Copyright 2000 -- Robert Baer Jr. The Space Rovers -- "Topsy Turvy" DISCLAIMER Road Rovers characters, names, situations and the Road Rovers universe are the property of Warner Bros. I, nor this script/story are connected with Warner Bros. in any way, shape or form. This document may not be publicized or reproduced in any way, shape or form. It must remain fully intact and may not be altered in anyway. It is strictly used for not-for-profit entertainment purposes only, and is not intended to infringe on any Copyrights. This story is written by Robert Baer Jr and the characters Fydo, Boomer, Rasputin, Saundra, Alexander, Grunt, Daisy, Abdullah, Bob, Cactus Jake, Marie, Francis, Calypso, Sheena, Bruno, Molly, Deborah, Orchid, Dot, Luigi, Sophia, Lao Zi, Su Li, Sno-wie, Claudia, Numbia, Derby and Poncho are all Robert Baer Jr's creations, copyright pending, 1999, Cobber is a creation of Mike Browner. The Space Rovers -- "Topsy Turvy" The scene is the bridge of the Canius Minor. Persia is seated in the 'Captain's chair' surrounded by Saundra, Boomer, Whitey, Cactus Jake, Grunt, Alexander and Bruno all at their assigned stations. She is recording a log entry. PERSIA (into mic): Captain's log, entry 2123. Day two of our starmapping mission in the Eulid region has been a success. The astrometric team has charted many new stars, planets, nebulas and a few old abandoned space stations. This mission is going quite well....in fact, I'd say it's going TOO well. Perhaps I've been a little too long in space, but I just have a funny feeling that something is about to go wrong.... BRUNO (turns to Persia): Escuse me Captain, but Abdullah is calling for you. PERSIA (bewildered): End log entry. Patch him in, Bruno! ABDULLAH (on speakers): Captain, I think you've better come down to sick day. Poncho and Sophia found Daisy at her lab..... you better see for yourself, ma'am. PERSIA (stands up): I'm on my way! Old man, Grunt, come with me top sick bay. Boomer, you have the comm. Quickly Persia, Alexander and Grunt arrive at sick day, to see Daisy strapped to a hospital bed, muttering nonsense and struggling to get free. Flash is standing over her sister, crying. PERSIA (angry): Why do you have Daisy strapped down in her bed? ABDULLAH (sadly): Captain, my best medical opinion I can give up is that Daisy has gone completely insane! She keeps howling at the moon, playing chess without any pieces in front of her, asking for more milk on her Rice Krispies and ... PERSIA (nods): I think I get the picture. She'll have to begin psychiatric treatments at once. ABDULLAH (nods): Understood, Captain! PERSIA (turns to Grunt): Commander, call Poncho and Sophia here. I want to know exactly where Daisy was and what she was doing at the moment they found her. Grunt calls for Poncho and Sophia, Sophia arrives first. PERSIA (smiles): Cadet Sophia, can you tell me what Daisy was doing when you found her? SOPHIA (sternly): Yes, Captain. She was in the back of her lab, dancing! I noticed a strange odor and then .... (wicked grin -- she begins singing): When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore'! PERSIA (shocked): What did you say, Cadet? SOPHIA (dumbfounded): Huh? Oh, I said there was a strange .....(sings) Strangers in the night, exchanging glances, strangers in the night....... ABDULLAH (excited): Oh NO! That's the kind of behavior Daisy exhibited before we had to tie her down! (calls out): Deborah! Bring me a sedative! FLASH (smiles, tap dances as she sings): Oh, I wish I was in the land of cotton, old times there are not forgotten, LOOK AWAY, LOOK AWAY, LOOK AWAY, Dixeland! ABDULLAH (calls out): Make that two strong sedatives, Deborah! Poncho finally enters sick bay, but he's all dressed in black with a black mask on. PONCHO (swings sword): You called, El Captian? PERSIA (angry): Cadet Poncho, you are out of uniform! PONCHO (shakes head): I'm not Poncho, I'm El Tiggera! Defender of the weak, fighter for justice and peace in old Diablo town! Where are your oppressors, my fine senorita? ABDULLAH (calls out): Make that three extra strong sedatives, Deborah! PERSIA (looks at Alexander and Grunt): This doesn't make any sense! Why are all of these crew members suddenly out of their minds? ALEXANDER (whispers): Maybe the answer is in Daisy's labratory! GRUNT (nods): Grrrrr GROWL! PERSIA (nods): Alright, let's go there now! But as the sick bay doors open, many other crew members are outside in the hallway, acting very peculiar. Derby is standing on a crate in his boxer shorts reciting Shakespeare. Dot and Orchid are dressed in tennis outfits and playing a makeshift game of tennis without a net. Bruno is playing a Russian lute while Molly is doing the saber dance. Lao Zi is sitting on the floor, pretending to be a snake charmer. Marie and Francis are dressed like Musketeers and running around the hallway looking for their horses. Persia grabs Bruno by the shoulder and turns him around. PERSIA (angry): Ensign, why aren't you at your post on the bridge? BRUNO (smiling): Captain Boomer told me I was relieved of duty, so I relieved myself.... on his SHOES!! Bruno begins laughing hysterically, Persia uses her wrist communicator to call the bridge. PERSIA (into mic): Commander Boomer! What's going on up there? BOOMER (on speakers, talking like a pirate): Shiver me timbers, aren't you a loud and proud little lass! We're sailing the seven seas, looking for treasure to plunder! ARRRRRRRR! BOB (on speakers, interrupting): Captain Persia, this is Lt Bob in the auxilary control room. I've taken over helm and navigation control. The bridge crew has been acting really... PERSIA (into mic): Crazy, I know. Good job, Bob! Bring the ship to a full stop, we'll be joining you shortly, Persia out. (sighs): Well, at least Bob hasn't been affected by this wave of silliness! Any theories, Dr Abdullah? ABDULLAH (wearing Groucho Marx nose and glasses): I know the theory of relativaty, relatively speaking of course....... say the secret woid and win one hundred dollars.... now that's the best idea I ever hoid! PERSIA (shakes head): Oh NO! (yells out): SHEENA, DEBORAH, come quickly! SHEENA (running down hallway past Persia): Sorry, Captain, I gotta catch these pineapples first! PERSIA (confused): Pineapples? COBBER (running down hallway past Persia, holding a net): Pineapples! Zucchini! Don't run away! I'm your friend! Come back! ALEXANDER (takes Persia by the hand): Come, we better get to the auxillary control room fast! Alexander, Grunt and Persia find their way to the auxillary control room. There, they are met by Bob, Sno-wie and Numbia. BOB (secures doorlock): Captain, as far as I can tell using our scanners and survey cameras, we are the only members of the crew who have not been affected by this insanity sickness. NUMBIA (turns on monitor): See, Captain, everywhere on the ship the other Space Rovers seem to be displaying very abnormal behavior! SNO-WIE (nods): I'll say! My husband called me from the bridge and wanted his 'treasure map" and parrot! BOB (switchs on monitor): The only group this sickness hasn't really affected are the Rover children, look! Everyone watching the monitor, as Calypso, Fydo and Claudia (dressed in Caribbean straw hats and shorts) are doing the 'limbo' in the middle of the classroom, the Rover children are sitting around, acting normally. They seem to be a little frightened, but otherwise they look alright. BOB (sternly): Whatever this sickness is, it's not causing our crew to do anything dangerous to themselves or the ship. It's like a 'happy drug', making their inner desires come to surface. ALEXANDER (nods): I see.... (strange smile): Now, if you chaps will excuse me, I must begin my accordian rehersal now, I have a concert tonight, y'know! Persia looks astonished as Alexander rushes out of the auxillary control room. Bob begins using the ship's internal scanners to detect a possible source of the problem. PERSIA (brightens): Remember, Sophia mentioned that there was a strange odor in Daisy's lab. I'll bet that's where the problem lies. Lt Bob, scan the area around her ...... (silly grin, speaks softly and walks towards Grunt): Hello there, handsome! Let's have a night on the town! GRUNT (confused): Grrrrr GROWL? PERSIA (sexy voice): Whatda mean you don't understand, you tall, handsome hunk of he dog! (starts feeling under Grunt's shirt): Ohhhhhh! What a big hairy chest you have! GRUNT (shakes head): GRRRRR GROWL!!! GRRRRR! PERSIA (sexy voice): YOU may be on duty, stud muffin, but MY only duty is to love YOU! Let's find a quiet place on this old rust bucket, just you and me and we'll....(Persia whispers into Grunt's ear) GRUNT (jumps back and moves away, waving hands and shaking his head): GRRRR GRRRRR! PERSIA (sexy voice): You can't say no to ME, big boy! (motions with finger): Come here, and that's an order! Terrified, Grunt runs out of the room with Persia folling close behind. NUMBIA (sighs): Now we've lost the Captain! SNO-WIE (giggles): I wonder if she'll catch Grunt? BOB (examining monitor, points): YES! There it is, ladies! The source of this sickness is emmimating from Daisy's lab. It's been distributed throughout the ship through the ventilation system. SNO-WIE (shugs shoulders): Then, why aren't we three affected? BOB (turns around): It's simple. Our DNA patterns are very different from the typical Cano-Sapien. Numbia, your DNA changed when you encountered the Alondran Orb and Sno-wie, you're from a different universe. My DNA was changed during the transdogmafier accident. NUMBIA (brightens): And that's why Grunt wasn't affected either! He's a Cano-mutant! SNO-WIE (shakes head): But wait a minute, what about the Rover children? BOB (points to monitor): If my theory is correct, this 'mist' is only affecting adult DNA, so young children would be immune! NUMBIA (smiles): Ok, now we know the source of the trouble! What do we do to get everyone back to normal? BOB (looking at monitor): I've found an antidote formula, but I'll need to get to Daisy's lab to mix the compound! Numbia, come with me, Sno-wie, secure this room, don't let anyone in except for Numbia and myself, alright? SNO-WIE (nods): Ok, be careful out there! Bob and Numbia rush out the door which Sno-wie now securely locks with an encrypted passcode. Within minutes, crew members begin to bang and pound on the door. Sno-wie quickly uses metal latch bolts to keep the sliding door shut. As Bob and Numbia run towards the elevator, they pass Deborah and Hans, who are dressed up like Tarzan and Jane. They see Saundra in sick bay, dressed in a leotard and using one of the surgical tables for a balance beam. They also pass Rasputin, who is wearing a pair of Bermuda shorts, sitting in a lawn chair holding a tall, frosty glass of lemonade. In the elevator, they find Grunt, alone and petrified. GRUNT (sweating): GRRRRR GROWL!! BOB (nods): So you're hiding from Persia, smart move! NUMBIA (pushing floor button): We're heading for Daisy's lab to mix up an antidote, wanna come along? GRUNT (nods): GRRRRRRRR! The trio is stunned when the elevator doors open, and there, standing right in front of them, is Persia, dressed in a jet black minskirt. PERSIA (motions to Grunt, sexy voice): I've been looking all over for you, big guy! Grunt races past Persia and down the hallway. Persia is soon following him. Bob and Numbia pass Luigi who is dressed like an organ grinder and singing Italian opera songs. They also pass Su Li, who is dressed in a bikini and doing poses like a bodybuilder. They finally reach Daisy's lab and close the doors. As they work together to mix up the antidote, two familiar looking people nearly scare the daylights out of them. BOB (scared): CACTUS JAKE!! NUMBIA (frightened): DAISY! What in the world is going on? Daisy is dressed in a cowgirl outfit, wearing Jake's hat, seated on a 'saddled' stool riding it like a bucking bronco. Cactus Jake is wearing a labcoat and is holding a bubbling flask of brown liquid in his hand. DAISY (rocking back and forth): RID'EM COWGIRL!!! CACTUS JAKE (points to lfash): Lookee here! I'm working on an important experiment! I've mixed phenylalanine, phosphoric acid, sodium benzoate, monosodium phosphate, lactic acid ..... BOB (laughs): That the formula for cherry soda! CACTUS JAKE (drinks it): Hey! Maybe I can git a patent on this stuff! NUMBIA (rolls eyes): Er... right! BOB (whispers to Numbia): We better get the antidote mixed quickly! Bob and Numbia mix a huge 'batch' of the antidote. They place it in a large warming pan directly underneath a ventilation shaft. By activating the high powered fans within the shaft, the antidote vapor soon spreads to all portions of the ship, restoring all the crew back to normal. The scene shifts to Persia's office, she is sitting directly across from Daisy, and remembering her last log entry. PERSIA (playing in her mind): Captain's log, supplemental. The strange mist that drove nearly all of our crew insane has been cured. Commendations for Lt Bob, Ensigns Numbia and Sno-wie as well as Commander Grunt. After careful investigation, I discovered the cause of the strange mind-bending mist. PERSIA (outloud, furious): A LOVE POTION? YOU WERE TRYING TO MAKE A LOVE POTION? DAISY (bows head sadly): Yes, ma'am. That's what I was trying to do... PERSIA (confused): But why on earth would you ... (growls) Rasputin! You were trying to cause Rasputin to fall completely in love with you! DAISY (begins to cry): Yes, Captain.... I got tired of waitin fer him to choose between me and Orchid, so .... PERSIA (angry): SO you mixed up a love potion! I'm beginning to agree with Molly, you are a crazy bloodhound! Up until now, you and your sister have made wonderful devices, inventions that have made our space travel easier, even saved our lives more than once! But this, Daisy, was something YOU made for your own benefit! I must say I am very disappointed in you! DAISY (crying): I'm SO sorry, Captain! PERSIA (slaps hands on her desk): Sorry? What if we would've been in a combat situation? What if all of the 'drugged up' crew would've atken control of the ship? Lucky for all of us that Lt Bob saw the danger and took control of the helm! If you wasn't a civilian, I'd strip you of rank and order a courtmartial! DAISY (crys): I get the message, Captain, I'll pack and leave the next time we go to earth! PERSIA (walks over to Daisy): NO! Wait! I have taken into consideration the fact that no one nor the Canius Minor was hurt, all of your past service to this vessel, and the fact that the majority of the crew actually enjoyed the experience your 'love potion' brought them. Here is your punishment, when you are off duty, you are confined to quarters for the next seven days. Is that clear, Daisy? DAISY (sadly nods head): Yes, ma'am PERSIA (smiles): Dismissed, Daisy! As Daisy stands up and turns away, she sees Persia, with her arms open, turns around, and hugs her. PERSIA (releases embrace): But don't let it happan again, alright? DAISY (nodding): Alright, Captain! As Daisy leaves the office, Grunt enters, unnoticed by Persia, whose back is turned. When he sits down, Persia turns around and nearly faints. PERSIA (activates universal translater): Commander Grunt....I....I..... GRUNT (looks lovingly into her eyes): Captain, I know you were under the influence of the strange mist, you were not responsible for your actions PERSIA (turns away, starting to cry): You don't understand, Grunt. This was a very embarrassing episode for me, I nearly scared you out of your wits! I just can't ignore my actions, and what (swallows hard) almost happened.. GRUNT (stands and walks towards her): Persia, you were not responsible! That wasn't the REAL Persia who was behaving that way. I know the REAL Persia, and I'm still in love with her! PERSIA (turns, crying): But what if those ARE my true desires? Am I capable of seducing you like that? Is that one of my inner dreams? Can you ever forgive me for .... Persia bursts out in tears, Grunt stands up and gently hugs her. GRUNT (smiles): Persia, there is nothing to forgive. I still love you, I will always love you, no matter what! If there's one thing that I learned as a Cano-Mutant, it was how to be loyal. I'll always be loyal to you, my love! PERSIA (through her tears, hugging Grunt tighter): Thank you, Grunt! I love you too! GRUNT (nods): I know, Persia, and I don't have to read your mind to know that! PERSIA (giggles): Oh Grunt! The two look lovingly into each other's eyes, and share a long, passionate kiss. ---------------------------------------------------------------------