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SEASON VI
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SEASON VI
PSIRENS
KRYTEN: One-seven-four-two? 'No member of the Corps should ever report for active duty in a ginger toupee'?
Duration: 5.1 s
Size: 54 KB
WAV
LISTER: I drink, I smoke, I have curry sauce for breakfast? Raw onions on my cereal? I sound like some barely human grossed-out slime ball.
KRYTEN: Oh excellent, sir. It's all flooding back then?
Duration: 10.2 s
Size: 110 KB
WAV
Lister plays the guitar.
Duration: 14.8 s
Size: 327 KB
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LEGION
RIMMER: Step up to red alert!
KRYTEN: Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.
Duration: 4.8 s
Size: 49 KB
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CAT: That's it! We're deader than tank-tops!
RIMMER: Suggestions?
KRYTEN: Sir? May I recommend I load myself into the reverse-thrust tubes and you use my body as decoy-fodder? This will, of course leave me splattered across deep space and unable to complete today's laundry, for which I apologise in advance.
RIMMER: Kryten, stop your blathering and get in the damn tube.
Duration: 21.7 s
Size: 239 KB
WAV
RIMMER: Open communication channels, Lister. Broadcast on all known frequencies, and in all known languages, including Welsh.
Duration: 7.0 s
Size: 76 KB
WAV
KRYTEN: You won't feel a thing. I'll render you unconcious using the Ionian Nerve Grip. SMASH!
RIMMER: That's not an Ionian Nerve Grip! That's smashing me over the head with a vase!
KRYTEN: There's no such thing as an Ionian Nerve Grip. Now stand still while I hit you!
Duration: 12.7 s
Size: 137 KB
WAV
RIMMER: May I remind you all of Space Core Directive 34124?
KRYTEN: 34124. "No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity".
Duration: 9.0 s
Size: 98 KB
WAV
GUNMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE
KRYTEN: They despise humans and all forms of humanoid life. They believe you to be the vermin of the universe sir.
CAT: I didn't know they'd met him.
Duration: 7.2 s
Size: 79 KB
WAV
RIMMER: I invoke the All Nations Agreement article number 39436175880932/B.
KRYTEN: 39436175880932/B. "All nations attending the conference are only allocated one parking space". Is that entirely relevant, sir? I mean, here we are in mortal danger, and you're worried about the Chinese delegates bringing two cars?
Duration: 23.3 s
Size: 256 KB
WAV
RIMMER: Look, I think we've all got something we can bring to this discussion. But I think from now on the thing you should bring is silence.
Duration: 5.4 s
Size: 59 KB
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BEAR McGEE: A man beans up in the hat of Bear Strangler Mcgee, he's either mighty brave or mighty stupid. Which are you, boy?
RIMMER: Sorry, what were the choices again?
Duration: 14.7 s
Size: 161 KB
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BEAR McGEE: That pays for the hat. What about the insult?
RIMMER: OK. You're a fat bearded git with breath that could knock-out a grizzly.
Duration: 7.9 s
Size: 86 KB
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KRYTEN: You sir. There's something familiar about you too, I get a name, SmmmEE, SmmEEgGG HHHeeeDD.
RIMMER: Smeghead?
KRYTEN: That's it!
RIMMER: He remembers me.
Duration: 10.3 s
Size: 113 KB
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RIMMER: You can't frighten me, I'm a coward I'm always scared.
Duration: 2.9 s
Size: 31 KB
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EMOHAWK, POLYMORPH II
KRYTEN: Umm, scans are all negative. At the risk of challenging your olfactory excellence sir, perhaps a resmelling is in order.
CAT: I'm telling you bud, my nostril hairs are shimmying faster than a grass skirt on a fat Hawaain hula hoop champion. There's something out there.
Duration: 15.3 s
Size: 167 KB
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LISTER: There is no way I am going down to Moss Bros for anyone who is less attractive than my own armpit after 20 games of table-tennis.
Duration: 7.6 s
Size: 100 KB
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LISTER: He's too damn close. That power surge'll toss us around like we're a bead of sweat in an aerobic teacher's buttock cleavage.
Duration: 6.0 s
Size: 65 KB
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RIMMER: That's it. I'm invoking space corp directive 68250.
KRYTEN: 68250? But sir, surely thats impossible without at least one live chicken and a rabbi.
Duration: 9.3 s
Size: 100 KB
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KRYTEN: Suggest I take the rap for everyone sir. You can say I held you at gunpoint and forced you to do my evil bidding.
RIMMER: For god's sake, Kryten, we can't let you do that!
KRYTEN: Really?
RIMMER: Dream on, metal trash. Get your hands in the air and step into that searchlight.
Duration: 14.6 s
Size: 160 KB
WAV
LISTER: Plot a course for scarper city.
KRYTEN: Sir, a class A enforcement orb can easily outrun us.
LISTER: Kryten, the Eastbourne zimmer-frame relay team can easily outrun us. It's not about speed, it's about wit, brains and cunning.
KRYTEN: Hmm, I was praying it wouldn't come to that, sir.
Duration: 13.9 s
Size: 153 KB
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KRYTEN: Well at least Mr Lister's guitar survived intact... Not even Mr Lister's guitar survived intact.
Duration: 12.5 s
Size: 137 KB
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LISTER: I could never settle down with anyone who's name sounds like a footballer clearing his nose.
Duration: 5.0 s
Size: 54 KB
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RIMMERWORLD
RIMMER: I'm a competitive man Kryten, always have been. That's what makes me what I am.
KRYTEN: We're all perfectly well aware of what you are, sir.
Duration: 6.4 s
Size: 68 KB
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RIMMER: If we wanted to live in a state of perpetual agony, we'd let Lister play his guitar.
Duration: 4.0 s
Size: 43 KB
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RIMMER: In which case we can remove him from duty as per Space Corps Directive 196156.
KRYTEN: 196156? Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bicycle in the women's gym will be discharged without trial? Hmm, I'm sorry sir, that doesn't quite get to the nub of the matter for me.
Duration: 16.6 s
Size: 182 KB
WAV
RIMMER: So let me get this straight. If we board that ship and get captured, we're finished. However if we board that ship and don't get captured, but the superstructure disintegrates around us, we're finished. On the other hand, if we board that ship and don't get captured and the superstructure doesn't disintegrate around us, but we can't find any fuel, we are in fact finished.
Duration: 18.5 s
Size: 200 KB
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KRYTEN: That was an important speech sir, and it needed to be made, but might I suggest that from this moment the rest of the discourse is conducted by those with brains larger than a grape.
Duration: 8.7 s
Size: 103 KB
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RIMMER: Let me get this clear in my head. If we meet one of these totally deranged killing machines, we have to engage them in combat silently? What do we do, whisper "charge", tippytoe up to them all screaming "shhh" and chloroform them with Lister's armpits?
Duration: 12.5 s
Size: 137 KB
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CAT: All in all, a hundred percent successful trip.
KRYTEN: Sir, we lost Mister Rimmer!
CAT: All in all, a hundred percent successful trip.
Duration: 7.7 s
Size: 84 KB
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OUT OF TIME
RIMMER: Ohhhhh dear!
CAT: What? Is he fat?
RIMMER: Far from it. He's lost a bit of weight, actually. Actually, he's lost quite a bit of everything.
Duration: 16.2 s
Size: 174 KB
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RIMMER: Better dead than smeg!
Duration: 1.2 s
Size: 12 KB
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KRYTEN: Sir, just because I have a head shaped like a freak formation of mashed potatoes does not mean that I am unsophisticated.
Duration: 6.4 s
Size: 70 KB
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RIMMER: Where's the Cat?
CAT: I'm here.
KRYTEN: They've taken the Cat! He's gone!
CAT: I'm not gone -- I'm here!
LISTER: Someone just erased him from existence.
KRYTEN: Then how come we still remember him?
RIMMER: Remember who?
KRYTEN: I don't remember.
Duration: 17.4 s
Size: 191 KB
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RIMMER: What if we discover that one of us is dead? Who could handle that?
CAT: We all could if it was you.
Duration: 4.5 s
Size: 49 KB
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