Well, well, well... I actually quite liked If The Shoe Fits after all. I really was a bit nervous, after In Sickness And In Health - which was definitely my least favourite X:WP comedy ever. After all, If The Shoe Fits was produced by exactly the same team as ISAIH - Adam Armus & Nora Kay Foster writing, and Josh Becker directing. But this one was definitely worth seeing - it avoided the worst sins of ISAIH, on the whole, even maybe captured a little of that old A Day In The Life magic now and then, and managed to be quite entertaining. Indeed, come to think of it, it was the best comedy ep so far this season, I'd say (not that the competition is exactly fierce...)
I've seen complaints from some fans that our gorgeous heroines were often made to look pretty ghastly in the "fairy tale" sections. Well of course, it's fair enough if you don't like to see that... but making people look grotesque on purpose is part of the English pantomime tradition (also practised in NZ), which this ep was clearly drawing heavily on. Actually, it's been used quite a bit before in the Xenaverse (e.g. Michael Hurst's Widow Twanky character is straight out of pantomime, including the name). It's supposed to be funny, not to make the actors look glamorous. Given that North American audiences will, on the whole, be totally unfamiliar with pantomime (also called "panto" for short), there may be quite a lot of viewers who basically don't "get" it... Indeed I slightly wonder who is responsible for the panto influence on X:WP - Armus & Foster and Becker are all Americans, I believe(?) We don't really have pantomimes here in Canada, where I live, either... but I grew up in England, and got taken to the panto most Christmases when I was little, which is why I'm familiar with it. Actually, come to think of it, X:WP has even more in common with panto than I first thought! Consider the conventions of pantomime:
* It's a performance based on classic tales, ostensibly aimed mainly at children... but racy double entendres etc. are routinely included, presumably on the basis that the kids won't notice them, and they'll help the parents make it through the show.
* The story is always told in a broad, self-mocking, even "campy" way, with audience participation strongly encouraged - e.g. hissing when the villain enters, or joining in shouted contradiction matches between characters: "Oh... yes it is!" "Oh... no it isn't!"
* There is always a character called the "dame", who is an older comic female character, played by a male actor, often called Widow Twanky (although Widow Twanky herself is the obvious Xenaverse dame, she's actually a bit more dignified than the average panto dame, and Zantar as the evil stepmother in ITSF is probably closer to the paradigm; and although that ep is chiefly a homage to Some Like It Hot, Salmonella in Men In Pink definitely has something of the dame about her too...)
* The star, the central protagonist, of a panto is always a male character, played by a female actor. This character is known as the "principle boy". She often flies about the stage with the aid of a harness and wires...
Oh well, enough of this tendentious waffling... let's have a wander through If The Shoe Fits!
***
There are definitely worse ways to start an ep than with Gab having a shower. But that was sure a darned high-capacity pot she was using - a sort of widow's cruse of a pot... no matter how much ran out of it, it never seemed to empty. And where do they fit *that* thing into Argo's saddlebags?!
*
The idea of the ever alert warrior snoring away obliviously as the day went on around her seemed a bit inappropriate to me - being a deep sleeper is not a survival trait in her line of work... I always assumed Xena was like some people I've known - always instantly awake when anything irregular happened in her vicinity, no matter what the circumstances... after all, remember how many eps we've seen where Xena and Gab have been attacked in their camp (and no, actually I don't have a count of the top of my head - but quite a few!) This is typical of the kind of little things that often niggle me about Armus & Foster's eps... but fortunately there weren't too many this time.
*
The distance shots of Gab showering were probably a body-double, but the closer shot, that started from behind and panned round, wasn't - and check out those upper arm and shoulder muscles! ROC has one tough, fit bod! But then she does workout, kick-box, etc. Makes me ashamed! (I'm rather a "computer-potato".)
*
I assume it crossed other people's minds as well as mine that we were heading for a Norman Bates moment as the camera closed in from behind on Gab showering - I assume it was meant to! I certainly didn't guess who the BGSB-napper was...
*
So now we've had a shower scene. Perhaps this will placate people who thought there really should have been one in LUATD!
*
Zantar has just got out of jail, and he says he's going to be smart this time, and no way is he going back - and then Xena 'arrests' him, before he's actually had time to do anything... So what is she going to charge him with - conspiracy? Or perhaps he actually had broken out of jail, rather than being released... in which case, I suppose she was just capturing a fugitive at large... It still seems slightly minor business for the Warrior Princess.
*
Zantar said he was going to head "east to Lamaria". The only place called Lamaria I can find is in Syria, and I can't really find out anything much about it... there is apparently also a goddess called Lamaria who is associated with cows - but I don't know whence she originates.
*
Gab says her 'shirt' might have been stolen by a "fashionable beaver" - LOL! To tell the truth, I thought beavers were new world animals - but they're not, apparently: the word is derived from the Old English "beofor", and various species used to hang out in Europe...
*
"It's the only shirt that goes with this skirt, Xena!" Aha - so *that's* why she's been wearing it every day for nearly three years! But wait - then why has she been wearing the same skirt every day??
*
The "we had no rope" excuse seemed a bit feeble - surely Xena wasn't just getting back at Gab for not waking her... that would be rather petty!
*
The first time the child said "fairy godsmother" I thought she was just perpetrating a cute malapropism... but since *all* the characters used it consistently, I assume it was meant as a concession to the polytheistic circumstances...
*
When 'Dite said "Dear child, do these features *look* evil?" it looked from her pose rather more as if she were drawing attention to her assets than to her features... if you see what I mean...
*
So this is Alesia, Princess of Syra... and Xena and her father have been "friends for years"? As someone remarked recently, for a ruthless, slaughtering Destroyer of Nations, Xena seems to have made an awful lot of 'friends' in her warlord days!
*
Very "Brit" accent the king had - sort of "refugee from Masterpiece theatre" stuff. (Ok, ok - I know my own is almost as bad!) Quite a change from the Irish brogue he was sporting last time he appeared in the 'verse! Does he only do "old country" voices?
*
Why is Gab falling out of trees now - is Joxer's problem catching?
*
And what was with Xena starting on about a stepfather? I don't think Cyrene ever remarried... I guess Xena was just making it up, trying to communicate with Alesia by example.
*
"Stay here with Gabrielle - she's gonna tell you a story!" "I will?" "Yes, you will - you're good at them!" ... I loved this - but it was really the delivery that made it, more than the lines themselves!
*
And we got to see whole pages of that strange writing this time... I'm pretty sure it's not any kind of real writing at all - but I'd be delighted to hear from anyone who can contradict me, and say what it is.
*
*Very* competitive story telling they indulged in, with everyone projecting their own interpretation, with themselves as the protagonist! Gab starts by making 'her' character invincibly sweet (almost reminiscent of Sunny Day on the recent HTLJ ep For Those Of You Just Joining Us) and Xena and Aphrodite's characters horrible and hideous...
*
What *is* it with these people and feet?! Especially thrusting filthy, diseased feet into people's faces?! Did they think this was such a *great* gag in ISAIH that they just *had* to do it again? Oh well - at least they didn't thrust any more infected body parts at us in this ep...
*
I thought having 'Dite talk to herself in the mirror seem a bit strained - I guess they felt the need to develop and make explicit where she was coming from, without having her soliloquize... but I think finding another character for her to talk to would have been a better move.
*
Xena is giving Argo verbal instructions now?? And why did she say "head for the river, make sure they see you"? Why would having the pursuing warriors see a riderless horse help? And anyway, it didn't appear that the pursuers *did* see Argo (maybe Argo changed the plan for the better on her own initiative... now *that's* horse sense!)
*
Vertical leaps up onto high tree branches seem to be a standard Xena trick these days - I wonder how the stuntees do them... This one looked as if it might have been the old "jump *off* the branch and then play the film backwards" trick.
*
That child seemed pretty keen on beating people up, stabbing them, etc... I liked Gab's "more positive way" of dealing with the problem: "Your anger is misplaced. It's a convenient way to avoid your deeper emotions. The same way that your mistreatment of me and my belongings is your way to avoid intimacy. You both need to get in touch with your inner child." Lawks! Watch out Xena - you could be eclipsed by Gabrielle, Warrior New Age Therapist!
*
I rather wish they'd lay off using bad teeth to mark people as stupid or villainous (as witness Gab's awful teeth in Dite's version of the story, and also the dreadful choppers on the villain in this week's HTLJ). I thought ROC did the naive grotesque very effectively though... and I like Lucy's bit as a high-school princess too: "Uh! Loser!" Although I did have some difficulty seeing Alexandra as Lucy's mother...
*
I liked Gab's progressive tailoring of the sack - it looked quite good eventually... maybe she has a future designing sportswear for the sidekick on the go.
*
And is she going to be wearing the tailored sack *next* time we see her? (What? I'm asking for ep to ep consistency here??)
*
So Gab keeps the frying pan in her pack now? Well out of Xena's way, I guess. At least they're consistent about Xena's inability to cook.
*
I actually liked Joxer's segment of the story best... but this didn't sit well with the fact it was supposed to be so bad that Alesia ran away from it.
*
Nice seeing Gab telling Xena to move: "I'm more a woman of action." "Then take action, and get some water!" Definite echoes of A Day In The Life again, but with a rather more mature Gabrielle now.
*
Somebody said they thought Lucy was using her natural Kiwi accent when she did her "Harmonia, fairy godsmother, at your service" bit... actually I think she was aiming for a sort of upper class Brit accent - kind of like Leah, but without the lisp.
*
And Harmonia gives Joxer "many skills", indeed! And a "wrist hourglass"! About as much use as a pocket sundial...
*
"Waddya want from me? My skirt? My boots? My underwear?" "No - that would be too cruel!" LOL! One has to sort of wonder, quite apart from what ROC actually wears to play the role, what fictional underwear does Gabrielle wear? Probably Fruit of the Loom (because *you're* the one who has to fight in them...") Although after that "Fredericks of Athens" nightie she loaned to Joxer, I don't know...
*
The smoke-belching organ makes another appearance. That's one thing about TPTB, they never leave a good prop idle. But they didn't bring over the guy who usually plays it on HTLJ (And Fancy Free..., Men In Pink) - this fellow didn't show quite the same eccentric enthusiasm for his art.
*
I just *loved* the dialogue: "Who's the new guy?" "I dunno. But check out his social skills!" - that had me giggling all the way through the rest of the ballroom scene! 'Zantar' was quite an effective verbal comic actor - although I wasn't so keen on his drag act.
*
I kept hoping that Gab was actually going to *do* something during Joxer's disco dancing turn, rather than just stand watching... but no such luck!
*
And Joxer's "firing the pistols and blowing off the smoke" hand motions have to take some sort of prize in the "most egregious anachronism" category!!
*
What was with the sudden switch to a sort of "Noel Coward era" song? More Brit accents! I think Ted did his own singing again, but Gab's singing voice seemed extraordinarily incongruous - she's not really the "anyone for tennis" type...
*
I still liked this section best - maybe I'm just a sucker for song and dance (and humour and romance - heck Ken Russell's The Boyfriend is one of my all time favourite movies... and there were more than slight echoes of that here, come to think of it).
*
However, clearly Alesia didn't share my views - since she ran away from Joxer's story-telling and jumped off a cliff!
*
"I left you in charge!" Hmm....
*
So now Gab is actually running off to deal with bands of heavily armed men on her own! (Even when Xena has specifically told her to stay put...)
*
Err... wasn't the whole "kid hanging off the cliff" thing a bit gratuitous and pointless? And why didn't the kid call for help when Xena first went by?
*
*Really* tough ropes - er... I mean "conveniently placed creepers" they have in those parts - it didn't even *occur* to Xena that it might not stand the weight of both her and the kid. Maybe Xena should have used one of *those* to tie up Zantar, rather than stealing the BGSB!
*
"If Tyrella's a girl, isn't she supposed to have a step *mother*?" Excuse me... I don't follow the logic in that at all....
*
I thought Xena's ending to the fairytale was quite appropriate: "I don't need you, or a fairy godsmother, or anyone else to give me a happy ending. That's something that I'll get, or I won't get, all by my own self." As someone said in *last* week's ep, "Words to live by"! And I enjoyed Joxer's parting remark too: "Get *out* of my royal bottom!"
*
"After *all* that we've been through, *that's* what you think of me? The fairy godsister of dishes?!" Hmm... many a great romance has stumbled over a pile of dishes! And who *does* scrub out that frying pan every time after it's used??
*
When did Gabrielle acquire that neat little leather pack she was using in this ep? And if it's *her* pack (as she said when Xena asked where the frying pan was kept), why did she shove it into Xena's hands when she stormed off and left? Has she never heard of "community property"? Why, she's probably entitled to an interest in Argo as well!
*
I'm not entirely sure about Xena's "lock 'em up in a room together" solution to domestic misunderstandings - but hey, it *might* work, I guess...
*
That outdoor shrine to Aphrodite that Gab arrived at looked *most* unconvincing - it just didn't look as if it could have lasted from one day to the next, what with the weather, and animals (hey, even a fashionable beaver's got to eat...) More like a picnic than a shrine, basically...
*
So Gab went off to find Dite and lecture her? Was that her plan, then, even when she first stormed off? Or did she calm down and come up with it afterwards?
*
Joxer wants to be Xena's "wing man"? Is he sure he wouldn't rather be her tailgunner?
*
At least Joxer seems to be catching on a bit quicker when people try to get rid of him.
*
I'm not quite sure about jumping the final fight scene back and forth between Xena and Tyrella - after all, this pretty much abandoned the whole "story-telling" convention, since no one was *telling* this bit of the story - and no, the Queen saying to Alesia "I'm sure Tyrella would do just what Xena would" doesn't count... in fact it makes *no* *sense* at all! I do wish they'd be just a bit more consistent about following conventions when they've established them.
*
And the "It's a man!" thing when the "stepmother's" wig fell off was *really* stupid and pointless... sort of pointlessness squared - an element which is totally pointless within a scene that it rather pointless in the first place. I can't believe that they left that in! Am I missing something here...?
*
At least at the end they do re-establish the story-telling convention, with Xena finishing off the tale for Alesia. And the heroine doesn't marry the prince. "But she and her fairy godsister did make a pact - from now on they would help one another be all that they could be."
*
"I realised that every family has their problems. But what's important is that we stay together and work it out."
*
And now Gab is going to write Pinocchio??
***
So who was who in If The Shoe Fits?
Well probably the number one "why does he look so familiar?" candidate was the King, Melos, played by Alistair Browning... if you only watch X:WP, you wouldn't know him at all, but if you watch HTLJ as well you were probably remembering him as Bronagh, the Irish chieftain, in Resurrection, Render Unto Caesar, and Darkness Rising. He also played Meniskos in Two Men And A Baby (remembering my high-school physics vaguely - isn't Meniskos the skin on the surface of water of something?)
And then Chris Ryan, who played Zantar, doubling as the Evil (cross-dressing) Stepfather, probably looked familiar too. He should have, if you know all your X:WP eps - he played Virgilius, the biggest and hairiest of the warlords, in Ten Little Warlords. As a point of curiosity, Marshall, the spaced out ex-husband on Absolutely Fabulous (love that show) is played by Chris Ryan - but that is an entirely different Chris Ryan.
Altogether, they were a familiar family... the two sons of the Evil Stepfather were played by Ted Clarke, who has previously been seen as Thoracles in Warrior...Priestess...Tramp and as a "Young Man" in the HTLJ ep Reunions, and Douglas Kamo, who should be particularly recognisable from his role as Dorian, the "Spartan" in One Against An Army, and who also played Sullus in The Execution.
Hilary Cleary, who played the Old Woman (Dite in disguise... now why does that make me think of an *old* song?) has never been credited on X:WP before, but she appeared in Hercules in the Underworld as the Gryphon Elder.
Olivia Tennet, who played Alesia, the little girl, appears to be new to the Xenaverse (perhaps not surprisingly ).
Sally Spencer-Harris who played Queen Mistria (Alesia's stepmother) is also new to the 'verse. She can be seen as Sharon in the movie Crimetime, which is a thriller starring Stephen, the "other" Baldwin.
And just a word about the familiar co-stars...
Ted Raimi, much featured in this ep as Joxer/Messenger/Tyro/Prince, has an extensive filmography, with roles that range from starring parts to walk-ons (or perhaps more aptly "die-ons"). As a minor tidbit, he voiced the Titan Crius in the Hercules And Xena animated movie. As of course is well known, he had a prominent role in the series SeaQuest DSV. Here is a partial list of his other roles: Art Gallery Manager in For Love Of The Game, Ed Finney in Wes Craven's Wishmaster, The Workaholic in Pathos, Steve Bales in Apollo 11 (TV movie), Detective Corelli in The Shot, Hal in Stuart Saves His Family (an SNL spinoff movie), Dennis Skinner in Skinner (Ted stars as a serial killer, along with Traci Lords as a resistant potential victim... I'm afraid it's fairly bad - much of it seems to consist of shots of people walking along empty sidewalks), Satellite Analyst in Clear and Present Danger (Ted seems to have made something of a specialty of playing techno-geeks), Salesman in Floundering, Man on the Street in Hard Target (the Jean-Claude Van-Damme action film), Cynthia's Assistant in Born Yesterday (with Melanie Griffiths - Cynthia was not a really major character), Pit Troll in Army of Darkness (the third episode in brother Sam's Evil Dead opus), Scooter in Eddie Presley, CIA Technician in Patriot Games (with Harrison Ford), Billy in Candyman (with Tony Todd, known to us as Cecrops and Gilgamesh), TV Reporter in Maniac Cop 3, Hank Stone in Lunatics: A Love Story (directed by Josh Becker, who directed If The Shoe Fits), Rick in Darkman (another of Sam's films), Pac Man in Shocker, Possessed Henrietta in Evil Dead II (yes, Ted played the girlfriend, when she turned into a zombie), Waiter in Crimewave.... and how could we omit, Fake Shemp in the original The Evil Dead!
And Alexandra Tydings, well known to us as the lovely Aphrodite, to say nothing of the fetching Katherine the Pig (about the only saving grace of One Fowl Day, for me), can also be seen as Victoria Reynolds in The Sunchaser, and in an ep of The Red Shoe Diaries entitled Burning Up (where, I should perhaps caution you, even more of her is seen than in her role as 'Dite).
If The Shoe Fits was penned by the writing team of Adam Armus & Nora Kay Foster, who have done much work on X:WP... they wrote Chariots of War (Teleplay), Death In Chains (with Babs Greyhosky), Beware of Greeks Bearing Gifts (Teleplay), Ties That Bind, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, The Xena Scrolls (Teleplay), For Him the Bell Tolls, Blind Faith, The King of Assassins, Warrior...Priestess...Tramp, Fins, Femmes and Gems (with Rob Tapert), and In Sickness And In Hell - a record which, for me at least, shows quite a range from its highs to its lows...
The ep was directed by Josh Becker, whose first contact with X:WP was as the Story Writer for Chariots of War. He then went on to direct A Fistful of Dinars, Warrior...Princess...Tramp, For Him the Bell Tolls, Blind Faith, Fins, Femmes and Gems, and In Sickness And In Hell (the last four teamed up, as in If The Shoe Fits, with Armus & Foster). He also co-wrote the story for Locked Up And Tied Down (with Rob Tapert), and directed the TV movie Hercules in the Maze of the Minotaur (which was sort of a clip-show of the previous four Hercules TV movies).
***
The disclaimer was:
No fractured fables were harmed in the production of this motion picture.
***
And what about the Herc ep, Sky High?
Not too bad at all, really... It was nice seeing Ephiny again (she's always been one of my favourite characters). She seems to have changed quite a bit, though - I wasn't even quite sure it was her when I first saw her on the promo last week.
The plot was a rip off from a couple of fairly often done movie concepts: "condemned men freed from jail for a special mission" + "must transport the truckload of dynamite through the dangerous terrain", with a few other borrowed elements thrown in too. It was a bit formulaic, but I would rate it a fairly good HTLJ ep overall. It kept my attention throughout, though I would probably have wandered a bit if it hadn't been for Ephiny. And I actually got quite sucked in by the ending, with Kerth's climbing up to throw the crystals into the crater, and the "He'll never make it!" "He already has." dialogue (yeah, I know it's not exactly entirely original - but it still brought a tear to my eye, even with, perhaps even partially because of, Kevin's flat delivery).
It was nice that they at least made a slight nod to plot continuity by having Ephiny say "I'm sorry about Iolaus" when she first met Herc... but his response hardly seem adequate. And how come no one even mentioned Morrigan?
Ephiny's arms seems to have healed up quite nicely, anyhow... And Xenon must be getting a big boy now. I liked the bit when Ephiny was fixing the horse's hoof, and she said conversationally "My son just hates it when I have to change his shoes!" How unlike the home life of our own dear Queen!
***
And who was who in Sky High?
Perhaps the most intriguing familiarity was Kerth, the convicted man - he was played by Jonathon Roberts, who should be very familiar to Xena fans as the wannabe world-beater Agathon from The Dirty Half Dozen.
Clint Sharplin, who played Opakas, the gang leader with the really bad teeth, has previously been seen as Kenickus (also a weasely gang leader, if memory serves) in Regrets I've Had A Few, and a Celtic Villager in Resurrection. He can also be seen playing a character called Nicely in the 1998 movie Heaven, a thriller, which co-stars Karl Urban (Cupid, Julius Caesar).
Jonathan Bell-Booth who played Zek, has appeared in several previous eps... he played Brother #1 in As Darkness Falls (an ep in which Lucy Lawless played Lyla, the Centaur Deric's wife), a Highwayman in Gladiator (which guest starred Tony Todd), and First Centaur in Centaur Mentor Journey. He was also seen in the X:WP ep The Black Wolf as the Chief Guard.
Taungaroa Emile, who played Liesas (as best as I can make out the spelling), previously appeared as Ximenos in the ep Ares (the one that had a monster, rather than Kevin Smith, as Ares). He was also in the New Zealand film Once Were Warriors, with several other actors who've visited the Xenaverse.
James Gaylyn as the Centaur Nagus, Paul Appleby as Pretur, and Darian Siley as the first Gang Kid are all new to us, as far as I know.
Paradas was played by William Smith... there is a William Smith in Dumb & Dumber, but I'm not sure if this was the same person.
And of course Ephiny was played, as always, by the charming and forceful Danielle Cormack, who can also be seen in the ep Les Contemptibles as Lady Marie de Valle. She has also appeared on the New Zealand soap Shortland Street, as have most Kiwi actors (but not, as was pointed out to me, Lucy Lawless...) Danielle also appeared in two episodes of the series High Tide, playing "Jill McMillan" in the episode "Dead Heat", and "Meghan Kelly" in the episode "Sitting Ducks". At the movies, Danielle can be seen in Channelling Baby (with Joel Tobeck, known to us as Strife, and Amber Sainsbury who we saw as Regina in the HTLJ ep Lost City), in Via Satellite, in Siam Sunset, in Topless Women Talk About Their Lives, in A Game with No Rules, and in The Last Tattoo... unfortunately all of these essentially New Zealand "art" pictures, and they're pretty hard to find in Northern parts.
Sky High was written by Paul Robert Coyle who has previously written the HTLJ eps End of the Beginning, Regrets I've Had A Few, Stranger in A Strange World, If I Had A Hammer, Armageddon Now (both parts), War Wounds, Top God, Genies and Grecians and Geeks, Oh My! and Norse by Norsevest (Story). He also wrote the X:WP eps Ten Little Warlords, A Necessary Evil, The Execution and Sacrifice Part 2.
The ep was directed by John Laing, who previously directed Hercules On Trial, Render Unto Caesar, and Norse by Norsevest, and also directed the X:WP eps When in Rome... and Tsunami.
***
The disclaimer was:
Ephiny's leg was not hurt in the production of this motion picture. However the writers sincerely apologise to Amazons everywhere for excluding her from the big finale.
