Anime Inverse Presents...

Slayers Idiotic IV:
Lina Versus Gourry!

By: Ryu Cheese
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Gourry and Lina's swords clashed into one another, sparks flew to all different directions like a spectacular fireworks show. Neither one of them hit the other person directly, but both swords were slightly scratched from their simultaneous attack. Gourry charged at Lina again, however, Lina was ready for his attack. Lina quickly dodged out of Gourry's way and picked up Amelia's arm, which had been severed from her body earlier. She then began whacking Gourry on the back of the head with Amelia's bloody stump of an arm.

Naga, who was tending to Amelia's stomach wound, watched as Lina continued to further beat Gourry upside the head. "AHHH HA HA HA!" Naga began laughing. "That's pretty funny, Lina! You always know how to use what's around you to win a fight!"

"NOW is not the time to be complimenting me, Naga!" Lina ducked as Gourry tried to counter Lina's attack with Amelia's arm.

"Well, I just wanted to say that you're doing a pretty good job there, Lina!" Naga with the head of a rat frowned, showing her green, fungus- ridden buckteeth. "That Gourry person seems to know how to fight very well, I'm actually surprised that you're still alive. He's attacking you so fast, you don't even have time to use any of your spells!" Naga then noticed one of Amelia's fingers laying on the ground which must have been left over from her bloody stump- arm. Making sure that no one was looking, Naga picked up the finger and quickly shoved it into her big rat mouth. Naga chewed the tasty treat with a big smile on her face.

Amelia, who was resting in Naga's lap on the ground, woke up from her unconcious sleep. "Oh Miss Naga…" Amelia said weakly. "What are you eating?"

Naga looked down at Amelia and quickly tried to wipe the finger- crumbs off of her whiskers. "Um, I'm not eating anything…" Naga blushed red.

"Miss Naga! You were eating my finger!! How could YOU??" Amelia yelled with anger.

Naga smiled a comforting smile at Amelia, and then slowly wrapped her fingers around Amelia's neck, choking her. Amelia turned bright red, then purple, then became unconcious again, drool fell from her chin. "No I wasn't.." Naga said to the unconcious Amelia. " It was all a bad dream, now go back to sleep and forget all about this."

Gourry and Lina continued to duke it out. "Damn it!" Lina said to herself. "Gourry's too fast, I can't use any spells, all I can do is defend! I've got to get some space between us somehow so I can chant a powerful spell!"

"I'm sorry I have to kill you Lina…" Gourry said in between his attacks. "But the aliens of this spaceship programmed me to kill you. Again, I'm really sorry." Gourry swung his sword with one hand, and scratched his itchy crotch with the other.

Suddenly Lina became angry. "You've annoyed me enough, Gourry!" Lina yelled. "LEVITATION!" Lina cast a levitation spell that caused her to rise up, beyond Gourry's reach. Gourry tried to hit Lina from the ground, but she was too high up. Her head was almost hitting the ceiling of the spaceship's cargo bay. "Can't get me up here, can you, Gourry?"

Gourry was stumped. He didn't know what to do… Lina was too high up. Gourry looked at Naga and Amelia who were resting in the corner of the cargo bay. Naga had just finished healing Amelia's stomach wound with a spell. Suddenly, Gourry had a great idea. He ran over to Naga and Amelia and ripped Amelia from Naga's arms. He then threw Amelia's unconcious body way up in the air. Lina watched in horror as Amelia's limp body went flying upwards in her direction. Since she was so close to the ceiling, Lina had no way of dodging or maneuvering out of the way. Amelia woke up in the middle of the air as she was flying towards Lina. As Amelia opened her eyes, she saw Lina's head coming closer and closer. Amelia smiled as if Lina was her guardian angel… then the two of them smashed into each other, Amelia head first.

Amelia and Lina fell to the ground with a loud, crunching thud. Amelia's head was bashed apart, her brains had stained Lina's costume slightly. Luckily for Lina, her shoulder guards had protected her from any serious damage, although they were the main cause for the cracking of Amelia's head into two pieces.

Lina quickly tried to push Amelia's body off of her leg before Gourry could get to her, but unfortunately she was too late. Gourry stood above Lina pointing his sword directly at her face.

"Looks like I win this one, Lina." Gourry said.

Damn it, Lina thought to herself. Lina looked around desperately for some kind of distraction so she could get away. She saw Naga, with the head of a rat, sitting in the opposite corner of the spaceship's cargo bay. Naga was picking out little pieces of wax from her big rat ears and then munching on them as if they were little pieces of Bazooka Joe bubble gum. She won't be any help, Lina thought. Then she looked out the window of the cargo bay and into space. She saw Zelgadis' severed head floating by again… thank you Zel! Lina thought. Your head will be the perfect distraction!

"Gourry, before you kill me, you forgot one thing!" Lina said with determination.

"Oh?" Gourry said with a bored, puzzled expression. "What's that, Lina?"

Lina pointed towards the window of the cargo bay and to Zel's severed head. "Zelgadis is right behind you!"

Gourry swerved around and looked out the window towards Zel's head, which had already been dead for a few days now. "Hey, its Zelgadis!" Gourry yelled and ran away from Lina and towards the window. Gourry began knocking on the window, hoping to get Zel's attention. Zelgadis' eyes had already sunk way back into its sockets… it was very obvious that he had been dead for quite a while now. "Hey Zel, why aren't you saying anything?" Gourry was getting frustrated. Gourry began waving and jumping up and down, continuing his attempt to gain the severed head's attention. Zel's head was floating upside down now.

Lina slowly pushed Amelia's body off of her leg. She stood up and began chanting a spell… "Darkness beyond twilight and Crimson blood that flows, buried in the stream of time, is where your power grows. I pledge myself to conquer all the foes who stand, upon the gift bestowed in my unworthy hand…"

"Lina, Zelgadis isn't answering me!" Gourry was angry and turned in Lina's direction. "I wonder what's wrong with him." Gourry looked upwards in thought. "Do you think he's mad at me or something? Hmm… it could be because I've been trying to kill you. Do you think that's why he's not speaking to me? Lina?" Gourry looked back at her.

"Zelgadis is dead you stupid moron!" Lina screamed with impatience. Her hands charged and ready to cast her spell. "Naga killed him at the same time she killed you, only you were stupid enough to come back!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot." Gourry said. "The ugly, big-chested, rat-headed lady killed him, didn't she?"

Naga looked up like a puppy which had just had its name called. "What did you say? Are you calling me ugly???!!!" Naga with the head of a rat became filled with rage.

"Ha ha" Gourry laughed and smiled, putting one arm behind his head. "Of course you're ugly. I've flushed more attractive things than you, right Lina?" Gourry looked over in her direction.

"Um, Gourry, there's something that I didn't get to finish.." Lina had a look of disgust on her face.

"Oh? And what's that, Lina?" Gourry asked.

"Um, it's this…. DRAGON SLAVE!" And with that, Lina cast the Dragon Slave spell. Gourry was engulfed in a burst of light and energy, his figure was but a mere shadow, slowly fading as the light shined brighter and brighter, pulling him into its power. Lina had concentrated all of the power of the Dragon Slave directly at Gourry, he was in the center of its power. To have survived it would be a miracle… or just plain dumb luck. And guess what? It was choice number two.

Gourry had somehow managed to survive the Dragon Slave attack. Lina was baffled, Naga was shocked, and Amelia was practically dead, her brains oozing out of her head. "How could anyone survive that?" Lina thought to herself. "I mean anyone who can survive the Dragon Slave must be pretty damn powerful… or maybe the alien technology was what made him powerful."

"L…Lina" Gourry managed to speak. His clothes were ripped torn, and burned severely. Gourry himself was burned and bleeding, barely alive, but alive nonetheless. "I'm sorry, Lina." Gourry was able to speak some more. "The aliens had somehow brought me back and programmed me to attack you… but I guess you destroyed their programming with that spell of yours…"

"Gourry?" Lina smiled. "Does that mean you're back?!!"

"Yeah, Lina… I'm back to my old self!" Gourry opened his arms awaiting a hug from Lina. Lina ran over to him with her arms wide open, but instead of hugging him, she punched him in the face.

"Okay, stupid, where's the Sword of Light?" Lina said, hands on her hips.

"Ouch, Lina!" Gourry yelled. "It's great to see you too! Well, I think the aliens have the sword, they want to use it to conquer the galaxy or something like that."

"Okay!" Lina said. "Now all we have to do is get to the aliens!" Lina looked towards Naga with the head of a rat. "Naga, Amelia's barely alive over there. Try using that beefed up magic of yours and cast a healing spell to bring her back to health. Me and Gourry are going to get out of this cargo bay and find those aliens, we'll meet up with you two ahead."

"But Lina, " Naga whined. "I don't want to get stuck with that little annoying girl. Why don't you just let her die? I won't tell if you won't."

"I know she's annoying, Naga, but we may need her as a decoy!" Lina continued, " If we need a human shield, we have Ameilia, if we get stuck somewhere without food or water, we have Amelia, if we just need to take out our frustrations on something, we can always beat up on Amelia. Believe me, Naga, she has her uses!"

"AHH HA HA HA! As usual, you are thinking ahead, Lina Inverse!" Naga with the head of a rat opened her mouth with acceptance. "Do not worry, Lina, I will take care of Amelia and find you and Gourry and destroy those aliens! AHH HA HA HA, AAAAHHHH HA HA HA AAAAAAA HA HA HA HA!!!!" Naga with the head of a rat began laughing uncontrollably.

"Come on, Gourry, let's go." Lina began walking.

"But Lina, that rat headed girl is laughing like crazy!" Gourry kept looking back at Naga.

"I know… she does that every so often. It'll pass. Now come on, lead me to the sword of light!"

Gourry slashed open the door leading out of the cargo bay. "After you, Lina." Gourry said, letting Lina pass.

"Thank you, stupid" Was all Lina said as she passed by.

Gourry began laughing. "Ha ha, Lina, it's just like old times again! Except I'm half robot and you still have no chest!"

Lina whacked Gourry on the back of the head and the two of them continued out of the doorway, and eventually out of Naga's sight.

Naga with the head of a rat walked over to Amelia's body. "Well, its just you and me now, little girl." Naga sat down and began scooping Amelia's brains back into her head. "You know, Amelia… I've only known you for a few hours now and yet it seems like you are almost like a sister to me… and yet I still want to kill you. Go figure."

Naga picked up Amelia's severed arm that Lina used before in the fight with Gourry. "Hmm.. I dunno if I can heal this… healing severed limbs isn't something I'm specialized in." Naga shoved the whole arm into her mouth and ate it. "Hehe, what do you care? You're asleep anyway!"

Naga began to scoop the rest of Amelia's brains back into her head. "I wonder how you're going to get the sword of light back, Lina Inverse…."

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Lina and Gourry continued down a passageway in the ship.

"How do you know where to go, Gourry?" Lina asked as they walked.

"I don't" Gourry answered. "I thought that you knew."

"What makes you think that I know where to go??!!" Lina became agitated. "Honestly, Gourry… couldn't those aliens have put some brains into your head when they brought you back to life?"

"Lina…" Gourry started.

"What is it NOW, Gourry?"

"I have to go to the bathroom, Lina." Lina began holding his crotch area.

"Oh my God, Gourry! Where do you expect to go? We don't even know where this passageway is taking us and you have to go to the bathroom?!"

"Oh, I can just go on the floor here. Um, could you turn your back? I don't want you getting scared or anything."

Lina had a look of disgust on her face. "Yeah, sure Gourry…" She answered and turned her back.

"Um, Lina, I think you should take a look at this.." Gourry said.

"GOURRY! I don't want to see it!" Lina said with anger.

"No, not that, this… there's a hole in the floor where I went, it looks like this metal is sensitive to fluids or something. It burned a hole through the ground."

Lina peered over Gourry's shoulder. "You're right, there IS a hole… it leads way down into the ship."

"Do you wanna climb down the hole, Lina?" Gourry asked.

"Well it IS faster than walking down this seemingly endless corridor!" Lina said. "Okay, let's go down the hole…. And Gourry, next time zip up your pants before I take a peek over your shoulder."

"Oh, right… sorry, Lina." Gourry smiled.

Lina hopped into the hole, Gourry followed after. What they came to beneath them was a strange room filled with all kinds of flashing and blinking lights of various colors. The room was fairly large, although not as large as the cargo bay. There were all kinds of control panels on the walls and screens and monitors all over the place. Towards the end of the room there was a chair, someone was sitting in it, however, their back was facing Lina and Gourry.

"Lina, look, there's some guy there!" Gourry pointed at the chair.

"Hey, who are you? What is this place? Where is the sword of light?!!!" Lina yelled.

"How rude of you, Lina Inverse." The person in the chair answered. "You must learn better manners before talking to me. But I will excuse your rude behavior for now." The person in the chair turned around to face them.

"Oh my God Lina!" Gourry pointed. "Look at his funky hair!"

"His hair is nothing, Gourry…. Look at who it is!" Lina's mouth dropped open in surprise. "It… it's impossible!"

The person in the chair was non other than Rezo the red priest.


******TO BE CONTINUED******


Well here it is, the fourth episode to Slayers Idiotic! What did you think of it? Remember, your emails are what keeps this series alive, so I want to hear your honest opinions! You can email me at Xellos@ix.netcom.com. Hope to hear from you soon!
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