Once Upon A Time

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=210 BGCOLOR="#9999FF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06a76ba3.gif"> <div> <B>She Won't Cry</B></div> <div> <B> Written by </B></div> <div> <B>Juliana Pokorny </B></div> <div> <B>I saw this poem and I fell in love with it.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3ef80800.gif" border=0 width="128" height="128" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>You see the pain that lies in her eyes,</B></div> <div> <B>But, alas, her eyes are dry,</B></div> <div> <B>She won't cry.</B></div> <div> <B>No, she won't cry.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You see the anger that burns from her gaze,</B></div> <div> <B>The madness that sets her eyes ablaze,</B></div> <div> <B>She won't cry.</B></div> <div> <B>No, she won't cry.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You see the fear that closes her eyes,</B></div> <div> <B>The smile she wears is but a disguise,</B></div> <div> <B>She won't cry.</B></div> <div> <B>No, she won't cry.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You see the hope that is finally dead,</B></div> <div> <B>She cannot trust for her heart has been bled,</B></div> <div> <B>She won't cry.</B></div> <div> <B>No, she won't cry.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You see the love that lies within,</B></div> <div> <B>But she shall never love again,</B></div> <div> <B>She won't cry.</B></div> <div> <B>No, she won't cry.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You see death's hand that has glazed her eyes,</B></div> <div> <B>No one saw her die inside,</B></div> <div> <B>They won't cry.</B></div> <div> <B>No, they won't cry.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Please ask the owner of this poem to use it.</B></div> <div> <B>her e-mail addy is.</B></div> <div> <A HREF="mailto: jpokorsh@adnc.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto: jpokorsh@adnc.com"><U><B><IMG SRC="40473650.gif" border=0 width="115" height="101" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="mailto: jpokorsh@adnc.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto: jpokorsh@adnc.com"><U><B> </B></U></A><A HREF="mailto: jpokorsh@adnc.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto: jpokorsh@adnc.com"><U><B><U>jpokorsh@adnc.com</U></B></U></A></div> <bR> <div>   <script language="JavaScript">  </script>   </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#99CCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06b76bc1egdyqn.gif"> <div> <B>" Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product."</B></div> <div> <B>Eleanor Roosevelt</B></div> <div> <B>Back to   </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Home"><U><B>home</B></U></A><B>     </B><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B> </B></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000033" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B>See list  on bottom of  pages for the rest of my story.</B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=390 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#99CCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06b76ba3.gif"> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3ef80800.gif" border=0 width="128" height="128" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="3ef80800.gif" border=0 width="128" height="128" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="3ef80800.gif" border=0 width="128" height="128" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="3ef80800.gif" border=0 width="128" height="128" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>Once Upon A Time</B><B>, A Long Time Ago,</B></div> <div> <B>Just Yesterday</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I would suspect that each of us have our own stories of pains, fears, heartaches, sorrow and moments of complete joy in theses reunion processes. I only can talk about myself and my experiences. They may or may not work for others. I had extreme joy in the beginning. Then I had confusion. The I had hurt and anger. Then I had sorrow and morning. Then I had deep sadness.  Then I came to a place of acceptance of what was real and what was not real What would work and what would not work</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I guess for me after 6 years with my birth-daughter I probably have gone through the 5 stages of reunion. I feel that now I have accepted what is. I don't have to like any of it or feel good about it. I just have to know that I am POWERLESS to change anything but my own reactions to this reunion of mine.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>I do believe (for me) that there comes a time,  just as in all my children's lives, that I have to step back and remember that these adult/children have their rights (as I have) to make my own choices in life right or wrong. We also are the ones who will experience the out come of those choices. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I no longer let my b-child bounce me around like a ball. I love her deeply. Yet I owe her nothing but the love I have always had for her.  I love her because I choose to love her. That will never ever change. What she doesn't know yet is she does NOT have the power in her behaviors or words to change this love I have. Or that I can love her but not like or condone her poor choices. She has tired, yet my love remains.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> I have read allot and talked with many others in the triad of reunions and I refuse to walk around on egg shells for the adoptive one. I too as others have feelings as well. I too went through a rough time. I too ask for and need respect. I will not chase anyone today. They either CHOOSE to be in a relationship with honesty and realness or they don't. I have no power to make them do anything. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>For now I am setting back with time and God, and waiting for the time my b-child is READY to be in an adult to adult relationship. Do I think that will happen?  YES. But not in my time or when I think it should happen. Just like my children I raised, I have to know when to back off and let them just grow up and mature. I know my b-daughter loves me yet she has mega issues to work through. I found that I am not a professional who can give her what she needs now. I tried at no avail. So what do I do? I let it be where it is and take care of myself and not obese nor let my child pull  and draw and quarter me into emotional turmoil. I don't let my other children do this. Why should I let my b-child get away with this. Hey there are two people here not just one:) </B></div> <div> <B>For me in my reunion I have come to a place where I have let go of the dance in the fire of the reunion and I am going on with my life. When she is ready she knows where I am. </B></div> <div> <B>I  built this web site just for me and my feelings and a way to heal and let go. I have had much healing and the ability to let go in this time. I love my b-daughter with all my heart. I wish love was the only issues in this dance. I have enough love for the both of us. Sadly love is not the issues in these reunions. I do trust my b-child will grow up and see both sides of this reunion someday as well as her whole life before she found me. I believe that some how some way she will find healing and a hope that life is not to be endured but to be lived and accept.  If she ever does I trust she will feel and see things differently. Perhaps then she will come back in time with a different out look on life and love. This I trust:) For now I letting go. I love my B-child with all my heart as I love my other children</B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B> For the time being I have come to accept that I cannot allow Tina to pull me into love traps. </B><B><U>Those old co-dependant love traps. I cannot be there. I have tried and I died:(.</U></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="485681a0.gif" border=0 width="104" height="26" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="485681a0.gif" border=0 width="104" height="26" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="485681a0.gif" border=0 width="104" height="26" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="485681a0.gif" border=0 width="104" height="26" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="485681a0.gif" border=0 width="104" height="26" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>My daughter, I truly love you with all my heart.Yet you have so many fears and or confusions. It is hard for me to keep up with you. You have good endurance, </B></div> <div> <B>That tells me you have been a victum for a very very long time now. Sad but I choose not to be in your untreated, confussed, crazy world. You choose not to get help and do it alone. We do not speak the same launage. You want to do it your way with no outside help of any kind. I guess I have to set and wait for you to hit your bottom.</B></div> <div> <B>May your all your angels stand close at your side as you once again try to find the real you.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="6923b3a0.gif" border=0 width="59" height="58" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="6923b3a0.gif" border=0 width="59" height="58" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="6923b3a0.gif" border=0 width="59" height="58" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="6923b3a0.gif" border=0 width="59" height="58" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="6923b3a0.gif" border=0 width="59" height="58" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="6923b3a0.gif" border=0 width="59" height="58" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="6923b3a0.gif" border=0 width="59" height="58" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="6923b3a0.gif" border=0 width="59" height="58" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>I love you my first born, and you know that will never ever change. I don't like your attitude's and manipulations to get what you want. You tell me something is wrong and you know it. But you want to do it your way. That is fine with me. I know sooner than later you will hit an emotional bottom. Especially since you now have teen-agers of your own. I still love you and I am not going to let you treat me this way any longer. May God go with you as you find your own real and true self.</B></div> <div> <B> I am so sad because everytime I let you in or close you seemly set me up to get even and tell me all the things you wouldn't DARE say to your other parents who raised you. I am sorry but I will not be your scapegoat. I love myself to much to day to play those games.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="48364900.gif" border=0 width="100" height="144" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="48364900.gif" border=0 width="100" height="144" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="48364900.gif" border=0 width="100" height="144" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="48364900.gif" border=0 width="100" height="144" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <I><B><U>One of my favorite songs</U></B></I></div> <div> <B>By Barbra Streisand</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Don't tell me not to live, </B></div> <div> <B>Just sit and putter, </B></div> <div> <B>Life's candy and the sun's </B></div> <div> <B>A ball of butter. </B></div> <div> <B>Don't bring around a cloud </B></div> <div> <B>To rain on my parade. </B></div> <div> <B>Don't tell me not to fly-- </B></div> <div> <B>I've simply got to. </B></div> <div> <B>If someone takes a spill, </B></div> <div> <B>It's me and not you. </B></div> <div> <B>Who told you you're allowed </B></div> <div> <B>To rain on my parade! </B></div> <div> <B>I'll march my band out, </B></div> <div> <B>I'll beat my drum, </B></div> <div> <B>And if I'm fanned out, </B></div> <div> <B>Your turn at bat, sir. </B></div> <div> <B>At least I didn't fake it. </B></div> <div> <B>Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it! </B></div> <div> <B>But whether I'm the rose </B></div> <div> <B>Of sheer perfection, </B></div> <div> <B>Or freckle on the nose </B></div> <div> <B>Of life's complexion, </B></div> <div> <B>The cinder or the shiny apple of its eye, </B></div> <div> <B>I gotta fly once, </B></div> <div> <B>I gotta try once, </B></div> <div> <B>Only can die once, right, sir? </B></div> <div> <B>Ooh, love is juicy, </B></div> <div> <B>Juicy, and you see </B></div> <div> <B>I gotta have my bite, sir! </B></div> <div> <B>Get ready for me, love, </B></div> <div> <B>'Cause I'm a "comer," </B></div> <div> <B>I simply gotta march, </B></div> <div> <B>My heart's a drummer. </B></div> <div> <B>Don't bring around a cloud </B></div> <div> <B>To rain on my parade! </B></div> <div> <B>I'm gonna live and live now, </B></div> <div> <B>Get what I want--I know how, </B></div> <div> <B>One roll for the whole shebang, </B></div> <div> <B>One throw, that bell will go clang, </B></div> <div> <B>Eye on the target--and wham-- </B></div> <div> <B>One shot, one gun shot, and bam-- </B></div> <div> <B>Hey, Mister Arnstein, here I am! </B></div> <div> <B>I'll march my band out, </B></div> <div> <B>I will beat my drum, </B></div> <div> <B>And if I'm fanned out, </B></div> <div> <B>Your turn at bat, sir, </B></div> <div> <B>At least I didn't fake it. </B></div> <div> <B>Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it. </B></div> <div> <B>Get ready for me, love, </B></div> <div> <B>'Cause I'm a "comer," </B></div> <div> <B>I simply gotta march, </B></div> <div> <B>My heart's a drummer. </B></div> <div> <B>Nobody, no, nobody </B></div> <div> <B>Is gonna rain on my parade!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>My Guest book</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I invite each of you to sign my guest book.</B></div> <div> <B>or send me an E-mail </B></div> <div> <B>I would like to know what you are thinking,</B></div> <div> <B>how my web site affected you, </B></div> <div> <B>what you felt when you read MY STORY, </B></div> <div> <B>and any additional comments you may have.</B></div> <div> <B>Thanks, Ginger </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B> <CENTER><P> <A 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