Self injury, My personal story and thoughts.

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=210 BGCOLOR="#99CC99" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="10e8dfc3.jpg"> <div> <B>   </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Scared Ange"><U><B>home</B></U></A></div> <div> <B>Self injury, My personal story and thoughts.</B><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id3.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE=" "><U>                                                       Poems</U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id4.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Suicide"><U>Suicide</U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id6.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="First Aid"><U>First Aid</U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id15.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Info and Facts"><U>Info and Facts</U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id16.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="WebRings and Links"><U>WebRings and Links</U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id17.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Me"><U>Contact Me</U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="About Bipolar and Borderline Personality"><U>About Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder</U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id19.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Wall of Hope"><U>Wall of Hope</U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id20.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Bill Of Rights"><U>Bill Of Rights</U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id21.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Awards"><U>Awards</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="0f56c640.gif" border=0 width="108" height="100" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> </td> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=82 BGCOLOR="#CCCC99" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="10f8dfe1esnpes.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#993366" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B>Scared Ange</B></FONT><B>  </B><B> </B><B>|  </B></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=398 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#CCCC99" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="10f8dfc3.jpg"> <div> <IMG SRC="0a890b50.gif" border=0 width="144" height="181" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> Self injury, My personal story and thoughts.</div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="1" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="600" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="VOID" RULES="NONE" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 1022 WIDTH="596"><div> <B>My name is Catrina and I am 24 years of age. I have been using some form of self injury since I was around 7 years old. I grew up in an alcoholic home, and my mothers way of dealing with everything was to NOT deal with it. I bore the brunt of her frustration for many years. I felt like I could not confide in any one when I was young and needed it the most. I know now that my mother never meant to harm me, but things were different then.</B><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#FFFF00" FACE="Century Gothic" > </FONT><B>I get so filled up with emotion over something little sometimes that I just don't know what to do. That is when I feel the urge to hurt myself in some way. Sometimes the urge comes on for no reason. For me cutting is a release of feelings kept inside. It has always been hard for me to express my feelings verbally. I can better write them down. I have been writing poetry since I was young. My fathers life style really affected me. I felt very angry at him, and sad that I never really had the father that I wanted . He was also physically abusive during the year I was 15 years old. I would try to tell my mom but she never listened. During that period of time I broke my arm by banging it in between a door and the door frame. I never thought to much about what I did to myself until I got married. I got married when I was 17 and in the 11th grade of high school. I was also 4 months pregnant with my first child. I had no idea how hard it is to be a wife, a mother, and a student. I got pregnant with my second child 9 months later, and my third and fourth 1 year after my second child was born. Money became tight and stress was all to common. I lived with my in laws for about 6 months, during of which I was hospitalized or the first time last October. I have since been hospitalized 6 other times. I have been diagnosed with depression</B><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#FFFF00" FACE="Century Gothic" > </FONT><B>then bipolar II, and borderline personality disorder. I am not sure any of those are correct, but I am not the Dr. I do think about suicide, but not all the time. My pain is so deep that with each cut I let a little of the feeling out for a while.</B><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#FFFF00" FACE="Century Gothic" > </FONT><B>I feel liked a Scarred Angel who will never be whole.</B><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#FFFF00" FACE="Century Gothic" > </FONT></div> <bR> <bR> <div>                                     <IMG SRC="0f3f7a50.jpg" border=0 width="247" height="165" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> </div> <div>  </div> <bR> <div> <B>Photos are from the movie Girl, Interrupted, one of my personal favorites!! It can be triggering though. It is very good. Rated R for sexual content and language, and suicide scene.</B></div> <bR> <div>                                      <IMG SRC="04bfaa70.jpg" border=0 width="250" height="167" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div>                                                 <IMG SRC="04c865a0.jpg" border=0 width="134" height="90" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B>I have an Open dairy on Free open diary.com.  My name is C~a~T</B></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div>                                    <IMG SRC="0f2f3c20.jpg" border=0 width="243" height="194" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </td> </tr></table></body>