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(Q)Why did the woman cross the road?
(A)Who cares? What the hell is she doing out of the kitchen?
(Q) How do you know when a woman is going to say something intelligent?
(A) When her first words are, "A man once told me....."
(Q) How do you fix a woman's watch?
(A) You don't, there's a clock on the oven.
(Q) How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
(A) None. It should be open when the woman brings it to him.
(Q) What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
(A) A woman that won't do what she's told.
(Q) Why do women wear white on their wedding day?
(A) So they will match the stove and fridge!
(Q) Why haven't women been to the moon ?
(A) Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!
(Q) Why do women have smaller feet than men?
(A) So they can stand closer to the sink.
(Q) Did you hear that they discovered that there are female hormones in beer?
(A) Yeah, apparently they had 100 guys each drink 10 pints of beer. They all started running their mouths and driving lousy.
(Q) Why do Japanese Sumo Wrestlers shave their legs?
(A) So you can tell them apart from the feminists.
One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Adam?", God replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Adam?", comes the reply from the heavens.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you."
"What's a 'woman', Lord?"
"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you.", replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great."
"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?", Adam replies.
"She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an ear, and your left testicle."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam says to God, "Ehhh, what can I get for a rib?...."
