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By ???
(Warning: Not for the weak at heart)
Open with Gypsy and Mike on the Satellite Of Love, they are both standing in front of a large radar screen. Mike is dressed in a lame sports coat with some sort of TV station logo on it (KTMA would be good).
MIKE: "And now the part of the news all you parents out there have been waiting for. Bring the little ones in."
GYPSY (ANXIOUS): "Yeah. We're are going to see if we can pick up Santa on the Radar."
The radar comes to life, both Mike and Gypsy turn towards it.
MIKE: "Well... So far no sign of Big Red."
Suddenly, a silhouette of Santa on his sleigh being pulled by reindeer appears from the edge of the screen. It slowly works its way towards the center.
GYPSY (EXCITED): "There he is! There he is! It's Santa!"
MIKE (PLEASED): "It sure is."
Mike turns towards the camera.
MIKE: "Well kids, you better rush to bed. Santa is on his way. You know what happens if you're awake when he gets to your house."
Tom rushes in.
TOM (EXCITED): "Mike! We've spotted Santa!"
MIKE: "I know."
Mike turns and points at the silhouette on the screen.
MIKE: "He's right up there."
TOM (EXCITED): "No! We've pin pointed Santa's exact location. He's currently flying over SAC."
Mike turns back to Tom.
MIKE (CONFUSED): "SAC?"
TOM (EXCITED): "You know! As is Strategic Air Command!!!"
MIKE (OFFEND): "Hey! Those guys may work for the government but they deserve presents to!"
TOM (SARCASTIC): "Oh Mike. Poor innocent Mike. You are so naive."
Mike just gives a puzzled look.
TOM (EXCITED): "But what I was concerned about wa-"
Crow rushes in.
CROW (HYSTERICAL): "Mmmmmike! Mike! Mike! Mike! We've got big problems! Santa's over SAC."
MIKE (ANNOYED): "I know! I just don't see what the problem is."
TOM (EXCITED): "Santa doesn't have a radio!"
CROW (HYSTERICAL): "Or a transponder!"
TOM (EXCITED): "Or any means of electronically identify himself!"
MIKE (SHOCKED): "Surely your not suggesting tha-"
GYPSY (TERRIFIED): "Ahhhhhhhhh!"
Everyone towards her, they notice she is looking at the radar screen. They all turn towards the screen. Small, missile shaped silhouettes are quickly converging on the Santa image.
TOM (HYSTERICAL): "Missiles away!"
CROW (HYSTERICAL): "Dive! Red dude! Dive!"
The missiles images are about to hit the Santa.
TOM (HYSTERICAL): "Chaff! Man! Drop some bloody Chaff!"
CROW (HYSTERICAL): "Serpentine! Rudolph! Serpentine!"
The missile silhouettes hit the Santa image and all the images disappear. Everyone stares at the radar in silence for several long moments. Gypsy whimpers.
TOM (CRYING): "The horror! The horror!"
CROW (SARCASTIC): "Talk about your agony of defeat..."
MIKE (SHOCKED): "This... This can't be."
There is another pause.
CROW (SARCASTIC): "Well, looking on the bright side. The US government has just made Mrs. Clauses one rich widow."
Mike gives Crow a stern look, he just shakes it off. Mike then looks at the camera, horrified.
MIKE (STRUGGLING): "We'll... We'll be right... Back."
Mike presses the Commercial Sign button.
Note: No Santas, Rain Deer or Sleighs were harmed in the making of this
skit.
