web hosting short URLs photo sharing

By Brandy Marrs

The endless dusty fields seemed to stretch on forever. Mulder groaned and rubbed his
eyes. He had been driving for hours and he was hungry. The two FBI agents were heading for
a small town in Wisconsin. They were supposed to find a man and bring him back to DC for
questioning about some incident.
Mulder looked at his partner, Dana Scully. She was leaning against the door fast
asleep. Mulder frowned worriedly, Scully had been acting strangely over the past few days.
'Ever since that party,' Mulder thought.
Mulder and Scully had been chosen to represent the FBI at a convention in Minnesota.
It could have been easily described as odd. Most everybody wore labcoats or some other
clothing that seemed to make everyone resemble a mad scientist. One man stood out in
particular. He had worn a bright green labcoat with matching glasses and a man dressed in
black following behind him.
The guy seemed to always talk about some experiment or another, usually with
great gusto and a few maniacal laughs for good measure. He was one of the few people to
actually freak out "Spooky" Mulder.
Scully had seemed unimpressed and was fine for most of the party. It was about an
hour later that she started to act strangely. She had started hitting on some of the
scientists, making Mulder very uncomfortable. He dragged her away saying that they had an
emergency back in DC. After the party the FBI agents decided to continue their mission in
Wisconsin.
There were a few short periods of time when she was the real Scully.
Unfortunately, whenever Mulder pulled over for gas, or food, or to go to the
bathroom, they would disappear and she would hit on some of the employees. So far she
hadn't come on really strong, but he felt that it was only a matter of time.
He knew that something had happened at the party; he was determined to
figure out what, after this job.
His empty stomach growled at him and he glanced around for an exit. A large billboard
caught his eye. "Big G Burger, next exit" it read. Mulder licked his lips, a burger would
just about hit the spot. His glanced over at Scully, she was starting to wake up.
"Where are we?" she asked.
"On the fast food highway," Mulder answered. Scully chuckled evilly. Mulder ignored
it. "There's a Big G Burger stand coming up, I'm going to get something to eat," Mulder
continued.
Scully nodded, "I'll get something too." Mulder turned back to the road, the exit was
coming up. He made the right turn and ended in the parking lot. Mulder and Scully
stepped out of the car and headed into the restaurant.
It was clean and functional. Several men sat at the counter at the front. A few
tables were scattered about on the rest of the floor. From the noise at the front, the FBI
agents could tell that the men and the restaurant owners knew each other.
Scully sniffed the air, a habit she had developed over the past few days. It helped
her find the best possible mate. She suspected it was pheromones. Mulder raised an eyebrow
and lead Scully by the elbow to a table. She continued to sniff and finally found the scent
she was looking for. The ultimate scent, the perfect one. She looked at the men at the
table, trying to detect which one it was.
Finally she found him. He was the youngest, wearing jeans and flannel, his brown hair
tousled a little. Scully smiled, 'Got him.'
"Scully, what's so funny?" Mulder asked.
"Huh?" Scully's thoughts were scattered for a moment.
"You were smiling," Mulder elaborated.
"Oh, it was nothing," Scully answered. She risked a glance back at the man. Scully
didn't know why, but he seemed to be the one she was looking for. Her perfect match.
Mulder noticed Scully's glance and tried to follow it. A waitress walked up to them
and handed them their menus. The FBI agents ordered some burgers and scarfed them down
when they appeared.
Mulder sighed with contentment and stood up, "Excuse me," he said and walked away.
Scully watched him go, then headed to the car. She stayed there for a few moments and went
back into the restaurant.
She went up to the front, "I'm sorry but I'm having some trouble with my car. Can any
of you help?"
"Sure ma'am, Joel here is sort of a mechanic, ain't you?" one of the men said. The
brown haired man grinned a little.
"Well, I do know a little," Joel answered.
"Don't let him fool ya, he's a real genius!" another man exclaimed. Joel flushed with
embarrassment and turned in his stool.
"Where's your car ma'am?" he asked. Scully gestured for him to follow and lead him to
the car. He pulled up the hood and began to investigate.
Scully just stood there and watched, admiring his, you know. Mulder
walked out of the restaurant then and looked at Scully. He ran up to her and put a hand on
her shoulder.
"What's going on?" Mulder whispered, pointing at the man under the hood.
"Go away, you're ruining my show!" Scully hissed. Joel climbed out from under the
hood and closed it.
"There's nothing wrong with your car," he said. Mulder gave Scully a surprised look.
"What's going on?" Joel asked.
"I'm sorry sir, but I believe my partner has played a joke on you, for what reason I
don't know. I apologize," Mulder explained. Joel just smiled good-naturedly.
"It's okay. I've done stuff like that a few times myself," he answered.
"Nice buns," Scully interrupted, an evil grin on her face. Joel flushed a bright red
and put his back to the car.
"Excuse me?" he asked, hoping she hadn't said what he thought she had.
"I said, 'nice buns'," Scully repeated. It was Mulder's turn to be embarrassed.
"My partner isn't normally like this, she's been acting strangely over the past few
days," Mulder said, favoring her with a glare. Joel just nodded uncertainly, and
self-consciously tried to hide himself from view.
"We just came here for a rest before moving on into town, we won't bother you any
longer," Mulder stated. He began to move towards the driver's side.
"Have FBI business in town, Agent Mulder?" Joel asked, his curiosity overcoming his
discomfort.
"What makes you think we're from the FBI?" Scully asked.
"Well, you're in business suits in the middle of Wisconsin, you're wearing dress
shoes, and you have name tags from a party you went to saying: 'Hi! My name is Mulder, FBI
representative,'" Joel answered. Mulder sighed in disgust.
"We're here to pick up someone for questioning in town, maybe you know him?" Mulder
asked, hopefully.
"It's a small town, everybody knows your name," Joel answered. Mulder raised an
eyebrow at the _Cheers_ reference and opened the car door. He fished around for a small
manila folder. He opened it and glanced at the name.
"It's a...Mister Joel Robinson," Mulder read, and shut the folder.
"Why does the FBI want to talk to him?" Joel asked cautiously.
"Something about a UFO in Australia they found," Scully answered. Joel's normally
sleepy eyes grew wide and he began to back away from the agents. Scully and Mulder noticed
the change immediately.
Joel turned around and began to sprint. Scully ran to the car and jumped in the
driver's seat. Mulder took the gun out from under his jacket and began to pursue the
fleeing man on foot. Scully peeled out of the parking space and went around the other side
of the restaurant.
Mulder, being a highly trained FBI agent, quickly caught up with Joel. Just as he was
about to grab Joel's collar, the smaller man put on more speed. They were running in the
back alley behind the restaurant, which was littered with old food containers and broken
plates. As Joel was about to reach the end, and go out into the fields, Scully pulled in
front of him.
Joel stopped suddenly, and Mulder ran into him. They both fell on the car hood.
"Always wear your safety belt for those sudden stops," Joel cracked, nearly out of breath.
Mulder frowned and pulled Joel to his feet.
Mulder pressed his gun into Joel's back and forced him to place his hands on his head.
"Why did you run?" Mulder demanded.
"Haven't you ever wanted to do a pointless, gratuitous chase scene?" Joel asked.
Mulder started to say something nasty but bit it back.
"Actually, yes," Mulder answered after a beat.
"Can I put my hands down now?" Joel asked. Mulder sighed.
"Step into the car please," Mulder said. Joel took his hands off his head then turned
to face Mulder.
"Can I get my bag from the restaurant?" Joel asked.
"Yes, but I'm going with you," Mulder answered. Joel nodded and they headed back into
the restaurant. Joel walked up to the counter and picked up a duffel bag from under his
chair.
"Where you going Joel?" one of the guys asked.
"The trouble's worse than they thought. I'm going to drive them into town to get it
fixed," Joel explained. The guys nodded and waved goodbye as they walked out. One of the
guys turned and sipped his beer. After a few moments, he set his glass down.
"Wait a minute! Joel doesn't have a car!"

"What's in the bag?" Mulder asked.
"All my stuff," Joel answered.
"Planning on moving?" Mulder asked casually.
"I've spent too much time here, got too close to people. It's hard when you..." Joel
suddenly stopped talking and glanced at his bag.
"When you what?" Mulder asked. Joel opened his mouth to say something, closed it and
promptly changed the subject.
"I get shotgun!" he yelled. For a moment Mulder didn't know what to do. When he saw
Joel running for the car, an old instinct kicked up. He quickly followed.
Joel got in first and Mulder landed on top of him. They both laughed like overgrown
kids. Scully cleared her throat and glared. Mulder and Joel looked sheepish and Joel
agreed to go in the backseat.
Scully gave Joel an appreciative glance as he sat down. Joel shifted uncomfortably in
his seat. Scully pulled out of the parking lot and backtracked to the highway.
After an half an hour of silence, Joel spoke up, "Why does the government want to ask
me questions about stuff that happened in Australia?"
"I only knew that we had to pick you up and take you back to DC for questioning,"
Mulder answered.
"Skinner told me a little more. Apparently a UFO was discovered a year ago in the
Australian Outback. For some reason the government thinks you're involved. Speaking of
involved..." Scully started.
Mulder interrupted her before it got worse, "That's basically it Mr. Robinson."
Scully glared at Mulder and continued driving.
Mulder turned in his seat to talk to Joel. "I'm really sorry, Scully been acting...
strangely for the past few days. She's never like this," Mulder whispered.
"What happened?" Joel whispered.
"She started acting differently at this party we went to a few days ago. We were
invited to represent the FBI--I'm not sure why though. Nobody we knew was there, the whole
thing seemed like a joke. Most everyone acted like some stereotypical mad scientists,"
Mulder explained, his voice unknowingly growing louder.
Joel frowned a little. "Is there anything you can remember about them?" he
asked.
"One man was wearing a bright green lab coat with matching glasses, I've forgotten
his name," Mulder answered.
"Did he have brown hair and a mustache with a white streak through it? Was he always
talking about taking over the world?" Joel asked. Mulder nodded. "And was there a guy with
a white spitcurl who kept calling him 'Steve'?" Joel continued.
"How do you know?" Scully asked, she had heard the description.
"I used to work for him. His name is Dr. Clayton Forrester, he's a scientist at
Gizmonics Institute. He basically sponges money off them to fund his schemes for world
domination," Joel explained.
"Do you think he has anything to do with Scully?" Mulder asked.
"Do Eye Creatures wear Nikes?" Joel answered. Mulder and Scully just looked at each
other in confusion.
"Where is Gizmonics?" Scully asked.
"Eden Prairie, Minnesota," Joel answered. Scully suddenly pulled onto an exit. Mulder
glanced back at the sign.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"We're going to pay Dr. Forrester a visit," Scully answered. "I've been noticing a
change myself lately. I have a few 'bright periods' where I know something is wrong. I am
sorry if I offended you in any way Mr. Robinson. Unfortunately, these 'bright periods' have
been few and far between. It's like my mind is going..." Scully continued.
"Don't worry Agent Scully, we'll get you back to normal," Joel answered. Scully
smiled in relief.
"Thanks lover," she said. Joel gave Mulder a surprised and slightly goofy look.
"So, anyone for a sing-a-long?" Joel asked suddenly.

"We all need somebody to lean on!" the trio sang on.
"For," Mulder began.
"Five!" Joel interrupted.
"It won't be long 'till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on," Scully finished.
"We all need somebody to lean on!" they all chorused together.
"That was fun," Mulder commented. The others sighed and leaned back in agreement.
"Want to sing another one?" Mulder asked.
Joel nodded and started singing, "Action Jackson..."
Scully looked up suddenly and stopped the car, "Is that it?"
Joel looked out the window at the valley spread out before him. Joel climbed out of
the backseat and gazed at the scattered portables and outdoor experiments. A Big G Burger
was over in one corner and in the center was a large building shaped like a spoked "G".
"This is it, Gizmonics Institute," Joel answered. Mulder and Scully stepped out of the car
and looked down too.
"Anyone for lunch? There's a Big G Burger down there," Mulder joked.
"It's one of the Institute's biggest money makers, that's how they funded all this,"
Joel replied.
"If it's a Gizmonic company why were you eating there?" Scully asked.
"Well, it was one of the two fast food restaurants we had in town," Joel explained.
"What was the other one?" Mulder asked.
"Jack-in-the-Box," Joel replied. Mulder and Scully looked at each other,
understandingly.
"Well, how are we going to get in? They probably won't let anyone without security
clearance in, even if they are with the FBI," Scully analyzed.
"I have an idea," Joel answered. He reached into the car and pulled out his duffel
bag. He unzipped it and pulled out a red jumpsuit with a Gizmonics logo on it and a white
t-shirt. He ran into a port-a-potty and came out wearing the uniform. He put his other
clothes into the duffel bag. "We should be able to get in now," Joel said. The trio walked
down the hill into the Gizmonics Institute valley.

The white sterile halls of the main building gleamed in the artificial light. A large
reception desk sat in the middle of the foyer. A bored looking man stared at the screens in
front of him. As they entered, the man looked up at them, saw Joel's jumpsuit and went back
to the screens.
Joel led them down one of the hallways. Several people wearing white labcoats and red
jumpsuits passed by. Mulder and Scully felt a little out of place in their suits. Joel
walked quickly through the halls, his memory serving him well. After a while he came to an
unmarked door.
"This is it," Joel said.
"This is what?" Scully asked.
"The entrance to Dr. Forrester's lab, Deep 13," Joel explained.
"Deep 13?" Mulder asked. Joel placed his hand on the plate by the door.
"I'll be surprised if this still works," Joel commented. The plate scanned his hand
quickly. Joel removed his hand and waited. Alarms began to blare throughout the building.
"Escaped Test Subject, Escaped Test Subject! Apprehend immediately!" a computerized
voice screeched.
Several guards in ill-fitting uniforms appeared. "Go, go, go, go!" Mulder yelled.
The trio bolted down the hallway followed by the guards. The two FBI agents and Joel
quickly out-ran the under-trained guards.
"This way!" Joel yelled, pointing at another hallway. They turned into it and ducked
into an open door. The guards passed them by. They sat down on the floor, exhausted.
"Who are you?" Mulder demanded, "Who are you really?"
"It's a long story," Joel said.
"We have time," Mulder snapped. Joel scooted against the wall and propped himself up.
Scully took this as an opportunity to sit in Joel's lap. He tried to push her off, but it
didn't work. Joel sighed and tried to tell the story while ignoring Scully.
"It started several years ago..." Joel explained how his employment at Gizmonics
Institute was cut short when his bosses, Dr. Forrester and Dr. Larry Erhardt, shot him into
space. The doctors had forced him to watch bad movies to find out which one would drive him
insane. Then they would broadcast that movie all over the world until the governments of
Earth surrendered.
After about two years, Dr. Erhardt disappeared and was replaced by Frank, a guy
working at the nearby Arby's. To keep himself company, Joel built several robots, each with
their own distinct personality. The one named Gypsy helped him escape last year.
"I've been running ever since," Joel finished.
"What a sad story, let me make it better," Scully offered, placing her face very close
to Joel's. Joel blushed again and tried to remove Scully.
"Help me," he whispered to Mulder. After a few minutes, Joel and Mulder managed to
pry Scully off of Joel's body. Scully glared at Mulder a moment, then just sulked.
"Jerk," she mumbled.
"We need to find another way to get to Deep 13," Mulder said, ignoring his partner.
"Maybe the man at the reception desk knows, he should have a listing of all the
doctors in the Institute," Scully suggested, her voice indicated she was having a 'bright
period.'
"But the guy at the reception desk also monitors the hidden cameras. How do we know
he won't recognize the 'escaped test subject' and friends?" Joel asked.
"I have an idea..." Scully started.

Scully raced down the hallway with a panicky look in her eye. She smacked into two
people wearing labcoats. "Help me please! It's escaped, it's ESCAPED!" Scully yelled.
"What has?" the male doctor asked.
"That...THING!" Scully screamed. "We have to do something! It'll destroy all of the
lab equipment," Scully continued.
"WHAT?!" the lady doctor exclaimed. "Where is it?"
"Down there, in that room," Scully pointed to a room at the end of the hall.
"Come on!" the male doctor yelled and the two of them ran into the room. Scully
smiled and walked calmly after them. She casually entered the room, where the two doctors
were unconscious and stripped of their labcoats.
Mulder was slipping the male doctor's coat on, "It's a little big."
"You only have to wear it for a few minutes," Joel argued. Scully picked up the
woman's coat and slipped it on. "Great plan, Scully," Joel commented.
"Thanks," Scully said, then she grabbed Joel and gave him a big smack on the lips.
Mulder stared in shock. When the kiss ended, Joel immediately hid behind Mulder.
"She's getting worse," Joel whispered. Mulder only nodded.
"Tasty," Scully commented evilly.
"Dr. Forrester," Mulder reminded gently.
"Oh, yes. Let's go," Scully answered. They walked out of the small room and back up
to the reception desk. Joel hung behind, grabbing a mop that wasn't being used and
pretended to clean.
Scully and Mulder approached the desk and the man looked up. "Can I help you?" he
asked.
"Yes, we're looking for a colleague of ours," Scully began.
"A Dr. Forrester," Mulder finished.
"Dr. Forrester? He was fired last year. His lab here was cleaned out and replaced
with another bathroom," the man informed them.
"Do you know where he is now?" Scully asked.
"In a closet somewhere for all I care," the man rudely stated then went back to his
screens. Joel set the mop down and joined the FBI agents a few feet away from the desk.
"Where is he?" Joel asked.
"Dr. Forrester has been fired, he's been kicked out of his lab," Mulder explained.
"So how will we find him?" Scully asked.
"Joel?" Mulder asked.
"Well, his lab at the Institute was just a couple of beakers and a Bunsen burner.
Deep 13 is different. It's a totally separate complex hidden underneath the Institute,"
Joel explained.
"So he could still be here, just not employed by the Institute?" Scully deducted.
"So he must have other entrances to Deep 13," Mulder reasoned.
"We just have to find them," Joel concluded. The trio walked out of the building and
began to search the Institute grounds. An hour later the FBI agents and the janitor sat
down on a few benches.
"Have you found anything?" Joel asked.
"No," Mulder and Scully chorused.
"Me neither," Joel responded.
"What will we do now?" Scully asked.
"I don't know," Mulder answered. They sighed and Joel glanced up at a line of
port-a-potties on a ridge. The Institute was planning on building a new structure. But
there was one port-a-potty hidden behind another building. It seemed very out of place
there. Joel stood up and began to walk toward it.
"Where are you going?" Mulder asked.
"To the port-a-potty," Joel answered. Mulder shrugged and followed him. After a
beat, so did Scully. They walked up to the lone port-a-potty and stood there. The
"Occupied" light was on.
"It's very nice Joel," Mulder cracked. Joel gave him a goofy smile and walked around
it to the back. Joel glanced around until he found a suspicious crack. He pulled it and
a panel suddenly appeared. There was a big button with a "13" on it.
Joel pressed it and closed the panel. The port-a-potty door opened by itself. Mulder
and Scully took a step back. "All aboard!" Joel called and walked in.
"You're joking," Scully said.
Joel shook his head and pointed to the back. There was no hole. It wasn't a real
port-a-potty. "It's an elevator," Joel said.
Mulder looked at Scully then presented his elbow, "Shall we enter?" Scully took his
elbow and they walked into the elevator. The door shut behind them.
"How do we tell it where to go?" Scully asked.
"There's only one place *to* go, Joel informed her. Suddenly, the elevator started,
screaming downward at an ever increasing rate. Then, just as suddenly as it started, it
stopped.
The door opened and they stepped out. The door shut quickly behind them. "Amazing,"
Mulder commented. The walls were covered with nitrite and tubing. There were lit torches
attached to the walls and the sound of water plunked from above. There was even a sign
saying, "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here."
"Dr. F, what a great guy," Joel said sarcastically as if he were used to this. "He's
one of those guys that goes all out to maintain his 'mad scientist' image," Joel explained.
"He's doing a good job," Mulder whispered under his breath. They walked down the
hallway until they reached a large, heavy looking vault-like door. Joel grabbed one end and
turned it easily. The door swung open without even a squeak. Joel bent down and examined
the hinges.
"Frank oiled it today," Joel said, then got back up. "Here it is, Deep 13," Joel
presented, sweeping his arms around like Vanna White.
The lab was dark and creepy. Multicolored pipes and wires covered the ceiling and
walls. There were several closets on the side, probably filled with old experiments and
inventions. The far wall was dominated by a large viewscreen and computer. Several
monitors were blinking and flashing.
Joel walked over to it and picked a large binder. He opened it and began to flip
through it. His eyes grew wide and his mouth dropped open. "Oh, no," he moaned.
"What is it?" Mulder asked.
"They've sent somebody else into space in my place!" Joel moaned.
"What?" Mulder exclaimed.
"Dr. Forrester and Frank are putting someone else through the same torture I went
through for six years. At least he has the 'bots to keep him company," Joel said. "I've
been worried sick for the past year wondering what's happened to them. Maybe he's a nice
guy and they're providing nice company," Joel wondered, "Or they could be taking advantage
of him and making his life a living hell."
Scully walked over to them. "I don't see Dr. Forrester anywhere," she reported. Joel
slammed the binder shut.
"He'll come back eventually. I'm gonna figure out a way to get them down," Joel said,
heading for one of the closets. Mulder decided to look around for any
information about what had happened to Scully. He dragged his partner with him, not wanting
her out of his sight.
Joel pulled a box off the shelf and began to root through it. He pulled out a belt
and smiled. "The cumber-bubble-bund," he reflected. He tossed it aside and pulled out
another invention. "The Tank-tops!" Joel said set it aside. "This has to be the old
invention room," he reasoned. Suddenly, he felt an object in his back.
"Put your hands up," a cold voice order. Joel raised his arms slowly. "Turn around,"
the voice ordered. Joel complied. "Hello Joel the Mole, what a surprise! Do you have any
idea how long I've been searching for you?" Dr. Forrester sneered, he was holding a cattle
prod.
Joel made a face like he was calculating mentally. "About two days?" he guessed.
Dr. Forrester frowned.
"Cute, Robinson, very cute. Just for that, I'll kill you in front of your little
friends. That replacement we sent up seems to be holding out, for now. But it's only a
matter of..." Dr. Forrester was cut off when he felt something press into *his* back.
"Drop it!" Scully ordered. The cattle prod fell to the floor. "Did he hurt you?"
Scully asked Joel.
"No," Joel answered, putting his hands down.
"Good," Scully said lewdly. Joel blushed and scooted away from the boxes.
"What was that?" Dr. Forrester asked.
"As if you didn't know," Joel answered. Dr. Forrester just looked confused.
"Put your hands on your hand," Scully ordered, "Stand by the boxes."
"I don't think so," another voice called out, and Scully felt something press into
*her* back.
"Took you long enough Frank!" Dr. Forrester yelled and picked up his cattle prod. He
whipped the prod around to face Joel. "Thought you could outwit me? Dr. Clayton
Forrester?" Dr. F laughed maniacally.
"Drop your gun," Frank ordered. Scully dropped it. "Now, over to the wall. This is
fun Steve! It's so..." Frank made his patented Frank noise.
"That's nice. Over against the wall, Joel!" Dr. Forrester ordered. Joel inched over
next to Scully. Frank picked up Scully's dropped gun and stuffed it into his pocket. "Do
you have any idea how stupid that is Frank?" Dr. Forrester commented then turned his
attention back to the hostages. That's when he noticed something very strange.
"What are you doing?" Frank asked. Scully was trying to kiss Joel again, apparently
she was getting worse. Her hands were trying to get a grab on him and Joel was pushing her
away.
"You should know Dr. Forrester!" Joel managed to comment losing a little ground in the
process.
"What are you talking about?" Dr. Forrester asked.
"Freeze!" another voice called out. It was Mulder with his own weapon. Dr. Forrester
and Frank dropped their weapons. Joel scrambled away from the wall and out of Scully's
arms.
"Thanks Agent Mulder," Joel said. Then he was suddenly attacked by Scully. She
wrapped her arms around him and began to cover his face with kisses. "Help!" he yelled,
trying to throw the FBI agent off of him.
"New girlfriend Joel?" Dr. Forrester teased.
"Very funny Dr. F," Joel managed to say. A thought occurred to Dr. Forrester.
"Do I know you people?" he asked Mulder.
"Yes, you met us at the party a few days ago," Mulder answered.
"Oh, right. You're the FBI agents. Frank, remember them?" Dr. Forrester turned to
Frank.
"Yeah, you're the UFO guy!" Frank exclaimed. Mulder frowned, he had forgotten about
that.
"Yes," Mulder mumbled.
"Dr. Carson was talking to you about androids and advances in artificial intelligence
if I recall," Dr. Forrester added.
"Yes," Mulder mumbled again.
"That party was a lot of fun. Especially after I slipped that pheromone potion into
Dr. Ulga Thurman's drink. I can't wait to see the look on her...wait a minute. Frank!"
Dr. Forrester bellowed.
"What Steve?" Frank asked.
"Did you put that pheromone potion into the green cup at the party?" Dr. Forrester
asked.
"There was a green cup?" Frank replied.
"Doh! Frank, you'd better start running," Dr. Forrester warned.
"I can't, he's pointing a gun at me," Frank pointed out.
"What's going on?" Joel asked. He had managed to get Scully off him and was holding
her away at arms length.
"Frank dumped a pheromone potion into the wrong glass at the party!" Dr. F
explained.
"That's what happened to Scully," Mulder said dumbly. Then a large, blunt object hit
him in the back of head. Mulder crumpled to the ground.
"What's going on here Clayton?" Mrs. Forrester asked.
"We have some intruders, mother. They wanted to find out what was wrong with..."
Dr. Forrester explained.
"Clayton, what's going on over there?" Mrs. Forrester asked, pointing at Joel and
Scully.
"Oh. The one in the red jumpsuit was my first test subject, Joel," Dr. Forrester
introduced. Joel waved a hand in greeting to the new arrival and was knocked to the ground
by Scully. "And the one attacking him is Agent Scully from the FBI. She was at the party
and drank something she wasn't supposed to. Isn't that right, Joel?" Dr. Forrester sneered.
"Very funny, Dr. F," Joel mumbled.
"I think this has gone on long enough. Frank!" Dr. Forrester yelled.
"Okay?" Frank asked.
"Hand me the cattle prod," Dr. Forrester ordered. He was handed the aforementioned
cattle prod and zapped Scully. She fell off Joel and backed away from him. "Move!"
Dr. Forrester ordered and waved the prod. He herded Joel and Scully next to Mulder. "Pick
him up!" Dr. Forrester yelled. Joel and Scully carried Mulder back into the main lab.
Dr. Forrester was grinning wildly.
"Drop him," Dr. Forrester ordered again, "Now back away." Mulder was slowly coming
around.
"What are you going to?" Scully asked.
"Well, I'm probably going to kill you. What method should we use?" Dr. Forrester
asked.
"How about sending them into space? You said you always needed more people up
there,"
Mrs. Forrester suggested.
"Yes, I'll let you go back to your little friends on the Satellite of Love. I'm sure
they'll be happy to see you," Dr. Forrester grinned smugly.
"What about them?" Frank asked, pointing to Scully and Mulder.
"We could send them up too," Dr. Forrester decided.
"What about the pheromones?" Mulder asked.
"I could give her the antidote, but I think it would be more fun watching Joel hide
from her for the rest of his life," Dr. Forrester said.
"You're cruel Dr. F," Joel said sarcastically.
"Yes, I am," Dr. Forrester began to laugh manically.
"I don't know Clayton. I'm not sure that every time we turn on that viewscreen I want
to see her jumping all over that young man," Mrs. Forrester argued.
"Oh, come on mom!" Dr. Forrester whined. Mrs. Forrester shook her head.
"I don't think so," she said. Dr. Forrester frowned and handed his mother the
cattle prod.
"I'll go get the antidote," Dr. Forrester said.
"Thanks, Mrs. Forrester," Joel said.
"Don't thank me yet," Mrs. Forrester snapped. Dr. Forrester came back with a large
needle in one hand. He walked over to Scully.
"This is going to hurt a lot," Dr. Forrester informed her, with obvious relish.
"Can I do one last thing?" Scully asked.
"All right, but hurry up," Dr. Forrester snapped. Scully quickly ran over to Joel and
gave him another smack on the lips.
"I'm ready," she said. Dr. Forrester stuck the needle in her arm and she collapsed.
"What happened?" Joel asked.
"She'll be up in a moment," Dr. Forrester explained, slipping the needle into his
pocket. He walked over to the large computer and viewscreen and turned it on.
"Hello sirs," Mike Nelson greeted from the Satellite of Love.
"Where are the 'bots? They need to be here," Dr. Forrester informed him.
"They'll be here in a minute. Where's Frank?" Mike asked.
"He's holding a hostage at cattle prod point," Dr. Forrester said nonchalantly. A
golden robot, a robot that looked like a red gumball machine, and a purple robot with a
tube neck appeared on the screen.
"Hi Mike, what's going on?" the golden robot asked.
"Dr. Forrester has an announcement guys," Mike explained.
"Whoopie," the red one replied.
Scully had woken up and she stared at the screen. "What's going on?" she whispered to
Mulder.
"I'm not sure. Those must be the robots Joel was talking about," Mulder answered.
"Well Mark, I'm sending up three new people to keep you company," Dr. Forrester
announced.
"What?!" the occupants of the Satellite of Love chorused.
"Yes, would you like to meet them, hmmm?" Dr. Forrester teased.
"It's not like we have much choice," Mike responded.
"First we have Agent Dana Scully from the FBI," Dr. Forrester introduced. Frank
grabbed Scully and pushed her up in view of the screen. "Say hello Dana," Dr. Forrester
coaxed.
"Hello," she said after a beat.
"Whoa! What a babe!" Crow said.
"Thanks Dr. F!" Tom added.
Forrester shoved Scully out of view, "Next we have Agent Fox Mulder from the FBI."
Frank picked Mulder off the floor and shoved him toward the screen.
"Amazing, they act so human!" Mulder exclaimed.
"Yeah!" Gypsy mooed.
"That's enough of that," Dr. Forrester commented and shoved Mulder at Frank. "Last
but not least, is your creator, Joel," Dr. Forrester finished, he grabbed Joel himself and
placed him in full view of the screen.
"Joel?" the robots chorused.
"What happened?" Crow asked.
"We thought you were gone for good, buddy!" Tom said.
"Joel!" Gypsy yelled.
"Hey guys. Listen, I'm really sorry you're stuck up there Mr. Nelson," Joel
apologized.
"Not your fault," Mike answered. "Just call me Mike," he finished.
"You'll have enough time for that once they get up there. Needless to say, I'm
postponing the movie this week until they're settled. Enjoy your break Nelson,"
Dr. Forrester threatened.
"Okay," Mike said. Dr. Forrester turned to Frank.
"Push the button, Frank," he commanded.
"Right-o Steve!" Frank complied and pushed the button. "Wow, you really showed them
who's boss!" Frank said.
"I did, didn't I?" Dr. Forrester preened.
"When are they going up?" Mrs. Forrester asked.
"Tomorrow, mother," Dr. F answered.
"Where do we put them until then?" Mrs. Forrester asked.
"Good question..." Dr. Forrester mumbled. "Hmmm, let's put them in Frank's room!"
Dr. Forrester suggested.
"Hey!" Frank protested.
"I don't know Clayton, I think the room is a little too small for three people," Mrs.
Forrester mentioned.
"So what! They'll be up in the Satellite of Love tomorrow morning!" Dr. Forrester
yelled.
"Clayton, we might as well make their last moments on Earth comfortable. So, we'll
put them in your room," Mrs. Forrester decided.
"What?!" Dr. Forrester yelled.
"You know, we could have an old fashioned slumber party, just you and me Steve.
Wouldn't that be fun? We could watch scary movies and eat popcorn and," Frank finished
with his patented Frank noise. Dr. Forrester clenched and unclenched his fists.
"All right. Follow me," Dr. Forrester ordered, waving his hand. Scully, Mulder, and
Joel followed the mad doctor into another section of the lab. Dr. Forrester waited until
he was out from under the watchful eye of his mother.
"Have a pleasant night," he said and shoved them all into a closet. Dr. Forrester
slammed the door and locked it. "Tomorrow begins your life in hell. Until then, I will
just have to dream about your pain," Dr. Forrester said. He waved through the small
window and gadded about, taunting them. After a few moments of gloating, Dr. Forrester left
the victims by themselves...

Upon waking the next morning, Mulder placed his hand on Scully's forehead. "Are you
all right?" he asked. Scully grabbed his hand and removed it.
"I'm fine Mulder, the antidote worked," Scully answered. Scully turned to Joel. "I
apologize for my behavior over the past day or two. It was very unprofessional and I..."
she started.
"It wasn't your fault. Apology accepted," Joel interrupted and put his hand out.
Scully grasped it and they shook hands.
"Now we have to find a way out of here," Mulder said.
"And we have to get Mike and the 'bots down," Joel added.
"But how do we open the door?" Mulder asked. Scully stood up, walked over to the door
and slipped her credit card in beside the lock. Nothing happened.
"That's funny, it always works in the movies," she said. Joel glanced around and
noticed some junk piled in the corner. He rushed over to it, instinct taking over and he
began to build.
About ten minutes later he was finished. Joel backed away from the invention and
looked at it. "What is it?" Mulder asked.
Joel shrugged, "I have no idea." Mulder and Scully groaned.
"Turn it on, maybe it will do something," Scully suggested. Joel turned it on and the
machine came to life. The main body (consisting of a TV screen, some diskette boxes, and
a blender.) twitched and whined. Several arms made out of lamps, tongs, and something
unidentifiable, whirled around. After a while, the noise died down. The door was still
closed.
Joel mumbled something and opened up a small panel. He brought out something on a
dish. "Anyone for fudge?" he asked. Mulder and Scully came over and took some.
"It's delicious Joel, but we're still locked in this room," Scully commented.
"It's hopeless," Mulder said and leaned against the door. It fell open, sending
Mulder crashing to the ground. "Ow," was his only comment on the matter. Joel and Scully
helped Mulder to his feet and then exited the room.
"How do we get Joel's friends out of space?" Scully asked.
"We could ask them," Joel suggested. He walked over to the computer and summoned
the SOL. Mulder and Scully looked around, in case the Mads were still there.
An image of Crow, Tom, Mike, and Gypsy playing a card game came into view. "You
said we have a break until...oh, hi Joel," Mike said.
"Hi, Mike. Listen, we're going to get you down," Joel said. Suddenly the cards flew
several feet in the air and everyone was dancing and celebrating. Tom ran out of the room
and came back with the root-beer-keg-body on. Mugs of frothing root beer was passed around.
There was much rejoicing.
"Gypsy, how did you get me down?" Joel asked. The purple robot slinked over to the
camera.
"Mike found an instruction manual and gained control of a single occupant escape pod,"
Gypsy explained.
"There's a manual?" Joel asked.
"Yeah," Gypsy answered.
"You're a real sweetheart, Gypsy," Joel praised, smiling. He turned to Mulder and
Scully. "I need your help to find a manual," Joel explained and began to search through
the stacks of binders littering the lab. Scully rooted through a small stack and held up
a gray binder.
"I think this is it," she said and handed the binder to Joel. The three of them
crowded around it, looking for instructions on how to land the Satellite of Love.
"It says that we have to type C:/sol/control/land.exe and press enter," Mulder read.
"Can we control where it lands though?" Joel asked.
"There's another command here that lets you determine a general area," Scully informed
him. "The question is: where can we land a satellite?" Scully stated.
"There's an abandoned field a couple of miles from here, it might fit the SOL," Joel
suggested.
"We'll have to risk it," Mulder said. He went to the computer and began to type the
command in. Joel pushed the viewscreen button.
"The Satellite of Love will be dropping out of orbit soon. I want you guys to pack
all the stuff you can. Tom, I'm not sure you'll be able to take your entire underwear
collection with you, the car's not that big," Joel said.
"Come on Joel, we could leave Crow or Mike!" Tom protested. Crow and Mike gave him
dirty looks.
"Tom," Joel insisted.
"Okay," Tom relented and zoomed off to pack to his undies.
"I'm pretty much set, I didn't bring that much with me," Mike said.
"What about your sailor suit?" Crow teased.
"Sailor suit?" Joel asked.
"Don't ask," Mike said and ran off screen. Joel shrugged and turned to Mulder.
"How much longer?" he asked.
"The SOL will be dropping out of orbit within the next few minutes," Mulder said.
"I hope this works," Joel muttered.
"We'd better go," Scully said, "We should be at the field when they land." They
headed out the vault door and up the elevator. The three of them stepped outside and shut
the port-a-potty doors.
Scully spotted something in the distance. The sun was starting to rise and several
figures were approaching the building. The FBI agents and Joel made a mad dash to the
construction site and hid among the port-a-potties.
Dr. Forrester's green labcoat had been freshly pressed and he adjusted the tie he was
wearing. "Today's the day, I'm finally going to kill him!" Dr. Forrester was practically
dancing in the dirt.
"I thought you were sending him into space," Frank said.
"Well, yes, I am," Dr. Forrester fell out of his evil mood slightly, "But that's not
the point!"
"Don't yell at Frank," Mrs. Forrester sternly ordered.
"Yes, mother," Dr. Forrester muttered bitterly. They approached the port-a-potty and
Forrester opened the panel. The door opened and they all stepped inside.
"Why a port-a-potty?" Mrs. Forrester asked.
"I like the smell," Dr. Forrester answered and the doors closed. Joel crept out of
his hiding place.
"Come on," he insisted and Mulder and Scully stepped out from their hiding places.
Scully straightened her suit and then ran toward the car. The guys followed her. They went
up the ridge and Scully unlocked the car. They stepped inside and Scully drove in the
direction of the field.

"Mike, do you really think we're getting down?" Crow asked.
"I have no idea," Mike answered. The SOL suddenly shook and tilted to the side.
"What's happening?" Tom asked, flying past them.
"We're going down!" Gypsy yelled. The crew was plastered flat against the wall.
"We're going awfully fast," Mike commented, suddenly the SOL slowed down and they all
fell off the wall.
Mike picked himself up and yelled, "Cambot, give me Rocket #9!" The viewscreen
opened showing the SOL rushing toward an empty field.
"We're going to die!" Crow screamed and the 'bots ran around panicking. As the ground
came closer, and closer, Mike began to pray to whatever deity was there. The ship slowed
down again and landed gently on the ground. Mike stopped praying and glanced around.
"We're not dead," he said. The robots looked around too and began to dance. Mike
heard a knocking on the outside of the ship.
"Are you guys okay?" a faint voice called through.
"Yeah! Where are you?" Mike yelled.
"Somewhere near the hatch," the voice called again. Mike searched through the
rubble that had been caused by the satellite's descent and found a small hatch. He jerked
it open.
"Welcome back!" Joel greeted. The robots stopped dancing and raced toward the hatch.
They jumped on Joel.
"Hey, guys stop it!" Joel protested, laughing the whole time. Mike stepped out of the
SOL and had to shade his eyes from the sun.
"Never thought I'd see you again," he said and then he began to dance around, loving
the feel of weeds on his pants and fresh air on his face.
Mulder and Scully stood by the car, watching the whole performance. Mike then ran
over to Joel and began to hug him.
"Thank you so much!" he said.
"It's okay, I know what it's like!" Joel said as Crow jumped on his head.
"This is Earth. Wow, this is like a dream," Tom commented. Gypsy slunk in and out of
the grass, mooing.
"Where's Cambot?" Joel asked.
"I think he's still attached to the wall," Crow said. Joel and Mike ran back into the
SOL. A flood of memories came back to Joel. Joel looked at Cambot and asked, "What
happened?"
"Tom's head flew off in the panic after you left. I had to repair him," Mike
explained.
"Good job," Joel commented.
"To be honest, I had the 'bots' help. I tried to build a robot of my own once," Mike
said.
"Where is it?" Joel asked.
"We had to destroy it. It wanted to kill us all," Mike explained.
"Sounds like Timmy," Joel shuddered and the two humans unhooked Cambot. He
slithered after them as they exited the SOL.
Mulder and Scully were surrounded by robots. "I would like to thank you for your help
Agent Scully," Tom said and kissed her hand.
"So would I," Crow added, also kissing her hand. Gypsy had coiled herself around
Mulder and was looking him over.
"He's no Richard Baseheart," Gypsy concluded.
"I'm really sorry," Joel and Mike apologized.
"It's okay, really," Scully tried to reassure them.
"So what are we going to do now?" Mike asked.
"Good question," Mulder said.
"You good always go into show business," Scully remarked under her breath. Mike and
Joel looked at each other.
"Nelson and Robinson, ventriloquists extraordinaire?" Joel joked.
"Featuring their amazing robots, Gypsy, Tom and Crow!" Mike continued. They looked
at each other and shook their heads.
"Nah," they chorused.
"I could always go back to being a janitor," Joel said.
"And me a temp," Mike added. They sighed.
"Well you do have other talents," Tom suggested.
"Yeah, you could do nude mud wrestling," Crow added.
"CROW!" Mike yelled.
"It's time for a timeout young man," Joel said and dragged Crow away by his net. An
idea suddenly popped into Mulder's mind.
He lead Scully toward the car for a private conference. "Do you think there could be
a job for them in Washington?" Mulder asked.
"You can't be serious," Scully said.
"Think about it. Robinson has an extraordinary ability with machines. He can make
robots that act just like human beings. I've known men who have been working on that for
decades and none of them are even close. Come on," Mulder whispered.
"What about Mike?" Scully asked.
"Look at him, what do you see?" Mulder asked.
"A normal guy, why?" Scully questioned.
"Exactly, perfect for undercover work," Mulder reasoned.
"I really don't know about this," Scully said.
"Please Scully, they've helped us, the least we could do is help them," Mulder
pleaded.
Scully sighed, "All right, but you'd better be prepared to accept any and all
responsibility for them."
"I promise," Mulder said. Scully and Mulder headed back to the small group in the
field. They were sitting around in a circle, singing a song that would have made
Dr. Forrester's blood boil.
"Excuse me," Mulder interrupted. The robots and humans stopped and looked up at the
FBI agents. "I have a proposition for you," he said. "We're going back to DC. You can
come with us and see if you can get employment there," Mulder offered.
"It's a chance to start over," Scully added. Joel and Mike huddled together and had
a small meeting. They lifted their heads in unison.
"We have nothing else to do," Mike said.

Scully and Mulder walked down the gleaming hallway and entered the large laboratory.
Several partly assembled machines were scattered on the ground and on the shelves. Several
small robots scurried around, picking things up and putting them away. There was a large
list posted on one of the walls.
The FBI agents went to a large counter toward the back of the lab. A man in white
labcoat sat there, fiddling with a circular device. The man looked up from his invention
and smiled.
"Hello Agent Mulder, hello Agent Scully, what brings you to this end of the lab?"
Joel asked.
"We came to see how you were adjusting," Mulder said.
"We also couldn't get a hold of Mike," Scully explained.
Joel rolled his eyes, "You know how those super secret agent types are. He's probably
in Cambodia living the good life and saving the world. He's having a great time."
There was a loud crash and a man dressed completely in black jumped into the room
where a plate glass window was before. He rushed at Joel, a gun in his hand. Suddenly,
a man wearing a tux swung through the window on a wire attached to his wrist. The man
flipped his wrist, retracting the line. Then he dashed after the gunman and gave him a
quick karate-style kick to the head.
The would-be assailant crumpled to the ground. The man in the tux brushed himself
off and gave them all a dashing smile.
"Mike, what have I told you about bringing enemy spies here?" Joel said.
"Sorry, Joel. He was planning on kidnapping you as part of a plot to take over the
world," Mike explained.
"Again?" Joel said.
"What can I say? You're research is really causing a stir in the spy world," Mike
replied. Joel looked over at the window.
"Who's that?" he asked, pointing to the scantly dressed blonde standing there.
"That's Lolita, she's a former enemy spy. Is it okay if I..." Mike started.
"Just make sure that she doesn't start looking through my stuff, okay?" Joel replied.
"Don't worry about that. Nelson, Mike Nelson has it all under control," Mike teased
in a fake British accent. Joel just shook his head. Mike turned away and walked over to
his date for the evening. "Lolita, this is Joel Robinson my roommate, Agents Mulder and
Scully from the FBI. Everybody, this is Lolita," Mike introduced. Everyone walked toward
each other and shook hands.
"Well, Mikey and I need to be going. It was nice meeting you all," Lolita said in a
thick foreign accent.
Mike flipped his wrist and the wire appeared again. "By the way, thanks for this
wrist thing Joel, it's really great!" Mike said, swinging away, with Lolita clinging to him.
"Like I said, he loves his job," Joel grinned.
"I'm sorry Joel, but we have to leave," Scully said.
"Skinner says he has a new assignment for us, something about mole people," Mulder
added.
"It was great to see you guys again," Joel stood up and extended his hand.
"Until next time Joel," Mulder said shaking his hand. Joel flinched a little at the
all too familiar phrase. "Sorry," Mulder apologized.
"It's okay," Joel replied releasing Mulder's hand. Scully and Joel linked hands and
shook for a moment or too.
"Goodbye," Scully said and kissed him. She then released his hand and
exited the lab. Mulder followed quickly behind her.
They walked down the hallway in silence for a few moments. Mulder gazed at his
partner. "Scully?" he started. Scully turned toward him. "Are you sorry for all the
things you did in Wisconsin or Minnesota? Really sorry?" he asked.
Scully turned away and considered for a moment. A slow smile spread across her face.
"What do you think?" she answered. Mulder smiled.
"Scully, Scully, Scully..." he reprimanded.
"Mulder, Mulder, Mulder..." she teased back. They quickened their pace a little and
began to giggle...

This concludes my first ever X-Files fanfic. Hopefully you guys will enjoy it. I want to
thank my step-dad, Michael, for looking this story over. I also want to thank Chris Carter,
Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Frank Conniff, Mary Jo Pehl, Jim
Mallon, and other people for giving us two fun series to write stuff about.
I also want to thank Chirpy the Mutant Hellbeast for writing _3001: A Space Oddity_. I also
want to thank whoever wrote "The Project" and whoever MSTed "The Project." It was a good
try but I don't think someone can combine MST3K and X-Files seriously. I think that's
impossible.
Tell me what you think: email me at MXTH95b@prodigy.com.

Disclaimer: The X-Files and all related characters and situations are copyrights of Chris
Carter and Twentieth Century Fox. Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related situations
are copyrights of Joel Hodgson and Best Brains.

Return to the main page…