These next few jokes are about children and NOT FOR CHILDREN.

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning center, in short, everything they could think of.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Tommy came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Tommy was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he was done he marched back to his room without a word and in no time he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for sometime, day after day while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Tommy brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table and went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his mom looked at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.

She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"

Little Tommy looked at her and shook his head, no. "Well then," she replied, "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?"

Little Tommy looked at her and said,

"Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

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It's the first day of school and the teacher says to the kids, 'this year we will speak like grown-

So the teacher goes to the first kid and asks, 'What did you do in the summer?'

The kid says 'I went on a choo-choo train ride.'

Teacher says 'No, you went on a train ride.'

She goes to the next kid and asks again, the kid says 'I went on a tug-tug boat ride.'

The teacher says, 'No, you went on a boat ride'

And the teacher goes to the last kid and asks the same thing and the kid says ' I read a book.'

Teacher says 'Really, what book?'

'Winnie the Shit!'

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