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This story came to me while I was browsing an X-Files fanfic page. I
noticed that, while there were many MiSTed fanfics, there weren't any
actual stories that blended together the characters from "MST3K" and "The
X-Files". As a rabid fan of both shows, this bothered me. Here we have my
attempt to meld the serious X-Files universe with the unremittingly silly
MST universe. Enjoy. Or not. I don't care.
DISCLAIMER: Much as I wish they were, they ain't mine. Mulder and Scully
belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. All "MST3K" characters belong
to Best Brains, Inc. No copyright infringement is intended.
DEDICATION: I hereby dedicate this modest yet humble fanfic to Trace
Beaulieu, for bringing us seven years of smiles and laughter. Although he
will be sorely missed, we wish him the best of luck in all his future
endeavors. Here's looking at you, kid. ;-)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: In this story, the entrance to Deep 13 is purported to be
located in a janitorial closet at the Mall of America. I have no idea
wether this is true, but it was the best location I could come up with.
And now... on with the story!
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Part One
Eden Prarie, MN
February 12, 1997
The windshield wipers of the rented grey Ford Taurus shlip-shlopped their way through the Minnesota slush as Special Agent Fox Mulder manuvered the car down the characteristically slippery streets of the small suburb.
"So tell me again why we're here, Mulder." Agent Dana Scully leaned back against the car seat with a tired sigh. *Another one of Mulder's crazy hunches.*
"Two men have disappeared in this area, the first eight years ago and the second four yours later. Witnesses reported seeing strange lights in the sky on both ocassions."
"So?"
"Both of them were employed by the same man before they were reported missing."
Mulder held up a timecard decorated by a big yellow smiley face that read "Happy Temps". She compared it to the other object in his hand, a similar timecard that read "Gizmonics Institute". Both were signed in the same unintelligible scrawl.
"According to my sources," Mulder continued, "both men were last seen in this area."
Scully nodded as Mulder pulled into a parking space in front of a large round building. If the agents could have seen the building from above, they would have noticed it was shaped like a large, gear-spoked 'G'.
Mulder walked up to the pair of swinging double doors and knocked. He flashed his badge at the wierd looking man who answered, who spoke in a strange, halting voice.
"Y..eSs?"
"We're looking for Dr. Clayton Forrester."
The man sneered, which was amazing, considering his already very strange facial expression.
"He DoEsn'T WoRk HeRe AnyMOre...TrY the MaLL."
The door closed abruptly.
"Well, that was helpful."
"Mulder, who was that strange man?" wondered Scully as they walked back to the car.
"I dunno, Scully. And what was with that theme music??"
------------------------------
Mall Of America
Minneapolis, MN
[[I'm not sure if it's actually in Minneapolis, but I'm guessing it is.]]
A matter of moments later, Mulder and Scully, having been led to the MOA by several local informants, were standing in front of a biege door marked 'JANITOR'.
"This must be it."
Scully looked doubtful. "How do we get in?"
Mulder grinned, producing a key from his shirtsleeve like a magician. "Oh, we have our little ways."
He unlocked the door and opened it. At first, it apearred to be an ordinary janitor's closet, with all the neccesarry janitorial paraphernalia...until Scully noticed the elevator in the back corner. The unobtrusive lift was marked by only one button: down. Mulder glanced at Scully with a wink.
"Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?"
"Just push the button, Mulder."
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Deep 13
Ten minutes and twelve subfloors later, the elevator doors opened onto a large cavelike room. To the right of the elevator was a vault-like door, which Mulder guessed was the room's primary means of entry. He nodded to Scully and they both stepped out into the room.
"Doesn't look like anybody's home."
"May I help you?"
Startled, Mulder turned to find himself facing a short stocky woman wearing a green blouse and orange vest. She was glaring at them intensely.
"We're looking for Dr. Clayton Forrester."
"And you are...?"
"F.B.I, ma'am." answered Scully, showing her badge.
"Hang on a minute. I'll get him."
She ducked into a side room, returning a few minutes later with a man wearing a bright green lab coat and glasses in tow. Neither agent noticed the wooden mallet behind his back until it was too late.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Satellite of Love
"Ya think he's dead?"
"Quiet, Crow, he's waking up!"
Groggyly, Mulder opened his eyes, wincing at the bright light. He glanced over to see that Scully was beside him. Only then did he look up to see who had spoken.
Standing over him were two robots, one red and stocky, the other thin and golden. Checking out his surroundings, Mulder guessed they were on some sort of spaceship.
*Oh, SHIT.*
______________________________________________________________
Satellite Of Love
Load Pan Bay
Mulder groaned inwardly as he sat up and tried to figure out where he was. The room appeared to be geodesically designed, though what it was built for wasn't immediately apparent. There were boxes and crates everywhere, so Mulder guessed it was some kind of storage room.
"Oh MAN."
Beside him, Scully was slowly coming to. "Mulder?"
"Yeah?"
"Where are we?"
"I have absolutely no idea. Try asking them." He pointed to the two robots, who were off in a corner, apparently having an argument.
"NO WAY Crow, I'm telling you, Malcolm MacDowell was never married to Mary-- Yes?"
"Would you mind telling us what's going on?"
"Oh, easy- you guys were getting too close to discovering Dr. Forrester's plan to take over the world, so he sent you up here to the Satellite Of Love to keep you from exposing his evil experiments. Anything else you need to know?"
Mulder suddenly felt the need to lie back down.
"Yeah- who are you?" asked Scully.
"I'm Tom Servo," replied the red robot, "but everyone calls me Servo. And this here's Crow. He's kind of a twerp." added the robot under his breath.
"HEY!!!" protested Crow.
"Well anyway, we're supposed to take you guys up to the bridge, so you better follow us. By the way, you'll need these." He indicated two hangars hanging on the wall.
"A jumpsuit?"
"Satellite dress code. You can change on the way."
---------------------------------------------------
Satellite Of Love
Corridor 15
"Well, how do I look?" asked Mulder, emerging from the restroom fully outfitted in a black jumpsuit.
Scully, wearing a similar purple jumpsuit, could hardly contain her laughter.
"It's....interesting."
"You don't exactly look like a fashion model yourself."
"Come on, you guys," Servo interrupted, "we're almost there."
"It's a good look on you, Mulder." Scully couldn't resist teasing.
"So what do you guys...do here?" Mulder asked Crow, hastily changing the subject.
"Well, we mostly watch movies. I better let Mike explain."
A hexagonal door swooshed open, revealing a large room, with the same geodesic design as the storage room. A rather attractive young man was standing at a desk in the center of the room, conversing with a large purple robot.
"So we're fine on supplies, then?"
"Mike, the new guys are here!" yelled Crow.
The young man turned to face them and introduced himself. "Hi. I'm Mike, and this is Gypsy." He pointed to the purple robot.
"Nice to meet you. I'm Fox Mulder and this is my partner Dana Scully."
There was a long moment of silence. It was followed by an even longer moment where no one could think of anything to say. Mulder finally spoke up.
"So why exactly are you here?"
"Well, it's kind of a long story...."
To be continued…
