SATURDAY, 10-10-98
A vision of things to come.
It's hard to find parking on this Saturday as there's a lot more traffic. It's not raining as it has been
for the last three nights. I don't feel good about going in. My nephew begins to share my
sentiments as he got a small taste of how they talk.
I go anyway. I got to find out about this not being born again stuff. And I also want to see if the
brothers and sisters really have changed and are kind at times; or am I going to get the third
degree this time as I didn't last night for some reason. Maybe the brothers didn't know any better.
And by now, Stewart has them prepared and gassed them up with phrases to say to me the next
time I come around...
I walk in. I feel uncomfortable. The brothers I mentioned before are all in there. I just stand
there and look around a little, not looking Kevin's direction so as not to "appear" like I am trying
to "get attention" - if you know what I mean.
A sister says hi to me, and asks me if I know Tim. She directs me over to the table where he is
seated talking with an interested. Tim feigns a friendly invite to come closer and talk, so I do.
He's reading from a piece of paper showing Ephesians 2 with the interested.
He hands me a chart I had seen the night before with the three lists and the dialog on the back.
We talk a little.
Kevin comes over and I can see while I'm reading, in my peripheral vision, that Kevin is now
leaning over me in a weird domineering way. And I hear a patronizing voice: "Do I know your
name?"
I don't even want to look it's so goofy. I look up and our eyes meet. Holding his gaze I say, "You
know my name."
I should have recorded this conversation. I didn't.
The first question I remember was "Wouldn't you agree that the number one issue is denying
yourself?"
"I think the number one issue is loving one another," is my reply.
Kevin: "So if we're loving one another, wouldn't we be denying ourself?"
And we go round and round for a while.
"Why are you studying Ephesians 2?" I ask.
Kevin says , "I'll answer your question when you answer my question."
"Which question?" I want to know, "You've asked about ten questions so far!"
Tim interjects: "Are you counting the questions?"
"There's another question!" I'm exasperated.
"Are you against this way?" asks Kevin.
"If you people don't believe in being born anew I am"
"Are you against this way. Are you against the escape recipe. Are you against that list?"
I say, "I like the list".
"LIKE!" says Kevin.
"Like!" chimes Tim.
Then Kevin asks, "How did you leave last night?"
Why is he asking this? Strange. I say, "Everyone was leaving, so I left."
"Oh," says Kevin, "So you followed all the penguins"...
What is he saying? I followed the penguins? It was late and raining. I had been there for a while.
Some people can't take a hint, but when I saw everyone heading toward the door, I knew it must
be time to leave so I obliged. But now that I think about it, maybe they were just going out to
recruit some more. It was only a little after eleven. But it had been raining so much, and not
many people were around. And every person in the place was on their feet; it sure appeared to me
that it was time to leave so I did. But I guess Kevin's direction was to tell me how stupid I was
following the penguins. So be it. If that's what they wish to call the brothers and sisters that's on
them. He was instructed to bring it up, so he had to.
He continued: "I think you came here serving your own will, you're serving your own will now
and you will leave here serving your own will".
Obviously, more criticism from Stewart. Do not eat the bread of him who has the evil eye. All he
can see in every situation is evil. What I had been doing last night I thought to be very practical
and following proper manners. As much as I wanted to say, and get to know more things, and
everything. I was not pushy - like they are.
Oh, right before this conversation Kevin shoos out Greg Bojelie, "Come on, be urgent, let's go!
Let's go! Urgent. Urgent. Come on!"...
Are you against this way?
I forget how much longer I let this go on. But I finally looked at my nephew and said in front of
them all "See what happens?" And we left.
We went to Jim's Steaks again to get another cheese steak. On my way out there, right outside
the door, twenty feet up the street, was a crowd of brethren probably waiting for the mighty
Kevin to finish mugging me so that they could go on recruiting. As I walked by, Sara said a
sympathetic "God bless you". I think she realized the extent of the tongue lashing I had just
received. And maybe she pitied me for not seeing things their way. I have gone outside the camp
and am now bearing abuse. Why don't I just submit and come home where it's safe and then they
won't yell at me anymore... I felt like going to the Church home and breaking all the windows on
the second floor where Stewart's mighty domain is. (Actually, he's now roughing it in a condo in
Florida for the last two years. Only someone in "Christian fellowship" would be able to handle
this trial) I feel like seeing to it that the café is destroyed and closed down, with my bare hands - if
necessary, for all the misery their spirit causes. Am I getting my feelings across? I know the
anger of man does not work the righteousness of God. (After posting these events, a brother
e-mailed to say he was mentally choosing the type of stones he would use to break the windows
on the greenhouse they were planning to build on the roof of 58th and Whitby for Stewart)(I also
remember a brother confessing that he had fantasies about killing Jimmy) At this point I have lost
my appetite. But we go to Jim's Steaks.
After the cheese steaks, I try calling a couple brothers, hoping understanding conversation will
calm me down. I'm standing at the corner of 4th and South, right up from the compound. In front
of me is Greg Bojelie, flannel shirt hanging out, handing out tracts. Every time I pass by him he
says hi, instead of his usual "what are you going to do on judgment day" rhetoric. I guess he feels
different since he was belittled in front of me by Kevin. I don't know. But there's a change in his
attitude. Neither brother could be reached by phone so Jesus encouraged me in this way -
We were walking back to the car. We pass by the café. Tim McAndrews says something to his
son and waves his hand in that Stewart fashion. I get my nephew's attention to watch and Tim
does it again. We are all standing right there. and I say to Jim, waving my hand in that Stewart
way that Tim was just doing: "If I ever move my hand like this while I'm talking - don't listen to
me!" And we leave. But before turning the corner I turn around and say to Tim, "Tim, be
yourself."
He proceeds to put his thumb in his ears and wave all his fingers at me. "That's it! Praise god!
Thank you Jesus!" I say, and we leave. For one brief moment, Tim was actually being himself. If
he could only take hold of that freeing moment. That is my prayer for him and everyone in there.
I go with my nephew to where his Dad (my brother, obviously) is doing sound for a band. It's
before ten o'clock, and they haven't started playing yet, so the owner lets us in for ten minutes or
so. We see him and leave as his wife comes and they start playing the first song. I thanked the
owner on the way out. Jim got to see his Dad in action. Jim said "Let's go back to South Street".
I had already been thinking of maybe doing that, and that made up my mind. So we drive back
down from the Northeast to Center City.
Back near the café, I get a parking spot right away right around the corner. As we walk toward
South Street Kevin is coming down the block by himself. I stop and shake my hand in that
Stewart fashion (since this is the only form of fellowship I'm going to get, I'll give them a dose of
their own medicine) "So Kevin", shaking my hand, "How's it going?" He just stares at me as I
turn and walk away.
Jesus won again.
I run into Ray on South Street handing out tracts. He used to work where I work, but
transferred. He got saved way back in the FF but never really got involved as a few other people I
know who had more sense than many of us had evidently. He goes around quite often handing
out tracts by himself. Different. And he's always glad to talk about the Lord or what's going on.
Jimmy and I had espresso's. He is now skateboarding a lot on a side street. It's nearing midnight.
As Ray and I talk I'm still clutching my empty espresso cup - for a reason. Earlier, there was no
coffee when I walked by the café when Tim mocked me. A lady was leaving and he said to her,
"No, that's religion. You want to talk religion, talk to him." Motioning at me in that Stewart
way. And when I asked for coffee Tim commented: "You know, since May, we've never run out
of coffee. You think cause you're here tonight?... no..." End of mocking - for the time being.
So now I'm gonna git me some coffee. I walk in the back of the café. It seems they're having
some sober Bible reading. I have to reach around Kevin who is on the phone in the middle of an
obvious pow-wow with Beardboy. I whispered to Tim, "You got coffee now?" He reluctantly
shook his head yes. Then as I was leaving he said, "Do you think that's right to come in here and
take coffee with that mocking spirit?"
He must be referring to earlier to "How's it going, Kevin?" They always take your last
performance and label and badger you till you break down and come back on your knees asking to
be put back together.
Not any more.
They are as far away from Jesus as they think they are close. they wouldn't know Jesus if they fell
over him. As soon as you're speaking about "what's this regeneration and not being born anew" -
you're on their playing field and under their control - right where they want you.
You don't submit - you're rebellious (and rightfully so) and not fit for their kingdom (a blessing in
disguise).
It's good and healthy to question things of the faith. But they are fighting against and building
something new and different foundation. Didn't they have trouble with something like that
before? Like a crazy little thing called grace? From whence again they have fallen.
"Show me in the New Testament where it says" is their new common phrase. But they give it a
weird twist that, of course, you're not going to think of a verse right away that counters their
wording. "To respond to a challenge is to accede to the challenge dictated by the challenger." (Sid
Caesar) With their weird twist, you won't even find it worded like that. So they label you the
artful dodger when it is they who initiated the technique. And if you can't answer this very
second, well then, obviously, you're the one who is in the wrong, now, aren't you?!?!
They have a new and "triumphant" teaching. This is similar to the 1989 1Jn 3:9 debacle. (If you
sin, then obviously you are not born again - are you beginning to see a pattern here?!)
Another teaching to separate them from the rest of reality and set them apart and up on something
that only they are privy to being that they are so special. And being separated, and having only
one source for this "finest of wheat" (did you wince when you read that. I had trouble typing it)
Stewart remains in control. More than ever. Yes brothers and sisters, it's getting better; we're
"missing out."
They are comfortably numb to the truth and inoculated with new strength and incognizant of their
real spiritual state. But it feels so good to the flesh to be superior and the one that is smarter than
the others. The paranoia they feel is their security.
Sick, isn't it?
Stewart has that "hot dog" theology. The boy in the wagon holding out a stick with a hot dog
hanging on at the end by a string to keep the dog pulling, but never reaching what he can see
dangled in front of him. The teaching is always something that's, in the long run, unattainable.
Think about it. And the only joy they get is from witnessing. Isn't that where you got most of
your joy - bringing in the sheaves? I did.
Stewart ain't dumb. He's got them doing it again.
So you still think you belong there?
BACK TO PAGE (IT'S ALL GREEK)
FACE TO FACE VISITS:
11-4-98 COINCIDENCE
11-25-98 ANOTHER CONVERSATION
12-5-98 THAT WAS THE WEEK THAT WAS
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