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//My dearest friends… Trowa…Heero…Duo….Wufei… our angels.. they’re all gone…I’m alone.//
The revelation hit him like a ton of bricks. He was completely and utterly alone, stuck living in a void. Slowly he let his limbs fall out of the fetal position they had just been occupying and he floated free, staring about him. The very color and tone of his skin contrasted so sharply against he blackness that he almost seemed to glow against it. A voice materialized out somewhere in the void. It was of a timbre and quality that Quatre could not readily identify and yet it was familiar in a spine-tingling way.
"IS SOMEONE ELSE HERE?"
He didn’t understand what compulsion drove him to yell, but it seemed the appropriate thing to do. His voice echoed with startling volume through the stillness only to be swallowed by the gaping expanse that constituted the scenery. . The same almost mocking tone of voice came back to him again and he got the sense that he was being stalked.
"Of course.. I’ve always been here."
Quatre turned ‘round to face…blackness, just as the same as he would see from every angle or given direction.
"Okay, whatever, whoever you are, you seem to know what’s going on, so would you mind telling me?"
The mocking voice fell into laughter, a gentle, tinkling laughter that sounded a bit like bells. "I’ve known what’s going on from the very beginning but I was tragically unable to say or do anything about it. Isn’t that a shame Mr. Winner?"
Quatre felt as if ice was slowly freezing his mind over. The voice was maddeningly familiar, and frighteningly close to him. He didn’t like the recognition or the proximity. Phantom fingers brushed at his face and vanilla floated through the air, the only scent in the vacuum.
"STOP IT! STOP TEASING ME!"
Tears ran slowly down Quatre’s reddened cheeks and his voice cracked with tension.
"Why should I?!" the voice demanded angrily. "What have you ever done for me except help me FALL?!"
Then, sudden as an epiphany, it was all clear.
"Alex!"
She materialized in front of him, in a form that truly suited her. Angelic beauty that was spoiled made her features. Long dark lines ran down her high-cheeks to make her look like an angry harlequin. Her pale blonde hair floated around her face as if it had a life all of its own, moved by the fingers of air that wasn’t felt. A dress made out of nightmares and purple was laced onto her supple body and silver jewelry of intricate designs adorned her upper arms and thighs. Her large and bat-like wings were furled out, making her seem even larger than she ever had before. Gone was the caring child that had watched faithfully over Duo Maxwell, all that was left was an angry and shunned angel.
"Why am I here Alex?!"
She laughed at him, a sharp and cold laugh, sharp enough to cut. "You were the one egging the competitors on. The deities thought that it would be amusing to see you hang in purgatory for the rest of your life. I would find it amusing too. However, they've decided I’m to be your guide."
"Guide to what?"
She glared at him. "Don’t ask questions, just follow."
He stood and found that the area under his feet had solidified, making it possible for him to walk. Alex walked ahead of him, a smear of color against the darkness. Slowly, the shadows moved around him and then there was a scene, carefully unfolding as if it were a rose budding into full bloom. He gaped silently and began to speak, only to be silenced by an ice-cold finger on his lips. Alex stared at him, demanding silence.
Wufei sat there, in a rose garden, high and ornate iron gates stretching to and fro’. The roses bloomed all around him, the thorny tendrils of bushes effectively caging the oriental youth in. It was twilight and he did not move, but seemed to be stuck in a position of contemplating the distance.
Alex removed her hand. "You have a chance to speak with him one last time.. don’t waste it."
Quatre didn’t doubt her, he just walked into the roses, avoiding the thorns with great skill. Wufei turned to him, beautiful onyx eyes shimmering in a round face with a clear complexion. His black hair trailed free of his ever-present and very painful looking ponytail to fall over his shoulders. He was clothed in robes woven directly out of silk, intricate patterns gracing the elaborate garments. He looked like a lost prince from a fairy-tale. Never before had Quatre realized just how handsome, no handsome was the wrong word, really beautiful Wufei was.
"Hey there Wu…"
The old Quatre had faded away, bequeathing the younger his body and knowledge, and the freedom to have his own personality back. Wufei turned to him, his profile highlighted in the sinking and bloody sun. The roses were bathed in red light and the whole scene threatened to steal Quatre’s breath.
"My Sakura…"
His voice and face were so sad that it hurt Quatre to look at him. "I’m sorry." The Chinese youth shook his head. "It wasn’t meant to be. It never is.. I’m always denied. Trieze-sama…Sakura.. Merian.. I’m a solitary dragon Quat. That’s what I’ve always been it seems."
He smiled softly, so much more softly than ever Quatre had seen before. "I’ve accepted things. I’ve felt love.. at very least. It was a good fight Quatre.. it really was."
Quatre nodded, "Will I ever see you again Wufei?"
The oriental boy shook his head. "No, not like this, not as who I am. You’ll never see me again. But we’ll all find each other again. We share a bond as strong as brothers, us five. I think we always have."
Quatre went forward and unashamedly embraced the 05 pilot. "I’m going to miss you."
Wufei laughed at him. "You’re such a silly gentle soul. In a while it all won’t matter anyway. Get on now, your time is running out."
The light of the dying sun faded and Wufei was left clothed in shadows and starlight, a red-tinged moon bathing him in its radiance. He turned from Quatre to stare into the night and for the first time, Quatre could see tears on his face, sparkling with the lights of the night.
"See you around Wufei."
He turned and exited from the patch of roses, his footsteps silent. The Chinese boy’s voice followed him out of the flowers. "No, you won’t."
Quatre walked back into the darkness, silently trailing after Alex. She turned and looked at him, her features by now melted into something more compassionate than they had been.
"I’m sorry, but there’s more to see, unless you don’t want to."
Quatre shook his head. " I want to see them all, especially Trowa."
Alex nodded again, seizing his slim hand and pulling him through the blackness.
Quatre was a quick study. He realized they were getting close to their destination when he saw the lights of the next panoramic scene ahead of them. From the way that the lights shifted and flickered, he had an inkling that he would be seeing flames.
"Duo", he breathed, staring ahead and through the blackness in a vain attempt to see what was coming. He couldn’t have been prepared for what he saw.
The teen that he had known to be a religious, if slightly twisted individual, was lying on a rock looking like a cheap whore. His sleek skin was just barely covered by a mesh tank-top that hugged his skin, the black netting hinting very bluntly at what was beneath, and a pair of black leather pants seemed to be painted onto his legs and hips, hanging low. He was barefoot and his hands were free of decoration as well, save the many rings that glistened in the light of the fires around him. His hair was unbound, little sections braided with ribbon woven in, but for the most part the whole silky mass was free. His gaze, as Wufei’s had been previously, was far-far away. As Quatre approached him his eyes turned to the small blonde and a smile played over his lips.
"Quat… how go things my slightly anxious friend?"
Quatre found himself mute at a moment when it would behoove him to speak whatever peace he needed. Duo smiled.
"What do you suppose is going to happen to good old Shinigami? Best not to think about it."
The incubus, the absolute vision of beauty before him smiled. "It was better than good knowing you Quatre, and I’m going to miss you. Think of me in the next life all right?"
Quatre finally regained his power of speech after a moment’s lack of it. "Whatever do you mean Duo? I’ll see you there, we five will see each other again!"
The words were hallow, they both knew it. Duo’s pouting sensuous lips conveyed the truth they both sensed hidden in the silence that lay between them.
"Liar liar pants on fire…"
Quatre looked unhappily into Duo’s amethyst eyes, truly seeing their depths for the first time. The Duo that he looked upon, this god-like creature of sensuality and humor at once, was Duo Maxwell. "It was worth a try wasn’t it?"
He was surprised at how light his voice managed to sound even when his heart was feeling so very heavy. Duo smiled. "It was a very good try at that. I’m proud of you for it! You get two thumbs up for your efforts!" Quatre smiled as Duo stuck his hands out, digits upraised to the topless expanse that constituted ‘sky’. He walked forward through the flames and embraced the boy, eyes locking with Duo for one searing moment.
"I shall miss you Duo Maxwell, and I pray peace for you."
There was no witty quip to match his statement. Duo simply hugged him back, that strong squeeze that Quatre was used to. After the once-mage had retreated from the panorama he heard Duo’s voice, laced with tones of irony.
"But you see.. there is no peaceful rest for the wicked." Shutting his eyes tightly, Quatre moved forward.
Alex walked with him still, he didn’t question why she was with him. He figured that she was to be his guide through the void, as he paid his last respects. He sort of wished that he had Trowa or Stephanie at his side but he didn’t voice that wish. If Alex was to be his guide, then Alex was to be his guide.
She pressed close to him, her wings brushing him. "I have something to tell you, what you see next will be hard to see. This place.. this is a place where a person’s true nature is exposed. You’ll find some interesting things about your lover."
Quatre’s eyes didn’t move from the next point of light in the horizon. "Don’t misunderstand me Alexandria, I understand perfectly what I’m going to see next, and unlike what you think that I do, it will not hurt me, for I understand Trowa far better than any other ever will."
Alex managed to look mildly offended. "Silly mortal" was the only retort that passed her lips.
It was a garden the likes of which Quarter had never seen. Flowers of all shades surrounded him, from passionate reds to soul-rending blues, the flowers covered every gradient of the visible color spectrum. The shades of their leaves went from the palest of greens to the deepest of emeralds. The trees that stood silent vigil over the scene were tall and strong, their leaves making the sun fall down onto the carpet of leaves forming a pattern like that of a stained glass window. A small pond was formed by a deep hole formed in a structure of rock. A quiet waterfall tumbled down the rocks to trail off and out of sight.
"I’ve stumbled into Eden," Quatre murmured to himself, staring into the foliage surrounding him. Yet it was not the garden of innocence and wonder that Adam and Eve had occupied at a point in time.
As Quatre’s sapphire eyes searched the scene they fell to the duo sitting near the falls, quietly observing the scenery.
He would have recognized her anywhere, her fair and lovely blonde tresses tumbling down her back like a rush of gold. Her features were delicate and fragile and yet her eyes confounded that innocent image. They were pools of sapphire like his own, yet they held strength and intelligence and defiance that didn’t ring quite the same in his own soul. She was the stronger willed of the two, where he was the gentler. She rested comfortably in Trowa’s lap, her bare feet resting in the little spring that bubbled happily over the rocks. Trowa’s head rested against her shoulder, as he leaned on her, quietly contemplating the distance.
Alex leaned over and whispered in Quatre’s ear. "Now is he waiting for you, or simply contemplating the distance with his true beloved. It was this way even in the first time. You realize this?"
Quatre nodded, his eyes clear, he was unafraid. "He loves me. He loves her. He loves us. We are brother and sister, flesh, of the same family of the same material. In the absence of one he would have the other. We both understand this."
Alex simply nodded. She had been given the answer that she had been curious about. Silently she faded into the scenery and shadows behind the mage and waited for him to say his good-byes to the two that he held dearest in the world.
He walked up slowly, his steps hesitating for the first time since he had found guidance in the void. He quickened his pace until he was running through the flowers, unmindful of what he stepped on, of what wonders that he trampled. Throwing his arms about Trowa’s shoulders he could feel himself trembling even while an incredible calm resided inside of his mind.
"Trowa."
The emerald eyed boy turned to face him, his small and significant smile resting happily on a kissable mouth.
"Quatre."
Just his name was enough to send shivers down the mage’s spine. His eyes were filling with tears and all of the things that he had wanted to say had fallen out of his mind. He simply stood there, hanging loosely about his lover’s shoulders with a horrible feeling of eternity surrounding his head like a crown of thorns.
"Don’t speak, my little angel. Don’t say…a word."
Trowa turned and kissed Quatre. It was a goodbye. The tall and stoic boy couldn’t force the words out of his throat any more than the blonde Arabian could. The tears came sliding freely down Quatre’s cheeks now. He had never been ashamed of his tears, they were a part of what made him human and that humanity was hurting him now.
"Why?"
Trowa smiled enigmatically. "You know better than we do Quatre. We’re just waiting for you here. We’ll be here when you get back."
There was an irrational anger stirring within Quatre’s breast. Never before had he ever been this angry with Trowa.
"YOU IDIOT! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?! WE’RE DYING! THIS IS GOODBYE…WE AS WE ARE….ARE NO MORE! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?!"
Trowa’s finger rested on his lips, holding the barrage of angry and frustrated words. There were discrete tears running down Trowa’s cheeks as well now, his emerald eyes seemed almost darker for it.
"Don’t hate me love. Don’t tell me the truth. I believe," at that point he had to stop, for he choked on his own words. "-I believe, that souls are mated even before they choose their bodies. And no matter WHAT, no matter WHEN, no matter HOW, I can and I will find you again. You’re my angel, you always have been. I can’t forget you."
Quatre nodded again, finding that strange and calm acceptance blossoming in his chest once again.
"I’ll see you again then."
How often was it that his voice was reduced to a whisper around his fellow pilots? He didn’t understand it. Trowa simply nodded, he didn’t move to embrace, he didn’t speak, he didn’t cry. He simply watched Quatre. There were no words needed between the siblings. They understood each other even then. In truth they had said their good-byes the day that Brynn died. Quatre turned, and tried not to look back, rationalizing that perhaps Trowa would follow him, that they could wander eternity together. Yet when he reached the edge of the garden where the flowers grew, when he turned back he found Trowa in a state of repose once again
He turned to Alex, who had materialized from the shadows to once again flutter with him. "Just one more?"
She nodded, looking tired. "Yes, just one more. Then you may rest."
He walked along unhurried, toward Heero. When he arrived the scene entranced him. There were clouds everywhere. The background sky was gradients of blue and black, the colors of late twilight. The silver linings of the clouds glittered in the last dying rays. Heero lay out on one of the clouds, his eyes closed unlike those of his fellow pilots. His face was that of a sleeping child, sweet and soft. He still held the wings that he had acquired as of recent times. When Quatre approached he opened his eyes. Instead of having Quatre come to him he rose instead, stepping out of the clouds with the daintiness of a cherub. He walked to Quatre and embraced him in a fluid motion of limbs and wings.
Enfolded in the downy softness of Heero’s wings Quatre was struck by a chord of deep sadness. Heero had always been a tattered angel on the inside, lost and forced to do things that no human ought to be forced to. He would forever be a child in his heart, never able to mature normally like the rest of his peers. For his heart wanted to hold onto the childhood that his psyche had been denied. Stepping back from the comforting cage of Heero’s wings Quatre looked up to the Wing pilot.
"Heero…what can I say to you?"
Heero’s eyes were gentle and quiet. "Nothing? How about that?"
Quatre nodded. "Nothing seems appropriate. But I have to say something. I’ll miss you."
"And I you."
Quatre nodded. "Then, honestly, that’s all that we really need to say period. Because, that’s all that we needed to hear. I’ll think of you, and I know that I’ll see you in the next lifetime. It just has to be so. You have to understand this. We’ll all be there, you and Duo, and Wufei and Trowa, everyone."
Heero laughed gently. "You’re younger than I am."
Quatre shook his head. "No my friend, just infinitely more hopeful."
The angel nodded, simply standing, a warm and gentle breeze playing over his face and rushing through his bangs. Quatre smiled once again. "Go back to sleep Heero. Sweet dreams."
The angel turned and laid once again in the clouds, falling back into the sleep of the tired and the righteous. They all deserved that sleep, or so was Quatre’s opinion. It had been difficult to leave the others, and it had been heart-wrenching to leave Trowa and yet Quatre was finding it nearly impossible to leave Heero. Alex faded in from behind him invisibly, silently tugging on his hand.
Silently he turned away from the clouds and walked back out into the darkness. After a while of walking they came to a staircase leading upward into nothing. Quatre looked to his guide quizzically. "This is my space? Personally I would have thought that I would be resting within desert sands."
Alex laughed gently, her eyes infinitely joyful and infinitely sad at once. "Change in plans." Her tone was soft, betraying no emotion. He cocked his head to the side, confused. "So what do I do?"
She sighed gently. "Ascend. And speak. With them."
His confusion deepened. "Alex, you’re making no sense!"
She just smiled, sad enough for all of her time in hell. "Good luck."
The shadows seemed to move forward, pulling her in like a deep pit. They slowly closed over her limbs and body, covering her face, and finally her eyes. Quatre found himself alone at the base of a staircase.
"Now what?", he asked the still air at the base.
To be Concluded
