Crazy stuff

Warning: Contains some Atheist type stuff...I don't want to offend. I love all religions! Especially that fun Scientology bit...

I am currenly having an affair with Saddam Hussein, while carrying on a secret liason with Australian actor Hugh "Wolverine" Jackman.

Spike lives underneath my bed and makes weird hissing noises at night.

Colored chalk is manufactured by the Devil...he goes by the name Crayola.

Statistically speaking, shouldn't James Bond at least have genital warts by now? Or something else pretty nasty?

According to COSMO, eight out of ten men come early. Then how come all my boyfriends are always late for our dates?

Six words that you never want to hear. "I puked. You're standing in it."

Videl Sassoon...innocent hair products or something else entirely? Rearrange the letters in the first name. Hmmm...could it be SATAN???!!!

What if the Bible was supposed to be a novel? With a sequel? "OOPS! Bob! We accidently created a religion! What do we do?" "Just go with it! Maybe we'll sell some copies!"

If God is infallible, how can men go to hell since he created them?

Um...did anyone tell the Scientologists that their religion was created by the same science fiction writer that created 'Battlefield Earth?'

Who the hell came up with the Easter Bunny? Where did you get rabbits from the rebirth of Christ?

Celeberties are fragile...that's why Charles Heston carries a shot gun.

How come I'm a geek magnet, and the only cute guys who ask me out are the ones I hate?

I'm really married to James Marsters. He just doesn't know it yet.

Teen Magazine is evil. They said that Spike was played by James Marsden! Hello! Could we get people who know what the bloody cute-as-hell guy's name is?

The only 'real' English guy on Buffy is Anthony Stewart Head. And in real life, he sounds like Spike. (North London as opposed to Giles' cultured South.)

I'm not English. But I have a Canadian accent. Close enough to fool the real English though. (And for the love of God people, stop asking me the exchange rate for pounds!)

I frequently douse myself in holy water and go outside at noon and scream, "AAHH! I'M MELTING! I'M A VAMPIRE! SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

I considered becoming a nun, but I'm neither Catholic...and they don't let you put pin-ups of James Marsters in your chambers. Especially with his shirt off. Picky.

My yearbook is filled with people's signatures that say "have a great summer." Thanks a lot. Now I'm invisible and the CIA is trying to recruit me.

Don't call information and ask for the number to the Magic Shoppe, Spike's Love Crypt, The Alibi Room, The Intiative...or basically any number in Sunnydale. They get testy when they realize the town doesn't even exist!

Olaf the Troll borrowed my sweater and now it's all stretched out. They're so inconsiderate.

I have a life-size cardboard cut-out of Angel staring at me right now. He's starting to freak me out.

I plan on buying a Spike and Buffy one too and make Angel and Spike fight over her

My gay friend and I frequently argue loudly over who's cuter. Spike or Angel. People look at us funny.

Dogs are the tools of Satan. Seriously...did you ever see 'The Omen?'

I have actually debated over whether or not I'd rather be a vampire or a werewolf. Vampire, of course...then again, most people are least likely to have silver bullets on hand. Everyone has wood somewhere. (That wasn't supposed to be as dirty as it sounded.)

I want a poodle named Spike and a rotweiler named Buffy. The poodle's going to try and rip people's arms off.

I created a religion. Noelism. I'm the only member. And the turn out at my church sucks. I always skip it.

I made an e-group too. I'm the only member in that too. I send stories to myself.

I had a parrot once. He only said one word...die, die die...he's dead now. The power of suggestion is highly underrated.

I used to own goats. For some reason, that isn't something that you want to advertise in public. People look at you funny.

Some girl told me wearing leather was wrong. She started crying when I said the cows didn't need it anymore. CAUSE I ATE HIM! BAWHAHAHAHA!

Cutting the heads off of chickens is only wrong when you start making their bodies dance.

My cat won't come near me anymore because of that last statement.

I was abducted by aliens. They threw me back because I didn't drool and vote for Bush.

My brother's girlfriend read this list. She won't look me in the eye anymore.

Today, I argued that the Japense liked Communism in the middle of social studies. No one told me it was the Chinese who are communist till the end of class. I hate my school mates.

I'm the only one in my psych group that knows who Golda Meir is.

I talk to myself quite frequently. It's only bad when I start yelling at myself in public.

Never, ever, ever! Call your librarian G-Man. They don't think it's funny.

My mom has no sense of humour. Seriously, I thought shaving my lil brother's head would be funny.

I don't have a little brother. I'm sorry. I'm a sad and pathetic liar.

My friend suggested I write a Easter themed fanfiction where the Easter Bunny attacks Spike and Buffy, and somehow, one of them ends up covered in caramel that has to be licked up. That's not even the scary part. I'll be finished by Easter.

I actually wrote a fanfiction with me in it. You will never see it.

My mom took away my tarot cards when she caught me trying to summon the first Slayer. I attend church on a regular basis now and she hid all my occult books.

I spent two hours trying to manipulate a pic of Buffy. During a lightening storm. One guess to what happened and why I'm trying to stake myself.

I had a pet stake once, but my mom took it away when I tried to shish-kabob her stupid bird.

Priests think you're weird if you run in the church and scream, "Holy water and crosses now! The Master's acoming!"

If you patrol a graveyard with an ax, you get picked up by the police and they make you take a breathlazer and drug test.

If Spike didn't use railroad spikes, and instead used chopsticks, what would his nickname be?

How come all the Irish people on BTVS or ATS are either drunks (ANGEL when alive,) or horny comic relief? (DOYLE)

How come no one asks my opinion unless it's something completely unrelated with reality?

Apparently, Russian people don't like if you scream in their vicinity, "OH MY GAWD! THE REDS ARE INVADING!" (Sorry to any Russian or communists that may have offended.)

How come my brother can shoot a Snapple bottle out of my hand from a hundred feet, yet he can't hit the goddamn toilet that's three inches from him!? Come on, ladies...you know what I'm talking about!

Scary thought: If they had Prozac back in the Eighteen hundreds, would Poe's poem 'The Raven' be called, 'The Bluebird of Happy-Happy Land?' instead?

The guy playing the teenaged Darth Vader in the next Star Wars movie actually lived in the town near mine in Canada! Let's just say, when he was picked, he was butt ugly...but I saw a pic of him recently...and oh boy...is he a hottie now!

My Angel cut out mentioned above is secretly in love with my desk lamp. But they can't resolve their inanimate objects differences...he's two-dimensional...my lamp's a piece of office equipment who really likes my stapler.

I swerve to avoid hitting squirrels...and I swerve towards the Avon lady.

Jehovah's Witnesses don't believe in Hell...so what's the incentive for going to church and going door to door? (Nothing like a little fire and brimstone to get you off the couch.)

Bad move: Apparently, not all guys think 'third base' when you beat them up. My crush won't talk to me anymore.

Things to never say to your mother: "No." "You're wrong." "I'm right."

Things you never want to hear from either: "You know that allowence you used to have?" "Something smells weird in the basement...are you busy?" "Septic tanks are your friends." "Want to talk about it?" or worse: "I hope you don't have plans this summer...we're building another pond for some more stupid, goddamn Koi!"

How come my brother continually thinks the purple and pink Shick razor is his? (Thanks for the sliced artery, bro.)

I believe in ghosts, vampires, demons, and aliens...but I don't believe in God, Satan, and the Bush legislation.

The time is ripe for letting Charlton Heston loose on Washington. (Senator Kennedy is coming right for us!!! Blam!)

I wrote my first naughty fic when I was seventeen. I wasn't allowed to read it till I was eighteen. (Damn censorship!)

My friend was caught reading one of my fics. I'm not allowed to sleep at her house anymore and her mom flicks me the evil eye whenever I see her.

I made my lil sister cry when I told her the venison she was eating was really Rudolph.


	Things I think up at Three in the Morning Warning: Contains some Atheist type stuff...I don't want to offend. I love all religions! Especially that fun Scientology bit... I am currenly having an affair with Saddam Hussein, while carrying on a secret liason with Australian actor Hugh "Wolverine" Jackman. Dilbert is GOD! Spike lives underneath my bed and makes weird hissing noises at night. Buffy's character is really based on me. I OWN Spike's jacket. Colored chalk is manufactured by the Devil...he goes by the name Crayola. Why don't they make tuna-safe dolphin? Do sheep shrink in the rain? Statistically speaking, shouldn't James Bond at least have genital warts by now? Or something else pretty nasty? According to COSMO, eight out of ten men come early. Then how come all my boyfriends are always late for our dates? Six words that you never want to hear. "I puked. You're standing in it." Wet paint signs are redundant if you paint them. Does James Marsters shave his chest for BTVS? Five words you never want to hear. Luke, I am your father. I can make happy faces...with hair! =:-) Three words you never want to hear. Ace Ventura Sequel. Why is Llama spelled with two 'L's? That's so llame. Videl Sassoon...innocent hair products or something else entirely? Rearrange the letters in the first name. Hmmm...could it be SATAN???!!! Same goes for Santa. What if the Bible was supposed to be a novel? With a sequel? "OOPS! Bob! We accidently created a religion! What do we do?" "Just go with it! Maybe we'll sell some copies!" If God is infallible, how can men go to hell since he created them? Um...did anyone tell the Scientologists that their religion was created by the same science fiction writer that created 'Battlefield Earth?' I hate people who have intolerance! Who the hell came up with the Easter Bunny? Where did you get rabbits from the rebirth of Christ? Celeberties are fragile...that's why Charles Heston carries a shot gun. Alfred E. Neuman is my secret lover. How come I'm a geek magnet, and the only cute guys who ask me out are the ones I hate? I'm really married to James Marsters. He just doesn't know it yet. Teen Magazine is evil. They said that Spike was played by James Marsden! Hello! Could we get people who know what the bloody cute-as-hell guy's name is? The only 'real' English guy on Buffy is Anthony Stewart Head. And in real life, he sounds like Spike. (North London as opposed to Giles' cultured South.) Manchester United is KING I'm not English. But I have a Canadian accent. Close enough to fool the real English though. (And for the love of God people, stop asking me the exchange rate for pounds!) I frequently douse myself in holy water and go outside at noon and scream, "AAHH! I'M MELTING! I'M A VAMPIRE! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" My parents are considering therapy. I scare my Catholic friends. I considered becoming a nun, but I'm neither Catholic...and they don't let you put pin-ups of James Marsters in your chambers. Especially with his shirt off. Picky. I have no idea why I am making this. My yearbook is filled with people's signatures that say "have a great summer." Thanks a lot. Now I'm invisible and the CIA is trying to recruit me. Don't call information and ask for the number to the Magic Shoppe, Spike's Love Crypt, The Alibi Room, The Intiative...or basically any number in Sunnydale. They get testy when they realize the town doesn't even exist! Penguins piss me off Olaf the Troll borrowed my sweater and now it's all stretched out. They're so inconsiderate. I wear crosses...just in case. I have a life-size cardboard cut-out of Angel staring at me right now. He's starting to freak me out. I plan on buying a Spike and Buffy one too and make Angel and Spike fight over her Nicotine is my friend My gay friend and I frequently argue loudly over who's cuter. Spike or Angel. People look at us funny. Dogs are the tools of Satan. Seriously...did you ever see 'The Omen?' I have actually debated over whether or not I'd rather be a vampire or a werewolf. Vampire, of course...then again, most people are least likely to have silver bullets on hand. Everyone has wood somewhere. (That wasn't supposed to be as dirty as it sounded.) Bram Stoker was a nutball. I saw Hannibal today with my dad. I'm hungry now. I want a poodle named Spike and a rotweiler named Buffy. The poodle's going to try and rip people's arms off. I created a religion. Noelism. I'm the only member. And the turn out at my church sucks. I always skip it. I made an e-group too. I'm the only member in that too. I send stories to myself. I have ten email accounts. I only use one. I don't know when or how this list became about me. I had a parrot once. He only said one word...die, die die...he's dead now. The power of suggestion is highly underrated. I used to own goats. For some reason, that isn't something that you want to advertise in public. People look at you funny. Some girl told me wearing leather was wrong. She started crying when I said the cows didn't need it anymore. CAUSE I ATE HIM! BAWHAHAHAHA! I got in an argument with a stapler once. I lost. Smart ass. Cutting the heads off of chickens is only wrong when you start making their bodies dance. Hamsterdance.com frightens and confuses me. Important: CATS CAN'T FLY! But they make great corndogs. My cat won't come near me anymore because of that last statement. I was abducted by aliens. They threw me back because I didn't drool and vote for Bush. Newly added Craziness! My brother's girlfriend read this list. She won't look me in the eye anymore. I have candlewax in my keyboard. Today, I argued that the Japense liked Communism in the middle of social studies. No one told me it was the Chinese who are communist till the end of class. I hate my school mates. I'm the only one in my psych group that knows who Golda Meir is. I don't know why I know who Golda Meir is. I talk to myself quite frequently. It's only bad when I start yelling at myself in public. I called my friend 'Deadboy' today. He's confused. Never, ever, ever! Call your librarian G-Man. They don't think it's funny. My mom has no sense of humour. Seriously, I thought shaving my lil brother's head would be funny. I don't have a little brother. I'm sorry. I'm a sad and pathetic liar. I don't know why, but I love the line, 'Hello! Lesbian now!' My friend suggested I write a Easter themed fanfiction where the Easter Bunny attacks Spike and Buffy, and somehow, one of them ends up covered in caramel that has to be licked up. That's not even the scary part. I'll be finished by Easter. I actually wrote a fanfiction with me in it. You will never see it. My mom took away my tarot cards when she caught me trying to summon the first Slayer. I attend church on a regular basis now and she hid all my occult books. For Chelle: Who the hell is Spence? I spent two hours trying to manipulate a pic of Buffy. During a lightening storm. One guess to what happened and why I'm trying to stake myself. I had a pet stake once, but my mom took it away when I tried to shish-kabob her stupid bird. Priests think you're weird if you run in the church and scream, "Holy water and crosses now! The Master's acoming!" If you patrol a graveyard with an ax, you get picked up by the police and they make you take a breathlazer and drug test. If Spike didn't use railroad spikes, and instead used chopsticks, what would his nickname be? How come all the Irish people on BTVS or ATS are either drunks (ANGEL when alive,) or horny comic relief? (DOYLE) How come no one asks my opinion unless it's something completely unrelated with reality? I want to dye my hair green and scream, "Cha-cha-cha Chia!!" Apparently, Russian people don't like if you scream in their vicinity, "OH MY GAWD! THE REDS ARE INVADING!" (Sorry to any Russian or communists that may have offended.) How come my brother can shoot a Snapple bottle out of my hand from a hundred feet, yet he can't hit the goddamn toilet that's three inches from him!? Come on, ladies...you know what I'm talking about! Scary thought: If they had Prozac back in the Eighteen hundreds, would Poe's poem 'The Raven' be called, 'The Bluebird of Happy-Happy Land?' instead? Buffy's a necrophiliac! My spellcheck doesn't accept the word necrophiliac. Go figure. The guy playing the teenaged Darth Vader in the next Star Wars movie actually lived in the town near mine in Canada! Let's just say, when he was picked, he was butt ugly...but I saw a pic of him recently...and oh boy...is he a hottie now! I can't believe I said 'Oh My Gawd' before. My Angel cut out mentioned above is secretly in love with my desk lamp. But they can't resolve their inanimate objects differences...he's two-dimensional...my lamp's a piece of office equipment who really likes my stapler. Yes, the same stapler who once won an argument against me. I work in a kennel...and I HATE dogs! I swerve to avoid hitting squirrels...and I swerve towards the Avon lady. Jehovah's Witnesses don't believe in Hell...so what's the incentive for going to church and going door to door? (Nothing like a little fire and brimstone to get you off the couch.) Bad move: Apparently, not all guys think 'third base' when you beat them up. My crush won't talk to me anymore. Things to never say to your mother: "No." "You're wrong." "I'm right." Things to never say to your father: "Dad, back me up with mom." Things you never want to hear from either: "You know that allowence you used to have?" "Something smells weird in the basement...are you busy?" "Septic tanks are your friends." "Want to talk about it?" or worse: "I hope you don't have plans this summer...we're building another pond for some more stupid, goddamn Koi!" How come my brother continually thinks the purple and pink Shick razor is his? (Thanks for the sliced artery, bro.) I believe in ghosts, vampires, demons, and aliens...but I don't believe in God, Satan, and the Bush legislation. The time is ripe for letting Charlton Heston loose on Washington. (Senator Kennedy is coming right for us!!! Blam!) I am Wicked Plum! You will respect my authoritaaay! I wrote my first naughty fic when I was seventeen. I wasn't allowed to read it till I was eighteen. (Damn censorship!) My friend was caught reading one of my fics. I'm not allowed to sleep at her house anymore and her mom flicks me the evil eye whenever I see her. I confuse and frighten my friends. I love my life. Sex is only bad if your partner is ugly. I'm sorry for all the ugly people I offended. Hey, I'm ugly...but my big boobs make up for it... I'm sorry, I lied again...I'm not ugly. I don't have big boobs...yet!!! Yay silicone! I made my lil sister cry when I told her the venison she was eating was really Rudolph. I'm a cruel, depraved sibling, aren't I? Back Home