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Mike lazily flipped through the television channels. "No, I've
seen this one." Tom Servo piped up from his left. "This is the one
where Frasier kicks the guy out of the restaurant and all Seattle
develops a Terminator Etiquette Lessons complex." Mike changed the
channel again. As usual, the crew of the S.O.L. was trying to find
something to watch. Preferably, the something should not have Hanson,
Bob Vila, or William Shatner as its star power, and have a plot line
thick enough to be seen without the aid of a magnifying glass.
"Guys?" Crow groaned. Mike glanced over at Crow, whose web was
covered in tin foil, along with several coat hangers and trailing
wires. "Yeah?" Mike asked. "Can't we just give up and watch Cartoon
Network like we do every night?" Crow asked as he gripped the
countertop, desperately trying to counteract the added weight to his
head. Mike glanced at Servo, who was engrossed in another Oldsmobile
Intrigue commercial. "I guess." Mike shrugged.
Servo screamed. "Where did the car go?! Where does it come from?!
Curse you, oh black phantom of four-wheeled locomotion!" Mike helped
Crow take off the jury-rigged satellite system. "Guys, you ever
wonder why this channel's the only one that comes in clearly besides
PBS?" Mike asked. "I mean, it IS a pay channel and all." Crow sighed
as the last of the wires was unwound from his web. "I dunno, Mike.
I just say 'Thank God for Robotech!'" "Shhhhh!" Servo admonished.
"Something's coming on! Looks like some second-rate cable show with a
completely unappealing has-been actor host!" "Mike squinted at the
screen. "Have I watched 'Invasion of the Neptune Men' one time too
many, or is that guy wearing pajamas with feet in them?"
"That's no man!" Crow cried. "It's... (dramatic echo effect)
Spaaaace Ghoooooost!!" "How'd you do that?" asked an astonished Mike.
"Do what?" Crow replied. The trio watched for a few minutes in
silence. Finally, Servo gave an exasperated "Phhh! Who would watch
this? I mean it's totally unrealistic!" Mike and Crow glanced at each
other, then back at Servo. "Fine, I'll show you." Servo mumbled.
"Gypsy!" Gypsy poked her head into the room. "Yes, Tom?" she replied.
"Tell me this..." Servo began. "Who would watch or believe in a
show set in space with some pompous guy who thinks he's in charge of
everything and likes to dress in bizarre costumes..." Gypsy stared at
Tom in silence. "...Another smart-ass guy who basically does nothing
at all, is skinnier than Twiggy and has big yellow eyes and a beak
instead of a mouth..." Gypsy turned to stare at Crow. "And some other
guy who basically hasn't got any say in what's going on, and is
completely loved and adored for being a complete lunkhead..." Servo
rambled on, oblivious to Gypsy, who was now staring at Mike, who had
forgotten that the conversation was even taking place. "And they're
watching these wierd and usually stupid old shows, and have these
bizarre hosted segments... Gypsy?"
Gypsy turned from staring at Mike to face Servo. "Yes?" she
responded. "Well, do you think anyone would watch it? I mean, is
anything beside completely calorie-free diet cola more preposterous?"
Gypsy seemed to think for a moment. "Oh, I don't know..." she
drawled. "It might find an audience." She turned and left the room.
That sink in Mike's room needed to be looked at.
Servo sputtered for a second. Mike glanced back and forth between
the television and his robot companions. "You know, Crow..." he
began. Crow eyed Mike suspiciously. "Bite me!" he quipped, in perfect
sync with a green insect who was on the screen. The threesome startled
and glanced at the television, then each other. "Naaaaaaah!" They
coorespondingly chorused.
You're asking yourselves, "What the hell-o Dolly was that all
about?" Basically, I got into a conversation a while back with
a friend about the parallels between MST3K and Cartoon Planet.
The conversation was bizarre, irrelevant, and downright ridiculous
and I think it shows in this little piece. Ah well.
It was this conversation that led to the "Brak on the SOL" pic
on the Theater page, and ultimately, the annihilation of all
things associated with the Microsoft Corporation. Uh... OOPS!
Um, don't read that last part, okay? Not that there was any sort
of Fruedian slip or anything back there... Nope, not any kind
of... um... foreshadowing of future events... or....
Uh, nevermind!
-omni
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