Copyright 2001 --- Robert Baer Jr. The Space Rovers -- "Things That Go Bump In The Night" DISCLAIMER Road Rovers characters, names, situations and the Road Rovers universe are the property of Warner Bros. I, nor this script/story are connected with Warner Bros. in any way, shape or form. This document may not be publicized or reproduced in any way, shape or form. It must remain fully intact and may not be altered in anyway. It is strictly used for not-for-profit entertainment purposes only, and is not intended to infringe on any Copyrights. This story is written by Robert Baer Jr and the characters Boomer, Rasputin, Saundra, Alexander, Grunt, Daisy, Abdullah, Bob, Cactus Jake, Marie, Francis, Calypso, Sheena, Bruno, Molly, Deborah, Orchid, Porta, Dot, Luigi, Sophia, Willfong, Lao Zi, Su Li, Sno-wie, Numbia, Hojo, Shamansta, Derby and Poncho are all Robert Baer Jr's creations, copyright pending, 1999 - 2000. Kenai is a creation of Patrick Wood. Cobber is a creation of Mike Browner. The Space Rovers -- "Things That Go Bump In The Night" The scene is the crew quarters deck of the Canius Minor. Asleep together in bed are Cactus Jake and his wife Flash. She seems to be mumbling something in her sleep for about an hour then suddenly wakes up, almost jumping straight up out of bed. FLASH (shouting): THAT'S IT!!!! CACTUS JAKE (yawns, eyes barely open); That's .... what..... dear? FLASH (shakes him): WAKE UP, SWEETIE!!! I GOTTA TELL YOU ABOUT THIS ONE!!! CACTUS JAKE (slowly sits up): Ok, ok little darlin', I'm all ears... FLASH (excited): Well, it came to me in my sleep! I can rewire the Barium core and increase electrical output by fourteen point seven percent! Ain't that exciting? CACTUS JAKE (yawns): Exciting.... well.... FLASH (excited): Can't you see? By using coaxial wire coiled like a simple transformer, combining that with .... CACTUS JAKE (shakes head): Honey, you're already going over my head. FLASH (jumps up and down on the bed): I can't wait do try this out on our warp engines!!! CACTUS JAKE (yawns, sarcastic): Why wait? FLASH (excited): YOU'RE RIGHT!!! (kisses Jake): Thanks my love! I'll be back soon! Flash puts on her labcoat and rushes out into the hallway CACTUS JAKE (smiling): I have to expect this, after all I am married to a genius! Flash rushes into her lab and is now carrying a huge toolbox with her as she attempts to enter Engineering. FLASH (shouts); Hey computer, grant me access! COMPUTER VOICE (female voice): Access denied.... FLASH (pulls out tweezers): I've come up against this before! Flash quickly removes a front panel and within seconds has to door opened. When she rushes into the darkened section, someone jumps behind her and grabs her from behind. MOLLY (angry): Not this timeski, bloodhound! FLASH (pleading): But Molly darlin', I have a sure fire idea.... MOLLY (furious): You and your sister are always barging in here, tinkering vit my engines! FLASH (happy): Oh c'mon now Molly! I know that deep down inside you're happy that sis and I care so much about.... MOLLY (draws fist): Deep down inside I give you lump on the headski! FLASH (backs away): Now now, let's not get violent... MOLLY (furious): GET OUT OF MY ENGINE ROOM!!! SHAMANSTA (runs over to them): Lt Commander, why not hear Miss Flash out first before... MOLLY (growls): You stay out of dis, magic girl! (points): Get backski to your post! By now, the loud arguing has begun to wake up many sleeping crew members, including Porta, Kenai and Hojo. PORTA (upset): Hey! We're all trying to sleep here! KENAI (nods): Yeah, I have an early shift in the morning! HOJO (nods): Me too! Can you not find a better way to.... MOLLY (loudly): STAY OUT OF DIS!!!! FLASH (shakes head): It's alright, I'm leaving! MOLLY (nods): GOODSKI!!! Show some respect! As they are talking, Cactus Jake has joined the group in the hallway, although he's not looking too well.. CACTUS JAKE (on the floor, crawling): Whoa! Why is everything... spinning.... around... FLASH (distressed): CACTUS JAKE!!!! (grabs him, stands him up): Gotta git you to sick bay pronto! MOLLY (falls to floor): Now I not feel so goodski.... HOJO (falls to floor): Nor....do....I..... The scene switches to sick bay, where Doctor Sheena is in her office, the rest of sick bay is vacant of patients. SHEENA (leaning back on chair, asleep): I...hate...the... nightshift..... so.....boring..... Suddenly, she dreams of being with Cobber. Holding hands as they walk through the woods, they sit next to each other on a park bench.. COBBER (softly): Sheena dearie, I've been thinkin'... SHEENA (smiling): Yes, my love? COBBER (looks into her eyes): There's been something I've been meaning to ask you, something very important... SHEENA (brightens): YES?? GO ON!! GO ON!!! COBBER (reaches, holds her hand): Sheena.... will you.... will you..... SHEENA (excited): YES!!! YES!!! YES!!!! YOU BET I WILL!!!! NAME THE TIME AND PLACE!!!! COBBER (smiles): I knew you'd answer yes! When Sheena reaches to kiss Cobber, a loud buzzer sounds, waking her up. FLASH (on intercom): Doctor Sheena! Medical Emergency on deck seven! Prepare for emergency teleportation of patients! SHEENA (shouts): Will do, Flash! (grumbles): Cobber asks me to marry him, and it's only a bloody dream! (sighes): Just my luck! Soon, Cactus Jake, Molly and Hojo arrive in sick bay, as she begins to treat them, she also takes a dizzy spell and falls to the floor. SHEENA (taps comm badge): Dr Abdullah! Nurse Deborah! Come to sick bay at once! Code red emergency! Within a half hour, many members of the crew are in sick bay, including Persia, Boomer, Saundra, Bruno, Whitey, Alexander, Orchid, Porta and Willfong. On the bridge, trying to figure out what is happaning are Grunt, Lao Zi, Su Li, Bob, Shamansta, Numbia and Poncho. GRUNT (growls): GRRRRRRRRRRRR!! GROWL!!! LAO ZI (looks at monitor): Well, it appears that at present 70% of the crew is suffering from advanced stages of motion sickness. The cause is unknown at this present time... GRUNT (turns to Bob): GRRRRRRR!!! BOB (shakes head): I've taken several blood samples from affected crew members. Whatever is causing this, it's not tracable in the bloodstream! GRUNT (looks at Numbia): GRRRRRRRRRR!! GROWL??? NUMBIA (shakes head): No signs of intruders, internal or externally sir. PONCHO (laughs): Except for Flash cross wiring the Engineering entrance door, but she does that all the time... SHAMANSTA (looks at monitor): There are no space anomolies or dimensional rifts within a light year of us! SU-LI (nods): This is a very disturbing trend, what do you suggest, Commander? As Grunt is ready to speak, three floating bluish green creatures appear in front of them. They look like midgets with pointed ears and long hair. MIDGET 1 (disappointed): You furry creatures are STILL upright? MIDGET 2 (upset): Guess our spell wasn't strong enough! LAO ZI (sternly): Spell? Explain yourselves! MIDGET 3 (angry); We are the Nubbi Olwe! We rule this part of space! MIDGET 1 (angry): Our magic spell should've made everyone on this space vessel sick, so we could easily take over! GRUNT (furious); GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! GROWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (grabs Midget 1 with his hand): GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! MIDGET 1 (struggles): HELP!!! TURN ME LOOSE, FURRY MONSTER!!!! The other midgets zap Grunt until he is unable to move, Midget 1 then struggles out of his grasp. SU-LI (shouts): GRUNT!!!! MIDGET 1 (happy); That's the spell we should've used on these furballs! NOW WE HAVE THEM!!! SHAMANSTA (sternly): That's what YOU think! Shamansta waves her arms and encases the three Nubbi Olwe in a plastic-like force field, then snaps her fingers and Grunt is able to move again MIDGET 2 (punches force field): HEY!!! WE'RE TRAPPED!!! MIDGET 3 (pokes force field): Primitive magic tricks! We Nubbi Olwe can do better than this! As Midget 3 zaps the force field away with his pointed finger, Shamansta waves her arms again. SHAMANSTA (to herself): Now that I know that magic is causing the crew's sudden sickness, I can cast a spell to reverse their evil magic! (outloud): There! That should do it! MIDGET 3 (points); You, strange female, your powers are impressive, but not good enough! We will have this ship and turn all of you into our slaves! SHAMANSTA (shakes head): I don't think so, shorty! MIDGET 3 (angry): I'll turn you into a grecan lizard! MIDGET 2 (furious): I'll turn you into a fruff ball! MIDGET 1 (angry): I'll turn you into a stuffed elak! As the three midgets point at Shamansta, Poncho jumps towards her and morphs into a pocket mirror. Shamansta grabs Poncho and holds him in front of the three just as their magic spells are cast. The magic 'rays' reflect off of the mirror and bounce back on the three, instantly transforming them. When this happans, Poncho instantly morphs back into himself. BOB (points at the floor): Look down here! LAO ZI (picks up the lizard by the tail): A Grecan lizard, I presume! GRUNT (picks up round, furry object): GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR??? SU-LI (nods); I'd call that a fruff ball! SHAMANSTA (holds it up): And this stuffed Elak is so cute! Never seen one before, maybe I can put it on my dressing table! LAO ZI (looks at monitor): Sick bay is reporting, the affected crew members have recovered from their illnesses! Suddenly, five Nubbi Olwe dressed in bright orange clothes appear, floating in front of Grunt. Grunt growls and reaches to grab them. KOL TALA (shouts): WAIT!!! PLEASE!!! WE ARE NUBBI OLWE ENFORCERS!!! BOB (shocked): Are you, police? KOL TALA (nods): In a manner of speaking, I am Kol Tala, chief Enforcer for this region and I see you have defeated the Goolalwy gang! SHAMANSTA (confused): The who? KOL TALA (smiles): The Goolalwy Gang! They are outlaws from our society, who capture space vessels to enslave their crews! None of us have ever defeated them before! BOB (concerned): What about the ships and crews they have already enslaved? KOL TALA (laughs): When the Goolalwy Gang zapped themselves, their secret hideaway was revealed, other Enforcer agents are there now freeing them and helping them to return to space. NUMBIA (happy); That's wonderful! Kol tala lifts his hand, now the three 'midgets' are encased in a large dark blue cube and back to their original forms. KOL TALA (smiles): Rest assured, these three will trouble you no more! MIDGET 1 (shocked): I can't believe it! MIDGET 2 (shakes head): How could we be defeated? MIDGET 3 (points at Shamansta): It was you, female! KOL TALA (turns to her): Is this true? SHAMANSTA (shakes head): Let's just say we used the oldest trick in the book on them! MIDGET 1 (confused); Book? MIDGET 2 (confused): What book? MIDGET 3 (growls) We will read this book of yours, and then REVENGE!!!! NUMBIA (rolls eyes): Oh brother.... KOL TALA (smiles): Pay no heed to these vagabonds. (turns to Shamansta0 What is your name, female furry creature? SHAMANSTA (smiles): I am Shamansta! KOL TALA (nods): Well Shamansta, you have the graditiude of the entire Nubbi Olwe Federation! Your name will be forever engraved in our history! BOB (smiles): If this is true, can we begin diplomatic relations with your people? KOL TALA (shakes head); Alas, we live in another dimension, an alternate universe if you will. That's why these three were so elusive, they would travel to different universes and victimize beings. NUMBIA (smiles): Can't you stay long enough to meet our Captain? KOL TALA (shakes head): Alas, time grows short for us, besides, these three have much to account for, we must go now! Farewell friends and farewell Shamansta, our champion! All of the Nubbi Olwe disappear just as Persia and the other senior officers reach the bridge. PERSIA (sternly): I demand an explanation. SU LI (smiles): Do you believe in little green men? Persia and Alexander look at each other, and then at Su-Li. The scene switches to the galley, near the beginning of morning shift. Persia has her tray, with Grunt closely behind her. As she walks over to a crowded table, she ponders her latest log entry. PERSIA (recorder voiceover, background): Captain's log, supplemental. While most of my crew, including myself, was ill, Shamansta and Poncho were able to defeat the intruding Goolalwy Gang. It is unfortunate that the Enforcers had to return to their dimension so quickly, I would have liked to open a dialogue with them. Minutes after they left, three vessels appeared in front of us, one a Flaggon transport, one a Mataxian battle cruiser, the third a Nusallan cargo vessel. Good thing we were here to provide assistance to their crews. Commendations suggested for Ensign Shamansta and Lt Poncho. HOJO (shocked); And THAT'S how you defeated them? The old mirror trick? SHAMANSTA (nods); Yes, I'm gratiful for Poncho's quick thinking... PONCHO (blushes): Bornada, it was nuting senorita! ORCHID (under her breath); So, magic girl's a hero again! (looks around): I'll show her! While everyone is saluting Persia as she sits down, Orchid switches Shamansta's tall glass of milk with a 'trick dribble' glass of milk. PERSIA (happy): Ensign Persia, Lt Poncho, good job with the intruders! SHAMANSTA (nods): Thank you, Captain! PONCHO (smiles): It was our pleasure, Captain! PERSIA (turns to Sheena): Doctor, every member of the crew was exposed to the motion sickness spell, why did some escape it's effects? SHEENA (looks at mini-clipboard): As near as I can tell, Captain, it depended on the individual. Grunt's wild genetic makeup probably saved him, Shamansta's natural magic probably kept it away from her, Numbia and Poncho..... ORCHID (while Sheena is still speaking): Hey Shamansta, don't forget to drink your milk! SHAMANSTA (shakes head): I have already finished my meal (hands it to her): I have not touched it, you may drink it if you wish. ORCHID (shakes head): Er... no....no thank you.... PERSIA (sternly): Drink up Cadet ... that's on ORDER!! Nervously, Orchid picks up the glass, slowly tilts it and listens to everyone laugh as the milk flows through the 'dribble holes' all over the front of her uniform. PERSIA (stares at Orchid): Nice try at a prank, Cadet, you have K-P duty for the next week, report to Chef Derby after your shift is over... ORCHID (upset): But...but.... I was going to see a movie with Hojo tonight! PERSIA (points): Tonight, you're the star in the real life drama called "Peeling Potatoes!" Dismissed! Orchid takes her tray and storms out of the galley. SHAMANSTA (sadly): Poor Orchid.... CACTUS JAKE (sternly); She did it to herself! PERSIA (nods): At least that matter's settled. Cactus Jake, how are things between your wife and Lt Commander Molly? CACTUS JAKE (laughs): Kinda like tap dancing through a mine field! Molly, Daisy and Flash enter the galley, the two bloodhound ladies pleading their case to the angry Russian wolfhound. DAISY (pleading): C'mon Molly! Let Flash modify your generators! FLASH (pleading): I'm tellin' ya, Molly, this will work! MOLLY (upset): You two science girls are driving me crazy! Leave me aloneski! DAISY (smiling): Have we ever let you down? FLASH (nods): Have we? Molly stands in line, grabs two large crescent rools, stuffs them into each bloodhound's mouth, and walks away. DAISY (swallows and chews): Does that mean you'll consider our ideas? ALEXANDER (turns to Persia): Captain, aren't you going to intervene? PERSIA (smiles, shakes head): No old man, I have a feeling it's better to leave those three to their own devices... Everyone at their table laughs as they continue eating breakfast. -------------------------------------------------------------------------