The Foster Homes

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=210 BGCOLOR="#9999FF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06a76ba3.gif"> <div> <B>Tragedy </B></div> <div> <B>By "The bee Gees"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="327a6b30.gif" border=0 width="166" height="179" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Here I lie </B></div> <div> <B>in a lost and lonely part of town </B></div> <div> <B>Held in time </B></div> <div> <B>In a world of tears I slowly drown </B></div> <div> <B>Goin'home </B></div> <div> <B>I just can't make it all alone </B></div> <div> <B>I really should be holding you </B></div> <div> <B>Holding you </B></div> <div> <B>Loving you loving you </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Tragedy </B></div> <div> <B>When the feeling's gone and you can't go on </B></div> <div> <B>It's tragedy </B></div> <div> <B>When the morning cries and you don't know why </B></div> <div> <B>It's hard to bear </B></div> <div> <B>With no-one to love you you're </B></div> <div> <B>goin' nowhere </B></div> <div> <B>Tragedy </B></div> <div> <B>When you lose control and you got no soul </B></div> <div> <B>It's tragedy </B></div> <div> <B>When the morning cries and you don't know why </B></div> <div> <B>It's hard to bear </B></div> <div> <B>With no-one beside you you're </B></div> <div> <B>goin' nowhere </B></div> <div> <B>When the feeling's gone and you can't go on </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Night and day </B></div> <div> <B>there's a burning down inside of me </B></div> <div> <B>Burning love </B></div> <div> <B>With a yearning that won't let me be </B></div> <div> <B>Down I go </B></div> <div> <B>and I just can't take it all alone </B></div> <div> <B>I really should be holding you </B></div> <div> <B>Holding you </B></div> <div> <B>Loving you loving </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Tragedy </B></div> <div> <B>When the feeling's gone and you can't go on </B></div> <div> <B>It's tragedy </B></div> <div> <B>When the morning cries and you don't know why </B></div> <div> <B>It's hard to bear </B></div> <div> <B>With no-one to love you you're </B></div> <div> <B>goin' nowhere </B></div> <div> <B>Tragedy </B></div> <div> <B>When you lose control and you got no soul </B></div> <div> <B>It's tragedy </B></div> <div> <B>When the morning cries and you don't know why </B></div> <div> <B>It's hard to bear </B></div> <div> <B>With no-one beside you you're </B></div> <div> <B>goin' nowhere </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Tragedy etc. </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#99CCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06b76bc1egdyqn.gif"> <div> <B>"Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely."</B></div> <div> <B>Rodin</B></div> <div> <B>Back to   </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Home"><U><B>home</B></U></A><B>     </B><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B>  </B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000033" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B>See list  on bottom of  pages for the rest of my story.</B></FONT></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=390 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#99CCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06b76ba3.gif"> <div> <B>The Foster Homes</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B><U><IMG SRC="30b92690.gif" border=0 width="146" height="105" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></B><B><U><IMG SRC="30b92690.gif" border=0 width="146" height="105" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></B><B><U><IMG SRC="30b92690.gif" border=0 width="146" height="105" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Ginger at 6 years old</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="43192a90.gif" border=0 width="146" height="169" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="23bcaa90.jpg" border=0 width="202" height="169" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="43282a90.gif" border=0 width="130" height="169" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>When I was moved to the group home, it was my hope that I would be understood and listened to in this new environment. However, it made me feel more alone and more scared. I think it was at this time I began to feel abandoned. I couldn't put a label on that feeling then, but today I know that this was what I felt. I was so lonely so very very lonely. I wanted a family to love me. WHERE were they? </B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="69850600.gif" border=0 width="80" height="96" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="69850600.gif" border=0 width="80" height="96" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="69850600.gif" border=0 width="80" height="96" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="69850600.gif" border=0 width="80" height="96" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="69850600.gif" border=0 width="80" height="96" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="69850600.gif" border=0 width="80" height="96" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>I wanted to be liked, to fit in and </B><B>be like the other kids</B><B>. But, I did not have a clue at how to. My parents did not come to see me or write much. I just knew they were happy to have me out of their lives. I don't know but maybe they didn't, but that is how I felt. For me then, that was real. I was so desperate and needy. It was extremely easy for me to get hooked into people's words of affection. What I didn't know then was the difference between words and the behaviors that did not match up to what allot of people were saying. I trusted to easily and I got hurt and used emotionally and physically because of this. As I got older I learned how to say no and trust my feelings and perceptions. And most of all let go of those hates and fears.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>All my life I had tried to tell people how I was feeling. No one seemed to listen or care. I felt so alone. The only thing that helped me to stay connected to my feelings and myself was listening to music. The music helped me to feel that others too had emotions too. I could not talk about mine, but I could feel them in the music. Music helped save what ever sanity I did have. </B></div> <div> <B>The system finally moved me to my first foster home. I remember thinking, "wow, here is a family maybe I will be loved and accepted by them." However, my bed wetting and extreme neediness made them want me to be removed from their home. God, I was scared all the time of making people mad at me. Here was another family that did not want me. Rejected again. </B></div> <div> <B>So, off to another foster home I went. I was so scared of being rejected again that I tried so hard to fit in and be accepted. I knew I talked way too much. I was so full of questions that had never before been answered. Gosh, I wanted </B><B>someone anyone</B><B> to hear me. Someone to listen and help me understand.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I was smoking by this time. The foster dad would take me to the basement and touch me inappropriately; he would give me a drag of his cigarettes, and tell me he would give me more if I would let him have his way with me. I was so scared. I told my social worker and she called my foster mom. My foster mom said that I was lying. </B><B>No one ever believed me about anything. </B><B>I felt these people just wanted me for the money they got for being my foster family and supposedly taking care of me. I went to school everyday empty, scared, lonely and hurt that no one cared or even knew if I was alive. That is how I felt then. Not today however:) Thank  you God </B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Ginger at 15 years old</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="13baeda0.jpg" border=0 width="174" height="218" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Yep, you guessed it. A boy came along and said all the right words and hooked me into believing that he liked me because I needed to believe that someone somewhere cared. This boy and I skipped school. He hugged me and he kissed me. We road around in his car. He told me he love me, The words I so desperately wanted to here.</B></div> <div> <B>****(This part of my story is very blurred. I can only remember the feelings I had. Those feelings were fear and shame. I don't remember anything else about him. I didn't even remember his name until my birth daughter Tina and I opened up all our sealed records.)****</B><B> </B></div> <div> <B> (The boy) put me in the back of his car and had sex with me. I was so scared. When it was over he said, "where do you wanna go?" I was very afraid of going home, and being punished.  He dropped me off on the church steps and left me there. The priest listened to me and promised this would be confidential and he would not tell any one where I was. Then my foster parents soon came unknown to me and got me. I was so upset. Betrayed again!  My parents, my foster parents, and social worker soon found out that I was pregnant. My mother told them that she was going to make me give away my baby. </B></div> <div> <B>I felt horrible and sad. I wanted my baby. I was mad at all of them. I finally had something that was </B><B>mine</B><B> and I loved the child growing inside of me. I made up my mind to run away so I could keep my child. </B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B> <p align="center"><a href="http://www.date-time.com"> <img src="http://www.date-time.com/cgi-bin/date1.pl?rrutul_9876543" alt="Todays date and Time" border="0" width="167" height="70"></a></center></p>  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>My Guest book</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I invite each of you to sign my guest book</B></div> <div> <B>or send me an E-mail. </B></div> <div> <B>I would like to know what you are thinking,</B></div> <div> <B>how my web site affected you, </B></div> <div> <B>what you felt when you read MY STORY, </B></div> <div> <B>and any additional comments you may have.</B></div> <div> <B>Thank you, Ginger </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div>  <CENTER><P> <A href="http://pub47.bravenet.com/guestbook/show.asp?usernum=3952344062&cpv=1"> <IMG src="http://images.bravenet.com/pub/viewbook.gif" border="0" width="100" height="35"></A> <A href="http://www.bravenet.com/"> <IMG src="http://images.bravenet.com/pub/gbook.gif" border="0" width="100" height="35"></A> </CENTER>  </div> <div> <B> <CENTER><A href="http://counter47.bravenet.com/index.php?id=335923&cpv=1" target="_top"> <SCRIPT language="Javascript">  document.write('<IMG src="http://counter47.bravenet.com/counter.php?id=335923&ref='+escape(document.referrer)+'" border="0">'); </SCRIPT></A> </CENTER>  </B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="40473650.gif" border=0 width="115" height="101" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <A HREF="mailto:lalinda@home.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto:lalinda@home.com"><U><B>mailto:lalinda@home.com</B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id20.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Loss of my Child"><U><B><IMG SRC="35c65620.jpg" border=0 width="101" height="98" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A><B>  </B><A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE=" My Young Years"><U><B><IMG SRC="35d63620.jpg" border=0 width="99" height="98" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A><B>  </B><B><IMG SRC="35e64620.jpg" border=0 width="100" height="98" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>Click on buttons above to move from page to page</B></div> <div> <B>or</B></div> <div> <B>|</B></div> <div> <B>|</B></div> <div> <B>Click any of the titles below to start:)</B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id17.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Beginning"><U>The Beginning</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE=" My Young Years"><U>  My Young Years</U></A>   |   The Foster Homes   |   <A HREF="id20.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Loss of my Child"><U>The Loss of my Child</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id21.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Unwed Mothers Home"><U>Unwed Mothers Home</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id22.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Empty Soul"><U>Empty Soul</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id29.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Memorial to Gingers Parents"><U>Memorial to Ginger's Parents</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id39.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Send in the Clowns"><U>Send in the Clowns</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id30.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Come and set on my Knee"><U>Come and set on my Knee</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id23.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Brother and Myself"><U>My Brother and Myself</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Recovery"><U>My Recovery</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Hello"><U>Hello</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id26.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Getting to Know You"><U>Getting to Know You</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id27.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Our Honeymoon"><U>Our Honeymoon</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id28.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Real Love 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TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Sweet Aunt Jorja"><U>My Sweet Aunt Jorja</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id63.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Sweet Daughter Jacquie"><U>My Sweet Daughter Jacquie</U></A> | Links to B-mothers Web sites</div> <bR> <div> Back to  <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Home"><U>home</U></A> </div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://whatiscopyright.org/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://whatiscopyright.org/"><U><IMG SRC="18eb2240.gif" border=0 width="178" height="36" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></U></A></div> <div> <B>Dancing In the Fire of Reunion is owned by Ginger. </B></div> <div> <B> You may not reproduce any of my stories, my poems</B></div> <div> <B>or my pictures in part or in whole without the </B></div> <div> <B>express written permission of Ginger.</B></div> <div> <B>Please e-mail me if you want something off my site:)</B></div> <bR> <bR> 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