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He he, this be a shonen ai 2x5 fic. Lotssa Duo Torture ahead, but hey,
it always gets better in teh end. You know me! *grins*
Duo stared sightlessly at the coffin being lowered into the soft springy turf of Earth. It was an absolutely beautiful day, a testament to what Earth could be if it really tried. The sun was shining brightly in a sky that seemed to be painted a bright and lustrous blue. Fluffy clouds flew high in the sky. The birds in the surrounding shade trees trilled and whistled, sounding their voices high into the air. The temperature was almost perfect, just a little bit cold. That was the way that things seemed to happen, perfect yet not quite.
He couldn’t understand what had happened. Everything had been going along fine for a while. And then it had happened, suddenly, straight out of no where. Whoever would have thought that he would have died like that.
With a deep breath Duo tried not to think of it, but the images came unbidden to him, the sounds accompanying joyfully, bringing about complete remembrance. The sound of the shot, a clean shot at that, just one, ringing through the still air of the high level office. The sound of a bullet connecting with flesh and the sickening sound as it buried itself into –his- skull. The horrified little gasp that –he- had made, just as –he- stumbled backward, toward the glass window, and was carried by his momentum out of it completely.
Duo could remember the sound of complete anguish and helplessness that had ripped it’s way out of his throat as he had watched the other crash out of the window. He recalled vividly the way that his hand had flown to one of the many guns on his person. He had wheeled on the shooter and pumped him so full of lead that the coroner had difficulty telling exactly what it was that they were looking at.
He’d run to the window, not really knowing what he was going to do, just look or hurl himself after the other boy that was falling, falling. It was a fifty story drop. By the time that the falling boy hit the ground the momentum that carried him would drive him mercilessly into the concrete, snapping his bones, shattering him. Duo could still remember screaming his name, blindly groping toward he who was already well beyond reach, his fingers outstretched, ignoring the shattered glass that dug into his other palm and trying to catch the falling angel.
He had stood transfixed at the window, staring down as the boy fell, his limbs outstretched, one hand reaching upward, his wild hair flying about his face. As he grew more distant the louder Duo had screamed, letting the whole world know his pain. He had kept on screaming right up to the end as he watched the other boy land and watched with morbid interest as a crimson pool slowly flowed around the shattered body in the concrete. For one desperate moment Duo had wanted to dive after him, and join him, but he didn’t have the courage to do it. He was too damn scared to do it.
He would have stayed there, unmoving, transfixed by the scene bellow him were it not for Wufei dragging him away, his face completely stoic. He could remember screaming at the Chinese pilot, asking him what the hell he thought he was doing, but he had remained silent and dragged him out of there.
Now Duo thanked Wufei for that action somewhere in the part of himself that continued to want to exist. By this time it was a very, very small part of himself and diminishing every day. The coffin was all the way down by now. He sighed and wiped at phantom tears. They just weren’t there anymore. They were never there when they should be. He always found himself crying at the oddest times. He’d broken down in the middle of dinner the last evening, for no other reason than because a song had come onto the radio.
Unconsciously he had been clutching the rose that he held much too tightly. There were thorns still on it, and they dug into his flesh, virgin of cut or bruise for several years. Silently he amended to himself that he would have to fix that fact. As the others threw their various flowers in he watched his with personal satisfaction. It was a black rose, tainted with his own blood. That was his gift, his final thought. Dirt was pitched on and he stayed the whole time, watching as inch by inch the hole was filled, burying him beneath. Far beneath, forever out of touch, yet he had always been that way. Everyone had left, by this time he was the only one standing there, staring at a cold gravestone. His voice was strange to his ears, it was the sound of a hallow man, lost of everything but simple feeling.
“Heero, didn’t you realize? Didn’t you know? I loved you so much…”
There, he’d said it. He’d said all that really needed to be said and now he needed to go someplace, do something, otherwise he’d just take out the forty five in the back pocket of the large and baggy pants that he wore and cap himself. Like that bastard had capped Heero.
He turned to face the solitude of the evening and found himself at a loss for what to do. He was so used to having a room mate and someone to do things with that he was subconsciously thinking of two people activities. He gritted his teeth at the wave of sadness that washed over him at that thought. He had to think of something that he could do by himself. His brain was not working properly. It had only been about a week since it had happened, since Heero had decorated the sidewalk with his own blood. But Duo couldn’t stand staying still, being stuck in that horrible moment of pain and anxiety. If he didn’t do something then it would play over and over in his mind, repeating itself like a CD stuck on eternal repeat. So he had done everything in his power to escape his memory, absolutely everything.
First it had been drinking, but he and alcohol did not mix well. After that it was drugs, and marijuana and he did mix. They mixed very well, but that still didn’t quite do it. After that he had turned to GHB, and that was the winner. It usually dissipated out of his system in twelve hours or so, and relaxed him to the point of where he could forget his troubles. The other pilots weren’t taking it nearly so hard. They had known Heero as a friend and fellow pilot, but nothing more. They hadn’t sat there for hours and patiently pried at his shell, working at him, trying to get him to be receptive and open to them. They hadn’t gotten to know the boy that lived inside the cold Heero Yuy. The other was a rather friendly person, with a dry, but amusing sense of humor. He was sweet, and rather gentle of all things. And he had almost been Duo’s save for a bullet to the head. That one little piece of flying metal had taken away everything that Duo had worked for.
Standing on the grassy knoll where Heero rested he let his mind wander. He’d go home, get a fix of GHB and go out and dance. That was one of the other things that let him free of this hell that he had fallen into. Dance involved touch and motion, heat and a beat. Every time that he danced, invariably people came to be around him, surrounding him. They were all slaves to the same thing, the same wonderful and merciless rhythms pounding from speakers all around. The lights were dim and strobes flashed, everyone danced, not thinking, not knowing, just moving. It was wonderful; it was a very actual possibility that one of these times he would pass out and get raped, but at this stage of the game he didn’t care anymore. He just had things to do, a person to be.
/I didn’t even get to say goodbye to him. We hadn’t said a word that entire day. I was grumpy and I think he took it that I was mad at him. He was actually the one talking that evening and I ignored him!/
Duo continued to rip himself slowly apart from the inside out, as he walked down the hall and out the door. The other pilots wouldn’t need to know. They didn’t need to know, and they never would. It was his burden to bear, his pain to keep.
Wufei stared at the gravestone of the Wing pilot with silent respect. There needed to be no words spoken, both he and Heero had always been resolute in themselves.
“You did well; only you left a mission half completed.”
He stared over the hill to the slowly walking Duo, his proud shoulders slumped, and his hair in a messy ponytail, knots running through it’s usually smooth length.
“He’s very upset, he might cause himself bodily harm. You and I both know that you don’t want that. If I do stop him though, you’re not going to like the way that I do it.”
The air around him seemed chill and he could imagine the growling scowl on Heero’s face. Wufei stared at the air around him reasonably. “But you know that it’s the truth Yuy, if I do it there’s only one way that it’s going to go.”
The air warmed somewhat and Wufei smiled at the agreement. “I won’t hurt him. If you have to use me as a vessel.” He stared slightly into the distance, as if contemplating something deep and far beyond his grasp.
“Though understand that I do this for no one save you and Maxwell.”
There was a tense moment of silence and then Wufei felt something inside of him shift. He, they were a whole person now. In a tone that was much different from that of his usual, and slightly more monotonous than one that he would use he spoke.
“I hope you know what you’re doing Chang.”
“Trust me Yuy, if I knew what I were doing then I would be the first one to tell you.”
Duo was lost in his own eyes. He was sitting on his bathroom sink, staring at his reflection, his hair tumbling down behind him. He knew that he ought to brush it, but he couldn’t bring himself to grab the brush and perform the task. In the background the sound of his door being unlocked caught his sensitive ears. Only two people had the key to his apartment beside himself and those people were Heero and Wufei. Most likely Heero hadn’t risen out of his earthy bed to pay a house call so it would be Wufei.
“I’ll be right with you Wu-man, I’m a little indisposed at the moment.”
He stared down at his bandaged wrists with something that bordered on shame; Wufei wouldn’t approve, most definitely not. He pulled on the long, black poet’s shirt that he had opted to wear to the club that evening and opened the door, the heels of his boots clicking on the wood paneling of his floor. As he walked out Wufei looked up at him curious.
When Duo caught his first glance of Wufei his mind screamed that it wasn’t his other best friend sitting on the couch. Everything about the Wufei sitting before him screamed unfamiliarity. His posture was slightly different then it was usually. Where Wufei usually sat ready for almost anything it wasn’t ridged and formal. The boy sitting on his couch was that way, just the way that he sat. Wufei almost never sat with his legs apart and his arms resting on his knees to fall inward toward his thighs, that was mostly a Heero posture. Wufei was sitting that way. He usually kept his hair fairly well bound save for a few rogue strands that always managed to work free of his ponytail, the boy sitting before him had most of his hair free and worked loose from the confine placed on it. The holder was still securely anchored in his hair but lots was free to cascade around his face. And finally the biggest change hit Duo. Wufei had blue eyes. His eyes were black, not blue. Without thinking he brought his gun around and aimed it straight at Wufei’s head.
“Who the hell are you and what did you do with Wufei Chang?”
The boy on the couch laughed, and it did sound exactly like Wufei did. “It’s me Maxwell. I had to get my eyes changed for a mission.”
Duo shook his head, his bangs haunting his face as he tried to make sense of what he was seeing.
“I don’t believe you.” The open cold and mistrust in his voice surprised them both. Wufei in a rather soothing tone in contrast to the one he usually held replied.
“Well that’s fine, but could you please put the gun away Maxwell? There’s been enough shooting lately.”
Duo backed up warily as Wufei rose and put his hands behind his head---to pull his hair down and then grab it all again to move it once again into a ponytail.
“I ran here. The exercise was good, you should try it.”
Duo was even more confused than he had been. The boy standing before him now was Wufei. The body language was correct, the voice inflection, and even just the way he moved were all correct. He shook his old uneasiness off and looked to Duo.
“Going clubbing tonight?”
Duo looked down at himself and nodded, glad that his sleeves had stayed where they were supposed to.
“Yeah, I am, wanna come?” he asked it in jest, the rather high and mighty Wufei wouldn’t. He always refused offers to go to those kinds of situations. He always mumbled something about not being an appropriate place and meandered off to his own activities, but tonight it looked as if the answer might be different.
“Why not?”
Duo started, his eyes almost bugging. “You mean (you) are going clubbing with (me)?”
Wufei raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t that hard of a concept to grasp was it? He sighed, knowing that he would have to explain himself anyway.
“Loosing Wing shook me up. I just want to get my mind off of things for a while.”
Duo nodded appreciatively. The Chinese boy had taken up calling Heero by the name of his Gundam after he had been killed. It seemed to be less of a burden for Wufei that way and not hearing Heero’s name was easier on him personally anyway. With an appraising eye he looked the other boy up and down. Wufei was in his usual white pants and dark tank-top.
“uh-ah, not going to work Wu-man, if you’re going clubbing then you’re going to dress correctly.”
Wufei raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing now?”
Duo smiled knowingly. “Just trust me, where we’re going you’d look a little odd going like that.”
Wufei threw a glance over at Maxwell’s attire and began to seriously rethink his decision. The braided boy was wearing skin-hugging black pants and a silky, billowing shirt that seemed to be out of another time completely. His hair was done sloppily back with a black ribbon and his neck was encircled by a single choker, entirely black as well. If he wasn’t mistaken Maxwell was wearing a tad bit of eye shadow, accentuation his deep purple eyes. Overall the entire effect was, stunning. He growled at himself and pushed those thoughts back into the nether reaches of his mind.
/Keep your thoughts to yourself Yuy. It’s my show right now./
He felt the other boy recede, like waves on a beach, into the very back of his mind, where he sat, patiently. Patience had always been Wing’s forte, well in his mind anyway. He allowed himself to be led back to Duo’s room and was amazed that the boy could stand living in such conditions that he did. Clothes were strewn everywhere. The bed sheets were rumpled and looked as if they hadn’t been made in weeks. Food, or food wrappers were lying absolutely everywhere. Suddenly it became clear to Wufei why he had always chosen to sleep on the couch when bunking at Maxwell’s for an evening.
Duo moved through his closet at a fairly rapid rate, his hips twitching back and forth from time to time as he shifted and threw things out of the closet to land on the bed. Wufei found himself mesmerized by that motion and without really realizing, found himself watching Duo’s butt as it moved around in the air, hugged by material.
/What are you doing to me Maxwell?/
/Exactly what he did to me./
/Shut up Yuy!/
/You know I’m right Wufei./
/This is unjust. Don’t share you’re feelings with me. I’ve been celebate since Nataku and plan to stay that way./
/I’m not sharing anything with you Wufei. Anything you’re feeling right now is all your own./
Wufei could almost see the all mighty smirk on Yuy’s face as he spoke, and he was about ready to pound the other boy’s head in for it. But there was nothing there to beat, just a phantom voice in his mind.
/It’s not so. I don’t feel anything like that for Maxwell. Or for any man, for that matter./
Yuy’s mental voice blended with my own, sweet, smug and sickening all at once.
/Oh but I think you do care Wufei, because otherwise we couldn’t be so together in our purpose. You know that./
Wufei shut Yuy completely out of his mind after that and watched with some interest as his eyes faded somewhere close to their normal color, still with a hint of blue there. Maxwell turned around with an armful of clothing. He smiled pleasantly and plopped it down onto the bed.
“I think these will fit you, try them on!”
Wufei almost blushed at the prospect of undressing with Maxwell in the room, but it wasn’t him that was embarrassed, it was Wing, not him. He steeled himself and then rather gingerly stripped even while Duo stood tapping his foot impatiently, driven to make some kind of movement.
“Huuuurry up!!! I could have been there all ready”, he whined, not really watching Wufei, but staring out the window into the dimming light of the evening. This was the time when he was alive and he didn’t want to waste it.
When he turned around he was astonished to see Wufei look so different. The Chinese boy was studying himself in the mirror thoughtfully, not really looking at Duo. He was wearing Duo’s favorite pair of black pants, the ones with the chains slipped in between the belt loops so that they fell about his slim waist. It had the same effect on Wufei and it was gratifying to see. He’d given Wufei a white shirt to contrast with his rather dark complexion, hair and, until recently, eyes. The effect was a very nice one, the extremes against each other. Except that Wufei’s face and neck were sadly bare.
“Whoah! Wu-man!” He let out a low whistle which was dangerously close to a cat call. “What a stud. But we need to do something about your eyes.”
Without ever taking his eyes off the mirror Wufei answered in a tone that was very close to one that Heero might use when being stubborn.
“No.”
“Awww, why not? Have an open mind why don’t you?”
“You put no makeup on my face unless---“ He paused, looking for acceptable conditions. He noted the sorry state of Duo’s hair and Heero made up his mind for him, “unless you let me brush your hair out. It looks like a bird nested in there and died.”
Duo pouted, and looked absolutely adorable in the boy behind Wufei’s eyes opinion.
“My hair doesn’t look that bad does it?”
Wufei nodded the slow affirmative. Duo sighed, looking very impatient and then plunked himself down on the bed, pulling the tie that restrained his chestnut locks back and wincing as he did it. He grabbed a brush and threw it over his shoulder. Wufei caught it without any effort and looked over at Duo quizzically. The violet eyed pilot looked over his shoulder half amused and half annoyed.
“Well? You just going to stand there gawking or are you going to brush?”
“…”
Wufei came over and sat down on the bed gingerly, Heero’s inability to figure out what to do confusing him. For a moment he looked inward and gave the Wing pilot a reprimand.
/Wing, if you don’t know what to do then JUST WATCH! I did this for him all the time back when we were bunking and he broke his arm./
He rolled his eyes at the flash of jealousy that worked through his mind at that thought.
/Yes, I know you would have liked to do that, but you never had the balls to sit down and do it. Now shut up and enjoy the damn experience through me kisama!/
The whole time he had been yelling at himself he had also been working at the bottom half of Duo’s hair. From the afore mentioned time together he had learned that the Deathscythe pilot had a very sensitive scalp and that yanking on the hair was not an acceptable action. Otherwise Duo would whine and sound as if he were being slowly tortured.
As Wufei worked the brush through the long, silky but very knotted chestnut strands he spoke, not thinking as he spoke.
“There’s something wrong with you my friend, now are you going to tell me what it is, or are we going to continue pretending that you’re just fine?”
He felt the bed move as Duo jumped at being found out so handily. He smiled slightly and kept working at Duo’s hair gently.
“You don’t have to tell me, but as a friend I’d like to know. This has more to do with Yuy then I first imagined doesn’t it? You were in love with him Maxwell, and that’s why it hurts so badly.”
When Duo turned and looked at Wufei with those dull, almost angry purple eyes the Chinese boy knew that he’d hit exactly the right point. Heero almost bouncing around in his exuberance wasn’t helping him any either. He had wanted to maintain a fairly neutral expression, but he knew that his lips were creeping into a smile. He didn’t want that, Duo would think that he was mocking him.
In a very cold, and unusual tone of voice for him, Duo spoke, still staring over his shoulder as Wufei worked silently on his hair.
“How did you know that?”
His tone was almost accusing, as if Wufei had reached in and plucked the most precious part of himself out and claimed it as his own. The Chinese boy looked at Duo with his new and interesting eyes and spoke earnestly.
“I see myself, and that’s how I know. I was like that after Nataku died.”
Duo shut up. Wufei never talked about his dead wife. Duo had only come across the knowledge that Wufei was married by complete accident. He turned his head back forward and was silent as the other boy finished brushing his hair. An almost amused and slightly accented voice came from behind him.
“Braided or ponytailed?”
“Half braided and leave the rest down.”
There was silence in the room once again as Wufei worked his deft fingers through Duo’s soft hair, styling it per the other boy’s request and then tying it off with the long black satin ribbon.
“Done.”
“Arigato.”
There was another pause while Duo looked down at his hands and Wufei didn’t look at anything at all. He was letting Heero have pretty much total control of him at that moment, with the warning,
/Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, or he’ll think that something’s up./
Heero was simply looking around the room, staring at everything, taking it all in. Wufei noted that the boy was very good with senses. He hardly missed a think when he was looking around. Wufei snapped back into control when Duo leaned back and rested his head in his lap. He looked down with surprise and shock, in too much of both to speak.
Beside resting his head on Wufei’s lap Duo had his legs curled up close to him and his arms close about him as well. He wasn’t looking at Wufei, so much as being confidant of the knowledge that Wufei was there.
/What’s wrong with him?/ Heero demanded from somewhere back in the lower levels of his consciousness.
Wufei shushed him by ignoring him completely. He ran one slim hand over Duo’s head and didn’t look at the friend lying in his lap either.
“Tell me.” He said simply.
That little statement started a torrent. The happy, bouncy, flippant Duo that he knew in the daytime melted away and for possibly the first time in his life he got a look at how Duo was on the inside. Everything poured out of the boy’s mouth in an inarticulate waterfall, all sorts of things, jumbled and mixed. He was letting everything inside of him loose. Finally, on a mutual decision between the two people in him, Wufei picked Duo up around the shoulders and held him to him.
“Shhhhhh.”
Duo blinked from his new position and looked at his friend. He sniffed slightly, an effect of tears that he didn’t know had come. “hmm?”
“You’re going to be all right. Get undressed, we’ll go out tomorrow. You’re tired, you’re not well and you haven’t slept in three days. Don’t tell me no, and yes, I know you’re on uppers. I’m going to make some tea, if you’re not in bed when I come back there’s going to be hell to pay!”
Wufei smiled slightly to himself as Duo half-smiled, some of his old insolence returning.
“And if I say *sniff* no?”
Wufei looked as serious and stern as he could manage at that point.
“Then I’ll walk out that door, get Trowa, come back and have him keep you company this evening.”
Duo chuckled at the same time that he did. Duo leaned back from Wufei’s embrace and sat on his knees, looking at the Chinese boy. “I’d talk him down. The only ones that can stand to hear me talk are you and He-him.”
Wufei couldn’t help himself, he reached out and patted one of Duo’s shoulders. “Yeah, I know it. Now get ready to sleep. Tea is upcoming.”
He rose and walked down the hall, asking both Yuy and himself what the hell was he doing. Heero couldn’t find an answer to his behavior and so simply stayed where he was opinion wise, and said nothing at all.
Duo stood in front of his mirror silently contemplating himself. He was standing in a pair of boxers with almost neon-yellow smiley faces on them. The smiley faces just happened to have little bleeding gunshot wounds but that wasn’t the point. The only other adornment to his person was a white cotton tank-top that hung very loosely around his slim frame. His wrists were wrapped up to the elbow. He’s cut himself that badly. He hadn’t meant to, but the pain had been such an awakening experience from the dead, numb feeling that had engulfed him that he hadn’t stopped. The bathroom had been a mess afterward, and he was glad that he had possessed the presence of mind at the time to clean it up.
As Wufei’s steps echoed down the hall he clicked the lights down to a very low setting, shoved all of the crap off of his comforter and hopped into bed. The Chinese boy looked around at the dimmed setting and Duo watched him shrug his indifference. He came over and sat down on the bed, looking at Duo expectantly as he waited for the other boy to sit up and receive his cup of tea. In an almost offhanded voice he spoke.
“I already noted the cuts on your arms Maxwell, don’t bother to hide it from me. Just don’t do it again please.”
Duo had involuntarily flinched, waiting for a reprimand to come in Wufei’s calm and almost soft tone. But there was none there. He had been ready for every possibility accept for acceptance.
With a slight squeaking of the mattress he sat up, leaning back against the host of pillows that were on his bed and took the tea from Wufei, who sat leaning against his bedpost, again looking disinterested and sipping his own tea.
“Once you finish that, I’m going to give you a back-rub and you are going to sleep.”
Duo blinked. He wasn’t (going) to do anything that Wufei told him to. He would do what he wanted to do. All though the mention of a massage sounded very tempting. He had been tense for what seemed like years. He hadn’t had a good back rub in a long time. Actually the last time that he had been given a back-rub was when he was assigned with Wufei. The other boy had wanted him completely ready for the mission they had been given and had said something about tense muscles before giving him a mind-melting massage. He’d felt very loose for weeks after that until stress and general fatigue had caught up with him once again.
Now he was sitting on (his) bed, drinking green tea with Wufei who wasn’t. He still couldn’t believe in his irrational mind that the boy sitting before him was completely Wufei. As he sipped at his tea he looked at Wufei through his bangs, unsure of what exactly he was saying.
“Ne, Wu-man, what’s with this sudden change?”
Wufei didn’t open his eyes. He said nothing at all, continuing to sit back against the bedpost, the hand holding the cup of tea in his lap. When he did speak it was a good while after Duo had.
“You’re weak right now. You need to be strong.”
Duo pouted and finished the rest of his tea, the contents of the cup glowing warm in his stomach with had been assaulted with all manner of drugs recently but barely any real food. He was getting rather drowsy for all of it.
“I have no idea what in hell you’re talking about, I really don’t.”
“Maybe it’s better in that way then.”
“Hmph!”
Wufei smiled at Duo’s pout, his expression softening a little. Maxwell had been the only one that he’d ever really been fond of during the last few years. Something about that personality, even if it was annoying as hell he liked and trusted. The latter was something that he gave almost no one. Duo always had a knack for coming in at the most inopportune time to haul him out of serious, or at times, depressive thoughts. His light and airy persona was something that actually agreed with him, even while annoying him senseless.
He rose off the bed and got back into the clothing that he had previously been wearing, preferring the loose fit and mobility that his clothing gave him to the restrictive feel of Maxwell’s. When he sat back down the boy was already flopped on his stomach, awaiting soothing hands.
“’Righty then, go right ahead and turn me to jelly Wu-man. You did it once before and right now that’s sounding real nice.”
/Yuy this might be a good time to tap into that particular sensation. You can feel what I’m feeling, however you try to move my hands and I’ll exorcise you so fast that you won’t have time to blink before you’re in limbo, got it?/
The rather miffed Japanese boy gave his consent to the statement
and let himself into Wufei’s senses, piggybacking on what the Chinese boy
felt. It felt very odd to the disembodied Heero, to be able to once again
feel and sense. Even though he had been doing it for a while
(To Be Continued)
____________________________________________________________________________________
Keeper of Duo's Bloody Nightmares
Keeper of Duo's really bad migraines
Another occupant of the happy hentai house
Computer Caretaker of the Shinigami organization.
The Shinigami Organization
www.ShinigamiOrg.homestead.com/index.html
The only mob dedicated to Shinigami
ICQ me at #82315185
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White Reflection (my yaoi nook)
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