Getting to Know You

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=210 BGCOLOR="#9999FF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06a76ba3.gif"> <div> <B>Closer Than Close </B></div> <div> <B>By the Bee Gees<IMG SRC="344a4510.gif" border=0 width="164" height="81" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>She'll read your mind </B></div> <div> <B>She's smart as a whip </B></div> <div> <B>She'll suck you dry </B></div> <div> <B>But look at how much I drip </B></div> <div> <B>At the point of ecstasy </B></div> <div> <B>I write a symphony </B></div> <div> <B>Of poetry in motion </B></div> <div> <B>And leavin' me there to die </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I tell myself </B></div> <div> <B>Let no one take her place </B></div> <div> <B>To confide in someone </B></div> <div> <B>And look at how much I paid </B></div> <div> <B>I want you next to me </B></div> <div> <B>Call it telepathy </B></div> <div> <B>We drifted into vision </B></div> <div> <B>And look at how much we see </B></div> <div> <B>Ah... </B></div> <div> <B>Ah... </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I just wanna get closer than close to you </B></div> <div> <B>To the moment you discover </B></div> <div> <B>What the best of my love can do </B></div> <div> <B>And lovers fall for lover's friends </B></div> <div> <B>We make each other cry </B></div> <div> <B>Living in each others lives </B></div> <div> <B>And tryin' to make the fantasy come true </B></div> <div> <B>But I just wanna get closer than close to you, baby </B></div> <div> <B>I just wanna get closer than close, to you </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Your soul is naked </B></div> <div> <B>It tells you what you want </B></div> <div> <B>I read your letter </B></div> <div> <B>And look at how close I've come </B></div> <div> <B>There's more for us to see </B></div> <div> <B>In this philosophy </B></div> <div> <B>We both end up in heaven </B></div> <div> <B>And look at how close we'd be </B></div> <div> <B>Ah... </B></div> <div> <B>Ah... </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I just wanna get closer than close to you </B></div> <div> <B>I know that one way or the other </B></div> <div> <B>Any test of my faith will do </B></div> <div> <B>I give my heart for you to break </B></div> <div> <B>I give my final breath </B></div> <div> <B>When nothing last forever see </B></div> <div> <B>What we can turn eternity into </B></div> <div> <B>And I just wanna get closer than close to you, baby </B></div> <div> <B>I just wanna get closer than close, to you </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div>   <script language="JavaScript">  </script>   </div> </td> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#99CCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06b76bc1egdyqn.gif"> <div> <B>" Unless I accept my faults I will most certainly doubt my virtues."</B></div> <div> <B>Hugh Prater</B></div> <div> <B>Back to   </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Home"><U><B>home</B></U></A><B>      </B><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B> </B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000033" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B>See list  on bottom of  pages for the rest of my story.</B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=390 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#99CCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06b76ba3.gif"> <div> <B>Getting to Know You</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="1f04b6d0.gif" border=0 width="75" height="109" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="1f04b6d0.gif" border=0 width="75" height="109" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="1f04b6d0.gif" border=0 width="75" height="109" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="1f04b6d0.gif" border=0 width="75" height="109" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="1f04b6d0.gif" border=0 width="75" height="109" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="1f04b6d0.gif" border=0 width="75" height="109" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Like in all relationships there is a honeymoon period. We call that the pink clouds stage in recovery. The getting to know you stage. When two people love each other at first they tend not to see the character flaws in each other. It is like they are the only two people in the world for the moment. They just walk around on pink clouds for awhile. Sooner or later however their feet touch ground again and then it is time to do the hard work relationships require. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Tina (my daughter) and I seemed to have fallen in love with each other very quickly. There were so many similarities between us. Some of it was genetic. Others were from our woundedness and or hurts we both felt growing up. Even though our lives had been separate for 31 years. The bond between us was deep.  We had many things that seemed to parallel with each other. Those things seemed to connect us as well. I loved every letter I wrote to her. I couldn't wait to get the next on from her. Here was my baby who had grown into this woman. It was such a dream come true for me. I loved the love we felt with each other at first.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Tina and I sent many many long letters to each other. We were starved for each other. After all we had waited 31 years to come to know each other. I told her as much as I could. I couldn't get enough of her. Tina wanted to know everything about me. And I her. Since I had been in good recovery I had no problem with being honest with my whole past with her. </B><I><B><U>I did feel us moving way to fast for me.</U></B></I><B> Yet I understood her need to know everything. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Our First Hug </B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="05d16c70.gif" border=0 width="278" height="199" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I knew it was very important for my child to get her real birth certificate. I work very very hard for her so we could get it. She did all the typing. I went to court. We got it all opened. I was so so happy for her. I knew she was my daughter. But for her it was important. I want her to have it. I am so glad we did the work to get it. I was scared to see what might be in the papers. However I wanted this last secret to be out in the open and not hide any longer. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>About this time my father was dying. I was lost scared mad, and alone with many of those feelings. After all I had just lost my Mother. It took me many years of hard work on myself to have a good and loving relationship with my parents. Now I was loosing them both. </B></div> <div> <B>Tina was having a very hard time connecting to my feelings and needs at the time. I understand why yet it hurt deeply. She never knew my mother but did met my father and he loved her so. For so long now I had felt the feelings and needs were about Tina's  part in the adoption and the reunion and not mine. I felt it has been a one way reunion.Today I know Tina could never see my side only hers. Sighhhh </B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>Tina shared the truth about her not so happy bringing up with her adoptive parents with me.This didn't shock me even though she had tired to tell me how WONDERFUL everything in her life was.  I tired to listen as best as I could. I tried to comfort her yet leaving her to solve the problems of her life before she found me. I knew I could not be her God, her counselor, and her therapist. I could not fix the first 32 years of her live. She had to do this for herself. Just as I had to do this for myself. I tired to point her to some 12-step groups that I felt could help her. Tina was to afraid to see the whole truth.  She made many excuses as to WHY she couldn't go to them. I tired to help her walk through the fears. They were way much more than any one could take on a one to one.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Tina seemed to be too afraid to do these things in face to face recovery. I felt a great deal of feelings and words coming from Tina that all peoples in recovery feel at first. Blame, shame, fear, control, and pushing for fear she would loose me before she got all the information she wanted from me. Everything was moving way way to fast for me. I tried to slow Tina down. She took this as rejection. I would have done the same thing early in my recovery. Tina feared that I too would leave her like other in her life had done. From my own recovery I knew that horrible fear of being abandoned. I tried to calm her fears as best as I could do. I knew I could not do this on my own. I gave it my best shot. It seemed like the more I gave the more Tina wanted.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>At the same time my Father started to become extremely ill as well. I was feeling drawn and quartered. I didn't think I could handle all this all at one time. My emotions were hanging on a thread. I was scared I was going to loose my father as well. My cup was empty and I had no more to give anyone. Tina could not understand this no matter how many letters I wrote her and told her. The more I said I needed time, the more she pushed, the more I with drew till I finally said EHOUGH!!!!!!!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>My Guest book</B></div> <div> <B>I invite each of you to sign my guest book.</B></div> <div> <B>or send me an E-mail </B></div> <div> <B>I would like to know what you are thinking,</B></div> <div> <B>how my web site affected you, </B></div> <div> <B>what you felt when you read MY STORY, </B></div> <div> <B>and any additional comments you may have. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Thank you, Ginger </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div>  <CENTER><P> <A href="http://pub47.bravenet.com/guestbook/show.asp?usernum=3952344062&cpv=1"> <IMG src="http://images.bravenet.com/pub/viewbook.gif" border="0" width="100" height="35"></A> <A 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buttons above to move from page to page</B></div> <div> <B>or</B></div> <div> <B>|</B></div> <div> <B>|</B></div> <div> <B>Click any of the titles below to start:)</B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id17.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Beginning"><U>The Beginning</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE=" My Young Years"><U>  My Young Years</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id19.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Foster Homes"><U>The Foster Homes</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id20.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Loss of my Child"><U>The Loss of my Child</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id21.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Unwed Mothers Home"><U>Unwed Mothers Home</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id22.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Empty Soul"><U>Empty Soul</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id29.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Memorial to Gingers Parents"><U>Memorial to Ginger's Parents</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id39.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Send in the Clowns"><U>Send in the Clowns</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id30.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Come and set on my Knee"><U>Come and set on my Knee</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id23.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Brother and Myself"><U>My Brother and Myself</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id24.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Recovery"><U>My Recovery</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id25.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Hello"><U>Hello</U></A>   |   Getting to Know You   |   <A HREF="id27.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Our Honeymoon"><U>Our Honeymoon</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id28.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Real Love Never Dies"><U>Real Love Never Dies</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id31.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Going to another Place"><U>Going to another Place</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id35.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Once Upon A Time"><U>Once Upon A Time</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id32.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Memorial to my Husbands Father"><U>A Memorial to my Husbands Father</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id38.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="An Ending a Beginning"><U>An Ending a Beginning</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Ode to Joy "><U>"Ode to 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