PULL UP A CHAIR!

              GET COMFY
    AND LISTEN UP!

My favorite wave files!

Try this little number from Jeff Foxworthy

here's another and another

Let's get serious for just a minute. Politics are an important part of everyone's lives (whether they know it or not). However, they are a sore spot for most Americans these days. With all of this impeahment business going on, I would like to take the opportunity to devote a small piece of this web page to bring you a message from our president, Mr. Bill Clinton.

Don't be afraid to click the button!

This is one of my favorite Stories!

Little Leroy went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, "Well, Leroy...it isn't Christmas and we don't have money to just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead?" After his temper tantrum, his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus.

Dear Jesus, I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle Your Friend, Leroy.

Now Leroy knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (a brat), so he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.

Dear Jesus, I've been an okay boy this year and I want a new bicycle. Yours Truly, Leroy.

Well, Leroy knew this wasn't totally honest either, so he tore it up and tried again.

Dear Jesus, I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a new bicycle? Leroy.

Well, Leroy looked deep down in his heart (which was what his mother really wanted). He crumbled up the letter, threw it in the trash, and went running outside. He aimlessly wandered about; depressed because of the way he treated his parents and really considering his actions. He finally found himself in front of a Catholic Church. Leroy went inside and knelt down, not really knowing what to do and looking around. Leroy finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues. All of a sudden he grabbed a small one of the Virgin Mary and ran out of the door. He went home, hid it under his bed, and wrote this letter.

Jesus, I've broken most of the Ten Commandments, shot spit wads in school, tore up my sister's Barbie doll and lots more. I'm desperate. I've got your mama and if you ever want to see her again, give me a bike! Signed...You Know Who!!!

The Southerner's 10 Commandments

2. Y'all shalt make no fuss over yourself.
3. Y'all shalt not sass your mama.
4. Y'all shalt always wonder what your daddy would think.
5. Y'all shalt always talk the way you grow'ed up.
6. Y'all shalt tell no whoppers unless you are in a situation where you are expected to.
7. Y'all shalt demonstrate your great faith by the way you drive.
8. Y'all shalt always clean your plate.
9. Y'all shalt hold kinfolk in high regard, regardless of what you really think of 'em.
10. Y'all shalt always remember where you come from.

You might be in education if......

2. You find humor in other people's stupidity.
3. You want to slap the next person who says: "Must be nice to work from 8 to 3 and have your summers free."
4. You believe chocolate is a food group.
5. You can tell it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
6. You believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on the report card.
7. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says: "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
8. When out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at a child.
9. You have no time for a life from August through June.
10. Putting all "A's" on a report card would make your life so much easier.
11. When you mention "vegetables," you are not talking about a food group.
12. You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
13. You believe in the aerial spraying of "Prozac."
14. You encourage a parent to check into home schooling.
15. You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in a middle school for at least five years.
16. You can't have children because there isn't any name you can hear that wouldn't elevate your blood pressure.
17. You think caffeine should be available to staff in "IV form."
18. Meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like that?"

"The more I learn, the more I need to learn."

Got this from a friend--
As you are receiving my note by e-mail, it's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest wife,
Just got checked in.
Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your loving husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.

FOR SALE BY OWNER


Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
Excellent condition.
$1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed.
Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything.

"He who laughs last didn't get it." Helen Giangregorio.