Spotted recently at Lederhosen Hall the communist president of the "Monthly Blather" Heinrich Stalin hams it up for the
photogs. What a dandy boy he is in the latest pinko scum evening attire! When he's not busy rewriting his serf writers'
columns he prances about, smells pansies, and kicks little dogs with his pointy dictator pumps. Word has it that
fancy pants Stalin is debuting his new line of tyrant spring wear next month. Look for a revealing line of crotchless
lingere and a super cute pair of capri pants! They'll all be available at your local Third Reich boutique soon so
goosestep your way on down there. Don't forget to leave your right to free speech at home! Remember: No Nazis,
no shoes, No Service!
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If we can ax you all to spend a moment in quiet contemplation reflecting on those unknown celebrities that will or
have perished last year, this year, or ten years from now, alone and cold on some hack indie film set, trailorless.
They will have vyed valiantly for your attention and shot millions of dollars of smack into their veins when you
wouldn't leave them alone. But in the end, it will
all have been for you...the fan, the stalker, the incarcerated. And when they croak, and their sagging plastic enhancements
render them unrecognizable, and they are recycled for tampon applicators, just remember to hold a bit of that
celebrity inside yourself.
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