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After eating, we went to the COBU Café. It was almost empty. Stewart had evidently gone. I walked to the back and Jim Oinman looked at me apprehensively. He reminded me of my brother Joe and I said to Jimmy (my nephew) doesn't he remind you of uncle Joe? Yes.
Jim Oinman asked, "You been here before?" I was glad to have such an easy question to answer. So I said with conviction: "No, I've never been here before." And he started to talk about the large mysterious "U" on the wall, from floor to ceiling. Faith, Hope, Love, Grace written alongside the elongated "U". Three words on the left side coming down and three on the right going up the "U". He sounded like he didn't know what he was talking about.
Out of the blue, I cut to the chase and ask unassumingly: (oh, by the way...) "Do you get born anew?" He acted even more frightened and wary. As a matter of fact, it seemed no one on this evening wanted to let the words "born anew" emit from their lips. (An example of the fear that can be instilled by Beardboy)
Bob White came in and walked toward me. "I remember you" he said - and we exchanged names. He looks a lot like Charles Grodin. This is in no way to endorse Mr Grodin. I don't watch his show. This is in no way to put Charles Grodin down. I really liked that movie with the diamonds he did in the 1960's though with Candice Bergen. Anyway, Bob could be Charles' brother. We talked. "Jesus gave us a business." "I could tell you more about that", I said, and left it at that.
He started telling me about the Greek and how it's not being born like out of a womb but more like regeneration. I told him I have a Strong's Concordance at home. It has the numbers and the Greek. And I asked again, "Do you get born anew?" He said, "We really don't understand it; we're still studying it". Then he said, "You've got to work out your own salvation with fear and trembling" (of course, the emphasis on FEAR!) I said, "And what does the rest of the sentence say?"
Same reaction as years before (which I talk about somewhere else on my site somewhere) - he has no idea. He didn't even know that he wasn't completing the sentence. He wouldn't know the rest of that sentence to save his life - and isn't this quite indicative of how lost they all are being indoctrinated to look at a few words and not the context. Forget the context, just the rest of the same sentence!!
So I tell him to please look up Philippians 2.12 But he does not buy what I am selling. Anything not coming out of Stewart's mouth is suspect to say the least.
We talk scriptures, which I hate doing. No one wins, and I'm always right (ha). Bob directs me to read the passage where Jesus said do not fear those who kill the body but fear God - fear him! Shiver and repent, you apostate! Now, I'm supposed to be afraid. Once again, he stops it there. The final words in the paragraph from Jesus are "Fear not, you are of more value than them (the sparrows). And later on in the chapter Jesus says "Fear not, little flock, for it is you Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom." They stop at fear and rot in their thoughts. Why don't they read the whole Bible? Are they afraid? I end up laughing at him. I really can't help it. It's so silly the way they look at things. (It's very sad, really) He finally looks so bad that he says "I protest your setting such a bad example in front of your young nephew!" And he gets up and storms away. I say a gospel without sparrows is no longer the gospel. Just like Jesus said, wherever the gospel is preached this will be told in memory of her. Well, wherever the gospel is preached sparrows will be mentioned. A gospel without sparrows is no longer the gospel. Sounds like something Richard Wurmbrand would say. But Stewart can easily turn away Wurmbrand himself with no problem. (Wurmbrand asked, "What is this, they say you are behaving like a tyrant?" "Lies, all lies. Those are backslidden and living for the flesh." "Not the noes I'm talking to," replied Wurmbrand...)
I start looking a Haiti pictures. My nephew and I talk a little with the grown children of other members remembering names. Steve Torpe comes in. He looks at me. "Steve?" he asks. No. He got it on the third try. He sat down and we started talking. He left COBU right after I did in 1990 and he's been back for two years now. He said that things have been going well for him. He's going back to Haiti in two days. Vinnie McCaffery and Paul Sostak are there right now. I said, well you look good, except for that scraggly beard.
He reads Romans 8. Half of the first sentence and then stops. "There's a lot of good stuff there," he comments. "There's a lot of scarey stuff, too." Right away I ask him, "Why are you concentrating on the scarey stuff?" He says he's not concentrating on the scarey stuff. "But you just said, there's a lot of scarey stuff in there". "Yes there is", retorted Torpe, "That's all I said. I'm not concentrating on it."
The conversation had these kind of moments. You all know the spirit. He was being very congenial though. I did want to understand, and he was trying to get these weird views across to me. Then he brings up, "Tom, where's your loving the brethren?" I tell him I have tried on several occasions, but it always ends up in round and round or something like this. "What do you mean?" asks Steve, "Are you saying God's returns to him empty?" I try again: "No, I'm saying that we end up in round and round."
I look at him while he talks and he asks what's up. And I tell him I'm a little surprised at the way things were going, a bit too civilized, and I say I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. He looks at me, lifts his hands and shrugs his shoulders as if to say no other shoe is going to drop. (That'll happen tomorrow, don't worry...) And he does seem to really be trying to get me to see the weird view that he has once again submitted. There seems to be a real concern there on his part. He's doing the best he can to care for me in his mindset.
Finally, at around 11:10, rain and all, everyone gets up and heads for the door. Apparently, it's time to leave. My car was just up the block. Steve yelled, "When are you coming back?" I asked my nephew what he said as I can't hear too well and he repeated it. I look back at Steve and just shrug my shoulders. He had given me a lot of information and a long printed out sheet. Phew! Steve understood what I meant by the term legalism, but didn't know why I called them legalistic. I said the whole ball of wax, the teaching, the rules - written and otherwise - were legalistic.
Steve said Christian fellowship is helping others not to live for the flesh. At that point I started to get this, wow, I should be there ache all over feeling. It's scarey being anywhere else he makes it seem. This tapped at my loneliness. I could have here (in COBU) a safety net, a place where I would taken care of and be secure. I remember the helicopter crash. Stewart said that showed him that a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. So he was going to build up the weak. I felt so good about that, because that meant me! Never happened. But when Steve spoke of Christian fellowship and all, I felt that strong force telling me to "get back home". And that's when I really felt for Steve. I realized the power of the beggarly spirit he was suffering under. It's strong. Stewart's voice and peer pressure guilt. Heavy on the guilt. They try and take the place of the Comforter. Think about that oxymoron.
Earlier, Bob White had been threatening me with hell, of all things. He was reading from Revelation. I tried to be encouraging: "Blessed is he who reads aloud the prophecies from this book" I said it said. And the younger ones told my nephew to write a paper on "Why he needs God." That's the style of the Chinese in Lifton's famous book (Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism) That's even more scarey. Bob White said they're getting back to the basics. So what's all this "we're not born anew" stuff? Back to the basics is going to splitting hairs in the Greek?!?!
Back to the basics is faith in Jesus. No?
They have this weird confidence and security in the apparent teaching which they themselves are not sure of. Is that confusing enough? They promote alarmist attitudes. They have a long sheet of "List of Basic Issues We Threw Away" These things focus a lot on fear. They do. 241 points to ponder. Moses, you feel threatened? Is over 600 their goal? Stewart is trying to scare them into the kingdom. I reminded them that Paul said of Christ "His kindness is what leads us to repentance." They scoffed at that.
BACK AND RESUME STORY AT 10-10-98
