An Ending a Beginning

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=210 BGCOLOR="#9999FF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06a76ba3.gif"> <div> <B>Please use the scroll bar to see all of this page.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="22856640.gif" border=0 width="86" height="100" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="3a957640.jpg" border=0 width="87" height="100" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B> <IMG SRC="3f566650.gif" border=0 width="102" height="101" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>Happy B-day to you:) You made it to 3 years Lucy. I am very proud of you. I loves ya bunches.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3d45e730.gif" border=0 width="94" height="115" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>Goofy/Lucy, </B></div> <div> <B>This one is for you my adopted Sis.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3ab61550.gif" border=0 width="97" height="85" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This is a  poem/song that my dear sweet friend Lucy loves.</B></div> <div> <B> Lucy is learning how to love and receive.  Lucy has grown in many ways. She has become willing to pay the price recover requires. </B></div> <div> <B>Lucy has worked hard in her recovery.  </B><I><B><U>I am so proud </U></B></I><B>of the hard work and fears Lucy is overcoming.</B></div> <div> <B>  I wanted to share this poem/song on this page just for her because she has become so special to me:)</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3fb4b4b0.gif" border=0 width="75" height="75" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>Lucy/Goofy is the same age as my Birth child.  Lucy fills a hole in my heart that I pray the someday Tina, my birth daughter will fill.</B></div> <div> <B>I love you Lucy/Goofy with all my heart::</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>BY JOHN DENVER</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Love is everywhere, I see it </B></div> <div> <B>You are all that you can be, go on and be it </B></div> <div> <B>Life is perfect, I believe it </B></div> <div> <B>Come and play the game with me </B></div> <div> <B>Open yourself to the first celebration, </B></div> <div> <B>Open your eyes to the joy and pain </B></div> <div> <B>Life is the fruit of your own creation </B></div> <div> <B>Ev'ry new birth is a soul regained </B></div> <div> <B>Love is everywhere, I can see it </B></div> <div> <B>You are all that you can be, go on and be it </B></div> <div> <B>Life is perfect, I believe it </B></div> <div> <B>Come and play the game with me </B></div> <div> <B>Drinkin' my life from a silver fountain </B></div> <div> <B>Sweetwater running to the cold salt sea </B></div> <div> <B>Old man moon on a white-top mountain </B></div> <div> <B>Sound of the wind singing dreams for me </B></div> <div> <B>Love is everywhere. I see it </B></div> <div> <B>You are all that you can be, go on and be it </B></div> <div> <B>Life is perfect, I believe it </B></div> <div> <B>Come and play the game with me </B></div> <div> <B>Follow your heart like a flying stallion </B></div> <div> <B>Race with the sun to the edge of night </B></div> <div> <B>Form your truth like a gold medallion </B></div> <div> <B>Dance in the circle of the love and the light </B></div> <div> <B>Love is everywhere, I see it </B></div> <div> <B>You are all that you can be, go on and be it </B></div> <div> <B>Life is perfect, II believe it </B></div> <div> <B>Come and play the game with me. </B></div> <bR> <div>   <script language="JavaScript">  </script>   </div> <bR> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#99CCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06b76bc1egdyqn.gif"> <div> <B>"We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it in full."</B></div> <div> <B>Marcel Proust</B></div> <div> <B>Back to   </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Home"><U><B>home</B></U></A><B>    </B><B> </B><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000033" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B>See list  on bottom of  pages for the rest of my story.</B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=390 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#99CCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="06b76ba3.gif"> <div> <B> </B><FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#6633CC" FACE="Edwardian Script ITC" ><B>An Ending a Begining     </B></FONT></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="66a9c590.gif" border=0 width="156" height="89" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="60d7d4b0.gif" border=0 width="125" height="75" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="60d7d4b0.gif" border=0 width="125" height="75" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="60d7d4b0.gif" border=0 width="125" height="75" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="60d7d4b0.gif" border=0 width="125" height="75" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>Eagles that Lucy took pictures of in Calfornia 2001</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="496c8820.jpg" border=0 width="200" height="130" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> <IMG SRC="49bc8820.jpg" border=0 width="200" height="130" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="49782c80.jpg" border=0 width="130" height="200" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="60e79a40.gif" border=0 width="121" height="164" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="60e79a40.gif" border=0 width="121" height="164" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="60e79a40.gif" border=0 width="121" height="164" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><IMG SRC="60e79a40.gif" border=0 width="121" height="164" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>A letter from Lucy. It touched my heart.</B></div> <bR> <div> Dear Ginger,</div> <div>  Hey do you know that you know how to touch me every time. You know the songs to play, the words that make me feel my feelings, the words that make me grow up, the messages that make me think and just everything that I ever wanted in a friend that I will cherish forever. Thank you for coming in my life and putting a meaning behind everything that I needed to deal with from my past. Your are my best friend ever. Thanks allot. I LOVE YOU...... I just wanted to let you know that you are a great sponser and I am very thankful for finding you and you giving me another chance. </div> <div> For that I will always cherish your words of wisdom forever. </div> <div> LOVE & HUGS </div> <div> Lucy </div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="63dc8960.gif" border=0 width="200" height="150" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B><B><IMG SRC="63dc8960.gif" border=0 width="200" height="150" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>For you for Lucy, and all those I've touch in someway,</B></div> <div> <B>Or they have touched me:)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Awakening</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> A time comes in your life when you finally get it, when,</B></div> <div> <B> in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead</B></div> <div> <B> in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your</B></div> <div> <B> head cries out, </B><B><U>"ENOUGH!" </U></B><B>Enough fighting and crying</B></div> <div> <B> or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting</B></div> <div> <B> down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside,</B></div> <div> <B> you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears</B></div> <div> <B> and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This</B></div> <div> <B> is your awakening.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for</B></div> <div> <B> something to change or for happiness, safety, and</B></div> <div> <B> security to come galloping over the next horizon.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You come to terms with the fact that you are neither</B></div> <div> <B> Prince Charming nor Cinderella. And that, in the real</B></div> <div> <B> world, there aren't always fairy tale endings (or</B></div> <div> <B> beginnings, for that matter). And that any guarantee of</B></div> <div> <B> "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the</B></div> <div> <B> process, a sense of serenity is borne of acceptance.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that</B></div> <div> <B> </B><B>not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve</B></div> <div> <B> of who or what you are...and that's OK. They are</B></div> <div> <B> entitled to their own views and opinions. And you</B></div> <div> <B> learn the importance of loving and championing yourself.</B></div> <div> <B> And in the process, a sense of newfound confidence is</B></div> <div> <B> borne of self approval.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You stop complaining and blaming other people for the</B></div> <div> <B> things they did to you or didn't do for you and you learn</B></div> <div> <B> that the only thing you can really count on is the</B></div> <div> <B> unexpected.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You learn that people don't always say what they mean or</B></div> <div> <B> mean what they say, and that not everyone will always be</B></div> <div> <B> there for you, and that it's not always about you. So you</B></div> <div> <B> learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself</B></div> <div> <B> and, in the process, a sense of safety and security is</B></div> <div> <B> borne of self-reliance.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to</B></div> <div> <B> accept people as they are and overlook their</B></div> <div> <B> shortcomings and human frailties and in the process, a</B></div> <div> <B> sense of peace and contentment is borne of forgiveness.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You realize that much of the way you view yourself and</B></div> <div> <B> the world around you is a result of all the messages and</B></div> <div> <B> opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And</B></div> <div> <B> you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed</B></div> <div> <B> about how you should behave, how you should look, how</B></div> <div> <B> much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you</B></div> <div> <B> should do for a living, how much money you should make,</B></div> <div> <B> what you should drive, how and where you should live,</B></div> <div> <B> who you should marry, the importance of having and</B></div> <div> <B> raising children, and what you owe your parents, family,</B></div> <div> <B> and friends.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You learn to open up to new worlds and different points</B></div> <div> <B> of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who</B></div> <div> <B> you are and what you really stand for.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You learn the difference between wanting and needing</B></div> <div> <B> and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've</B></div> <div> <B> outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with</B></div> <div> <B> and in the process, you learn to go with your instincts.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And</B></div> <div> <B> that there is power and glory in creating and contributing</B></div> <div> <B> and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a</B></div> <div> <B> "consumer" looking for your next fix.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity</B></div> <div> <B> are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar</B></div> <div> <B> that holds together the foundation upon which you must</B></div> <div> <B> build a life.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job</B></div> <div> <B> to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility</B></div> <div> <B> and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to</B></div> <div> <B> say 'NO.'</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose</B></div> <div> <B> to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> Then you learn about love. How to love, how much to</B></div> <div> <B> give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not</B></div> <div> <B> as you would have them be. You stop trying to control</B></div> <div> <B> people, situations, and outcomes. And you learn that alone</B></div> <div> <B> does not mean lonely. You also stop working so hard at</B></div> <div> <B> putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and</B></div> <div> <B> ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement</B></div> <div> <B> are perfectly OK, and that it is your right to want things and</B></div> <div> <B> to ask for the things you want and that sometimes it is</B></div> <div> <B> necessary to make demands. You come to the realization</B></div> <div> <B> that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness,</B></div> <div> <B> sensitivity, and respect and you won't settle for less. And</B></div> <div> <B> you learn that your body really is your temple. And you</B></div> <div> <B> begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to</B></div> <div> <B> eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time</B></div> <div> <B> to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear,</B></div> <div> <B> and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And,</B></div> <div> <B> just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So</B></div> <div> <B> you take more time to laugh and to play.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you</B></div> <div> <B> believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-</B></div> <div> <B> fulfilling prophecy.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working</B></div> <div> <B> for and that wishing for something to happen is different</B></div> <div> <B> from working toward making it happen. More importantly,</B></div> <div> <B> you learn that in order to achieve success you need</B></div> <div> <B> direction, discipline, and perseverance. You also learn</B></div> <div> <B> that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk</B></div> <div> <B> asking for help.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest</B></div> <div> <B> robber baron of all: FEAR. You learn to step right into</B></div> <div> <B> and through your fears because you know that whatever</B></div> <div> <B> happens, you can handle it and to give into fear is to give</B></div> <div> <B> away the right to live life on your own terms. And you</B></div> <div> <B> learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living</B></div> <div> <B> under a cloud of impending doom.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get</B></div> <div> <B> what you think you deserve, and that bad things sometimes</B></div> <div> <B> happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions</B></div> <div> <B> you learn to not personalize things. You learn that God</B></div> <div> <B> isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's</B></div> <div> <B> just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its</B></div> <div> <B> most primal state...the ego.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and</B></div> <div> <B> resentment must be understood and redirected or they will</B></div> <div> <B> suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that</B></div> <div> <B> surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong</B></div> <div> <B> and to build bridges instead of walls.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the</B></div> <div> <B> simple things we take for granted...things that millions of</B></div> <div> <B> people upon the earth can only dream about: a full</B></div> <div> <B> refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long,</B></div> <div> <B> hot shower.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by</B></div> <div> <B> yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray</B></div> <div> <B> yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's</B></div> <div> <B> desire.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you</B></div> <div> <B> can listen to the wind.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting,</B></div> <div> <B> and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side,</B></div> <div> <B> you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to</B></div> <div> <B> design, as best you can, the life you want to live.</B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B> </B><FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Gigi" ><B>I love you Lucy</B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B> </B><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Eras Demi ITC" ><B>Who ever wrote this please tell me so I can give you credit for it.</B></FONT></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Thanks Ginger</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3c53f0a0.gif" border=0 width="575" height="10" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Ode to Joy "><U><B><IMG SRC="35c65620.jpg" border=0 width="101" height="98" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A><B>  </B><A HREF="id32.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Memorial to my Husbands Father"><U><B><IMG SRC="35d63620.jpg" 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