: Ukyou, what's wrong? Ukyou: It....it's.....it's....all... Ryoga: ???? Ukyou: It's all my fault!! (Starts crying into Ryoga's shirt.) Ryoga: (Thought) Why do girls like crying into this shirt so much? Hm... maybe I should wear it more often? Ukyou: **Sob!!** **Cry!!** Ryoga: Ukyou, don't cry. This isn't your fault. Who said it was? Ukyou: It is my fault! Akane's right. It is my fault! I should have never sent Shampoo after Kasumi! Never! Ryoga: Akane said it's your fault? Well, then, it probably is your fault then... no wait! No wait, don't cry more! I mean, I mean, uh.... come one, let's get you home. (Ukyou is too depressed to object. It isn't until a few minutes later, before she looks around and sees that Ryoga has walked them into a closet.) Ukyou: Ryoga, why are we in a closet? Ryoga: Eh, heh heh, heh.... ****************************************************************** Akane: Oneechan!!!! (Runs into Kasumi, starts crying. She had been trying to hold it in, while she was confronting Ukyou, but now, she's letting it all out.) Kasumi: Akane, it's alright.... I'll be fine. (Kasumi comforts her little sister a little longer, while the family looks on, before she looks around.) Kasumi: Strange. Where's Shampoo? Everyone: You know Shampoo?! Kasumi: Yes. I hope she's alright, she was so upset... Everyone: How did you know Shampoo? Kasumi: She's my friend. (She tells them how she met the Chinese amazon.) Where did she go? Oh, I hope she's alright. I should have told her Ranma-chan was my fiancee, then this never would have happened. Ranma: (Fiercely) This isn't your fault, Kasumi. If anyone's, it's Shampoo's. She might think she's engaged to me, but she should never have hurt you. Kasumi: (Blinking) Engaged to you? (After everyone knows the full story now, Kasumi nods.) Kasumi: Oh my, that would explain a lot. Oh dear, whatever will we do now? I hope our friendship isn't in complete ruins. ****************************************************************** (Somehow, Ryoga has managed to get Ukyou back to Ucchan's. He sits her down at one of the table, and she sobs quietly into a table clothe. Ryoga, walks into a closet, and comes out of the kitchen with a glass of water for her.) Ryoga: Are you feeling better? Ukyou: (Nods)(Takes water and tries to drink it. With the glass halfway to her mouth, she suddenly starts to cry again, and flings the water onto Ryoga.) P-Chan: Bwee!!! (Thought) Hey, watch it!! Ukyou: Ryoga? Oh, I'm so sorry, Ryoga. I can't do anything right today. Everything blows up in my face. (Picks up P-Chan) You probably want to go to Akane now, don't you? P-Chan: Bwee?? (Thought) I want to go... but I think I'd better stay here with you. Ukyou: Okay, I'll send you. (Stumbles to the door, and prepares to throw P-Chan across down.) P-Chan: Bwee!!!! (Manages to wiggle out of Ukyou's grasp, and attaches himself onto her leg, refuses to let go.) Ukyou: Don't you want to go to Akane's? P-Chan: (Shakes head.) Ukyou: Can you... stay here with me? P-Chan: (Nods head.) Ukyou: Thank you... (Picks up P-Chan, and hugs him, with out noticing that P-Chan is getting a nosebleed.) You're such a good friend... P-Chan: Bwee? Ukyou: (Thinks for a long time.) Friend.... Ranchan probably hate me now... I don't have any friends any more... P-Chan: Bwee!! Ukyou: Ranchan... please.. don't hate me... I didn't mean it! I didn't want this to happen. Please down hate me... (Collapses) please... don't hate me... P-Chan: (Thought) Don't cry, Ukyou... hey, it isn't him, who should hate you, it's YOU who should hate him!!! Why, if he'd only stayed engaged to you from the very beginning, this wouldn't be happening! It's HIS fault!! (Ukyou hugs P-Chan tighter as a response.) ****************************************************************** (It is late at night, and everyone has gone home, except for Kasumi, who's asleep at the hospital, and Dr Tofuu. He has come into her room quietly, and is sitting in a chair beside her.) Tofuu: (Thought) Kasumi... my love.... I almost lost you today... I have to tell you how I feel... But, I get so nervous and weak around you, I can never say it to you. But now, you're asleep, and it's not as bad...I think...I can... Kasumi: Zzzz... Tofuu: (Leaning closer to her) (Thought) Kasumi... I...I.. Kasumi: Zzzz... Tofuu: (Gently takes her hand) (Softly) Kasumi... I... I... I love you. Kasumi: Zzzz...unn....hu...huh? (Starts to opens eyes.) Tofuu: !!!!! (Glasses fog up, and he falls to the ground, twitching.) Kasumi: Who's there? (no answer.) (Thought) Strange, I could have thought I heard someone talking to me... it sounded like... Kasumi: (looks around again, but doesn't see anyone, so she shrugs, and goes back to sleep.) (Though) No, it couldn't be... I was just dreaming... besides, Dr Tofuu doesn't love me... ****************************************************************** Younger men are so... Part 5 : Family An Elseworlds Episode I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you've done, I'll love you as long as you love me. -Back street boys ****************************************************************** (Shampoo is creeping back into the Nekohanten. No one is there, the restaurant is closed up. Cologne is absent, but Mousse is lightly snoozing at a table nearest to the door. Shampoo tip toes so she won't wake Mousse, but as soon as she closes the door, a bell is triggered and rings. Shampoo hisses as Mousse wakes up.) Mousse: Zzz...wha...snort....huh?? (Opens eyes, doesn't see anything. Puts on glasses, and sees Shampoo, who was trying to blend into the wall.) Shampoo: Hiss.... Mousse: Shampoo!! You're back!!! You're alright!! (Runs and hugs her tight.) No wait, you're not alright!! You're covered in blood!!! (Starts to panic.) Who did this to you, my beloved?! Who did this?! They will pay!!! (A pair of swords suddenly come in his hands.) Shampoo: No Mousse, no one did this to Shampoo... Is not even Shampoo's blood. (Quietly and quickly runs up the stairs while Mousse is still ranting.) (Shampoo peels off the sticky clothes, and takes a shower putting on another set of clothes. She opens the door of the bathroom, to see Mousse, staring at her. Shampoo blinks, and pulls out a pair of bonbori from somewhere. She is ready to whack Mousse over the head, but stops in time.) Mousse: Shampoo?? Are you alright? Shampoo: (Defeated sigh) No Mousse, Shampoo no alright. Mousse: What?! What's wrong?! Did someone hurt you?! I know someone hurt you!! Who was it?! Who was it?!!! I keeellll him!! Shampoo: (Softly) Shampoo hurt inside, no out. Mousse: Are you suffering from internal bleeding?! Shampoo: No, baka! Shampoo not feel good. Shampoo feel awful, but not physical wound!! Mousse: What's wrong? Shampoo: .... Where great-grandmother? Mousse: She went to look for you after you didn't come home. I wanted to come to, but she wouldn't let me. Told me to stay and mind the restaurant. Shampoo: Mousse.... Shampoo have question to ask you. Mousse: Yes!! Yes, I will marry you!!! Shampoo: What? No! Shampoo no ask Mousse to marry her!! Baka! (Hits him over head with bonbori.) Mousse: Oh. Alright. What is it? Shampoo: Just pretend.... just pretend, okay? Say, girl and boy love each other... boy very nice to girl. Give girl many things, and always say love her. Girl love boy back. Mousse: (Delighted) Oh, Shampoo, I knew you loved me!!! I knew it!! Shampoo: No!!! Is just pretend!! Not about Mousse!! Mousse: Oh. Go on. Shampoo: Anyway, Girl and Boy both have a friend, who is very, very nice to girl. In fact, is nicer to girl than boy is, because boy don't see girl often. Friend teach girl many things, and help girl with her business. One day, girl go see friend, and discover that friend likes boy too. So girl get mad and hit friend bad. Very bad. Friend go to hospital. What do you think about the girl? Mousse: Did you do something bad? Shampoo: Is just pretend Mousse!! (Thought) I can't tell him I did that. He'd be biased, and he wouldn't give me the right answer then. Mousse: Well, I'd say that the girl is a very bad person. Shampoo: No!! Girl just get mad and hit friend! Did mean to. Mousse: It doesn't matter, the girl is still a very bad person. Angry or not, she should never have hit her friend, after all, she was so nice to her. Shampoo: .... (Getting miserable) Mousse: The girl doesn't even deserve to have such a good friend, or such a good boyfriend either. Shampoo: .... (getting depressed.) Mousse: The girl should be branded the evil that she is. Shampoo: .... (Tears threatening.) Mousse.... would you like the girl? Mousse: Well, no. Why would I like a girl who is so mean to her friends? Shampoo: .... what do you think the boy would think? Mousse: The boy? Well, I'd think he would be heart broken. I mean, the girl of his dream isn't exactly the girl of his dreams anymore. Shampoo: .... Mousse: If I was the boy, I'd dump the girl. She doesn't deserve to have such a good man. Shampoo: ....sniff.... (tears are streaming down her face.) Mousse: Shampoo?? .... The story was true, wasn't it? Shampoo: Uh-huh. (Nods.) Mousse, story is true... Shampoo hurt Kasumi today, because Shampoo discover that Kasumi was another one of Ranma's fiancees. Shampoo get mad...and... and... (breaks down.) Shampoo had to get Kasumi to hospital!!! Kasumi hurt bad!! Mousse: (Quickly hugs Shampoo.) Don't cry, Shampoo... Don't cry. It's alright... Shampoo: No!! Is not alright!!! Shampoo don't deserve Kasumi as friend or Ranma as husband!! Shampoo bad! Mousse: Shampoo, forget about Ranma, he's not worthy of you! Shampoo: (Suddenly quiet.) No.... Mousse wrong... is other way around. Shampoo not worthy of Ranma. (Cries, and runs down the hall.) Mousse: Shampoo!!! (Starts to run after her, but his glasses fall off his face, and he can't see where he's going, so he trips and falls off the balcony.) ****************************************************************** (It is two in the morning. Kasumi is sleeping. Dr Tofuu has managed to fall out a window so that Kasumi doesn't know he was ever there. Shampoo crawls in through the window and sits herself in the chair beside Kasumi. She sits there quietly, looking miserable. When the sun rises, Kasumi opens her eyes, and sees that Shampoo is sitting beside her bed, eyes full of tears, lower lip trembling, face full of misery.) Kasumi: Shampoo? What are you doing here? Shampoo: (looking up.) Kasumi? Awake? Kasumi: Yes. How long have you been here? Shampoo: Since two in the morning. Kasumi:!!! Why didn't you wake me up? Shampoo: Shampoo... have lot of things to say... First... Shampoo is sorry... can never repay Kasumi for what Shampoo has done.. Kasumi:... Shampoo: Shampoo decide to give up Ranma. Kasumi: !!!! Shampoo: Shampoo was thinking and talking to Mousse, and he say something very right, only he say it backwards. He say Ranma not worthy of me, but beat Shampoo in fight, so is worthy of Shampoo. But.... Shampoo thinking.... is Shampoo worthy of Ranma? Kasumi: But, Shampoo, all you ever wanted was to marry Ranma! Shampoo: (sad smile) Is about time Shampoo (brow wrinkles) re... reevaluates... pry...priorities. Kasumi: You've been practicing. (Shampoo nods vigorously.) Kasumi: (sighs) Shampoo, I don't blame you for what you did. After all, it IS one of your customs. I should have told you I was engaged to Ranma too. I'm sorry. Shampoo: (shaking head) No right! Shampoo was wrong. Kasumi: We were both wrong. (There is silence) Shampoo: Kasumi... not mad at Shampoo? Kasumi: No. I don't remember ever being actually mad at anyone before. Shampoo: (hopeful look in her eyes) Kasumi and Shampoo still friends? Kasumi: Yes. Kasumi and Shampoo always friends. (Shampoo gives Kasumi a happy yelp and hug before leaving so Kasumi could get some rest.) ****************************************************************** (The next morning, Ranma, Akane, Ukyou and Ryoga are at school. Akane is off somewhere while Ryoga is lost so Ranma and Ukyou are alone. Ukyou decides that it is time, that she confront Ranma.) Ukyou: Ranchan? Ranma: What is it, Ucchan? Ukyou: Do you hate me? Ranma: (Started) Why do you think that? Ukyou: It was my fault that Kasumi got so hurt. Ranma: No it isn't. Ukyou: Yes it is. I told Shampoo that Kasumi was your fiancee, and sent her after Kasumi... Ranma: But Shampoo and Kasumi were supposed to be friends. Shampoo should never had hurt Kasumi. If it's anyone's fault, it's Shampoo's. Ukyou: I.... I guess you're right... (looks sad though.) Ranma: Ucchan, don't be sad. It really isn't your fault. Ukyou: So... you're not mad at me? Ranma: Huh? No! Actually, I'm not really mad at Shampoo either, even though she did this, because she was the one who rushed Kasumi to the hospital. I followed the trail of blood from the dojo to the hospital, and given the distance between the drops of blood... I'd say Shampoo was really hauling her butt! She must have been going faster than most cars! Ukyou: Ranchan... (Gives Ranma a hug.) Ranma: What's that for? Ukyou: You're so nice to me... Ranma: .... (Akane and Ryoga comes over. Akane gives Ukyou and Ranma a stony glare.) Akane: Oh very noble Ranma, while Kasumi's in the hospital, you can make nice with Ukyou. Ranma: What?! What are you talking about?! Akane: You heard me!! Ukyou: Akane, it's not like that! As much as I'd like it to be like that, it isn't. Ranma: Yeah! It isn't. Akane: Well.... (trails off.) (Suddenly a bicycle bell rings, Ranma tenses up and wants to hide to avoid being used as a break. But he realizes that no matter where he hides, Shampoo always parks her bike on his head so why bother? Besides, he is very confused about Shampoo and wants to ask her a few questions. Much to his surprise. Shampoo comes into view on her bike on the sidewalk for once and she managed to stop before bowling over Ukyou and Ranma.) Shampoo: (without usual spunk) Nihao, Ranma, Ryoga, Akane and Ukyou. Ukyou: Ukyou? (Thought) What ever happened to spatula girl? Ranma: What do you want Shampoo? Shampoo: Wanted to tell Ranma this. Shampoo no want to be Ranma's wife anymore. (There is a very awkward pause.) Ranma: What?! Shampoo: Shampoo realize that even though Ranma is worthy of Shampoo, Shampoo not worthy of Ranma. Akane: (Surprised) How did you come to that conclusion? Shampoo: (Sadly) Shampoo is not a good person. Hurt good friend because of little thing. Not worthy of Ranma. (There is another awkward pause.) Shampoo: Do... Ranma hate Shampoo? Ranma: .... well... I'm a bit pissed off at you... you did hurt Kasumi... but you also rushed her to the hospital, and you really do seem sincere... So.... no. I don't hate you, but if you ever hurt my friends again... Shampoo: No worry. Shampoo not hurt Ranma friends again. Can Shampoo be friends with Ranma? Ranma: Of course. Shampoo: (turns to Akane, Ryoga and Ukyou.) Shampoo get off to bad start with spatula-, with Ukyou, Ryoga and Akane. Start over? Be friends? (Ryoga, Akane and Ukyou all give Shampoo a weird look before nodding slowly.) Akane: I guess... Ukyou: If you want... Ryoga: Okay... Shampoo: Thank you so much!!! Have no idea what this mean to Shampoo. Never did have much friends! Now have much!! Come to Nekohanten anytime!!! Ryoga, Shampoo sorry for using you as human shield against Ukyou!! (Rides off on bike.) Ryoga/Akane/Ukyou/Ranma: ..... Ryoga: Do we start over? Akane: She seems sincere about this. Ukyou: I think we should. Ranma: We will. (They all look at Ranma.) Akane: (Rolls eyes) What ever you say, oh great and powerful master! ***************************************************************** Mousse: Shampoo! You're back! (Rushes to hug her, and Shampoo peels him off with effort.) Shampoo: Mousse, where is great-grandmother? Mousse: Cologne is in the kitchen. Cologne: Shampoo! There you are!! Where have you been, great-granddaughter?! I've been so worried about you! Shampoo: Great-grandmother.... Shampoo have confession to make. Cologne: (Looks at Shampoo warily) What is it? Shampoo: Mousse, can you go into kitchen? Have to talk to great-grandmother alone. Mousse: Huh? Well....alright... (He leaves.) Cologne: What's the matter, Shampoo? (Looks worried.) Shampoo: (Weak smile) Great-grandmother... it like this... ***************************************************************** Cologne: You WHAT?! Shampoo: (grimly) Shampoo give up Ranma. Cologne: But the Law! You can't go back to China! Shampoo: Then, Shampoo NOT go back to China! Cologne: You'll be an outcast here! Shampoo: No. In China, Shampoo is outcast. Not have any friends at all! In Nerima, Shampoo have friends. Cologne: But Ranma! He'd make such a fine husband. Shampoo: But Shampoo no make fine wife. Cologne: What?! Who told you that? Shampoo: (worried) N-No one..... Cologne: (eyes narrow) Mousse did, didn't he? Shampoo: No! (Cologne has already hopped off to find and destroy Mousse.) Shampoo: Great-grandmother!! No!!! (Shampoo gets into the kitchen only a few seconds after Cologne got in, and already, Mousse is slumped against the wall, racked with injuries. His face is bruised and bloody, and his shirt is ripped. He does not even stir.) Shampoo: No, Great-grandmother, don't!! Don't hurt Mousse! Cologne: (Gives Shampoo an incredulous look.) Shampoo, what has gotten into you?! Do you know what you're saying?! Shampoo: Don't hurt Mousse!! Cologne: You hurt him plenty! Shampoo: Yes, but, Shampoo never really, REALLY hurt him so bad that he die!! Look, great-grandmother, Mousse almost dead! Must get him to hospital! Cologne: Shampoo, what's gotten into you?! First you renounced your intentions to marry Ranma, then you say you're not going back to China, and now you're defending Mousse! Are you feeling ill? Shampoo: Please, great-grandmother... Shampoo not ill! Just realized some things... Cologne: (In tired voice.) Shampoo... what happened so that you'd think like this? (Shampoo tells Cologne about what happened.) Shampoo: You see, great-grandmother? Shampoo can't marry Ranma! It not right! Cologne: Kasumi is your rival. You did the right thing. Shampoo: (Angry) Shampoo do right thing?! Then why do Shampoo feel so bad?! Cologne: (Eyes a blaze for a moment, before sighing, and sagging. She looks all of her 100+ years.) Shampoo... as much as I hate to admit this. I can't make you feel good about killing your friend, because you shouldn't feel good. And one should always feel good about one's self. Shampoo: ???? Cologne: That is why you don't have to marry Ranma. Shampoo: Thank you great-grandmother!! Cologne: But you can't come back to the village either, Shampoo. Shampoo: (Sad) I know. Cologne: You have shamed the village. Shampoo: (nods) Cologne: You will be laughed at. Shampoo: (nods) Cologne: Your parents will most likely denounce you as their child. Shampoo: (nods) Cologne: Are you sure you want to do this? Shampoo: (Quietly) Yes. Cologne: Very well. I will go back to tell the village leaders of your decision. Shampoo: Shampoo... sorry she shame great-grandmother. But Shampoo feel this is what she must do. Cologne: (Nods) Very well. I'm going to pack. You get Mousse to the hospital. (Shampoo picks up Mousse and walks out the room leaving Cologne to her thoughts.) Cologne: (Thought) It's a sure sign that kids are growing up when they develop a mind for their own. (Looks at Shampoo) Good bye, great-granddaughter. (Cologne has already left by the time Shampoo gets back.) ***************************************************************** (A few weeks have passed. Kasumi has gotten better and gone back to the Tendo dojo. Everyone welcomes her, and her cooking, back, since they are very wary of Akane's cooking. Shampoo's ramen and Ukyou's okonomiyaki, both free of charge, aren't bad, but after alternately eating it three times a day, more in Genma's case, everyday, they're quite happy to have Kasumi home. P-Chan comes to Akane everyone once in a few days. Akane does not notice that when ever P-Chan comes, Ryoga and Ukyou are mad at each other. Without Cologne's help, Mousse and Shampoo had to a lot more work at the Nekohanten, but Ryoga, Ukyou, Akane and Ranma come to help during the more busy hours. After all, what are friends for? Akane and Ukyou are not on shaky ground anymore, since Ukyou apologized to Kasumi in front of. They are civil to each other, and one might think they were friends, as long as the fiancee topic isn't brought up.) ***************************************************************** Shampoo: Me- Kasumi: My. Shampoo: My name Sham- Kasumi: Is. Shampoo: My name is Shampoo. Shampoo be- Kasumi: I will. Shampoo: (aggravated) My name is Shampoo. I will be waitress- Kasumi: Your. Shampoo: (barely keeping anger in check) My. Name. Is. Shampoo. I. Will. Be. Your. Waitress. Today. Mousse: Very good Shampoo! Your first grammatically correct sentence. Shampoo: Mousse shut up?! Give Shampoo head ache! Kasumi: That's, 'YOU'RE givING ME A head ache.' Shampoo: Argh! Shampoo give up! Never get it right! No mood for study anyway. **sigh** Great-grandmother go back to village for three weeks now. Wonder how she is doing? Mousse: Cologne can take care of herself. Shampoo: Wonder... wonder what village think of Shampoo now... Shampoo has shamed them. Mousse: No you didn't, Shampoo. It took a lot of guts to do what's right. You wouldn't have shamed them. I'm not ashamed of you, Shampoo. Shampoo: That only because you love me. Mousse: Of course. I love you. You are perfect in my eyes. You can do no wrong. Shampoo: But only in your eyes. **Sigh** Shampoo wonder what going on at home... ***************************************************************** (The following dialogues are in Chinese.) (Cologne has just gotten back to her village. Many people see her, and bow to her.) Tub: Elder Cologne! You are back. Cologne: Yes. It is good to be home. Hairbrush: Where is Shampoo and her husband? Cologne: .... Toothpaste: Shampoo is hard to get along with, but the village just isn't the same without her around, challenging anything alive to a fight. Cologne: .... Tub: You seem rather silent, Cologne. Is something wrong? Cologne: No. Nothing's wrong. I just need some rest. Please tell the people not to disturb me. Hairbrush: Yes, elder Cologne. (Cologne goes to her room in the house she shared with her granddaughter and grandson-in-law. She starts to unpack when she realizes that someone is watching her. Whirling around, staff in hand, she faces the intruder.) Voice: (very tiny, very high voice) Is just me!! Cologne: (grinning) Soapsuds! (Soapsuds grins back sheepishly. He is a young boy, about 5 years old and is the exact same height as Cologne. He has hair that is as unruly as Ryoga's and Kunou's, except that it's purple, like Shampoo's. He has large blue eyes that just scream KAWAII!!!) Soapsuds: Great-great-grandmother!!! (Jumps on Cologne and hugs her.) You home!! Cologne: Yes Soapsuds. I'm home. Say, you've grown again, haven't you! Soapsuds: (nodding vigorously) Uh-huh! Soapsuds taller now!! Cologne: I hope you've been practicing the martial arts I taught you? Soapsuds: Uh-huh! Everyday! Cologne: Good! Show me!! (Cologne softly tosses her staff at Soapsuds, who dives over it and runs up to Cologne. Cologne throws a weak punch at the toddler, who blocks it and then, jabs Cologne in a pressure point.) Cologne: Very good, Soapsuds! I can't move my arm! Soapsuds: See! Soapsuds been practicing! Cologne: (Laughing) Very good! (Undoes the pressure point by jabbing at a different spot.) Soapsuds: Great-great grandmother only LET Soapsuds win. But someday, Soapsuds beat you for real, yes? Cologne: (Laughing) Very ambitious, Soapsuds. Soapsuds: (Grinning) You teach Soapsuds more martial arts? Yes? You no leave again? Yes? Cologne: Yes, Soapsuds. I won't leave again. Soapsuds: Good. Soapsuds happy great-great-grandmother no leave again. Cologne: ....(Thought) Soapsuds sounds like Shampoo does when she speaks Japanese. They both talk in third person point of view. Maybe it's genetic. Soapsuds is Shampoo's nephew after all. Soapsuds: Where Auntie Shammy? Cologne: Huh? Oh, Shampoo? Uh... um... I'm very tired right now, Soapsuds. I want to rest. Where is your mother? Voice: (very tired) Here... (Cologne and Soapsuds looks up and they see Conditioner, Shampoo's older sister, standing by the door. Conditioner is only three years older than Shampoo is, and looks very much like her younger sister, except for one major difference. Where Shampoo radiated power and authority, and glowed with energy and spunk, Conditioner seemed more timid and submissive, and looked very tired and worn. She looks much too tired to be the nineteen year old she is.) Cologne: (hint of pity) There you are, Conditioner. Please take your son so that I may rest. I am very tired. Conditioner: (Taking Soapsuds into her arms) Yes, great grandmother. Welcome back. Where is Shampoo? Cologne: (Frowning) Come back to your parent's house tonight, Conditioner. We will discuss your younger sister then. Conditioner: (Perplexed) Yes... great grandmother. Soapsuds: Soapsuds come too tonight! Cologne: I would prefer you did not, Soapsuds. Soapsuds: But Soapsuds want to see Auntie Shammy! Miss her! Want to see Auntie Shammy very, very badly! Cologne: I'm sorry, Soapsuds, but you can't come. Soapsuds: But- Conditioner: Don't argue with your elders, Soapsuds. Come on. We'd better get home. See goodbye. Soapsuds: (waving energetically) Bai bai, Great-great- grandmother!!! (Cologne nods and dismisses them.) ***************************************************************** (Later that night, Cologne and the other elders, Shampoo's parents, and Conditioner gather at Shampoo's parent's house.) Cologne: Conditioner, you are late. Conditioner: I know, great-grandmother, I'm sorry, but I couldn't get Soapsuds to go to sleep. He really wanted to see Shampoo tonight. He really misses his Auntie Shammy. Cologne: (Sighing) It is better that he didn't come. He will never see his Auntie Shammy ever again. Conditioner: Excuse me?? Cologne: Sit down, child. We will begin the meeting. (Everyone sits down, and Cologne tells them why Shampoo is not coming back.) Perfume (Shampoo's mom): What?! What?!?! Cologne: I'm afraid that it is so. Your daughter has chosen to break the law. Soap bar : (Shampoo's dad) No!! My youngest daughter wouldn't dare to break the law! It must have been sorcery, or magic, that prompt her to say so. Cologne: It is not so. I looked straight into her eyes, and saw that it was the truth, and friendship that prompt her to do so. Perfume: She wouldn't!! She wouldn't! For something as little as a stranger's friendship?! Shampoo would not break the law. Conditioner: But mother, Shampoo never did have any friends, except for that Mousse boy. Perhaps the need of friends was stronger that the need for a husband to her? Cologne: Either way, Shampoo is never to return to this village, and we must tell the people so. Tub: What were you planning to tell them? Cologne: I do not know. Hairbrush: We should tell them the truth. Soap bar: No! I will not have my family name tarnished anymore than it already is!! (Conditioner the daughter gets a guilty look in her eyes and she quickly looks down at the table as her cheeks start to redden.) Please, grandmother-in-law! Don't let them know! Perfume: Yes, grandmother! Shampoo has always been looked up to in this village. She is a true warrior. Don't let her name be stained. Cologne: Well... Conditioner: Please do this last thing for my sister and your favorite great-grandchild. (Everyone gives Conditioner a look.) Conditioner: Oh please, I know Shampoo is Cologne's favorite. She deserves to be! She's everything that I am not. Strong, brave, and proud. (Perfume and Soapbar start to look guilty as Conditioner says this.) Great-grandmother, do my sister this one last justice. Cologne: Very well. The village will not know the truth. From this day forward, everyone will know that Shampoo has died in Japan in search of her husband. No one will know the truth and know one present will tell them anything that transpired tonight. Tub: But what if some of the youths decided to go to Japan and avenge Shampoo? Cologne: (Laughs) As much as I hate to admit, Shampoo was never a well liked person here. No one would risk their lives for hers, save the present company. Have no worry of that, Tub. Perfume: I will mail some of Shampoo's old clothes and things to her tomorrow. Cologne: Good. The people will see that her things have gone missing, and think that her ghost came to get her things. ***************************************************************** (Conditioner goes to her house, and finds Soapsuds is up and waiting for her.) Soapsuds: Mommy! Where Auntie Shammy? Conditioner: .... I'm sorry Soapsuds... but you won't ever see Shampoo ever again... Soapsuds: Huh?? Why?! Conditioner: (Thought) I can't tell Soapsuds Shampoo is dead. He'd never understand. (Speaks) Something... just happened, Soapsuds. Shampoo can't come back to the village ever again. Soapsuds: Why?!?! I want Auntie Shammy! Conditioner: Please, Son... (tears come to her eyes) I'm gonna miss Shampoo too... don't ask for her... please? She... she just can't come back. Soapsuds: (suddenly scared) Why? Soapsuds do something wrong? That why Auntie Shammy not coming back? Conditioner: No! No, Soapsuds. It's not something you did. (Scoops her son into a hug) She... she just won't be coming back... we'll all miss her... Please don't ask for her... Soapsuds: O...O-okay, Mommy... (Conditioner holds onto her son as she sleeps that night, but Soapsuds isn't really sleeping. Soapsuds: (Thought) Why Auntie Shammy no come back? Won't ask Mommy. She too sad to answer. Can't ask great-great grandmother, she won't tell... who to ask? Soapsuds go to Japan and asked Auntie Shammy herself why she no come back! ***************************************************************** Soapsuds: Mommy! Soapsuds go to great-great grandmother to play, okay?? Conditioner: No Soapsuds, you're too little. I'll take you there. Soapsuds: Soapsuds not little Mommy! I already five! Please Mommy? Pleeeease?? Conditioner: Soapsuds... Soapsuds: I take care of myself. Great-great-grandmother say I very good fighter! I go! Pleeeease?? Conditioner: (sighing) Alright then, Soapsuds, but be careful! Soapsuds: Will! (Soapsuds goes to Cologne's house and sees that no one is there. He sees a large box with the address of the Nekohanten on it and giggles. He crawls in and sees that there is a letter to Shampoo.) Soapsuds: (Thought) Great-great grandmother give box to Auntie Shampoo, so Soapsuds wait in here, and go to Japan with box! heehee! (Hides under some clothes.) (Perfume comes into the room, and puts some clothes, and some of Shampoo's weapons that she hadn't brought with her into the box. She waits a minute, runs out and comes back in with some of Shampoo's favorite foods that aren't found in Japan.) Perfume : Here, my daughter. I put a month's supply of your favorite foods into here, so that you can still enjoy some of your village's delicacies. (Starts to cry) My little baby... I'm going to miss you so much... (Perfume seals the box and lifts it, carrying it out of the box.) Perfume : I must have packed more stuff than I thought. This is really heavy! (Perfume brings a box to another man, who was going to go into the nearest city, so the box could be mailed to her daughter. The entire time, Soapsuds keeps deadly quiet so that no one will suspect him.) ***************************************************************** Younger men are so... Part 6 : Skating rink An Elseworlds Episode Tell him, tell him that the moon and sun rise in his eyes, reach out for him... and whisper, words that are so soft and sweet, hold him close to hear his heart beat, love will be the gift you give yourself! -Celine Dion & Barbara Streisand, Tell him ***************************************************************** (Ranma and Kasumi ducks their heads into the Nekohanten early in the morning and sees Shampoo and Mousse getting ready for the morning breakfast rush.) Kasumi: Good morning, Shampoo, Mousse. Ranma: Hey guys! Wanna go skating with us? Shampoo: Nihao Kasumi! Nihao Ranma! Mousse: (Looking up.) Hello, Ranma, Kasumi. What did you say? Skating? Kasumi: Yes! I got a free pass to get into the new skating rink, and I was wondering if you and Shampoo wanted to come with us. Shampoo: Sorry Kasumi. It been slow week. Business usually pick up on weekend, so have to stay at Nekohanten. Mousse: Yes. I'm sorry, but we can't go. Ranma: Really? Rats. Well, see ya. Maybe we'll swing by after for lunch? Shampoo: See you then, Ranma. (Kasumi and Ranma waves then both leaves.) Shampoo: (thought) Strange not having Ranma running away from me, but not unpleasant. Breaking the engagement might have been the best decision I ever made! (Looks over to see Mousse walking around tables.) No, getting Mousse contacts is the best decision I ever made. (Smiles.) Mousse: What are you so happy about, Shampoo? Shampoo: No reason. ***************************************************************** (Ranma, Kasumi, Akane, Ryoga and Ukyou are at the skating rink. Dr Tofuu WAS invited, but after knocking himself out trying to work up to courage to speak to Kasumi, they decided to leave him at his clinic so he could rest.) Kasumi: (thought) Oh, I had hoped Shampoo and Doctor Tofuu could have come. Skating is really fun and I'm sure Shampoo would have enjoyed it. Ukyou: How! Look at Kasumi skate! Akane: I know, she's really good, isn't she? Ukyou: Yeah! (Show Kasumi doing a triple axle jump followed by two toed skip.) Akane: She's as good on the ice, as she is under it! Ukyou: Huh? Akane: I mean, she can skate as well as she swims. Ukyou: (Snickering) Look at Ranma and Ryoga. (Ranma and Ryoga are slipping and sliding all over the ice, as they grapple with each other. The officials would have kicked them off the ice, if they hadn't drawn in so many skaters and made them so much more money.) Akane: Just can't bring them anywhere! Kasumi: Gasp! (Akane and Ukyou look over to see Kasumi being dipped by a short haired boy wearing a suit. His face is closer to her face than Genma and Soun would have liked.) Kasumi: E-excuse me... could you please kindly let go of me? Boy: Sweet maiden, you were going to fall onto the ice! Only my timely catch saved you! Kasumi: Really? Oh my! Well, thank you then. Boy: Don't worry! I caught you... and now I would like my reward of a simple kiss from you. Kasumi: Excuse me? (The boy dips his head closer to Kasumi's before stopping scant millimeters away from her lips. This is because Akane is holding onto the back of his head. She rips them apart and flings the boy onto the ice, snarling.) Akane: Okay, you hentai, just what did you think you were doing?! Boy: (Looking closely at Akane) Oh, you're cute too! (Gets onto his feet, and embraces a startled Akane) Kiss me!! Akane: !!!!! (Just then, there is a roar from down the ice and Akane and the boy both turn their heads to see Ranma and Ryoga slipping and sliding down the ice towards them.) Ranma: Get your hands off of her!!! Boy: (Amused) Who's gonna make me? You? Ranma: ARRGH!!! (Lunges with Ryoga at the boy, ready to tackle him down football style, but the boy simply sidesteps. Ranma lands on his face.) Boy: I'm over here. (Skates around them, mocking them.) Ryoga: (Waving arms wildly as he tries to stay on his feet.) Get back here!! (Lands on his face.) Boy: (Laughing) I've seen swine skate better than you pathetic fools! Ryoga/Ranma: ARRGHH!!! (Both climbing on top of each other trying to get to their feet.) Ukyou: (Thought) Uh-oh. Looks like trouble. Better go over to help. (She skates a few steps over, when someone jumps on her, rips the ribbon, and many hairs, out of her head.) Ukyou: AOURRGGH!!! (Whirls around with murder in her eyes to see a young girl, hugging her ribbon.) Who did that?! Girl: Marie Anna!! Ukyou: Huh? What are you doing with my ribbon? (Grabs it back.) Girl: Ribbon? What are you talking about! Give me back Marie Anna! (Lunges on Ukyou) Ukyou: Hey! Back off!! (The boy looks up to see the girl and Ukyou screaming at each other. His eyes light up, and he skate between them, grabbing the ribbon himself.) Boy: (To Ukyou) Here is your ribbon, fair one. Ukyou:... thanks... Girl: Give me back Marie Anna!!! Boy: (Ignoring girl) Now that I have done something for you, reward me with a kiss! (Dips Ukyou) Ukyou: !!!! Girl: Hey, Mikado, cut that out!!! Give me back Marie Anna! (Mikado) Boy: (Growling) Shut up Azusa!! Can't you see I'm busy!! Azusa (Girl): Give me back Marie Anna!! Ukyou: (getting out of Mikado's arms and slapping the ribbon into Azusa's) Here, keep it!!! (Skates off, unnerved.) Mikado: Now look what you've done!! (Azusa doesn't hear him, as she is too busy cooing over Marie Anna.) Ukyou: (Helping Akane and Kasumi get Ranma and Ryoga to their feet) Those two are freaky! Akane: The nerve of that boy!!! Come on, Kasumi, we'll go give him a piece of our minds! (Skates over to him with Kasumi.) Ryoga: I'll come with you!!! (Tries to skate, but instead falls. Ukyou manages to catch him in time.) Ukyou: Hey, you're ice cold and wet from falling so much! (Blinks) Why are you still human? Ryoga: I'm gonna turn soon, I can feel it. (Sighs) I guess I'd better get off the ice before I get too wet. (Attempts to skate but falls.) Ranma: Ryoga, you're such a klutz! Ryoga: You're not better!! (Yanks on Ranma's leg and Ranma falls on top of him grinding Ryoga into the ground. That did it. When Ranma managed to get up, P-Chan was in the place of Ryoga.) P-Chan: Bwee!!! Bwee!!! (Starts chewing on Ranma's leg) Ukyou: Ryoga, stop that!!! Ranma: OWW!!! (Ranma's bellow of pain attracts the attention of Akane, Kasumi, Azura and Mikado. Azura's eyes light up when she sees P-Chan.) Azura: Charlotte!! Charlotte!! (Dives at the pig and scoops him up in her arms.) Charlotte!! Charlotte! Akane and Ukyou: HANDS OFF THE PIG!!! (Akane looks at Ukyou, surprised that she seemed attached to P-Chan.) Azura: This is MY pig!! His name is Charlotte!!! Ukyou: (Grabbing onto Ryoga's collar with much more resolve than when she held onto her own ribbon) What are you talking about?! He isn't yours! He's my friend... friend's pet!!! Let go of him!! Azura: Charlotte is mine!! (Yanks on P-chan's hind legs.) P-Chan: BWEEE!!!!! (Uses front legs to hold onto Ukyou's hand. He REALLY doesn't want to go with Azura.) Ukyou: Let go of Ry... P-Chan!!! Azura: Charlotte!! Charlotte!! P-Chan: BWEE!! Akane: STOP IT YOU TWO!! Ukyou, let go! You're hurting P-chan!!! Ukyou: (Looks at Akane, confused) Wha?? But I was trying- Akane: That girl isn't going to let go, and if one of you don't give, P-Chan's gonna get ripped in half! Ukyou: (Looks at P-chan and realized that the pig has already been stretched to double it's usual length) Oh! (Let's go, so P-chan gets snapped back like an elastic into Azura's arms.) Azusa: Charlotte!! Charlotte! Akane: (Pouncing on girl) Give me back my pet!! (Azusa skates away, and her skill keeps her out of Akane's, and everyone else's, reach. Everyone trails behind her as she runs with P-Chan. Suddenly, Kasumi manages to catch up, and holds onto Azusa's shoulder gently.) Kasumi: Miss, I really think you should give P-Chan back. He isn't yours. He belongs to my sister. How P-chan got to the rink, I don't know, but P-chan DOES belong to my sister. We'd really appreciate if we could have him back! Azusa: His name is Charlotte!!! (Struggles free of Kasumi's grip and skate behind Mikado.) Mikado, help us!!! Mikado: (Thinking) Hmm... (Speaks) Alright everyone, I propose a deal! I challenge you all to a skating martial arts tournament for the pig! If you win, and I doubt this, the pig is yours! If Azusa and I win, which we will, the pig is ours, and I (evil glint in eyes) get to kiss you three beautiful ladies!! (Akane, Ukyou, and Kasumi considers this, but ever since, Ranma heard the words 'martial arts', he'd been hooked.) Ranma: Deal! A week today! Mikado: Good! (Laughs) You and your partner better practice!!! (Skates off with Azusa, who's beaming, and P-chan, who's sulking.) Akane & Ukyou: RANMA, WHAT DID YOU JUST DO!! WE'LL NEVER GET P-CHAN BACK NOW!!! Ranma: (Startled) What are you talking about?? Kasumi: Ranma-chan, Azusa and Mikado is the Golden pair of figure skating martial arts! They always win! It would have been easier just to try and reason with them to get P-chan back. Akane: YOU SEE!! I'll never see P-chan!! Ranma: Geez! I'm sorry! Don't worry, I'll get your stupid pig back! Akane & Ukyou: He's not stupid!! (Akane looks at Ukyou, surprised. Ukyou doesn't notice Akane looking at her.) Ukyou: What am I gonna do! Ucchan's is just starting to do well, and I need Ryoga to wait tables!! What am I going to do next week? Akane: (Blinking) What are you talking about?? Ukyou: (Realization dawns on her.) Huh? Uh... um... I mean, Ryoga... just got lost! Yes! You know how long it takes him to find things... Akane: Oh... but, what are we going to do about P-chan?? Ranma: I said don't worry, Akane. I'll get him back! Akane: Which brings me to my next question. Who is going to be your partner for the match? Ranma: Huh? Akane: Martial arts figure skating! You need a boy, and a girl to compete. So, even though you're not full boy, you're the best we've got! Who's gonna be your partner? Ukyou: (looking hopeful) Pick me, Ranchan! I can skate and hit them with my spatula! Akane: No, me! P-Chan is my pig! I should do it! Ukyou: So? P-Chan is also my... never mind. Akane:.... Kasumi: I think Ranma-chan should choose. Ranma: I have to choose? (thinks) This is just like when I had to pick my fiancee! (Looks at Ukyou, looking hopeful, Akane, looking ready to pound him if he picks the wrong person, and Kasumi, who just looks thoughtful.) Well, Kasumi IS the best skater here... Ranma: Kasumi? Will you be my partner for this? (Akane and Ukyou's jaws drop) Kasumi: Me?? But I can't fight! Ranma: (Gleefully) I can do the fighting. You help me with my skating! Kay? Kasumi: Well... okay. I guess we should start by practicing then... ***************************************************************** (A week later, Kasumi and Ranma warm up on the ice. The stands are filled with spectators, most of them with bets from Nabiki. Ranma has improved dramatically, but is still only an amateur.) Ranma: Ready Kasumi? Kasumi: I suppose so, Ranma-chan. I don't like this though, violence is not the solution. Ranma: Well, sometimes, you just have to beat some sense into people. Kasumi: .... (The announcer clears his throat, and gestures to Ranma and Kasumi on the ice.) Announcer: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to the latest match between the Golden pair and their rivals! The challengers today, Ranma Saotome and Kasumi Tendo!! (The crowd claps politely, save for the Tendo clan and friends, who shout and cheer loudly.) Ukyou: Go Ranchan!! Shampoo: Kasumi! Ranma! Kasumi! Ranma! Tofuu: Go Kasumi!! I... I lo... love... I hope you win!! Announcer: Now, please welcome your reigning champions... The Golden Pair, Mikado Sanzenin and Azusa Shiratori!!! Crowd: Yay!! Go Mikado! We love you!! Shampoo: Boo!! Pervert boy and Crazy girl never beat Kasumi and Ranma! Ukyou: Get off the ice!!! (Lights come on and shine onto the entrance as Mikado and Azusa step onto the ice. Azusa has a death grip on P-Chan, who looks like he hasn't seen the light of day in a week.) Announcer: The winner will get to keep the prize, P-CHAN!! Mikado: (Holding onto P-Chan's bandanna) Azusa, let go of the pig! Azusa: Charlotte!! Charlotte!! Mikado: You can have it back after we win!!! (Manages to get P-Chan. Looks at the pig disgustedly and throws it to the announcer's feet. P-Chan is too weak to do anything about this.) Announcer: Now... BEGIN!! (Mikado and Azusa charge forward, blade extended, to Ranma and Kasumi, the latter giving a shriek before skating out of harm's way. Azusa goes for Ranma, while Mikado licks his lips before skating after Kasumi.) Mikado: I believe you still owe me a kiss!! I shall collect it now, fair maiden!! Kasumi: I'm sorry, but I can't do that! I'm already engaged! (Skates away.) (Thought) Why did I agree to this?? (Mikado continues to try to kiss Kasumi as they skate around the rink in circles.) Announcer: Well folks, looks like Mikado is still up to his old tricks! Dr Tofuu: (trying to climb over glass wall.) Kasumi!! I'm coming!! Don't worry! Akane: Dr Tofuu, get down, you could hurt yourself! Don't worry, I'm sure Ranma won't let Kasumi be harmed. Tofuu: Kasumi!!! Don't worry!! I'm coming. Akane: GET DOWN!!! (Manages to pull Tofuu back into his seat.) Don't worry about it! I'll be fine! (Thought) Baka Ranma, why did he pick Kasumi?! She can't fight! If Mikado does anything to her.... Ukyou: GO RANMA GO!!!! Shampoo: FIGHT!!! FIGHT!!! Genma: Come ON Boy!! The family honor is at stake! Soun: Ranma, what are you doing?!? Protect my daughter!! Mikado: Come back here!! (Dives at Kasumi, who manages to skate out of the way. Mikado ends up with a mouth full of ice. Meanwhile, Ranma is having much trouble with Azusa, who is all over him trying to rip out his pony tail while shouting Pierre, Pierre!!) Ranma: Get off of me!! This isn't supposed to be what's happening! You're supposed to FIGHT me!! Azusa: Pierre! Pierre!! Ranma: ARRGH! Kasumi: (Stopping and skating back to Mikado) Are you alright? That was a pretty bad fall... do you need a doctor? Akane: No, Kasumi, don't go BACK to him!!! Mikado: (Doing a fancy trick and now holding onto Kasumi, who is wide eyed) I'm fine, now that I've got you! (Lowers head to kiss her.) Soun/Tofuu: NOOOO!!!! Azusa: Pierre! Pierre!! Ranma: Get off my head!!(Looks over to see that Mikado has caught up with Kasumi and is about to kiss the protesting girl.) Stop that!!! (Stumbles over to the two, and manages to dump Azusa into Mikado, and rescue Kasumi from Mikado's clutches.) Ranma: Are you alright, Kasumi? Kasumi: Yes Ranma-chan... the nerve of that boy! How dare he! After I told him not to! I oughta give him a piece of my mind! (Ready to go up to Mikado and severely scold him) Ranma: (Holding her back) No Kasumi, it'll be easier if we both go up to them! (Ranma and Kasumi skate over to the golden couple when Mikado suddenly grabs Azusa's legs and Azusa grabs onto Ranma's legs. Trying to steady him, Kasumi grabs onto Ranma's hand.) Mikado/Azusa: Couple cleaver!! (He starts to spin, and Kasumi, Ranma and Azusa spin after him.) Ranma: Wha??? Kasumi: Eeeek!!!! (Ranma suddenly feels the strain in his arms and legs as he is stretched out. The pain is ever growing, but he holds onto Kasumi, refusing to let go of her.) Announcer: Oh no! It's the dreaded couple cleaver! As Mikado spins, the inertia builds up until one or both of the challengers get spun off into the wall! It's the golden pair's ultimate move! This match is over! Tofuu: No!! (Tries to get over glass again.) Akane: Ranma! Kasumi!! No! Mikado: Let go of her, Saotome, the pain will be less, and then you will still be able to challenge us! If you do not let go, then both of you will be out of commission! Kasumi: Do it Ranma, at least one of us can still go on! Ranma: Never!! I won't! Mikado: Be stubborn then! Azusa, let go of him. (Azusa lets go of Ranma's legs, but suddenly, Ranma hooks his feet around Azusa's arm, not letting her let go of him.) Azusa: Let go of me!!! (Starts to shriek.) Tofuu: Kasumi!!! No!!! Akane: I have to do something! This is my fault, I should have kept P-Chan at home!! (Hurries to the ice.) Ranma: (Stained) I... can't hold on much longer! (Lets go of Azusa, and he and Kasumi go flying. They were going to strike the wall, hard, when Ranma manages to throw Kasumi somehow, over the glass, and into the stands just before he smashes into the wall. There is a loud bang and Ranma falls to the ice, breathing hard.) Announcer: That was amazing! Kasumi: Eeek!! (Falls into the crowd, but fortunately Dr Tofuu managed to shelter the fall by letting Kasumi fall on to his lap.) Kasumi: Dr Tofuu! Tofuu: K-Ka-Kasumi!! What a surprise, meeting you here! Ranma: Ugh... Kasumi... (He couldn't see that Kasumi had landed safely.) Akane: (Really, really pissed) Mikado!! Azusa!! You two will pay for hurting my sister and stealing my pig!! ARGGH!!! (She brings her mallet out and slides over the ice to where the golden pair stands.) Announcer: Looks like one of the fans isn't too happy with the golden pair! Akane: (Swing mallet) Take THAT!!! (She hits the ice hard, missing the two, and the entire rink groans and cracks!) Announcer: She just broke the ice! I hope she can swim because this rink was made by freezing a pool and building walls around it! (Akane tries to balance her little ice piece to stay a float while Mikado and Azusa fall into the ice.) Ranma: (Forgets about Kasumi) Akane!!! Akane: Help- SPLASH!!! (Down she goes) Ranma: (Though in great pain, he manages to crawl to the ice and slide in. A few moments later, he lifts Akane out onto the ice.) Akane! Are you alright?? Akane: Cough, cough... Ranma... You're a girl! Ranma: Huh? (Looks down and sees that she is a girl) Oh no! (Manages to move back onto solid ground and runs to the change room in record time.) ***************************************************************** (Ranma, now a male, comes back to the rink timidly and hopes that his secret is intact. He sees that most of the crowd has gone, except for the usual gang.) Ukyou: There you are Ranma! Ranma: Where's Akane? Is she alright?? (Runs around Ukyou, not noticing the hurt look and goes straight to Akane, who has a blanket around her shoulders and P-Chan in her arms.) Akane? Akane: I'm fine Ranma.... thank you... Ranma: Hey, no problem! And with the little oinker in your arms, I'd say we won! Akane: (Happily) Yeah! It was decided that you and Kasumi won, since you stayed on the ice the longest! Nabiki: Speaking of Kasumi... aren't you going to see if she's alright, Ranma? Ranma: Kasumi! That's right! (Rushes to Kasumi, who looks fine, a little less cheerful than usual, but fine non the less.) Nabiki: (thought) Akane and Kasumi both get hurt, and who does Ranma go to? Better file this for later reference. (Unknown to the other characters, Kasumi files this little thought for later reference as well.) ***************************************************************** (A few hours later, Ranma and Kasumi are in the kitchen talking.) Ranma: (scarfing down food) I know Akane hasn't seen the porker in a week, but she DOESN'T have to get all mushy over him! I mean, sheesh, you'd think she LOVED him or something. Kasumi: Hmm, yes well... why does it bother you so much that Akane is so attached to P-Chan, Ranma-chan? Ranma: P-Chan is a pervert! Kasumi: How can a pig be a pervert? (teasing) Perhaps you are jealous of the pig? Ranma: (Flushing) What?! Jealous of... no way! Why would I get jealous of that pig?! It's not like I care what Akane does or anything! Kasumi: Really? Ranma: Huh?? Kasumi: You like her, don't you! Ranma: What?? No way!! Kasumi: Well, if you don't like her, then why do you hang around her? Ranma: (Rolls eyes) Because YOU told me to, Kasumi! Kasumi: No, I told you to protect Akane from harm. Ranma: I do that! Kasumi: And I thank you. Ranma: AARGGGHH!! Kasumi: Why do you not want to admit to liking Akane? Ranma: Because I don't! Kasumi: (gives Ranma look.) Ranma, I did ask you to protect Akane, but you've become really over-protective of her. Ranma:!!! Kasumi: You get jealous when ever Ryoga comes around and you hate it when he turns into P-Chan to get close to her. Ranma: When Ryoga turns into... How did you know that?! Kasumi: Please, Ranma, that is not the point at the moment. Whenever both me AND Akane get in trouble, you go rescue her first. With all this evidence, how can you say you don't like her? Ranma: .... Look, Kasumi, are you talking about today? Look, I'm sorry, I saw Akane go under, and I just totally forgot about you! I mean, ah... that didn't come out right... (Kasumi looks at Ranma intensely while Ranma sweats.) Ranma: Kasumi...I....I... Kasumi, we're just friends! Kasumi: You could have fooled me. (Starts clearing away dishes) Then answer this question for me, Ranma. Why is it that everyday, when we get together, all we ever do is talk about Akane? (Ranma can't answer and can only look dumbfoundedly at Kasumi, as she puts the dishes away.) Ranma: (Thought) Can it be??? Can I actually LIKE the tomboy?! Nah... nah.... it's not true. ****************************************************************** (Akane is up in her room, hugging P-Chan tightly, the pig does not protest, even though he has problems breathing.) Akane: P-Chan, I missed you so much! I didn't have anyone to talk to when you were away! Are you alright? Did Azusa hurt you? (P-Chan thinks back to the last week and shutters uncontrollably.) Akane: Oh, she did hurt you, didn't she? Well, don't worry P-Chan, you're safe now, I'm never going to let you out again, you hear me? P-Chan: (Eyes wide with horror) (Thought) What?? Not let me out! I'll never be able to see Ukyou again! She seemed so angry that I didn't try to talk to her today... Akane: Just joking, P-Chan, I wouldn't lock you up. That would be cruel. Just promise me you'll try not to get lost again, okay? (P-Chan nods) Akane: (giggling) P-Chan, you're so cute. I'm so glad you're back! You're the only person in this house I can talk to who listens and doesn't talk back! (Akane hugs P-Chan tighter.) Akane: P-Chan, I'm so confused... P-Chan: Bwee? Akane: It's about Ranma. P-Chan: (Thought) Ranma?? What did he do to you?! Akane: I don't know what to feel towards him now... This pass week, he did almost nothing except skate with Kasumi, so he could win you back for me. He's so nice to me at times, but other times, he can be so mean... P-Chan: ???? Akane: I don't know whether to kick him or kiss him. P-Chan: (agitated) Bwee!!! Bwee!!! Akane: He's so nice to me.... what am I talking about? Ranma's going to be married to Kasumi... I should just shut up about this. P-Chan: (content) Bwee. Akane: Of course... Ranma doesn't HAVE to marry Kasumi... He just has to marry one of us sisters... P-Chan: (eyes wide with fear) Bwee!!!! Akane: **sigh** P-Chan, what am I going to do? I'm so confused about this... P-Chan: Bwee? Akane: Huh? P-Chan: Bwee! Akane: Ryoga? P-Chan: (Nodding furiously) Akane: (Laughing) Ryoga?? Oh, he's a nice friend and all, but he's so shy! I really don't think he's my type. He's so... different from me... it wouldn't work. He's so nice to me, I don't want to hurt him, but I need someone I can beat the stuffing out of occasionally... He doesn't forgive and forget very easily... I don't think I could ever love him that way... P-Chan: (having trouble breathing.) Akane: This is sad... the only guy that really IS my type thinks I'm a kawaii-kune tomboy... AND he's engaged to my sister... Oh P-Chan, what am I going to do? P-Chan? (Akane looks into her lap and sees that P-Chan has fainted dead away.) Akane: P-Chan!!! ***************************************************************** (It's in the middle of the night, and P-Chan managed to crawl out of Akane's arms.) P-Chan: (thought) Good bye, Akane... even though I will never earn your love... I will keep what you said in mind, and try to work on my faults. (exit her room, through a small crack in the door, and get into Ranma's room. He jumps on Ranma several times to wake him up.) Ranma: Ryoga?? What was that for?!? P-Chan: (walking to closet, getting some clothes, then going to door, looking back at Ranma expectantly.) Ranma: You want me to follow you? P-Chan: (nodding) (Ranma follows P-Chan into the bathroom, and changes him back into Ryoga. Ryoga puts in his clothes.) Ranma: What's the matter, Ryoga? (taunting) I'd thought you'd want to stay as P-Chan so you could share Akane's bed. Ryoga: (looking miserable, but Ranma misses it by a mile) I am never going to be in Akane's bed, ever again. Ranma: ???? Ryoga: (Grabbing the front of Ranma's shirt, teeth clenched) Saotome, break up with Kasumi. Marry Akane instead. Ranma: What?!? Ryoga: Quiet! Just... do as I say... it'll be better that way. Ranma: But why?! Ryoga: (angry) I'm saying I'm stepping down for you! Akane... Akane doesn't want me... I can't believe she's actually liking you. (bitterly) I want her to be happy... Ranma: .... Ryoga: Ranma, do me this favor... and I promise to forgive you for all that you've done to me in the past. Ranma: I didn't do anything to you! Ryoga: (tensely) Ranma... Ranma: Uh...um... sure Ryoga... I'll think about it, okay? Ryoga: Fine. One last thing... Ranma: (annoyed) What?! Ryoga: Could you show me the way back to Ucchan's? Ranma: What?? Ryoga: I've been rude to Ukyou. I haven't even said hello, since being released from Azusa's. Ranma: What? Uh... sure, okay... ***************************************************************** (Ranma led Ryoga back to Ucchan's, and sits him down at a table. He goes upstairs to find Ukyou, and a few minutes later, the two come down, Ukyou in sleeping attire. Then Ranma goes home. Ukyou quickly sees that Ryoga is on the verge of a break down, while before, Ranma had entirely missed the fact.) Ukyou: (Bitterly thinking)Here I thought Ranchan was going to tell me he loved me. No, he was just bringing Ryoga back. Humph, why should I take him back?! He seemed to be in a hurry to get into Akane's arms... (Then sees the look of absolute misery on Ryoga's face, and forgets all about bitter feelings.) Ukyou: Ryoga! What's the matter? Ryoga: (startled) W-what do you m-mean? Ukyou: I've seen that look many times before. (thought) Usually in the mirror. (speaks) Now, what's wrong? Ryoga: Ukyou... I... I... Ukyou: It's okay... I'm your friend... you can tell me. Ryoga: (tears falling out of his eyes silently) Ukyou... I... I can't go back to Akane! Not even as P-Chan! Akane... Akane doesn't love me... never will... she said so herself... I'll never fine love! Ukyou: What?? Why wouldn't' you? I mean... you're a nice guy! Ryoga: (meekly) Me? Ukyou: Yeah! I mean, you're handsome, sensitive, caring... You're always helpful, as long as it doesn't have to do with directions. A girl can really open up to you, and when you're here, and not lost, you're a great shoulder to cry on! Ryoga: You... you mean that? Ukyou: Sure! Ryoga: Thank you... Ukyou... Ukyou: No problem, Ryoga! Come on, let's get some sleep, okay? Ryoga: Okay... ***************************************************************** Younger men are so... Part 7 : In the clutches of the Black Rose An Elseworlds Episode And I swear, by the moon and the stars in the sky, I'll be there. For better or worse, till death do us part, I'll love you with every beat of my heart, I swear. -Boyz II men, I swear. ***************************************************************** A FEW DAYS AGO (It is early morning, and we see a worried family all gathered in the room. Cologne, Perfume and Soap Bar are trying to reassure Conditioner.) Conditioner: (We see she has been crying) Where can he be?! We searched the entire village inside out, and we can't find him! My baby... my poor baby.... Soap Bar: Don't worry, Conditioner... I'm sure Soapsuds is fine... he's a very capable five year old... I'm sure nothing happened to him... Cologne: Conditioner, child, when was the last time you saw him? Conditioner: I told you, he was going over to see you, great-grandmother! The day you came back! He never came home! Cologne: (racking her brains) I'm getting old... I can't remember what I was doing that day.... aha! Was that the day we were packing the things to get to Shampoo? Perfume: Oh, I believe it was! Maybe... oh dear, do you think Soapsuds went into the box and got mailed to Japan?? Soapbar: It must be! Conditioner: My baby!!! Cologne: Calm down, Conditioner, if Soapsuds is with Shampoo, then everything is fine! Shampoo will take care of Soapsuds, and then probably get Mousse to escort Soapsuds back. Conditioner: Then... my baby is in Japan? Cologne: It's the only logical place he could be. Conditioner: Then I'm going to Japan! Soapbar/Perfume/Cologne: What?!? Conditioner: I'm going to Japan, and I'm going to get my baby back! (Stands up, ready to run out the door) Soapbar: Daughter, have you gone mad?! You can't just get up and run off to Japan! Conditioner: Yes I can! I'm the black sheep of this family, and no one will question me if I run off! Perfume: (In commanding voice) Black sheep or not, you are my daughter, Conditioner! I will not have you run off! I will not have both my daughters dishonor the family! Conditioner: Mother! What if something happened to Soapsuds on the way to Japan? I don't care! Honor is not enough compensation for the possible death of my son! (Runs out the door.) Perfume/Soapbar: Conditioner, come back here! Cologne: No, let her go. Perfume/Soapbar: ??? Cologne: All her life, Conditioner has been the meek sister, the weak sister, the black sheep of the family. This is her chance to show her true self to us. Let her go. Perfume: But, great-grandmother... Cologne: Don't worry, I have a feeling everything will turn out for the best. ***************************************************************** (It is the dead of night, and we see a neighborhood that is asleep. Then, we cut across town, and we see a building, that is anything, BUT asleep. Mail people are busy sorting mail and what not, and we see the box that Soapsuds had stolen away in, sitting inconspicuously in a corner. We see Soapsuds sleeping inside the box, a bunch of food wrappers around him. A ninja steals in through a window, and looks around the place a bit before seeing the box. He smiles, and leaves. Half an hour later, a woman, in a black cloak, come and look at the box. We know her as Kodachi Kunou, the Black Rose. Kodachi gives an evil smile.) ***************************************************************** (Light shines down onto Soapsuds's face, and the little boy scrunches up his face before opening his eyes and blinking the last traces of sleep from his eyes.) Soapsuds: Voice: So, you're awake now, are you? (Soapsuds turns his head to face the person the voice belonged to. It is Kodachi.) Soapsuds: Kodachi: What are you saying? Don't you speak Japanese? Soapsuds: ????? Kodachi: I guess that is a no then. I am Kodachi Kunou, the black rose! Ohohohoho! What might I call you? (Soapsuds looks scared.) Kodachi: Ohohoho! I had forgotten you do not speak my language! I shall simply call you 'Boy' then. (Kodachi looks at Soapsuds closely, while the boy looks like he wants to cry.) Kodachi: Ohohoho!! When I went to see what that wicked girl Shampoo might have had mailed over from China, I never expected her to mail over a child! What an unexpected food fortune! I can use you as an advantage over her, if you are her kin! Soapsuds: (thought) What is this scary person saying?? I want my Mommy! Kodachi: For any blind fool can see that you are her kin. What are you to her? Brother? Cousin? Child? (scornfully) I would not be surprised if you indeed are her child! That woman is a harlot! First, trying to steal my precious Ranma from me, then simply casting him aside so her harlot friends, Ukyou and Akane! Soapsuds: (starting to sniffle) Kodachi: What are you talking about? Oh, no doubt you want your mother of some sort, but you shall never find me under the same roof as Shampoo! Soapsuds: (Suddenly looks up) (thought) Did... did she say Shampoo? Aunt Shammy?? (speaks) Kodachi: What are you babbling about? Soapsuds: Kodachi: Hark! You DO know Shampoo! (evil smile) Well, this will be very useful... (points to him) What is your name?? Soapsuds: ??? Kodachi: (Clapping herself on chest) Kodachi Kunou! (Points to Soapsuds) You? Soapsuds: (thought) She wants my name! Should I give it to her? Maybe she'll help me if she knows who I am... (Speaks) Kodachi: Eh? Soapsuds?? Soapsuds: Kodachi: Soapsuds! Of course, what else would one expect for a girl named Shampoo would name her child! Soapsuds, how fitting! Ohohohohoho! Soapsuds: (thought) I don't think she's gonna help me... Kodachi: I must attend school now! Stay here, Soapsuds, I will send a servant to tend to you! And don't you even think of leaving! You wouldn't find your way out of my home anyway, what with all the security I've installed into the house! Ohohoho!! ***************************************************************** Shampoo: (Sneezing) Achoo!! Ranma: That's the matter, Shampoo? You've been sneezing all day! Shampoo: (grumbling) Either Shampoo coming down with cold, or someone talking about Shampoo badly behind Shampoo's back! Can't be first one! Shampoo feel fine yesterday! (Ranma, Akane, Ukyou, Ryoga, Shampoo and Mousse are at the Nekohanten, hanging out. Ryoga is very sullen and tries to avoid Akane by putting Ukyou between the two of them at all times. Ranma is also uncomfortable with Akane, and try to have Shampoo or Mousse between them at all times. Akane, Shampoo and Mousse don't seem to notice this except for Ranma and Ryoga. Suddenly, there is a familiar ohohohoho laugh, and black rose petals blow in, through a window. Along with the petals, comes a letter, addressed to Shampoo.) Shampoo: Oh no! Petals all over Nekohanten! Make big mess! Great, must clean up now! Grr... Mousse: What about the letter, Shampoo? Shampoo: Letter? Ranma: (Picking up the letter on the table, opening it, and reading it.) Hmm, it's from Kodachi. Akane: Duh! As if the rose petals weren't a big enough clue! Ranma: (gives Akane a glare) Can I read this out loud Shampoo? Shampoo: (shrugs) Okay. Ranma: To Shampoo. You are a witch and harlot. The package you were waiting for from China is in my hands. Unless you agree to meet me tomorrow at the St. Hebereke school, I will hurt your darling son, Soapsuds. Sign Kodachi. Akane: (looking over Ranma's shoulder) Look, she even enclosed a few photos. Shampoo: What?! Akane: Oh, he's so cute! Looks a lot like you too, Shampoo! How could anyone even think of hurting such a cute little thing! Ukyou: (Surprised) You have a son, Shampoo? Shampoo: (blushing furiously) No! Shampoo have no children! Ukyou: Take a look at the photos, Shampoo. He looks just like you! Shampoo: (grabbing photos, then getting more agitated) Aiya! (Gives photos to Mousse.) Mousse: (eyes wide) Oh my. Ranma: He really is your son then! Shampoo: No! Is Soapsuds. Soapsuds is Shampoo's older sister, Conditioner's son. Soapsuds is Shampoo's nephew! What Soapsuds doing in Japan? Conditioner must be really freaking out right now! Ranma: What are you going to do, Shampoo? Shampoo: What else can Shampoo do? Go to St. Hebereke and get Soapsuds back from crazy girl Kodachi! (Stands up, bonbori in hand.) If Kodachi hurt one hair on Soapsuds's head, she die! (Runs out the door.) Mousse: Shampoo wait, the letter says to come tomorrow! ***************************************************************** (It is later that night, and Shampoo and Mousse are at the Nekohanten, closing up the place, when there is a knock on the door.) Mousse: Sorry, we're closed! Come again tomorrow! Voice: Shampoo: Shampoo know that voice... (opens up the door and sees Conditioner) Aiya! (Conditioner looks like dirt. Her clothing is dirty and ripped up. Her hair is tangled and in knots and she looks like she hasn't slept in days.) Conditioner: Shampoo: (Mousse hefts Conditioner, and the three move upstairs to the living quarters. He puts Conditioner on a bed.) Mousse: Conditioner: Shampoo: Conditioner: Shampoo: Conditioner: Shampoo: (Conditioner is too tired to argue so goes to sleep.) ***************************************************************** (The next morning, Ranma, Akane and Kasumi come to the Nekohanten.) Akane: Good morning Shampoo. Kasumi: Good morning, Shampoo. Ranma: Morning Shampoo! Hey, you look tired! What's the matter, didn't you sleep last night? Shampoo: Morning Kasumi, Akane, Ranma. No, not get much sleep last night. Conditioner come last night, walk all the way from China! Tried get her to sleep, but she wake up many times screaming for Soapsuds. Kasumi: Who is Conditioner and Soapsuds? Shampoo: Conditioner is older sister and Soapsuds is her son. Soapsuds come to Japan by self, and somehow ended up in crazy girl Kodachi's claws. Conditioner come last night to get son back. Shampoo: Kasumi, you help Shampoo much when Shampoo first get to Japan. Please help sister, Conditioner? Kasumi: Yes, of course! Shampoo: Okay, she upstairs. (The group move upstairs and into Shampoo's room, where Conditioner is crying her eyes out. Mousse is trying to calm her down.) Shampoo: Mousse, what you do to her?! Why Conditioner crying so hard?! Mousse: I told her Soapsuds wasn't here and Kodachi had him! Then she started crying! I told her we'd get him back, but she's still crying. Shampoo: Baka Mousse!!! (Hits him over the head before kneeling in front of Conditioner.) Conditioner: (Crying and sobbing) Shampoo: Not good. Never see Conditioner cry so much before... Kasumi: Conditioner: Kasumi: Conditioner: Kasumi: (Smiling) Conditioner: Kasumi: Conditioner: (lays down in the bed) (shuts eyes and tries to control her breathing. In a few minutes, she is asleep.) (Kasumi shoos everyone out of the room and closes the door behind her. They go downstairs to talk.) Akane: That was your sister, Shampoo? She looks so young! Shampoo: Yes. Conditioner is young! Is same age as you, Kasumi. 19. She have Soapsuds when she only 14. Kasumi: Is Conditioner close to her son? Shampoo: Very. Whole village look down on Conditioner when she have child so young, and she shame family much. Was kicked out of family! So when Soapsuds born, Conditioner love and care for him very much, because he is only thing she have. Very protective of him. No let anyone touch him except for Shampoo and great-grandmother Cologne. Akane: Didn't you try to stop your parents from kicking your sister out? Shampoo: (ashamed) No. Shampoo too young to realize what going on then, so didn't stop them. Shampoo thought since Conditioner have son, that mean she grown up, so should go live on her own. Ranma: That was cruel! Your parents kicked your sister out of the family for that?! Shampoo: Well... Conditioner disgrace family many times before... Conditioner very meek and shy. Was weakest Amazon in whole village! Even worse then most men! Parents not happy with her for long time. That last incident clenched it. Shampoo: But after Soapsuds born, Conditioner changed much. Get more self esteem, stick up for self and son. Train harder in fighting so can protect son. Last year, Conditioner come in third in competition. Parents proud, so let her in family again, but Conditioner refused. Conditioner and parents still on shaky ground, but improving. Shampoo: But Conditioner still care about Shampoo. When Shampoo go tell her, she sorry for not stopping parents for kicking Conditioner out, Conditioner say it not Shampoo fault. She say she trust little sister, Shampoo for doing what she think is right, and even trust Shampoo so much, that let me take care of Soapsuds some times. Is great privilege, considering how overprotective Conditioner is. Kasumi: So, in other words, Conditioner is basically crushed by losing her son, right? Shampoo: Yes. Kasumi: Then I'd suggest that you three had better get to St. Hebereke, and get Soapsuds back. ***************************************************************** (Soapsuds is looking around in awe. He and Kodachi are standing on the soccer field in St. Hebereke. Many students don't give Kodachi a second look for standing there, in her leotard, with a young child hand cuffed to her. Shampoo, Mousse, Ranma, Akane, Ukyou and Ryoga come onto the field, various weapons in hands.) Soapsuds: Shampoo: Kodachi! Let go of my nephew! Kodachi: Nephew? Ohohohoho, and here I thought it was your son! Well, kin is kin, and you're not getting him back unless you hand over my dear Ranma-sama. Shampoo: ???? What Kodachi talking about? Shampoo already give up on Ranma. Kodachi: Yes, but you're still friends. Now hand him over now!! Shampoo: (turning to look at Ranma) Ranma... Ranma: No problem, Shampoo. What are friends for? (Goes forward.) Kodachi: Move it, urchin! (Uncuffs Soapsuds and the boy runs to Shampoo.) Soapsuds: Shampoo: Kodachi: Ranma-sama! (runs forward and hugs him, paralyzing him at the same time with the rose she had in her hair.) Ranma: Erk... Kodachi: Ohohohoho! (Runs away carrying Ranma.) Akane/Ukyou: Ranma! (Sprints after Kodachi.) Ryoga: Ukyou! Akane! (Runs after them) Shampoo: Wait! (Ready to run after everyone above, but Mousse holds her back.) Mousse: Shampoo, get Soapsuds back to his mother, I'll go after them! (Runs away before Shampoo can object.) Shampoo: Mousse! (Starts to go again, before realizing that she has her hands full at the moment.) Soapsuds: (Shampoo looks after Mousse, really wanting to go after him, but decides to drop Soapsuds back at home first.) ***************************************************************** (Shampoo finds Kasumi talking with Conditioner at one of the tables, when she gets back to the Nekohanten.) Conditioner: Soapsuds: (Jumps out of Shampoo's grasp and runs into Conditioner.) Conditioner: Shampoo: (Runs out the door.) Conditioner: Soapsuds: (Looking guilty and ashamed) Conditioner: Kasumi: Conditioner: Soapsuds: Conditioner: Soapsuds: Conditioner: Soapsuds: Conditioner: (Soapsuds give Kasumi a look, hopefully.) Kasumi: (thought) Oh how can anyone say no to him? He's so kawaii! (speaks)) Conditioner: ???? Kasumi: Conditioner: Soapsuds: (gives Conditioner a hug and kiss, then goes to Kasumi and gives her a hug and kiss.) Kasumi: Soapsuds: Kasumi: ***************************************************************** (Shampoo runs in the direction of the Kunou mansion, hoping Kodachi had brought them there, and sees Mousse and Ryoga, moaning, and shaking their heads on the ground.) Shampoo: Aiya! What happen, Mousse, Ryoga? Mousse: The gates were electrified. Akane, Ukyou, Ryoga and I all fell for it! But when Ryoga and I came to, Akane and Ukyou were gone! Ryoga: This is all Saotome's fault! If one hair on Ukyou's head is touched, he will die! Shampoo: Do not be stupid, Ryoga! Not Ranma fault! Is Kodachi's fault! Save anger to fight Kodachi! Mousse, how we get in? Mousse: I don't know! The walls are too high... I might be able to climb them. Shampoo: (scowling) Too long. (Goes to the cement wall beside the metal gates and smashes a hole in it with her bonbori.) Faster. (Walks through it.) Ryoga: (Wincing) And she hits you with those things daily? Mousse: Yes. I take it as a sign of affection. (Runs though the gates after Shampoo.) Ryoga: Hey, wait! I don't want to get lost! (The three make it into the yard and slowly make their way though the yard, dodging poison ivy and what not. They are a few meters away from the front door, when they see a huge alligator blocking their way.) Shampoo: What that?! Ryoga: An... alligator?! Hey, when did we get to Africa?! Alligator: RRRROOOAAR!! Mousse: Scatter! (The three jump out of the way, and while in the way, Mousse throws a claw at it, trapping the alligator on the ground so that it can't move and Ryoga drops his umbrella on the reptile's head, effectively knocking it out.) Shampoo: Front door! (They smash through it, and find themselves in the Kunou mansion proper. A band of ninjas await them.) Ninja1: There! Those must be the trespassers Mistress Kodachi was talking about! Ninja2: Get them! (The ninjas lunge at Ryoga, Mousse and Shampoo, but it is a short lived struggle, and Shampoo, Mousse and Ryoga rush pass them... only to find themselves falling down a big hole.) Ryoga: (grabs of chain out of Mousse's sleeves) Lend this to me! (Throws it up, and it catches on something. Ryoga pulls himself up, but sees that Mousse and Shampoo are not in reach of the chain. They continue falling down the pit and there is a dull thud.) Shampoo! Mousse! Are you alright?? Shampoo: Shampoo fine! But Mousse hurt when he break fall for Shampoo! Go on, Ryoga! Shampoo must help Mousse first! Ryoga: Alright! (He runs off, and a few minutes later, finds himself completely lost in a jungle.) No!! (Ryoga does not know, but he isn't really in a jungle, only Kodachi's greenhouse. Suddenly, some of the more exotic plants attack Ryoga.) Ryoga: Mere plants will not stop me! (Starts to fight them.) ***************************************************************** Shampoo: Mousse... are you alright? Mousse: I... I'll be fine, as soon as you get off of me. Shampoo: (Realizing she was still sitting on him) Oh! Sorry Mousse. (Evil grin) Shampoo thought you'd enjoy that. Mousse: Uh...uh... (if he had his glasses on, they'd be fogging up like Dr Tofuu's.) Shampoo: Get up, Mousse. Mousse: (Getting up) Ow! (Falls down again, holding onto his leg. If he hadn't been so preoccupied before, he'd notice that it was smarting like it was broken.) M-My leg! It's broken! Shampoo: (frowning) Not good. (Puts her hand into Mousse's sleeve and draws out a large sword.) No, not this. (Goes into the other sleeve and brings out a metal chain.) Not good. (Puts hand down his shirt, causing Mousse to almost faint, and pulls out a bokken.) This will do! (Shampoo sits by Mousse, holding his leg. She rips her pants and uses the cloth and bokken to make a brace for Mousse.) Mousse: Oh Shampoo, you love me! I knew it! You loved me! Shampoo: Mousse shut up! Shampoo only wanted make sure wound heal right! That only reason! Shampoo no love you! Mousse: Oh. (He stills looks happy though.) (Kunou is walking though his house, curious as to why so many of his ninjas are lying around on the floor.) Kunou: What is the meaning of this?! Who has done this to the Kunou army?! (Falls into the same hole as Mousse and Shampoo and sees them.) You two! You're friends of the pigtailed girl! What is the meaning of this intrusion?! Shampoo: You sister trick us! Take friends! Shampoo come rescue them! Kunou: My sister? Your friends, does not that mean the pig tailed goddess?! Shampoo: Uh.... yes! Yes! Kodachi have pig tailed girl! Kunou: WHAT?! Betrayed by my own sister! How dareth she do this to me! I will take back my love! (Fumbles around his shirt and draws out a key.) Mousse: What's the key for? Kunou: (snort) Tis not the first time I fall of this trick of mine sister. (Goes to the wall and sticks the key in it. The floor begins to move, until it is high enough for the three to get back on the main floor.) Shampoo: Kunou know what around house, yes? Bring Shampoo and Mousse to Kodachi! Shampoo teach her lesson! Kunou: You're not the only one who she will call Sensei today!! Onward to my sister's chambers! (Kunou, Shampoo carrying Mousse, make to Kodachi's room.) ***************************************************************** (Akane and Ukyou find themselves locked up to the wall in a dungeon somewhere. Akane has just awaken.) Akane: Ukyou, wake up! Wake up!! Ukyou: Uh... did anyone get the license plate of that semi that hit me?! Akane: Yeah. K-O-D-A-C-H-I Ukyou: Where are we? Akane: I don't know. Last thing I remembered was that stupid gate! Ukyou: Don't worry, I'm sure Ranchan will come get us. Akane: (gloomy) Yeah, but WE were supposed to get HIM. **sigh** Why is it every single time, it's he who has to come get us? For once, I'd like to be the one rescuing him! (A door opens, and a tiger is let into the room, growling at them.) Ukyou: (panicking) Of course, I wouldn't mind if he came to rescue us, just this last time! Akane: (also panicking) I wouldn't mind either! Tiger: GROWL!! ***************************************************************** (Ranma is in a room, still paralyzed, although he can talk now. Kodachi is with him, curled up beside him, in a nice blood read gown.) Ranma: Kodachi, you're insane! I don't love you! Let me go! Let me go now! Kodachi: Oh Ranma-sama, you can be so silly sometimes! Of course you love me! Our destiny is entwined in the stars! Ranma: Maybe, but we're not together! Kodachi: Ohohoho, Ranma-sama you're so funny! Entwined means just the opposite of that! (Snuggles to him closer.) But underneath all that humor and silliness, I know you are a man of great, fiery passions, just waiting for me to ignite! Ranma: Help!! Someone!! Anyone!!! She's insane!! INSANE!! Kodachi: You're screaming won't help, Ranma-sama. My room is sound proof, so that our inevitable noise will not disturb the rest of the house! Oh Ranma-sama, at last we can be together without disruption! Aren't you happy? Ranma: Far from it! Kodachi: Oh Ranma-sama, you're so funny! Ranma: ARGH!! (Just then, there is a pounding sound, and the door to the room gives way to Kunou, Mousse and Shampoo.) Kunou: Stop terrorizing the pig tailed- what is this?! There is no pig tailed girl here! Only that foul sorcerer Saotome! That is not all bad, prepare to die Ranma Saotome!! Shampoo: Kunou, Kodachi, look that way! (The siblings look in the direction Shampoo pointed, while Mousse grabs a bucket of water for somewhere and throws it into Ranma.) Kunou: I understand not, Shampoo, I see nothi- Pig tailed girl! There you are!! (Runs towards Ranma.) Kodachi: Pig tailed girl?? (Turns and sees that she is cuddled up to a very wet pig tailed girl.) What are you doing, defiling my chambers with your presence, wretch?! Be gone! (Throws her into Kunou.) Kunou: Pig tailed one! Ranma: (discovering that the water has taken off his paralysis.) Out of the way Kunou! (Smashes elbow into Kunou's mouth then runs out the door with Shampoo and Mousse.) Kodachi: You can not escape my wrath!! Kunou: You can not escape my love!! (They run after the first three.) Shampoo: Ranma know where dungeon is? Kunou think that where Akane and Ukyou could be. Ranma: DUNGEON?! (Thoughts of Akane on the stretching rack, being tortured, sharing her food with rats come to her mind. She is horrified.) No! No! Shampoo: So, Ranma don't know where dungeon is? Ranma: I don't know the exact location, but I know the dungeon is DOWN! (Jumps into the air, then punches the ground, falling through the floor.) Shampoo: Wait for me!! (She jumps down after Ranma. The three keep going down for three more floors, until Ranma punches the ground, put nothing happens, because she's reached rock bottom.) Ranma: Okay, this should be where the dungeons are. (There are a few shrieks, and a loud growl somewhere to their left.) Ranma: They're over there!! (Runs through a wall.) (Ranma, Shampoo and Mousse see Ukyou, Akane, and the Tiger. The chains chaining the girls to the wall must have broke, because they are free at the moment. The Tiger is on its back, purring contently while Akane scratches it's belly. Ukyou looks on, impressed.) Akane: (voice she uses to talk to P-Chan with.) Oh, you're not a big bad tiger after all, are you? No, you're just an overgrown pussy cat with strips, aren't you? Aren't you? Tiger: Pppuurrrrrrr... Ranma: Akane! (Runs and hugs her.) Akane: Ranma! (Startled, but hugs back.) Ranma: Oh, Akane, thank goodness you're alright! When Shampoo told me you were in the dungeon, I thought... I thought... Akane: (hopeful) Yes? Ranma: I... thought that I failed Kasumi. She told me to make sure you don't get hurt, and... I thought I failed her. Akane: (flatly) Oh. (Suddenly, the sprinkler system comes on, dousing everyone not with water, but paralyzing gas. They all fall down.) Kodachi: (Standing in doorway.) Ohohohohoho! I've got you all right where I want you! Now, all my pets will make a feast out of you! Ohohohohoho! (A wall opens, and numerous crocodiles and alligators come out. Kodachi moves away from the door, and a few more lions and tigers come into the room.) Kodachi: Ohohoho! You are all done for! (Suddenly, there is a rumbling sound, and Ryoga and Kunou smash into the room from another way, fighting.) Kunou: Have at thee, cretin! Ryoga: Hey! Who are you calling a cretin?! ARGH!! (The two grapple, moving around the room, stepping on the tails and snouts of many alligators and crocodiles. Alarmed, the reptiles retreat back into the room they came from, and the wall closes.) Kodachi: You two! You've ruined everything!! (Throws two roses at them, and they hit. The poison in the roses get to the two boys, and they fall to the ground, twitching with the rest of them.) Kodachi: Now! My wonderful cats! It's DINNER TIME!! Ohohohehhehohohoh-h-hohohohehheh!! (However, none of lions or tigers move. Kodachi blinks a few times, and turns around, to see that all of her cats are gathered around one person, purring.) Kasumi: (giggling) Oh, you're all so kawaii, you big, kitties! Oh, I want to take you all home with me, but you probably already belong to someone, and judging from your sizes, she must feed you well! Kodachi: Hey! All of you come back here! (Soapsuds comes into view, and smiles before he taps her lightly on the neck. Kodachi gives him an absolute incredulous look before fainting dead away.) Soapsuds: Conditioner: ***************************************************************** Younger men are so... Part 8 : The right fiancee An Elseworlds Episode I see myself in your eyes... right where I want to be! -Ranma 1/2 ending theme song ***************************************************************** (Dr Tofuu was reading an advertisement about a coming up dance, when 9 very tired and exhausted people dropped in on him. They managed to keep Kasumi out of sight, until Soapsuds led the girl in from where she was looking out for him at Conditioner's request, outside.) Ranma (whom was being treated at the time: (thought) No!!! I'm gonna die! Tofuu: Kasumi! How nice of you to drop in! Kasumi: Hello Dr Tofuu! Tofuu: How long have you been here? Kasumi: Some time now, but I was outside with Soapsuds. Tofuu: Really? Oh, I must not have noticed you! I was uh... snapping Ranma's arm back into place here! Ranma: That-s quite alright, doctor, there's nothi AAAH!! (Ranma jumps off of the table, and runs around the room, but Akane managed to stop him, and snapped his arm back into place) Ranma: AAAH, hey, wait, it feels better now! Akane: Duh, I snapped it back into place. Ranma: It feels a lot better now! Thanks, Akane. Akane: (surprised) Thanks? Uh, you're welcome, Ranma. (They smile at each other and Ukyou notices this.) Ukyou: (shocked) I... I don't believe it! Ranchan... I... (Looking closely, Ukyou realizes that she can see Akane in Ranma's eyes, and this shocks her even more as she realizes what it means.) Ranchan... you... love Akane... (her heart breaks as she thinks this, and she wants to cry, but refuses to in front of such a large audience.) (Ryoga looks over at Ukyou, and recognizes the look on her face as the same look on his own face when he realized that Akane didn't love him, and never will. To comfort her, he takes her hand.) Ryoga: Look everyone, I think Ukyou and I will be getting back to Ucchan's now, since we're basically fine, and we don't need anymore medical attention. (Ryoga leads Ukyou out of the clinic, via a closet.) Shampoo: Shampoo think Ryoga and Ukyou have right idea! We should go back to Nekohanten. Already lost most of day's customers... should go back. Bai bai! (Mouse, Conditioner and Soapsuds say their farewells, and leave.) Ranma: Hey, I'm hungry! Let's go grab something to eat, Akane. (He bites his tongue to keep from adding 'just so long as you don't cook') Akane: Alright, I'd cook myself, (does not notice the horror on Ranma's face) but I'm in a mood for Chinese myself. Let's go to the Nekohanten, Ranma. (does not notice look of relief on Ranma's face.) Ranma: Sure Akane, whatever. (They leave.) Kasumi: Oh my, looks like everyone has left. I guess I should go too then, Dr Tofuu. I should be getting dinner ready. Tofuu: Kasumi! Wait! Don't go! I...I... (thought) Come on, Tofuu, this is your chance! Everyone left so you could tell her! Just do it! Come on! Three simple words! Just three words! Kasumi: Yes Doctor? (Smiles) Tofuu: (will melts at the sight of Kasumi's smile) I... Oh, there's a scratch on your hand! Kasumi: There is? (Looks at her hand and sees a slight scratch.) Oh my, one of the cats must have done that. I didn't even notice! Tofuu: Let me treat it before it gets infected! (Doctor Tofuu treats Kasumi's scratch, and is shivering with joy at the contact. Kasumi doesn't notice this, but does notice that Tofuu seems rather nervous.) Tofuu: There! All better! Kasumi: Thank you, Doctor Tofuu... listen, I just want you to know I'm your friend, and you can tell me anything, okay? Tofuu: I... I can? Kasumi: Of course! Tofuu: (thought) She's inviting you! Come on!! (Speaks) Kasumi... I love you. Kasumi: (Blinks, then blinks again. She does not notice that Tofuu is getting more nervous with each blink.) I'm... sorry Doctor, I don't think I heard that properly... could you repeat that? Tofuu: (Panics) Uh... uh... what I said was.... uh... (thinks to the flyer he was reading before Ranma and co. dropped in unannounced.) I said, Kasumi, I'd love to take you to the dance at the community center next Friday! Kasumi: You... would? Tofuu: Yes! I would! Kasumi: (thought) Should I tell him I'm engaged to Ranma? I never told him before... but he looks so hopeful, who could say no to him? I'll tell him about it, after the dance (speaks) I would love to go with you, Doctor. Tofuu: You-you would? Kasumi: Yes. Why don't you pick me up at 6 next Friday? Tofuu: I'll be there! Kasumi: Very good, now I simply must get home! I have to make dinner for the family! Sayonnara, Doctor. I'll see you next Friday then. ***************************************************************** (Ryoga and Ukyou get back to Ucchan's. Ryoga is wondering if he read her signs wrong, because she doesn't seem to be on the verge of a break down now. However, when they get into the restaurant, Ryoga expects her to flip the sign to open. Instead, she closes the blinds, goes to a table, and starts to tremble.) Ryoga: (freaking out) U-Ukyou! Y-You're shaking? Are you cold! Here, I'll turn up the heat... (walks around the room a few times, then come back to her.) Uh... do you know where the thermostat is? Ukyou: (swallowing) Don't worry about it, Ryoga. I'm not cold on the outside, so heating won't help. Ryoga: I... don't understand. Ukyou: (blurting out) Ranma loves Akane. Ryoga: That's goo- I mean (pretending not to know) He does? Ukyou: He does. I... I saw it in his eyes. (Bites lip to keep from crying out, but tears slowly stream down her face.) I... Ryoga: Ukyou... Ukyou: Oh Ryoga, you... you've felt like this before! (Clinging to him) Help me! Ryoga... I don't like this feeling, I don't like it! I feel so empty inside! Ryoga... make this feeling go away! Ryoga: (softly) Ukyou... it never goes away. Ukyou: (looking at him accusingly) Gee. Thanks for the emotional support. Ryoga: I mean it, Ukyou. It never goes away. But... you'll love another. And then, you'll get over it. It'll still be there, but you'll be able to stand it. Ukyou: I... I'll never love another. I love Ranchan. I... I can make him realize who his true love is. He doesn't love Akane. He loves me! Me! Ryoga: Does he? Ukyou: Well, if he doesn't, I'll make him. I'm easy to love, aren't I? Ryoga: Well... Ukyou: Yes, that's what I'll do. Ryoga: Ukyou, no! Ukyou: What? Why? Ryoga: This... isn't the way. Look, I know how you're feeling. You feel the same way I felt with Akane. You'll get over it. I did. If I did what you're doing now, I'd feel a lot worse. Always making myself think there is a chance, when I already KNOW there isn't. Then feeling more and more guilty every time I try to make Akane love me... it's not worth it, Ukyou. You need to find someone knew. Ukyou: I don't want someone new! I want Ranchan! Ryoga: Ukyou, listen to me!! Ranma doesn't love you that way! Just give up on it! Ukyou: (choking back a sob) It's not true! Ranma does love me! He does! He does! I love him, he has to love me back! He... has to... he... just has....to. Ryoga: (softly, stroking Ukyou's hair as she cries into his shirt) Ukyou... you already know perfectly well he doesn't. Ukyou: (crying hard) Ranma... he... he... oh god, I'll never get over him! I'll never find someone who loves me! Ryoga: Th-that's not true!! Ukyou: Yes it is! Ryoga: No, it isn't! Uh... (distressed, blurts out) Ukyou, I love you. Ukyou: What? Ryoga: Um, I mean, I can love you. Ukyou: That's not what you said. Ryoga: Well... Ukyou: You said you love me. Ryoga: Well.. I... do. Ukyou: You're just saying that. Ryoga: No, I'm not! What do you want me to do to prove I love you?! Ukyou: (sniffling as the thinks.) I know! I'm gonna go upstairs to my bed room. I'll give you 10 minutes to find my room. If you DO love me... you'll fine me right? True love defeats all obstacles right? (leaves) Ryoga: (thinking) Oh great! Just perfect! Come on, Ryoga... you can do it! You have to do this for Ukyou's sanity. And your own! If Ukyou throws herself at Ranma, that's TWO loves you've lost to him! Waitaminute, what am I talking about? I don't REALLY love Ukyou. Well... I could, but... okay, don't get side tracked with stupid thoughts... you can do this!! You can do this!!! (Ryoga starts up the stairs.) ***************************************************************** (Monday found Ranma and Akane under a tree at school, talking with unusual, at least to the other students, calmness. Ukyou and Ryoga get to school then, hand in hand.) Ranma: Hello, what is this? Has your sense of direction degraded even further, Ryoga, so that Ucchan has to hold your hand to guide you? Ryoga: Ranma... Ukyou: Ryoga-chan, calm down. Look, I have something to do. Come with me, okay? Ryoga: (promptly forgets about Ranma) Okay, Ucchan. (They leave.) Akane: Did.... that just happen? Ranma: (Wide eyed) I don't believe it! Akane: (smiling) Looks like Nabiki has another couple to put bets on. (Looks at Ryoga and Ukyou walking away, and envy surges through her. She looks up at Ranma.) Ranma, are you happy being engaged to Kasumi? Ranma: W-What?! Akane: You heard me. Ranma: Well... oh hey look at the time! Better go! (Runs off.) Akane: Ranma, answer my question!! ***************************************************************** (The days came and went, and it was Wednesday evening, at Dinner, when Kasumi told her father.) Kasumi: Father, may I go out this Friday? Soun: Oh? Where are you going? Kasumi: Where is this dance at the community center... Soun: A dance! Of course you and Ranma could go. Kasumi: Uh, father, I asked if I could go to the dance... You see, Doctor Tofuu invited me to go and... Soun: Doctor Tofuu? Doesn't he know you're engaged to Ranma? Kasumi: I don't think so, I keep forgetting to tell him, how could he have known? (does not notice Ranma and Akane looking at each other strangely.) He asked me last week, and he looked so hopeful, I couldn't say no. So may I go, Father? Soun: Go? Sure, you can go, but bring Ranma with you, alright? Kasumi: Bring... Ranma-chan? Soun: (sternly) Yes, bring Ranma. Kasumi: (sighing) Alright, Father. I'll bring Ranma-chan. Soun: Good, good! You here that, Genma? Our families will be united very soon! Genma-Panda: Growl! ***************************************************************** (Later that night, Kasumi and Ranma were talking as their parents decreed. They seemed uncomfortable with each other.) Kasumi: Ranma-chan... Ranma: Kasumi, I know what you're going to say, and I have an idea! I'm gonna bring Akane, Ukyou, Ryoga, Shampoo and Mousse to the dance! That way, you and Doctor Tofuu could do your thing, and we'll stay out of your way, but still have fun! Your dad said you had to bring me along, but he didn't say we had to be attached at the waist! Kasumi: (brightening) That's a wonderful idea, Ranma-chan! Thank you! (Gives him a hug.) Ranma: No problem! After all I've done to you and your family, it's the least I could do! ***************************************************************** Shampoo: (mechanically) Hello! My name is Shampoo! I will be your waitress today. Have a nice day. Yes, my hair is naturally purple. No, I will not go out with you, stop asking me or I will crush your head in with a mallet. Kasumi: Hmm. Shampoo: (looking up from a book.) Kasumi? How did I do? Kasumi: Hmm? Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, Shampoo. I didn't listen to you. Shampoo: Kasumi? What is wrong? You been acting strangely all day. Kasumi: Oh nothing, I was just... trying to figure out what to wear to the dance Doctor Tofuu asked me to. Shampoo: You don't know yet? Kasumi: No. Shampoo: But he be here in one hour! (throws books away) Quick! Must get Kasumi dressed for date! (A quick series of Kasumi in different dresses is shown, Shampoo shaking her head at each dress. Finally, Kasumi wears a nice blue dress with a full skirt down to about the knees with an off-the-shoulder top.) Shampoo: Hmm... this one okay, would like to see Kasumi in more dresses, but no time. This one do okay. What you think, Kasumi? Kasumi: (looking at herself) Shampoo, I can't wear this! I'm an engaged woman! I'd be giving Doctor Tofuu the wrong impression! Shampoo: So? You no marry yet, engagement can be broken off, have fun before tied down, Kasumi! Kasumi: Shampoo... I don't know about this... (There is a knock on the door, and Soun's voice is heard through it.) Soun: Kasumi, Doctor Tofuu's here! Kasumi: I'll be right down, Father! (Shampoo and Kasumi hurry down stairs. Everyone going to the dance, are assembled. Doctor Tofuu is in a tuxedo.) Tofuu: (glasses fogged up) K-Kasumi!! You look beautiful! Kasumi: Thank you, Doctor. You look very handsome in your tuxedo. Tofuu: (flustered) This old thing?! Oh it's nothing really, very shabby materials and the seams aren't even sewn correctly, just look at this... (determined to rip jacket to shreds, but stopped quickly by Ranma.) Soun: (in jacket, and helping Genma with his coat) Come on everyone, let's go! Kasumi: (blinking) F-Father? Mr. Saotome? You're going too? Genma: Of course. We're playing chaperone. Ranma: Pop! We DON'T need a chaperone! Genma: Let's hope you do, or else you two will never be married. Onward!! Kasumi: (feeling ill will for split second) Well... al-alright. ***************************************************************** Ranma: (grumbling) It's no fair. The perfect plan! The plan of perfection! Ruined by those two old... Kasumi: Ranma-chan, could you please... get off my feet. Ranma: Humph? Oh! Yeah, sure. Kasumi: (sigh of relief) Thank you. Ranma: (sheepishly) I'm sorry this is happening, Kasumi. I really didn't think Pop and your dad would come along. Kasumi: (sighing) It's alright Ranma, this is not your fault. I should think I should be apologizing to you. Am I boring you? Ranma: (lying) No. (Steals a glance over to Ukyou and Ryoga who are dancing a very fast and confusing dance, that had people applauding. Then, he steals another glance and sees that Akane is dancing with Dr Tofuu. He wants to dance with other people, but Soun and Genma are determined to attach Kasumi and Ranma together at the waist. A twang of jealousy surges though his body. Kasumi notices this but says nothing. Finally, the song ends.) (Ranma runs up to Ukyou, Ryoga, Akane, Mousse and Shampoo and whispers something to them. They all nodded, they scatter just as Kasumi gets to the group. Ranma grabs Kasumi and pulls her in one direction as the song begins, and Akane grabs Tofuu and pulls him in another direction.) Kasumi: Ranma-chan, what are you- Ranma: Just watch, Kasumi. (Ukyou and Shampoo go up to Soun and Genma and pull them to their feet. They make 'let's dance' gestures and then start spinning them around the room. Mousse watches the display with amusement, and keeps his hand on Ryoga's shoulder to keep him from getting lost. While Soun and Genma are distracted, Ranma pulls Kasumi over to Akane and Doctor Tofuu, and they switch partners. Kasumi finds herself suddenly dancing with Doctor Tofuu while Akane goes off with Ranma.) Tofuu: K-Kasumi! Do you want to dance? Kasumi: (smiles) I'd love to, Doctor. (thought) Thank you, Ranma-chan. (Kasumi and Doctor Tofuu dance the whole song, with Genma and Soun too busy being spun around the room by Ukyou and Shampoo to notice. Then, the next song comes on, and it's a slow song.) ***************************************************************** Ukyou: (hissing) Shampoo, on 3! Shampoo: 1...2....3!! (The two of them let go of Genma and Soun, and the two men collide with each other, knocking each other out. Ukyou and Shampoo give each other thumbs up before going to Mousse and Ryoga to watch the other couples dance.) Ryoga: Ucchan, do you want to dance? Ukyou: Ryoga-chan, I've found something better to do! Look at Ranchan and Akane over there, and Kasumi and Doctor Tofuu over there! Ryoga: (wincing) Ouch! I feel so sorry for Akane! Ranma just stepped on her foot, again! Mousse: Look, Akane should have flared and screamed at Ranma now, but she's just keeping it to herself. How, she looks so happy, even though she looks like she is in such pain! Ukyou: Isn't that sweet? Akane just put her head on Ranchan's chest! Oh, those two belong together! Shampoo: Yes! And Kasumi and Dr Tofuu belong together too! (Mousse, Ukyou and Ryoga look to Kasumi and Dr Tofuu, and see that the two of them are every bit as close as Akane and Ranma. Kasumi has her head on Dr Tofuu's shoulder, her eyes shut, a content smile on her face, while Dr Tofuu looks like he could just die right then, and die a happy man.) ***************************************************************** Akane: Ranma, just look over at Kasumi! Doesn't she look happy? Ranma: (nodding, solemnly) She belongs with Doctor Tofuu. Akane: Ranma? What's wrong? Ranma: (sighing) Akane... I... I have a really, really big favor to ask of you. Akane: ??? Ranma: (looking deep into Akane's eyes) I....I... Akane, will you marry me? Akane: !!!!! Ranma: Hear me out, Akane. Just, hear me out. Okay, look over at Kasumi and Doctor Tofuu, Akane. What do you see? Akane: What do you mean, what do I see? I see Kasumi and Doctor Tofuu dancing together. Ranma: Right. That's what you see. I see two people who were MEANT to be together, and I happen to be the wall between them. Akane: Ranma... Ranma: Akane, I don't want to do this to them. You know how the both of them are. They don't question what happens in life to them. They just accept it, and go with the flow, no matter how bad it is. I don't want to do that to them. Akane: (angry) So... is that why you want to marry me?? So you won't make Kasumi unhappy?! Ranma: No, that's not the only reason. If that were the only reason, I could go get Nabiki to marry me. Akane... I... want to marry you because I....I l-l... lo... ve... you. Akane: (shocked) .... Ranma: I don't want to let anything happen to you. At first I thought that was because Kasumi told me to protect you, but somewhere along the way, I discovered that... even if she didn't tell me to, I would have protected you anyway, because I lo...lo...ve you so much. Akane: Ranma... Ranma: Akane, please, marry me? Akane: Ranma... I... I love you too. I thought you were a jerk at first, but... I know I wouldn't love you if you weren't a jerk some times, because I love all of you... even 'jerk' you. Ranma... yes, I'll marry you. Ranma: Akane... (Ranma can't say what he wanted to say next, because Akane is kissing him.) Ranma: (breaking off kiss) Akane... (smiling) let's go tell Kasumi! Akane: (nodding) Alright. Oh, hey, where did she and Doctor Tofuu go? Ranma: Maybe they went outside? ***************************************************************** Mousse: (eyes wide) Woah! Look at that! Akane kissed Ranma! Ukyou: Oh, that's so sweet! They belong together. I just wish I knew what they were talking about! Shampoo: Ranma probably propose to Akane! Ryoga: Ha, no way! Ranma doesn't have the courage to! Shampoo: Shampoo bet Ranma propose to Akane! Ryoga: You're on!! Mousse: Hey, wait a minute, where did Kasumi and Dr Tofuu go?? (Suddenly, Soun and Genma both awaken.) Genma: Oooh, I'm getting old. I can't keep up with a teenager's dance steps. Soun: Hmm.... hey, that's not Kasumi dancing with Ranma! Where did she go?! Genma: Look, Ranma is heading outside! Maybe that's where Kasumi went! (Genma and Soun make their way to the door, unseen by the teens until they are halfway across the room.) Shampoo: Aiya! Genma and Soun wake up, and we not see! Ryoga: Hurry, we have to stop them!! (Mousse, Shampoo, Ukyou, Ryoga run after Genma and Soun,) ***************************************************************** (Kasumi and Doctor Tofuu are outside, enjoying the night air as the lean over a railing. Note that Doctor Tofuu's glasses are not fogged up, but he is really nervous.) Kasumi: Doctor Tofuu, I'm really sorry about not dancing with you that much... I wanted to, but Father... Tofuu: It's okay, Kasumi. I understand. Kasumi: You understand? Then... you know of my engagement to Ranma-chan? Tofuu: Kasumi... I... I knew about that a long time ago. Ranma told me the first day I met him. Kasumi: You knew? Then... then why did you still ask me to this dance? Tofuu: Kasumi... there's something I wanted to tell you for the longest time. When I learned of your engagement to Ranma, I thought I was too late, but deluded myself into thinking that there still is time, that I could still tell you. So I tried to tell you, but I couldn't. Every time I got near you, I got so nervous, so afraid you'd reject me, that I could never say what I wanted to say to you. Kasumi: (smiling) Tofuu, I'd never reject you. Why would I? You've been nothing but kind to me. You can tell me any thing. Tofuu: Do... do you mean that? I can tell you anything? Kasumi: Of course. Tofuu: (taking deep breathe) Kasumi Tendo.... I... I.. I love you. I've loved you for years. The first time I saw you, when I was still in college and I worked part time with your old doctor, I knew. I knew that you were the one for me, and that I loved you. But I couldn't tell you, we were still young, and you were in school, and you were so obedient to your Father. I thought that I'd still have time, so I kept putting it off, hoping that one day, I'd have the courage to tell you. Now, when I've finally told you, it's too late. I'm sorry, Kasumi, I love you, but I was too much of a coward to tell you. (bows head in defeat.) (Kasumi blinks, then blinks again. She teetered a bit, like she isn't quite steady on her feet. She staggers, and falls, but Tofuu managed to catch her before she hit the ground and holds onto her, kneeling on the ground.) Tofuu: Kasumi! Are you alright? Kasumi: (thought) This... this feels so right, here, in his arms... I'll never feel this right with Ranma... oh Doctor Tofuu... Tofuu: Kasumi! Kasumi: (swallowing) D-Doctor Tofuu... I... I... don't know what to say... I never knew, well, I suspected it... all those times I thought you were being silly. I'm sorry I put you through such torment. Tofuu: Kasumi, it's not your fault! I brought this on to myself. If-If I had told you sooner, this wouldn't be happening. I'm sorry, Kasumi. I shouldn't have told you, it was selfish of me. You alright have a fiancee, I shouldn't have burdened you with this. I'm so sorry, please, forgive me. (tears start to run down his face.) Kasumi: Don't cry, Tofuu, I...I... (starts to cry too) (thought) I... oh god, why didn't I see this before? Tofuu: Kasumi... I-I have to know. Oh god, I'm being so selfish, but I have to know! Do you...could you have...loved me? Kasumi: Tofuu... (she doesn't continue, but Tofuu knows that she does. She puts her face into his chest and cries, while Tofuu does the same.) (The two weep softly, until all of the gang have come out, most of them yelling at each other. It isn't until they notice the weeping Kasumi and Tofuu that they instantly shut up.) Soun: (tears running down his face.) Ka-Kasumi? My oldest daughter? W-what is the meaning of this?! Why are you in the arms of Doctor Tofuu! You are engaged to Ranma! (Genma nods in agreement.) Kasumi: (swallowing) F-Father... I... I... Soun: Enough of this! Get away from him now! (He and Genma moves forward to separate them. Ranma and Akane step forward and intercept their fathers.) Genma: Ranma, what is the meaning of this?! Ranma: Sorry Pop, I can't let you do this. Soun: Akane, what are you doing? Akane: Father, you're making a big mistake! You can't tear Kasumi and Doctor Tofuu apart! They BELONG together! Soun/Genma: They CAN'T belong together! Kasumi must marry Ranma, so our families may unite! We swore we would, and we are honor-bond to do so!! Ranma: (holding Akane tight.) Pop, listen to me! I don't have to marry Kasumi to unite the family! (Soun and Genma stop their ranting and stare at Ranma and Akane, confused.) Soun: Ranma... what are you trying to say? Ranma: I... I'm saying... I'm saying that... I'm not going to marry Kasumi. I'm... I'm going to marry Akane. (Soun, Genma, Tofuu and Kasumi looked shocked, while Ukyou and Mousse smile. Ryoga grumbles and digs into his pocket to get some cash for the grinning Shampoo.) Soun: Ranma.... you'll marry Akane? Genma: Son, is this true?! Ranma/Akane: Yes, it's true. (Soun and Genma both pause a second before they both give yelps of joy and start dancing around. Shampoo, Mousse, Ukyou and Ryoga cheer while Tofuu helps Kasumi up.) Kasumi: Ranma-chan... I... I don't know what to say... Ranma: Kasumi... Kasumi: (giving Ranma a hug) Thank you Ranma-chan! (gives Akane a hug) Thank you Akane-chan! Tofuu: Ranma... I don't know how to express my words of gratitude to you. How about this? From now on, all of my, and all of Nerima's medical service to you will be free of charge! Ranma: (eyes wide) Doctor, have you any idea how much money that is?! Tofuu: (smiling) Yes. And I will never be able to pay you back in yen the happiness you've given me. (shakes Ranma's hand.) Ranma: (getting embarrassed with the attention he is getting from his friends, and from the by passers.) Uh, hey, didn't we come here to dance?! Well, let's go! (The group goes back into the community center, in time to catch the final slow song of the night. This time, Akane is dancing with Ranma, Kasumi with Tofuu, Ukyou with Ryoga, and even Mousse had somehow gotten Shampoo to dance with him.) ***************************************************************** Younger men are so... Part 9 : Years later, and still going strong! An Elseworlds Episode Oh my god, we're back again! -Backstreet boys, Everybody ***************************************************************** ** 2 YEARS LATER ** (Shampoo and Mousse are at the Nekohanten, also closing up when the door opens.) Shampoo: Sorry! Nekohanten closed! Come again tomorrow! (She is then attacked by a bundle of energy that hugs her.) Soapsuds: Shampoo: Soapsuds: Shampoo: (looks over Soapsuds's head and sees that indeed her sister is here, giving Mousse a hug.) Conditioner: (They hug) Shampoo: Conditioner: (grinning) Shampoo: (shocked) Conditioner: (nodding) Shampoo: Conditioner: (teasing) Shampoo: (Looks at Mousse, who is playing with Soapsuds and blushes) Conditioner: Shampoo: Conditioner: (laughing) Shampoo: (smiling faintly) ***************************************************************** (We see a girl cleaning the tables in an empty restaurant. She seems a little upset with something. Suddenly, the bell of the front door rings, signaling the arrival of someone.) Girl: Sorry, but Ucchan's is closed right now... Oh hey, Ryoga-chan! (Runs forward and hugs him, and he hugs her back.) Ryoga: Oh Ucchan, I'm so sorry... I tried to get the best possible anniversary gift ever created, and I lost track of the time! I went all over Japan for days, and then it took me days to find out where I was, and how to get back here! Oh, Ucchan's, I'm sorry! Please, please tell me I didn't miss our anniversary! Ukyou: Ryoga-chan... no, you didn't miss it! Made it back just in time! Today's our anniversary! Ryoga: I...I made it? I made it!! Alright! A sign from the gods that our love will survive! Ukyou: (smiling) Right Ryoga-chan. So, what was so wonderful that you had to travel for days to get, Ryoga-chan? Ryoga: (smiling) This... (brings out a wrapped present. Ukyou coos with delight and opens it quickly.) Ukyou: Oh! A golden spatula! Oh Ryoga, these are impossible to find! Thank you so much!! Here, (brings out a present) got you something too! Ryoga: Alright! (opens it, and sees a bandanna with his name on it, with a compass built right into it!) Ukyou: (putting her hands around Ryoga's head to help him put it on.) I figured since you always loose your way, but you never seem to lose your head bands, I'd put a compass into a headband so you wouldn't lose your way! Ryoga: Ucchan, you're so good to me! (Ukyou and Ryoga hug.) Ukyou: (thought) Ryoga-chan looks so happy... I won't tell him he's two days late. ***************************************************************** (Ranma and Akane are sitting on a hill, watching the stars come out. Ranma has his arm around Akane.) Ranma: Akane? Akane: Yes? Ranma: Do you... remember what happened today two years ago? Akane: How could I forget? You asked me to marry you. Ranma: Do... you ever regret that day? Akane: No! Of course not! Ranma: Well, I do... Akane: (shocked, then shaking) R-Ranma?? Ranma: (getting on one knee) I... didn't do a very good job proposing, and I don't want my wife to complain to my about it, after we get married, so, I figured I'd better do it again. (digs into his pocket, and brings out a diamond ring.) Akane... will you marry me? Akane: Ranma, where did you get the money for that ring?! Ranma: I fought this really rich guy, and it turned out that the rich guy had made a bet with his friend that he could beat me. The friend thought that I deserved so of the profit he made when I won, so have gave it to me. Akane: Oh good! I was afraid you borrowed money off of Nabiki, and would have to work for her your entire life to pay the debt off! Ranma: Yeah well, anyway, how about it? Will you marry me? Akane: Oh Ranma, you already know the answer to that! (Akane throws her arms around Ranma and kisses him deeply.) ***************************************************************** (Kasumi and Doctor Tofuu are at a dance hall, dancing to a slow tune. Kasumi puts her head on Doctor Tofuu's shoulder, shuts her eyes and smiles.) Tofuu: Kasumi-chan... do you remember what happened two years ago today? Kasumi: Yes Tofuu-chan. I found out you love me, and that I loved you. Tofuu: (smiling) I... just wanted to tell you that... the past two years have been the best two years in my life. Kasumi: Mine too, Tofuu-chan. Mine too. Tofuu: Kasumi-chan, do you recognize this song? It's the song that was playing the first time I danced with you. It's our song. Kasumi: Yes, I recognize the song. Tofuu: Kasumi-chan, I have to talk to you about something. Last time I wanted to tell you something this important, I ended up putting it aside for years. Never again. This time, I'm doing it now. Kasumi: What is, Tofuu-chan? Tofuu: (Pulls away from Kasumi, and drops on one knee. He brings out a ring) Kasumi Tendo... will you marry me? You... you've completed my life, and I don't want to lose you, ever. These past two years have brought me absolute joy. I don't want to ever part with you. Please, I love you, will you marry me? (The music has stopped, and everyone has stopped dancing to look at Tofuu and Kasumi, but the two in question don't even notice them.) Kasumi: Yes! Yes Tofuu-chan, I'll marry you! (Kasumi pulls him up to his feet, and trembles as he puts the ring on her finger. When it's on, she smiles up at him.) Kasumi: I love you, Tofuu-chan. Tofuu: I love you too, Kasumi-chan. (They kiss, and the crowd in the back cheers.) ***************************************************************** ** The End ** If you've read any of the other work at this site, then you know I don't usually have author's notes at the end of a fanfic, but "Younger Men" is my very first loooooong fanfic, so I just wanted to say some things. AUTHOR'S NOTES: 1. Apologies 2. Explanations 3. Disclaimers 4. Anything else that needs to be said I would like to apologize to the readers of this fanfic. I am sorry for writing this ultra-long piece. I just found that once I started, I couldn't stop. Next, I would like to apologize for the way this piece has been written. I do not usually write in script format, so do not know if I wrote properly. I am sorry for any confusion I might have caused. Explanations. Some of you might be asking why Ranma was not afraid of the cats in Kodachi's house. The reason is that Akane filled up his spectrum of view so, he couldn't see the cats. By the time he did, he was paralyzed, so couldn't do anything about it. Some of you might be wondering why Kasumi's character was sort of flip flopping back and forth between normal and nice, and rather bitter. The reason is this: I think Kasumi's always been sort of bitter towards some of the lemons life has handed her, but she's always managed to deal with it constructively, and thus, became a happy person with a sunny disposition. When the author decided to write this fanfic and make her life much more difficult than in most stories, the lemons started to accumulate before she could deal with them. Some of her bitterness was dissolved in the knife scene in part 1, but some was still there, which sort of made her a little more 'human' than usual. If you're wondering what happened to Soapsuds's dad, I didn't put much thought into that, because I didn't think it had much to do with the main plot of the story. Maybe if some people want to know what happened to him, I'll think something up, but for the moment, let's just say he's permanently out of Soapsuds's and Conditioner's lives. Disclaimers. Most characters belong to Takahashi Rumiko. The Elseworlds series belongs to John Biles. The slogan Elseworlds belongs to DC comics. The plot of this story, and the characters, Conditioner and Soapsuds belong to me, Jenny Chan. Anything else that needs to be said. Uh...um...hmm... I can't think of anything else that needs to be said. This story has been a lot of fun to write. My favorite character in Ranma-verse is Kasumi, which is why I tried to put her into the plot as much as possible. I'd like to thank John Biles for letting me write an Elseworlds episode. Hmm... that's about it. Oh yeah, please send comments and criticisms! Thanks for reading! ^_^ Jenny 'Android18' Chan android18@hotmail.com http://www.fortunecity.com/lavendar/jerningham/index.html