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As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table. One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the bank to the floor where it smashes. To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife what's up.
"Well," she replied, "Not everyone is as cheap as you are."
A man came home from work early one day to find his wife still in bed naked. He knew that she was cheating on him and he ran to the open window in the room. Sure enough he saw a man running from the apartment building. In his rage he picked up his refrigerator and pushed it out the window on to the man but he had a heart-attack and died in the process.
So three men are in heaven standing in front of St. Peter, and he asks the first man how he died.
The man says "Well I was lifting up my refrigerator and I had a heart-attack."
St. Peter then asked the second man how he died. "I was out for a jog when all of the sudden a refrigerator fell on me!" said the second man who was still shaken up.
Then St. Peter asked the third man how he died. And the third man said "Well ya-see I was hiding in this refrigerator..."
A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked
on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialling, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your
wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.
"You jerk," yells the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"
Mom and Dad were watching their little boy Johnny say his good night prayers, "God bless Mommy, Daddy, Doggie, and
phooey on the cat."
The next day they got up and went down to the kitchen and found the cat dead on the kitchen floor.
That night, they again listened to Johnny, "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and phooey on the doggie."
The next day they got up, went down to the kitchen, and found the dog dead.
That night, intently listening in on Johnny's bedtime prayers they heard, "God bless Mommy, and phooey on Daddy."
Well you can imagine the horror. Daddy tossed and turned all night, alternating between thinking it's just a coincidence and worrying himself sleepless.
Well, morning came and Daddy, feeling somewhat better, went down to the kitchen to fix some breakfast. Realizing he needed some milk, he opened the back door to the
morning's milk delivery, whereupon he found the milkman dead on the back porch.
A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix." The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. all right, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost."
They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in. "They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer.
A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?"
"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied.
"No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes - I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."
"OK, great!" the husband said. " I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem-it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife. "I want a house in every country of the world," she said.
"Consider it done." the genie replied.
"And what's your wish, genie?" the husband asked.
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care."
The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"
"35," she replied.
"And he still believes in genies?.... That's amazing."
