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Depression
The
Battle
You are not alone and I want you
to know that there is a lot of us.
I didn't know what was happening to me and I just kept getting
lower and lower until I just could not handle anymore. I had
losses, physically, mentally and financially - but I had always
handled them before. I use to be a very happy person and had a
whole lot of friends. I use to enjoy life and seemed to be happy
all the time. Then things started getting to me. It felt like every
time something came up, it started feeling like someone was just
adding a little more weight to the load I was carrying around on
my shoulders. I didn't think anything could get any worse but it
did. There was a death in my life that hit me like a ton of bricks
and it was just to much weight to carry. The shoulders I thought
could carry any amount of problems, gave out on me. There was
nothing, as far as I was concerned, that could be done to put my
life back on track and what was worse is I didn't care. I didn't
eat, didn't sleep, talk to anyone or see any of my friends. I didn't
want to fight anymore, I didn't want to hurt anymore, there was
no one whom I could trust anymore and no one I wanted to be
around. My feelings froze and I was like a block of ice on the
inside. I didn't feel!!! My children, my grandchildren and the rest
of my family, I knew I loved them but I didn't feel love. I didn't
feel happy, sad, nothing! I didn't want to exist in this world at all
anymore. I wanted to die. I tried to die at my own hand but I was
stopped and for the last year and a half I have been under medical
and phsycological care. I still don't care if I were to die. I still
have suicidal thoughts but with them comes some understanding
and most of all I think of how I felt with my loss and I would not
put my loved ones through that kind of pain or the kind of feelings
that I have been going through, I love them to very much. I am
getting help and I am feeling better every day. I am on medication
which seems to help, I have the support of my family and friends
which I could not do without. Strength is a good thing to have but
when it keeps you from getting help when you need it, it is not
called strength anymore, it isn't good anymore. Please, when you
seem to be at the end of your rope and you think there is no way
out, get some help. See your medical doctor, call a crisis program
or talk to your religious leader. It is a more common problem than
you may think. Believe me when I tell you that you are not alone
in the battle against depression. It is easier to win than your may
believe. Please check out my Links page for some links that may
be able to help.
View My Guestbook
For Beckie - and Jacob
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