The Tale of the Old Howler Monkey Once upon a time there was a howler monkey named Phil. Now Phil liked the taste of human flesh, so whenever he could, he ate people. Hearing of this, the King of Coolville went in search of this terrible beast on the back of his trusty yak. On his way he was stopped by a black blind man named Jeremiah. "Whatch you gonna be doin' 'bout thats olds monkey?" he asked. "Hopefully going to kill him," said the king. "No can do," replied Jeremiah, "He's awfully mean and eats folks." "I'm not scared of that, why hell, I ate my own folks," said the king, "not to mention my dog." "Would you like to come along?" asked the king. "No sah, Iz don't wanna go in fetch that's old monkey wit ya," said Jeremiah. "Why not?" asked the king. "Because that ole monkey, he's be a mean one," stated Jeremiah. The king then went on his merry way. After he stopped at a tavern for a drink, an elf tried to steal his faithful yak. The king stabbed the elf in the head with his broadsword and ate his liver while the greedy little elf was still alive. Seeing this, the townspeople feared the king and all he stood for, which is why the king killed the whole village so no rumors got started. After this little incident, he went once more after Phil, the Howler Monkey of Daville. He finally came upon the tree fortress of the monkey. "Oh howler monkey, where are you?" asked the king. "I'm up here you horse's ass!" shouted the monkey, and he threw a coconut down and hit the king's yak, killing it instantly. "How dare you!" cried the king, and started hacking the tree down with his sword. And ya know, he would've done it too, if the monkey wouldn't have jumped down and gave the king a noogie. "Get off! Get off!!" screamed the king, but the monkey was just too strong for him. But just then old Jeremiah came and hit the monkey in the head with a nine iron (but since he was blind, he hit the king a few times first). This killed the evil monkey and they burned it to a crisp, then they invited all the people in the area and had a picnic and they laughed and danced and feasted upon monkey-kabobs. But the ending is not a happy one, for the king choked to death on a corn cob, and Jeremiah was picked for hide-and-seek and was never seen again. Then the townspeople were caught outside during an acid rainstorm and were melted.