Blondes

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=3 height=100 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="04300640egdysm.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="6" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Elephant" ><B>Welcome To My Den</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Arial" ><B> </B></FONT><B>    |  </B><B>  </B><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000099" FACE="Arial" ><B> </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Welcome To My Den"><U><B>home</B></U></A></FONT></div> <div> <A HREF="id17.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="About Me"><U><B>About Me</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id183.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Search Site"><U><B>Search Site</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id19.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Interests"><U><B>My Interests</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id130.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Software"><U><B>My Software</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id30.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Jokes"><U><B>Jokes</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id347.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Links"><U><B>Links</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id177.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE=" Guest Book"><U><B> Guest Book</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id149.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Column"><U><B>My Column</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id116.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Diary"><U><B>Diary</B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Me"><U><B>Contact Me</B></U></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=140 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B>Blondes</B></div> <div> <A HREF="id120.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Bars"><U><B>Bars</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id119.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Children"><U><B>Children</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lawyers"><U><B>Lawyers</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id117.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Ethnic"><U><B>Ethnic</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Oddballs"><U><B>Oddballs</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id56.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Medical"><U><B>Medical</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id57.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Quickies"><U><B>Quickies</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id118.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Redneck"><U><B>Redneck</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id121.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Genie"><U><B>Genie</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id55.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Seniors"><U><B>Seniors</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id126.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Marriage"><U><B>Marriage</B></U></A></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=355 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" background="1c654483.gif"> <div> <I>Blondes</I></div> <bR> <div> <B>How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door. </B></div> <div> <B>"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down the High Street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute." </B></div> <div> <B>"What did you do?" asks the bartender. </B></div> <div> <B>"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>                         </B><B>  </B><B>***************************</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car. </B></div> <div> <B>"235,000 miles." Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde's friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000. Two days later the blonde's friend asked her if she had sold the car since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!" </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>                     </B><B>     </B><B> </B><B>******************************</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. </B></div> <div> <B>She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. </B></div> <div> <B>She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>                    </B><B>    </B><B>*****************************</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A blonde and a brunette both jump off a cliff at the same time. Which one will hit the bottom first? </B></div> <div> <B>The brunette, because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>              </B></div> <div> <B>                       </B><B>******************************</B></div> <div> <B>Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.</B></div> <div> <B>The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate.</B></div> <div> <B>When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. They all had white knuckles. She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!" </B></div> <div> <B>One of the blondes looks up and say </B><B>to her, "Sure, you've got a driver!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>                    </B><B>*************************************</B></div> <div> <B>After a tragic sailing accident, three blondes are left stranded on a desert island. After a quick search of the island, the only treasure they find is a small chest and a few coconut trees. </B></div> <div> <B>After several seconds of consideration, they decide to open the box and see what's inside it. As they open it, there is a a puff of smoke, and a magic genie comes out. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"I will grant you one wish each!" announces the genie, as he turns to the first blonde. </B></div> <div> <B>"What do you wish for?" he asks her. </B></div> <div> <B>"I wish for my intelligence to be boosted by a hundred times!" yelps the lass. </B></div> <div> <B>"Granted!" booms the genie, and, in an impressive blue flash, the blonde becomes 100 times more intelligent, and sets to building a boat out of coconut shells. Within half an hour, she has set sail back to the mainland. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"What do you wish for?" the Genie then asks the second blonde.</B></div> <div> <B>"I wish to be 1000 times more intelligent!" shrieks the girl</B></div> <div> <B>"Granted!" booms the genie, and, after an impressive red flash, the blonde sets to work fashioning a kyak out of a coconut tree. 15 minutes later, it's complete, and she sets sail to reach the mainland. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Genie turns to the third blonde. "What do you wish for?" he asks, knowing full well what the answer will be.</B></div> <div> <B>"I wish to be 1,000,000 times more intelligent!" screams the young lady, and with that, in an extraordinarily impressive green flash, the blonde turns into a man, and  he walks over the bridge.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>                    </B><B>***************************************</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess.</B></div> <div> <B>The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what had happened to her.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out ofher room.</B></div> <div> <B>"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"</B></div> <div> <B>The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'"!!!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>             </B><B>       </B><B>***************************************</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.</B></div> <div> <B>"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"</B></div> <div> <B>Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"</B></div> <div> <B>Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"</B></div> <div> <B>Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>                                  </B><B>***************************************</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=25 BGCOLOR="#CCCCFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <A HREF="id52_m.htm" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Blondes"><U><B>Back to Top</B></U></A></div> <div> <B>                                                                  </B><B> </B><A HREF="id52_m.htm" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Blondes"><U><B>Back to Top</B></U></A></div> </td> </tr></table></body>