Ethnic

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=3 height=100 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="04300640egdysm.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="6" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Elephant" ><B>Welcome To My Den</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Arial" ><B> </B></FONT><B>    |  </B><B>  </B><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Arial" ><B> </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Welcome To My Den"><U><B>home</B></U></A></FONT></div> <div> <A HREF="id17.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="About Me"><U><B>About Me</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id183.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Search Site"><U><B>Search Site</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id19.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Interests"><U><B>My Interests</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id130.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Software"><U><B>My Software</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id30.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Jokes"><U><B>Jokes</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id347.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Links"><U><B>Links</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id177.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE=" Guest Book"><U><B> Guest Book</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id149.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Column"><U><B>My Column</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id116.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Diary"><U><B>Diary</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Me"><U><B>Contact Me</B></U></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=140 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <A HREF="id52.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Blondes"><U><B>Blondes</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id120.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Bars"><U><B>Bars</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id119.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Children"><U><B>Children</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lawyers"><U><B>Lawyers</B></U></A></div> <div> <B>Ethnic</B></div> <div> <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Oddballs"><U><B>Oddballs</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id56.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Medical"><U><B>Medical</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id57.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Quickies"><U><B>Quickies</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id118.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Redneck"><U><B>Redneck</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id121.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Genie"><U><B>Genie</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id55.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Seniors"><U><B>Seniors</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id126.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Marriage"><U><B>Marriage</B></U></A></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=355 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" background="1c654483.gif"> <div> <I>Ethnic</I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>One day, an Englishman, a Scotsman & an Irishman were sent to be executed by a firing squad. As the Englishman was called up, the firing squad took aim. He shouted "Earthquake!!", the firing squad looked round, and he ran. </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The next day, the Scotsman is called up. As the firing squad takes aim, he shouts "Typhoon!!!". Once again, the firing squad looks around, and he's gone. </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The day after, the Irishman is called up. As the firing squad takes aim, the Irishman thinks carefully about what the previous two said. With much conviction, he shouts "FIRE!!!!"</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>                    </B></I><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#003300" FACE="Times New Roman" ><I><B>**************************************</B></I></FONT></div> <div> <I><B>An English professor giving a talk to a multinational audience tells a joke against the Germans.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>A man at the back of the hall jumps to his feet and protests angrily. "I'm German!"</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"OK", says the speaker "I will say it again - slowly."</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>                    </B></I><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#003300" FACE="Times New Roman" ><I><B>***************************************</B></I></FONT></div> <div> <I><B>First Spaniard: </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"All Brazilians are tarts or football players." </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Second Spaniard: </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"My wife is Brazilian." </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>First Spaniard: </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"Which team does she play for?"</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>       </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>                    </B></I><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#003300" FACE="Times New Roman" ><I><B>**************************************</B></I></FONT></div> <div> <I><B>There was a Scottish man, an English man and an IRA man. They were all on a plane. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The plane flew over Scotland. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The Scottish man said "I'll drop a Scotland flag down so they'll know there's a Scotsman on board!". So he chucked it out. </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The plane flew over England. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The Englishman said "I'll drop an England flag down so they'll know there's an Englishman on board". So he lobbed it out. </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The plane flew over Ireland. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The IRA man said "I'm going to throw a bomb out to blow up Ireland". So he dropped it out. </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The next plane journey the Scotsman said to a wee boy "Why are you crying?" </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The wee boy answered "Because a Scotland flag landed on my head." </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The Englishman said to a little girl "Why are you crying?" </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The little girl answered "Because an England flag landed on my head." </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The IRA man said to a small Irish boy "Why the hell are you laughing?" </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The small boy answered "Because I farted and my house blew up!" </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>                    </B></I><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#003300" FACE="Times New Roman" ><I><B>**************************************</B></I></FONT></div> <div> <I><B>An Englishman, Irishman, and Polish guy are telling each other why the bars in their country are the best. </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The English guy says "When you go into a pub in England every time you buy 2 beers the bartender buys you a beer and it goes on like this all night" </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The Irishman mans says "That's nothing, When you go into a pub in Ireland every time you buy a beer the bartender buys you a beer, and this goes on all night. </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The Polish guy says "That's nothing, When you go into a bar in Poland the bartender buys you a drink, and then the bartender buys you another drink, and then the bartender buys you another drink, and then he takes you out back and he gets you laid!" </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The other two guy don't believe him and asks if he is sure and ask "Have you actually been there to make sure this is really what happens?" </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The polish guy says "No, I haven't actually been there, But my Sister has!" </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>     </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>                    </B></I><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#003300" FACE="Times New Roman" ><I><B>*************************************</B></I></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>An Italian boy and a Jewish boy, lived about a block apart in the neighborhood and grew up together.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The Jewish boy was the son of a Jeweler and the Italian boy was the son of a hit man.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Oddly enough, they had the same birthday.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>For their 12th birthday, the little Jewish boy received a Rolex watch</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>and the little Italian boy received a 22 Baretta.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The next day, they are out on the street corner comparing their presents</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>and neither is happy, so they switch gifts with each other.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The little Italian boy goes home to show his Father and his Father is NOT pleased.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"What are you, nuts? Let me tell you something, you idiot! Some day you're gonna meet a nice girl,</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>you're gonna wanna settle down and get married. You'll have a few kids, all that stuff.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>THEN one day, you're gonna come home and find your wife in bed with another man.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>What the hell ya gonna do? Look at your watch and say - </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>'Hey, how long you gonna be?'</B></I></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=25 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <A HREF="id117_m.htm" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Ethnic"><U><B>Back to Top</B></U></A></div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>