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Date: Tue, 14 Jan 1997 11:25:38 -0500 (EST)
From: "The Internet Oracle" <oracle@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: The Oracle replies!
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:
>Hello, booby.
>As part of my continuing experiment into the nature of God and whether
>or not He can be bribed, I decided to make a small side venture into
>the nature of Minor Deities, Spirits, Oracles, and Various Other
>Immortals. This e-mail, dear Oracular one, represents the beginning of
>this grand scheme.
>
>Why, if this experiment is successful, I will have the knowledge to rule
>the world! Bwahahahahahhahha!!!!! Muahahahehehehehahahhoooohahahehee!
>
>Anyway. What I need from you is this: what is the IP address for your
>server? And does it support remote guest logins?
>
>-- Doctor Clayton Forrester, DMS (Doctor of Mad Science)
> forrester@deep13.com
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} [Scene: a satellite high above the earth; it looks kind of like the ship
} from 2001. Inside, a thin, yellow robot, who you remember from the
} opening theme as being called Croooooooooooooooow!, is standing at a
} computer.]
}
} Crow: Wow! I can't believe it! [turns head] Mike! Tom! You guys have
} gotta see this!
}
} [Mike, an average sort of person, enters with another robot made out of
} a gumball machine, apparently Tom.]
}
} Mike: What's up?
}
} Crow: You guys remember that Oracle thing I found on the Internet, where
} you send it questions and it answers them?
}
} Tom [shakes his head]: Yeah, I remember. Boy, who'd've thought he'd be
} so touchy about woodchucks??
}
} Mike: What about it?
}
} Crow: Just look!
}
} [Tom and Mike lean in for a better look at the screen. Mike's jaw drops
} open and Tom giggles.]
}
} Tom: I don't believe this! [Bogart imitation] Of all the supplicants in
} all the computer labs in all the world, he walks into ours.
}
} Crow: Well, now I've got to give him a reply... what'll I do?
}
} Mike: I know. [moves past the robots to the computer] Leave this to me.
} [reads along as he types:] "Dear Dr. Forrester and Mr. Frank,"
}
} Tom: No! No! Don't give us away!
}
} Mike: What?
}
} Crow: Frank didn't sign it! Take his name off!
}
} Mike: Oh right! [hits Backspace a few times, then continues:] "If you
} want to know, you'll have to stop whatever other projects you have.
} Like, for example, anyone you might have floating around in space will
} have to be brought back down to Earth"
}
} Crow: Add "carefully".
}
} Mike: "...carefully. Then I'll tell you what you want to know." [smiles,
} turns to robots] How's that?
}
} Crow: Great! He'll have to let us go now!
}
} Mike: OK... um, how do I send it?
}
} Tom: Just push the button, Mike.
}
} [Mike pushes a button and all goes dark.]
}
} Mike [voiceover]: That one?
}
} Crow: Close enough.
To learn more about the Internet Oracle, send a message to
oracle@cs.indiana.edu with "help" in the subject line.
