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I'm still in bit of a daze. I'd
wished and prayed that some day I'd walk on the stage to receive the Filmfare
trophy. And now that it has happened, I'm at a loss for words. That night
I had to pinch myself several times to convince myself that I wasn't dreaming.
It has taken me five-and-a-half years of hard work and dedication to reach
here. And believe me, these years haven't exactly been a cakewalk for me.
I've always
believed that it's much more difficult for a star child to make it. The
inevitable comparisons weigh you
down. I had
to live up to the reputation of my parents besides fulfilling the public's
expectations of the Kapoor
family. It was
an arduous task, but it's been worth every minute.
Now, I've passed
the test of fire. On the way, I did receive a lot flak, which was uncalled
for at times. I suffered a
lot of humiliation
but I maintained a dignified silence.
There were so
many attempts to pull me down. It was said that I wouldn't make it... it
was felt that the audience
wouldn't identify
with my western looks. The verdict was given: Karisma Kapoor was no-hope
candidate. Well,
this award is
a hard slap on the faces of my detractors.
I remember at
the awards night, I had blanked out. I didn't pitch my hopes too high because
I didn't want to be
disappointed.
The Best Actress category was keenly contested, I told myself that all
of us stood a chance. But,
strangely, everyone
right from my bania, chemist and video library man to my colleagues and
friends in the media
felt that I
deserved the award. They told me that it would be unfair if I didn't win.
Their expectations made me
nervous. It
was as if the entire world wanted me to win.
I tried to stay
cool. It was only when Raja Hindustani bagged the Best Film Award and the
Best Actor Award
that I felt
a bit nervous. Because by then my expectations had soared. But, at the
same time, I told myself that if I
didn't win I
should take it sportingly. When my name was called out, I wanted to cry
with happiness. There was
so much chaos
around. I didn't know what was happening. I turned to my mother and hugged
her tightly.
But for mum,
I wouldn't be anywhere. I'd like to take this opportunity, since I couldn't
speak on stage, to thank
her for her
support and inspiration, for instilling the right values in me. She's stood
by me during tough times, she
told me never
to give up hope. You know, this is the RK studios' 50th year and I've won
the award. It's almost as
if granddad
were watching me from above. This award is his blessing. I know he wants
me to keep the RK
Banner flying
high.
The minute I
won the award, the news spread like wildfire. I got calls from all over
the world. A cousin called
from mid air
to congratulate me. My mobile kept ringing. By the time, I reached hoome,
the answering machine
was chock-a-block
with messages. I couldn't sleep at all that night.
The next morning,
the house was jampacked with flowers. There was no place to move about.
My chemist sent
me a huge cake.
My favourite restaurant sent me a lovely bouquet. The first call I got
that morning was from
Madhuri Dixit.
I was touched. Govinda sent me a really huge bouquet. It was brought in
a van and could hardly be
carried through
the front-door. Dilip uncle and Saira aunty sent me a beautiful card with
a lovely message written
on it.
My staff got very emotional. They'd seen me grow from a naive teenager into a confident actress.
They say it's
only when you are down in the dumps you realise who your real friends are.
But now I also believe
that when you
are successful you realise who's really happy with the fact that you've
made it.
